Chapter 9


Spending their mornings slaving away around the house, and their afternoons at the marina, the boardwalk shops, or the beach, Colin and Roy did their best to enjoy the remaining days of summer break as much as possible. Colin had trouble remembering how to act sometimes; his shy, awkward introvert self remained even if no one but he and Roy remembered him. But his moments of awkwardness, or surprise at all the attention and respect he was getting, seemed to be taken either as acting, or were otherwise covered and glossed over by Roy.

Colin remained in awe of who he was now physically. Merely walking places, standing in front of mirrors, he could never seem to resist squeezing a thick, heavily-muscled bicep with one hand, running his eyes down his front from his slab-like chest to his chiseled six-pack. It made heads turn everywhere he went; girls with interest, guys with both admiration and envy.

His twin brother seemed to forever delight in helping him learn who he was now; they played "Remember That?" on a daily basis. The two boys would pit themselves against each other in contests of speed and strength, and were the center of attention anytime they chose to do so publicly. Guys their age were always inviting them to join basketball or volleyball games, and surfer boys Colin didn't know were complimenting him on his and Roy's skills with a board. Colin, this Colin, had been an athlete all his life. He delighted in competition, in physical challenges. He was a born fighter- just like the boy he shared his face with.

Roy had time for Colin on anything. They would spend hours working on recovering Colin Borden's memory, and Colin found it exciting to remember some interest he'd always had, or something he had always loved doing. As a fourteen-year-old alpha male, Colin Borden had apparently shared Roy's almost obsessive interest in sex and anything to do with it; Roy wanted to talk about it all the time. He got a glow in his eyes when he discussed his master plan.

"First semester of high school, Colin. This is as long as I'm gonna wait," Roy said, as they were lying out on a remote section of beach after dark one night, safely hidden from prying eyes. Their parents didn't much care where they went, or whether or not they observed the midnight curfew. So they had all the time in the world.

"Still thinking about rape?" Colin asked, a little uneasy inside.

"Who said I was?"

"I mean, if some girl says no- what if we get to December and your plan hasn't worked?"

"We won't," Roy said calmly. "We won't, Colin."

"But would you rape a girl if the plan was gonna fail otherwise?"

Roy paused, looking up at the night sky with his hands folded behind his head.

"I think you want me to."

Colin turned and stared at his twin in shock. "What?"

"You want it to come to that."

"No, I don't!"

"Colin, you keep asking me. I never said anything about rape. Just pussy."

His tongue was a lot looser these days when topics like this came up, but Colin still got to feeling awkward as hell sometimes. He felt heat creeping up his neck, and he was unable to think of any reply. It was true, he'd been the one to ask if Roy had rape in mind. But he was asking out of concern, not because he wanted it to happen. That was why. Right?

The things Colin Borden wanted, and the things Colin Jacobs wanted, didn't seem entirely the same. Some of it wasn't all Boy Scout stuff, either.

Roy suddenly reached over, and gently but firmly put a strong arm around Colin's broad, muscular shoulders as the two boys lay on their backs in the sand, wind blowing gently around them, waves hitting the beach on the dark and going back out again.

"Colin, you need to lose this awkwardness with talking about sex. Just say it. Say pussy."

"Pussy."

"Say, I want to get my dick wet."

Colin hesitated, face burning hotter than ever. "I-I wanna get my dick wet."

"I'm gonna empty my balls into a hot piece of ass before Christmas break."

Colin said that, too.

Roy kept it up, having Colin repeat various words or phrases, and Colin's embarrassment only worsened as he steadily realized he had an erection. All this talk was making him think of things, bring up memories of kisses, touching forbidden places and longing to do more than touch while wearing clothes. Colin suddenly was back behind the Pit, his and Roy's favourite hangout in town.

Making out with this beautiful girl, a blonde like him- her hand rubbing the crotch of his jeans while they kissed, mouths open, tongues dancing together. Colin remembered how sly and clever he'd been, how hard he'd tried to get farther. What he wanted most was for the damn clothes to come off- for a blowjob, right there in the alley, or to lie her down on the cooling bricks and just fuck. Instead, a couple weeks ago, that girl- part of some tourist family from out of town- had refused to let Colin even get a hand under her shirt, and to his embarrassment and fury, he'd ejaculated in his shorts.

The ecstasy of that moment, combined with his secret rage at being denied what he'd wanted most- it was incredible how well Colin remembered it. And how uncomfortable he was about it. Colin didn't want to rape anyone. He didn't even want sex as bad as Roy did. To Colin, who still vividly remembered a life without any dates or romantic progress at all, anything- even holding hands- was something worth enjoying, savoring for every moment it lasted.

