Chapter 9

George Huang looked over Elliot's list carefully. The three times Elliot had experienced the most rage lately had all involved women in his life. The rage episode last week had involved the IAB mole. The episode last month had involved his wife Kathy and the episode last year had involved his daughter and her drunken driving offense.

George looked up from his reading and addressed Elliot. "Do you think it is indicative of the bigger picture that these three episodes all involve women?"

"Not really," answered Elliot. "I was the angriest at these times, but I didn't act upon my feelings. I didn't put hard hands on these women at any time."

"Good," was George's reply. "So most of the time that you put hard hands on someone it is a man. Is that right?"

Elliot nodded.

George looked Elliot in the eye and spoke from his heart. "Elliot, I don't know how you members of the SVU manage from day to day. I know I couldn't do it. Does it sometimes feel like you aren't accomplishing anything here? Is that where the anger comes from?"

It felt so good to be understood by someone. Elliot nodded again and then said, "I feel so frustrated by the perps we bring in. Most of them are so guilty but they feel no guilt. They seem to be able to justify their actions with excuses like 'I'm sick! It's a disease.' Or some such garbage."

"Elliot, I don't know what to tell you exactly, except that what you are experiencing is so understandable. But, before it costs you your job we need to do something about the anger and rage you are feeling." George's tone was kind and understanding.

Elliot thought for a moment then said, "I'm open to any and all suggestions."

George pulled out his desk drawer and pulled out a lime green stress ball. He handed it over to Elliot.

Elliot chuckled. "You're kidding me, right? A stress ball! Of all the stupid things you might have suggested this takes the cake."

George let Elliot's momentary temper roll off his like water off a duck's back. "It may look stupid but it may be the answer for you."

"I'm supposed to squeeze it when I feel stressed," Elliot guessed.

"No, I don't think that would be effective enough for you," said George. "I hereby give you permission to throw it at any perp that truly pisses you off."

It was Elliot's turn to laugh out loud. "What good would that do? It could never hurt anyone!"

"Percisely!" said George with a laugh, too.

Somehow, it sobered Elliot up. "And if it doesn't work?"

"Then you come back here and we talk some more," was George's soft response. "Now, I think we are ready to move on to other issues, don't you?"

Elliot's internal sensors popped up. He knew he needed to be careful with what he said.

George continued talking. "I got a copy of the IAB "Findings" on you. You were accused of having an "Unprofessional Relationship" with Olivia. Supposedly, they were unfounded. You were very lucky. How do you feel about Olivia?"

That feeling of being in shark infested waters returned to Elliot. How to answer George without costing him his job?

After much thought Elliot spilled his thoughts. "I love Olivia, I think. I worry that she's alone too much. I want her to be happy and I can't tell if she is or not. I also think I'm in love with Kathy. My life is so screwed up."

George set back in his chair observing the unhappy man in front of him. "So, Elliot, what are you going to do? You can't continue like you are."

Elliot turned a tense face to George. "I don't know what to do. Any suggestions, because I'm open."

George spoke carefully. "I can't tell you whether you need to save your marriage or dump you marriage to pursue Olivia. That can only be your choice. I can tell you that your first loyalty is to your wife simply because of your long marriage. I'm not saying that you have to stay with your wife, but you do need to assess how you feel for her and how she feels for you."

"How do I do that?" asked Elliot.

"By spending time with her. Be at home as much as you can, show her affection and interest. Take Kathy out for dinner or a movie or a concert. Then ask yourself what you are feeling after you have done these things. That's your homework for the next week. Can you do that?" asked George.

Elliot rose and left George's office, a thoughtful look on his face.

TBC….in the future.