Denial
Chapter Nine
After knocking on Elly's bedroom door several times without receiving an answer, Chloe eventually opened the bedroom door and entered the room. Chloe closed the door behind her and then noticed Elly curled up, wrapping her arms around her legs as she sat with her back against the wall of her bedroom.
Elly looked up at Chloe and Chloe was floored by how weak she looked and how tear-stained her face looked, like she'd been crying for 3 days straight and had barely moved from her position on the floor of her bedroom.
Chloe slowly and quietly went over to Elly and sat down next to her, placing her legs out in front of her instead of wrapping them up to her body like Elly had hers. Chloe shivered as her shoulder accidentally grazed Elly's.
As Chloe turned her neck to face Elly, Elly immediately threw herself against Chloe falling into her lap. Elly lent down and placed her head on Chloe's lap so that she was facing away from Chloe. She burst into tears once more as she reached out and took Chloe's hand in between hers, holding on to it tightly. Chloe shifted her hip slightly to accommodate Elly lying against her lap before she stroked her fingers through Elly's hair trying to comfort her friend.
The pair stayed like that for several minutes in complete silence aside from Elly's crying. Chloe now understood how desperate Bea was to seek out her help. Elly was completely broken and whilst Chloe wanted to know why she also didn't want to push Elly away any further.
Chloe finally broke the silence, "Elly, Bea told me you haven't had anything to eat in 3 days. I'm worried about you. Will you eat some lunch for me? You need to start eating, Elly. You can't starve, okay?"
Elly nodded, then whispered, "Don't leave me."
"I won't," Chloe reassured as she took out her phone. With Elly holding her hand tightly, Chloe took a couple minutes to type up a text message one handed and sent it to Bea asking her to make Elly some lunch.
A minute later, Chloe heard Bea leave her room and make her way down the hallway. Chloe stayed there allowing Elly to hold onto her, she didn't say a word, hoping to wait until at least Elly had eaten before asking what had happened.
After five minutes of comfortable silence between the pair, Bea knocked on the door and entered the room. As soon as she saw the way Elly was curled up in Chloe's lap she understood why Chloe had asked her to prepare lunch for her sister.
Chloe doesn't want to leave Elly's side.
Bea placed a plate of sandwiches in front of Elly, reached out to squeeze her shoulder reassuringly, "Please eat these, Elly. There's enough for you too, Chloe."
"Thanks, Bea," Chloe whispered as Bea left the pair alone once more. A few minutes later Elly finally reached for a sandwich and ate it slowly in silence, she continued eating another sandwich and then noticing Chloe hadn't taken one passed one to her.
Elly curled up into Chloe as she finished eating her third sandwich.
Chloe ran her fingers through Elly's hair, "Are you ready to talk?"
Elly shook her head, "I just want to lay here."
"Okay, whenever you're ready I'm here for you," Chloe whispered.
Two hours later, Chloe jerked awake, her phone beeping at her to alert her to a text message. Chloe looked down at Elly and blushed, embarrassed that in their silence and holding Elly that she'd fallen asleep. Elly had shifted so as her head lay in Chloe's lap she was now looking up at Chloe. Elly's hand was still entangled with Chloe's. Chloe blushed again at the way Elly was staring up at her.
Chloe finally took her eyes off the woman lying on her to check the message and see it was from Terese - "Everything okay, Chloe? Do you need the rest of the day off work?"
Elly stared at Chloe as she read the message on her phone, "Do you need to leave?"
Chloe chewed on her lip, "Ah Bea kinda dragged me out of work when I was working on some important contracts and I was supposed to be back by now but Terese has just asked if I want the rest of the day off."
Elly squeezed Chloe's hand, "If you have to go..."
"No, no, its fine, Terese offered so I may as well take it and stay here for you. I'll just tell her I'll be in early tomorrow morning and will stay back to make up for taking this afternoon off," Chloe offered as she texted single handedly a message back to Terese, "There all done, afternoon off work and I'm all yours...duh I mean...I'm here for you to help."