Roy didn't seem to see it that way.

His twin broke the silence, squeezing his brother's shoulders.

"Recovering some memories?"

"Yeah," Colin admitted.

"Sexy stuff?"

"Making out behind the Pit."

"You'll be doing it again soon. Trust me."

Colin had to admit, that sounded pretty nice.

"What about if one of us…" Colin hesitated, then said it. Made himself say it. "What if one of us fucks a girl?"

"Well, then, good for him," Roy said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I mean- you know- are we still gonna… share?"

Colin realized he felt both anxious and, for some reason, hopeful. Anxious because he wasn't exactly eager to let Roy pretend to be him and screw some girl he was with. Hopeful because, maybe, Colin Borden was hoping not to be left out if his brother went all the way before he did.

Roy turned to look at him.

"You sound interested in that too, Colin."

"I'm not."

"Sure sounds like it."

"Come on."

"I can hear it in your voice."

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Are we?"

Roy laughed softly. "Colin, we can pretend to be each other anytime you want. That's just one possibility. We could go to each other's classes, wear each other's uniforms at practice…" he trailed off, smiling as he returned to looking up at the stars. "You and me, we can do anything, Colin."

It continued to amaze Colin- to defy even his considerable knowledge of words- that Roy saw so much in him. He blushed, grateful that Roy couldn't see him. When Roy eventually withdrew his arm, Colin instinctively put his own around Roy's equally strong, well-muscled shoulders. Roy gave him a slightly curious look for a moment, but soon smiled and returned to stargazing beside his brother.

XX

The days continued to pass easily enough. Colin found he could barely stand life at home; the longer he lived there, the more he wanted to be anyplace else. Delight at all the friends and dating prospects he seemed to have, all the respect and admiration he got from adults he apparently knew, gave Colin even more reason not to stay cooped up in the house.

As the end of his first month as Colin Borden neared, Colin realized he had spent more time riding on his bike, surfing, swimming, and playing games at the beach, and going around shirtless wherever he went in the past twenty-eight days than ever before in his life. He was hardly ever alone anymore; he and Roy went everywhere together, and Colin vividly remembered the distress they both felt anytime someone tried to take them apart, right back to the earliest memories he had.

His old instincts and well-traveled paths seemed to be fading a little more every day. The old Colin would have been unable to handle the sudden flood of extroverted, outgoing behavior. All the attention, the sudden, near-constant participation in athletic activities, would have been too much. Colin Jacobs would have instinctively sought the safety and solitude of the library, a place he and Roy still visited- but far less than the old Colin did.

And it went without saying that Colin Jacobs, a skinny, shy boy who feared sunburn and drawing attention to himself in equal measure, would have had nothing to do with all this going just about everywhere in July with his shirt off.

The spurts of confidence and boldness that Colin had were coming to seem a little less inexplicable and odd, and a little more like what was normal. Not for Colin Jacobs, not at all. It was all still a bit much, and probably would be for a while. But Colin found himself secretly delighted, many days, at this chance to ditch his short-sighted, quiet, bookworm existence and live this new, exciting, popular and athletic life, the life of Roy Borden.

And every day, wherever he went and whatever he did, Colin had Roy there, the boy whose face he now shared, always ready to help. Roy never once hesitated, never complained at any moments of difficulty or uncertainty Colin had. When Colin accidentally tried to think of what he'd done on a past day as Colin Jacobs and Colin Borden, and the ensuing migraine caused him such agony, Roy looked after him like there was nothing in the world he'd rather do. He explained anything Colin needed to ask about, and eagerly worked with him on continuing to restore active memory of his life as Roy's twin.

As August drew near, so did football tryouts. It became an increasingly-regular topic while the twins were hanging out with Steve and/or Phil somewhere. Conditioning themselves for the enormous physical and mental stresses of football drove Roy, and a more nervous, uncertain Colin, to push themselves every time they went out on a run, held workout sessions in Steven Rose's backyard, anything. Steve continued to surprise and impress Roy with his eagerness to just about kill himself trying to keep up with the immensely strong, fit Borden twins.

When asked, Steve said he had no interest in trying out for the football team- he was hopeless at it, and was only spared from nearly all laughter and mockery in gym class because everyone knew he was best friends with Colin and Roy. He tended to get evasive when asked what his reason was, then, but Colin's guess was that Steve wanted to better himself- to get into much better shape, maybe to help make an impression when he started high school in a few weeks- and that he saw the Borden twins as a means of making sure he did it right, since Steven knew next to nothing about weight rooms or fitness overall.

