Arc 2 Chapter 2: Lucidity
The days were gruelling for the young genins. Some passed the first written exams, but the second exams that were five days long had significant numbers of dropouts. Temari was off her feet in duty, so was Kankurou, as he entered his first batch of genins into the exams. Gaara himself hardly had time to talk to them other than official things. And with the potential physical harm after the first round of exam brings, the medicinal market (what the east of the village had temporarily become) was in full swing in trade. Gaara found fascination with all the haggling that was being underway in that quarter of the village, and even more so when a certain individual shows up. Gaara had agreed to keep her identity secret for now, and she had avoided those she had known from before in case they recognised her. With everyone so busy, it was easy for one such as Miharu to go unnoticed. She continued to trade, whilst trying to obtain the information regarding Hiroto from Banryu.
"Entertaining the village representatives is hard work, but I think the Daimyos are harder." A familiar woman's voice came behind Gaara on the balcony of the examination building. Gaara turned to greet Haruno Sakura politely. The medic kunoichi from Konoha stood about five feet four inches, the same height as Miharu, Gaara thought. Her candy-pink hair was held back with her forehead protector band. She was in the village as Sensei to her own genin group, which were doing well in the exams. From Konoha, there were four other groups that had gotten into the second round. Sakura joined him by the balustrades and looked over where Gaara had a minute ago. Gaara glanced over the trade area now termed apothecary's quarter, relieved that Miharu/Akira had disappeared out of sight. He chanced a glance at Sakura, and figured that she was none the wiser that Miharu was in the village. "This is such a time when I don't envy you or Naruto." Sakura joked. Gaara gave his usual half-smile. Uzumaki Naruto was just made Hokage, and so Sakura had been trying her best to support her friend and advisor.
"Naruto will get the hang of it and soon will know how best to escape from the crowds like me." The Kazekage said monotonously. Sakura caught the subtle humour and smiled back, but she had to hold back her laughter when a voice came behind both of them. Gaara's expression soured, and gave Sakura a deadly stare as if saying 'don't you dare laugh or you'll really be sorry'. They both suppressed their true feelings and turned around to face old Lady Kotone, Atsuko's mother. Behind the old lady, silently stood the beautiful Atsuko. Ever since Gaara's noble act that saved both mother and daughter, they took every opportunity to express their gratitude towards him. (Well, he knew that Atsuko was coerced into it.) It was rather unnerving at times, and it took Gaara a lot of self-restraint to continue to be polite and accommodating, since they are the Tsuchikage's family. Gaara (and many others, no doubt) could see that there are hopes for something more between the two kage families. In fact, his ANBU forces informed him of the Tsuchikage's preliminary "discreet" discussion with the Elders of the Suna council of a possible alliance. Gaara wondered how it would be, if he agreed to that sort of alliance, and he would have to listen to Kotone his mother-in-law jabber on all day. Would she actually come to live with them then? No doubt that she would.
Kotone informed the Kazekage that his presence is needed downstairs with the other important people, all the while eyeing Sakura suspiciously. As Gaara began to leave the balcony, he caught a glimpse of the apothecary. He felt his heart ached and he didn't really understand why.
Gaara walked in the crowded streets.
It was the sixth day of the Chuunin Exams, and after the tough selection process, there were now a dozen teams that would be entering the final round of the exams to be taken place in one month's time. Having successfully conducted all the duties as Kazekage for the day, Gaara decided to slip away from the visiting VIPs and find Miharu. She had sent him a message about two hours ago about her promise of helping him with his insomnia. She found her at the public training grounds; just like that she said she would be in the message. Gaara watched discreetly behind the apothecary, who was busy honing her kyodo (archery). Miharu pulled fired a shot skilfully, and hit her target nearly dead centre. A corner of the red-haired man's mouth curled up into a lopsided smile, and he stepped into her view."Not bad." He said. Miharu smiled. "Care to give it a go?" She asked.
Gaara hadn't used a bow in years. He didn't need to. And he knew he wouldn't be too good at it. He grabbed the weapon from the dark haired girl dressed as a man. He poised himself at the line and fired a shot. It hit about a couple of inches left centre of the target.
"Not bad." Miharu mirrored his comment, smiling. Gaara decided to take another shot. "Try having your elbow like this." She came as the Kazekage drew his bow, and held his elbow to adjust his angle - he couldn't help noticing how close they were. Gaara swept aside his feelings and concentrated on the target. He let the arrow fly and it struck the target dead centre. Miharu grinned at the results and gave a little hop of excitement, but quickly stopped and changed her expression to a sombre one when she turned to look at the stoic man standing right beside her. Some things just don't change.