"Thanks, Chloe," Elly whispered still not giving any clues as to what had happened.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Chloe finally asked.
Elly shook her head, trying to resist bursting into tears again, before she eventually lifted herself up from Chloe's lap. She shifted herself so she was back sitting next to Chloe, she rested her head against Chloe's shoulder and entangled her arm around Chloe's to hold hands with her but she was unable to look Chloe in the eyes.
Elly took a deep breath, "I can't bear to see the look in your eyes…I need you to hear me out without reacting if that's possible…because…I have some things I need to tell you…and it's not stuff you're gonna like."
Chloe nodded, squeezing Elly's hand reassuringly and leaning her head deeper against Elly's.
After an uncomfortable silence for a minute Elly finally broke down as she began confessing everything to Chloe, "When you told me six weeks ago you were letting me go so I could be a family with Mark and the…I wasn't pregnant…I'd had a blood test the previous day and been told by the GP that the home pregnancy test was incorrect. I couldn't find a way to tell Mark, a part of me thought I could just see if Mark would give me another chance…but then I was so confused over my growing feelings for you…this lie just spiraled out of control because I let it. It was the one thing keeping us apart and I couldn't be honest because I was terrified by what I was feeling for you even after it looked like we were getting together."
Chloe was stunned but was determined not to let Elly see it.
"I was broken when you told me we couldn't be together, I bumped into Mark and eventually after some hurtful things he said to me, I told him he couldn't stand in our way because we would be able to fix things and we would be a couple because to me…at that time…despite all the hurt and confusion I felt…you and I were inevitable," Elly revealed truthfully.
Chloe squeezed her eyes closed for a few seconds, praying that was true.
Elly nearly choked up, "But then I got scared. Scared that you wouldn't forgive me for lying about the pregnancy, scared of my feelings for you, scared that I could actually be happy with you because I didn't know what that kind of true happiness is, scared that I would never be brave enough to hold your hand in public, scared that I didn't know how to be in a relationship with you, scared about what a future could look like between us…I started drinking…and drinking…"
Chloe entangled her fingers with Elly's once more.
Elly closed her eyes, expecting Chloe to leave after she revealed the worst thing she'd ever done, "This guy came over to talk to me at the bar…I don't remember what happened next but I woke up the next morning in a hotel room…he was in the shower…I'd hooked up with some random guy…I am so sorry."
Chloe swallowed hard as Elly's words shattered her heart but she was determined to hear her out.
Elly held on to Chloe, silently begging her not to walk away, "I felt like I'd cheated on you. We weren't together but it didn't matter, my heart belonged to you and I'd cheated on you with this random guy…it took that one night stand to make me see it…I was…I am in love with you."
Chloe didn't know how to react to that, she just stayed silent, allowing Elly to hold onto her.
"The next six weeks were just a blur; I couldn't be around anyone after what I'd done, let alone you so I stopped leaving the house," Elly explained, "I wasn't concentrating on anything, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating properly, I was so stressed and then last week it hit me…I hadn't had my period since before the wedding. I think I'm pregnant but not to Mark."
Chloe's mouth dropped open in shock but again words did not come out.
Elly took another deep breath, "3 days ago, Bea suddenly decided to book an appointment for me to have my first ultrasound considering she thought I was 8 weeks pregnant to Mark, she dragged me along to the hospital for it. When I was in the exam room, the doctor was confused why I had been booked for an ultrasound considering the last thing on my file was that I wasn't pregnant. I begged them to give me an ultrasound anyway as there's a chance…I am pregnant…I didn't want to wait for another blood test…I asked the doctor 'for the sake of the baby' could he please not put me under any more stress and just be able to tell me with an ultrasound if I was pregnant. He refused and made me take another blood test."
Chloe ran her tongue over her teeth, trying to hide her pain at the thought of Elly been pregnant to some random guy.
