I've done my research for this chapter. I used American dollars to make things a little easier to understand. Just a warning, this chapter is a little graphic, and if you don't know what a phalloplasty is, trust me, you'll know after you read this :)


Struggle
March 10, 1999 - Wednesday

Yesterday I recieved a phone call from the Event Manager of the San Francisco Gay Pride, Mark Schilling. He invited me to come and speak at the opening convention before the pride festival. He wants me to discuss my experiences with going through the hormone therapy, and going through the top surgery, as well as how it's effected my life. The biggest catch, all expenses for me to fly and stay will be paid for through the festival funding. I'll even be able to bring Michiru with me. She's already getting anxious about it. He wants me to speak, because of being a world renowned F-1 racer. He thinks it will bring in the largest crowd they've ever seen at the festival. We'll be leaving Tokyo on Wednesday, June 23rd and not returning until Monday, July 5th.

I've been to the states before, it's so much different then here. It seems that they have a thing called 'personal space' there, and they get really aggrivated if you get too close to them for too long. How can they stand it? Yea I understand they have much more space to live on then we do, but how do people in large cities handle it, but people in smaller in-between towns can't. I don't understand Americans sometimes, I think they're a rather funny crowd.

April 2, 1999 - Friday

I met with Dr. Sato today for another follow-up. He's very pleased with my progress and wished me luck for my trip to the states in June. I won't be seeing him again until after I return. He said he'll be ordering a video from the convention to have for his records and to further help future patients.

To be honest with you, I've never felt more alive then I have lately. So many things are starting to look up for me. When this all started, I was so petrified that everybody would reject me for my change. That nobody would want to be my friend let alone even be near me. But I have a beautiful fiance, a great career, and I'm soon to be making friends all over the globe. Michiru told me that if this works out well, maybe I should quit racing to start speaking at GLBT centers across the globe. I laughed at her, how could I possibly consider giving up racing. But she's the worrying type, she's afraid of something happening to me in a race. I told her I'd consider it, depending on how well the speech went and what kind of reaction I got.

I made my first payment today. It was $2,500. Only $53,500 left to go before the surgery's completely paid for. I am now scheduled for the first of my three phalloplasty surgeries. The first one is for a Metoidioplasty, which basically cuts the clitoris free and realigns it in a more nature, penis position. Then after that heals, the next surgery will be for a free forearm skin graft to create the phallus. He told me that this would be the best option to recieve sensation and actually be able to sustain an orgasm. Then the final surgery, which won't be for several months after the skin graft, will be an implant for me to have an erection. It all seems pretty complicated, but I know I'll feel complete when it's over with.

June 24, 1999 - Thursday

Well, I can now add San Francisco to my list of places I've been. I never knew such a gay friendly place existed. They put us up in the Renoir Hotel, which is right on the parade route. We don't even have to leave our room to watch the parade, but we will be going down to do some shopping afterwards. We've been treated like royalty ever since we stepped off the plane. There was a chauffeur waiting for us to take us right to the convention center to meet with Mr Schilling. He's such a nice gentlemen. I think it's amazing that a guy who's not even gay can have such an important roll in an event for homosexuals. He told me he got into his profession after his brother was killed for being gay. He explained that he wanted to do anything he possibly could for the community. He's got such a big heart.

Then the limo brought us to the rental car place. That's one thing I paid for myself. The festival funding paid for us to have a Ford Taurus for the two weeks we'll be here. I almost laughed out loud when I saw it. Haruka Tenou does NOT drive a family car. So I'm paying the $175 a day for a BMW to rent. I feel much more at home in a luxury car. No offense to the Ford company, but they're cars are a piece of junk.

I must be going, Michi and I are going out to eat, the clerk at the desk recommended a fancy restaurant across town for us to eat at. I need something nice to help me relax before my speech tomorrow.


Please note...the next chapter is the last chapter, and it will not be in journal format. You'll find out why when I'm able to get it up. Hope you're enjoying this so far. I know it's helping me to deal with a lot of things.

Love you all :D Oh...MARRY CHRISTMAS...Or Happy Holidays, whichever one's more correct for you, I don't like to discriminate.