"Not bad." She said with a hint of mischief, and keeping up with her manly disguise dared a pat on his back. "Now shall we go somewhere for a cup of tea?"
Gaara nodded, but the look of surprise still etched on his face. No one had EVER patted Sabaku no Gaara on the back and lived.
He sat at the table tucked in a corner on the terrace of Chiru teashop. The day was pleasant, enabling customers to sit outside and the terrace area. No one in the teashop seemed to have taken special notice of the Kazekage and his company, as it was common for Gaara to take guests to the teashop and discuss some matters of state during this time. And he was sure that Chiru was a safe location to talk about his own affair. Miharu sat opposite him; scrutinizing the list of ingredients Gaara gave her. It was the list that Gaara had been asked to get from Yui regarding the herbs used in his medication.
"Quite a number of ingredients in here." Miharu commented as she sifted through the list. There were about seven different blends that Yui had prepared for him throughout the years and it seemed to Gaara that the medication was making him having more nightmares. "I can see that there are some common ingredients that was used in the first few blends that you said had somewhat worked for you… how long again did you say?"
"For about six months, and it gave me about a couple hours sleep each time I take it." Gaara replied.
"Well," Miharu said after some thought. "I think five of the ingredients could be the cause, but to find out what works for you and what is making you have nightmares is to try and test each of these ingredient on its own. I'll like to do so if you agree to."
The Kazekage considered this. "Fine." He replied. "But as you know, it must be done discreetly." Miharu nodded in agreement, picking up her skewered dango on a platter, and took a bite. "I have most of the ingredients already. When can we start?"
Gaara paused for a moment to think of the little free time he has. "How about tonight?" he asked.
--
"Okay, tell me how you feel." Miharu said.
"I feel just like I did five minutes ago." Gaara replied.
They sat on the sofas in the living area of the Kazekage's suite. Gaara, in his usual sleepwear of black trousers and cotton T-shirt, had just drunk Miharu's first concoction in her attempt to help him sleep. So far, there hasn't been any effect. Sneaking in Miharu was no easy feat, but Gaara managed to convince the staff working in his building that Akira was a trader and old friend, visiting and delivering some important goods for the Kazekage's approval (which was partly true, if you think about it). It was also lucky that none of those people who knew the apothecary three years ago was there that night.
"Let's wait a few more moments." Miharu suggested. "Close your eyes.
Gaara did what he was told. After a few moments of silence, he did feel a possible effect of the drug starting to kick in. His heartbeat slowed, despite his slight nervousness due to Miharu's presence. He also felt a floating feeling about him, like he was walking on air.
"Good." Miharu said. "I was getting worried since I actually gave you more than the usual dosage… as I would think that you would have built up some resistance to it by now. Now let's get to your bedroom."
Gaara's bedroom was large, immaculate and minimal. This bed was the largest Miharu has ever seen, and also the least used by the pristine condition it is in. The apothecary suggested that Gaara should lie down and so he did. Miharu had never seen anyone seemed so uncomfortable in her life. He was so rigid and unsure of himself as he lay on the bed, crinkling the sheets beneath him.
"What?" Gaara looked at her.
"Nothing," Miharu lied. "Just close your eyes and try to relax."
The red-haired man took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to clear his head and relax; the drug making it easier for him to do so. But once he did, he felt his mind wander and saw the things he didn't want to. He opened his eyes again; and the feeling of sleepiness had left him.
"It's only been ten minutes," Miharu commented, sitting on the feet of the bed. She paused for a moment, and then added quietly, "It's those eyes, isn't it?" Gaara saw her shivered slightly as she said that. He nodded, remembering now that Miharu had seen it in his mind when she was merged with the Aosagibi.
"But, why?" Miharu questioned softly. "You told me that the demon was gone."
Gaara got up to a sitting position, facing her. "I wish I knew… it's like as if there is the demon's echo still in me… every time I sleep, it will come… I think it will never leave."
"Then, we just have to find a way to get rid of it." Miharu replied. She jumped off the bed and went to her bag in the living room, rummaging through her bag until she found the thing she was looking for. She returned to the bedroom with a small bottle in hand. Gaara inquired the item, in which she replied that it was a tincture of white nightshade berries used in many rituals in the River country. It was revered for it's potent power to induce lucid dreaming. This, she explained, that could be used as a way to confront the Shukaku in his dreams.
She put a few drops of the tincture into a small cup of water, and Gaara drank it. It tasted slightly sweet. Once again, Gaara was asked to lie down on his bed, this time however she held his hand in hers. "This is a powerful drug, and I'll need to monitor your pulse throughout."
Moments later, Gaara felt the drug took effect, covering him like a blanket of sand, burying him. Everything turned dark.
"So," a growl came in the dark. "Finally back for more?" Gaara knew it was Shukaku, threatening as usual.