Elly felt comfort in the fact that Chloe still hadn't left her but expected her too after revealing her next mistake, "After that appointment…I knew I had to tell Mark I wasn't pregnant to him. I was supposed to be 8 weeks but may only be 4 ½ weeks, I haven't slept with him since a week before the wedding; he was going to find out eventually. I decided not to tell him that I might still be pregnant. I went over his place but he wasn't home, I started looking at some of the photos on the bookshelf. One of the drawers was open and when I went to close it I noticed more photos. There were photos in there of Kate and Mark…well I assumed it was Kate…I guess he'd been looking at them himself…but there was also Sonya's ultrasound photo of Caitlyn. I took it out of its frame and I was holding it when Mark walked in."
Elly struggled not to burst into tears, "Mark thought it was my ultrasound. God, Chlo, he was so happy for the first time in months, mentioned he couldn't bear to grieve for another lost child if anything ever happened and I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. I let him think that his dead baby girl with Sonya was our baby. Who does that?"
For the first time Elly felt the sharp pain of Chloe's hand losing grip with her own, knowing that she might finally be losing Chloe who still cared for her brother, she continued holding on anyway, "There's one more thing…"
"Okay," Chloe whispered, finally breaking her silence.
"After I lied to Mark again I came home," Elly sniffled, wiping a tear from her cheek, "I found Bea in the house…she was talking to this guy…it was the guy I'd hooked up with at the hotel…he definitely recognized me…we both pretended that we didn't know each other but Bea could tell there was something weird going on between us…Bea introduced us anyway…he's Shaun…Finn's brother…I might be pregnant to Finn's brother…oh God Chloe what have I done?"
Chloe closed her eyes and she tried to hold it together as Elly openly wept.
Despite the tears, Elly stuttered out, "The doctor has been calling me for days but I can't answer…I don't want to know I'm pregnant to Shaun. I haven't been able to sleep or eat since I realized I might be pregnant to a Kelly and that I have once again lied to Mark and made him think Caitlyn is my baby with him."
Chloe breathed deeply, trying to summon the strength to deal with her reaction to everything Elly had told her.
"I just want to go back and take it all back," Elly begged, "I want to go back to that moment before you told me that we couldn't be together and I want to tell you that at that point I wasn't pregnant. I want to have told Mark the truth after that. I want to take back been scared of been in a relationship with you…I have screwed up my entire life…Chloe…you are never going to forgive me and I did this all because I was in denial that I was in love with you. I just want to go back."
"Shhh," Chloe hushed Elly who was falling apart in her arms, unable to process her own feelings.
Still unable to look Chloe in the eyes, Elly threw herself back down to lay her head in Chloe's lap and grabbed onto Chloe's hand between her own like she was holding it for dear life, "Please don't leave me, Chloe. I can't beg you to forgive me but please don't give up on me."
Chloe's heart broke at the sight of Elly collapsed against her, begging her not to leave, "You should get some rest, it's still early but I think a good night's sleep will begin to help you."
Elly was heartbroken, fearing Chloe was giving up on her, "Will I ever have a chance to make things right with you?"
Chloe paused unable to give Elly the answer she wanted, "I need some time. Can I sleep on it and we can talk about it in the morning?"
Elly nodded sadly, and then asked for the second best thing she could hope for from Chloe, "Will you stay with me tonight?"
Chloe closed her eyes and breathed deeply before giving in, "Okay…I'll be right here for you tonight and we'll talk more in the morning. You should get to bed. You can't sleep here on the floor all night."
Elly squeezed Chloe's hand one more time before releasing it and gently getting to her feet. As she walked over to sit on the edge of her bed she looked back at Chloe who was still sitting on the floor, "I didn't mean for you to sleep on the floor all night either. Could you sleep here with me tonight and just hold me?"
No words were required from Chloe as she quietly pulled herself up from the ground. Elly smiled gently as she lay back on bed and rolled onto her side. Her smile grew without Chloe's knowledge as she felt Chloe lie on the bed next to her. After a minute, Chloe felt comfortable enough to roll onto her side behind Elly. Elly shifted back into Chloe's body allowing Chloe to spoon her as Chloe wrapped her arm around Elly's waist and Elly entangled their hands. Chloe buried her face against the crook of Elly's neck.
A few minutes later the pair was sleeping soundly.