For once, Gaara could feel that he was not paralysed in his dream. He spoke back. "I'm no longer your host. I'm free now." A pair of glowing yellow eyes of the demon appeared from the blackness. "Fool," it said. "You know full well that you'll never be rid of me. You can't admit it to yourself, and her."
"No, you listen." Gaara raised his voice. "You are no longer here. I will live my life. I've died once, I won't be succumbed to your meaningless jeers."
The form of the Shukaku slowly emerged from the shadows. "You know, you are such an ingrate. Do you not remember how I protected you? How I help you protect your village?"
Gaara held his hand up. "No more. I will protect those I care with my own hands."
The demon howled in laughter. "You? Care?"
"Remember this?" The head of a familiar person emerged from the Shukaku's hand. "Remember how he wanted to kill you? The person who you ever loved?" Gaara felt terror fill his heart; for one thing that he could not ever come to terms with was the death of his uncle.
"Stop it!" He shouted. He turned away, unable to bear seeing that face. The demon laughed. "Hey you- we- killed him. Remember? Crushed him up like a doll. And he deserved it. You knew that. You wanted him dead. Remember? You thought that."
"No!" Gaara protested again. "I didn't know, he was only…"
"Bullshit. No one likes you. No one cares. Even now, they are only using you… a Kazekage only because you have me. Because you are a weapon- that is what you are. Everyone betrays you at the end. They hate you."
"Shut up!"
The Shukaku came closer to him. "Then try it. Kill me if you can."
Gaara wrapped his fingers around the demon's neck, throttling him. But the demon only laughed, and its face started to melt.
"Gaara," he said. "You useless piece of shit. You need me. I'll put everyone who pretends to care about you in the sand, like this bitch here with you. I know how you feel about her…"
The Shukaku's face melted away to reveal Miharu's underneath. "Kill her." It said, with Miharu's lips. "Kill her like everyone around you. You know you want to." Gaara saw her cold eyes staring at him, so full of hate.
Gaara tried to loosen his grip on Miharu's neck, but couldn't.
"Kill her!" The one-tailed demon in the form of Miharu reached out and throttled Gaara. "Kill her or else she does."
This is a dream. Just a dream, he repeated to himself.
But why does it hurt so much?
Miharu's eyes, they were so full of disdain… like the eyes his father had when he killed a drunken man in the street for harassing him so many years ago.
Gaara screamed for those eyes to stop looking at him like that.
--
"GAARA!"
Gaara felt his mind being pulled out suddenly from the lucid dream. In her hand, held a now empty syringe. He realised that she had injected him with an antidote for the white mandrake. Her other hand was still holding his, but was now bloody from a cut on her arm. And he knew he did that.
"It's over." She said, a tinge of fear in her voice. "It's over."
Breathing heavily, drenched in sweat and tears, Gaara tried to control his emotions, but failed for the first time in many years. "I can't…" he choked "I can't…"
Instinctively, Miharu wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay." She tried to comfort him.
For the first time in his life, Gaara felt so vulnerable. But being comforted by the dark haired girl was somehow giving him a warm safe feeling. He felt that he could let his guard down for once. He held her waist, his head buried in her stomach. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry I pushed you into this." Miharu said remorsefully.
Miharu stayed with him throughout the night, holding him like she would a frighten child. Stroking his head on her lap, she listened to him. He told her about the true purpose of his existence as was decided by his father, the fourth Kazekage – that is, a weapon for the village's benefit. He talked about his mother that he never knew, and his uncle whom he killed. The period after that he was shrouded in madness until he met a boy that was the current Hokage. He told her how then he was defeated and kidnapped by the Akatsuki, which extracted the Shukaku for their use, leaving him dead. He remembered fragments of the feeling where he was somewhere between the present and afterlife (if that even exist). He remembered being in the bright light, alone, wondering if his existence made any difference to anyone.
Alone.
When the very person who performed the ritual to seal the Shukaku in him resurrected him at the cost of her own, he was grateful for given a second chance at life and without the bloodthirsty occupant in him. But still, that feeling of loneliness hadn't left him.
In her lap, he felt the loneliness starting to dissipate the more he poured his heart out to her. She didn't judge him for what he was, for what he did.
He closed his tired eyes, but did not sleep. Even so, he could see lurking in the darkness, were those sinister yellow eyes.
--
Author's note:
Been busy off my feet with multiple projects that I've decided to stick my nose in. Despite that, I've finally finished writing chapter 2! Yay! I do hope you like this chapter. It wasn't as I expected it to be, but the story seemed to course it's own way like it has a mind of its own. Oh well. Until next chapter. Thanks for all the feedback, keep them coming!