There continued to be awkward moments when Roy was seen staring coldly at Steve or Phil when he thought neither of them was looking, or when he would snap harshly at them or let a joke made by one of them fall flat. His knowledge that Colin didn't like it, and that he wanted Roy to give them another chance regardless of what had happened in his old life, did seem to be helping- if nothing else, Colin also often saw Roy giving Steve and Phil hard, speculative looks, like he was trying to make up his mind about them.

Colin did his best to look and seem casual about the tryouts coming up. He valiantly pretended that he was feeling prepared for tryouts for a team that played a sport he knew almost nothing about. Maybe his efforts worked a little too well, because Roy didn't seem to be giving the matter any special attention, just talking about it a lot, but with the apparent assumption that Colin already knew the basics.

When he finally voiced his concerns to Roy, on July 31st- the night before tryouts- Roy said he was worrying too much about it. "You're Colin Borden, remember that. You've been playing football all your life. You know what you're doing. You'll be fine."

"You're not nervous?" Colin asked curiously, stretched out in his bunk, just like Roy was in the one above him. They'd each taken a long, steamy shower, and 'relieved' their male needs with some help from their favourite reading materials, and as worried as he was, Colin did feel remarkably relaxed. Maybe things would be okay. He was certainly in the best physical condition he could be.

"No," Roy said immediately. "I'm gonna make the team, period. You will too."

Roy's unshakeable confidence was pretty contagious, especially for a boy who was his twin in so many ways. Colin smiled, feeling relaxed and comfortable with the sheets resting on his hard, muscular form, just wearing his underwear. The pleasantly dull ache in his privates made him feel better still, and Colin soon fell asleep, assured that things would work out tomorrow. He would be joining the brotherhood of the football team, and starting high school almost right afterward. It was all pretty exciting.

XX

After being good little slaves and doing a flawless job for weeks without a word of complaint, Colin and Roy were allowed to leave early in the morning to go to Central High School a few miles away. Colin's automatic protest at the injustice of having to actually wear a shirt, thus cheating him of the ability to show off his hard-earned muscle, drew a laugh from Roy, and then from Colin when he thought about what he'd said.

"This from the guy who didn't want to go to the beach a couple weeks ago," Roy said, grinning.

Colin grinned, too. He had to admit, he was enjoying himself. There were some awesome perks to becoming Roy's twin, that was for sure.

Eager to get to tryouts early and get out of the house, the boys left over an hour ahead of time. They biked around town, taking in the pleasant sensations of a cool morning that promised to turn into a very hot day, and headed to Central with half an hour to spare.

"The upperclassmen are trying out for the varsity team, too," Roy said as they parked their bikes. "So there'll be two sets of tryouts going on."

"What's varsity again?"

"Basically the really good team."

"Why aren't we going for that? If we're so good and everything?"

Roy gave him a look. "They don't let freshmen try out for varsity teams, genius."

"Why?"

"It's the rules."

"I thought Roy was too cool for the rules."

Roy gave him another look, stopping as they headed up the cement walk to the front doors of the three-story high school's main building.

"Stop that."

Colin put on an innocent look. "Stop what?"

"You know what."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!" Roy said, getting frustrated.

"Hey, guys! You made it!" a cheerful voice said behind them, and the two boys turned around.

A dark-haired boy with a haircut that easily could have passed inspection at an Army barracks was standing behind them, wearing dark blue jeans shorts and a red t-shirt. He had a strong, athletic look about him, and looked to be around Colin and Roy's age.

"Jack!" Roy said, reaching out and shaking hands with the other boy. "Escaped from military school after all, huh?"

Colin was staring, trying to figure out who this guy was and how he knew him and Roy, but Jack just shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah, Mom and Dad finally decided a year on the East Coast was enough."

"Which one was it again?" Colin asked, trying not to let his amnesia be too obvious. "The school?"

"Fishburne. It's in Waynesboro, Virginia. Boring as hell, guys. It's good to be back here in California."

"Glad to have you back," Colin said, reaching out to shake hands as well.

"You know," Jack said, "I'm glad I made it back in time for tryouts. I'm set on making the varsity team junior year, and we gotta start now, you know what I mean?"

"Sure," Roy nodded.

"Well, not like you guys need to worry, right? Penneman's already got his eye on you."

"You know it," Roy said, flashing a brilliant smile. He motioned to Jack, and Colin. "Come on, let's go check in. It's been too fucking long since I played football."

"Way too long," Colin echoed, feeling a rush of frustration at the fact. He started after a moment; he'd said that? But the understanding reply from Jack, and Roy's pleased and knowing smile, helped. Colin was doing his best to fit in and act like his new life required, and he seemed to be doing all right at it.

XX

"Boys!" Coach Molinoff said, his tanned, leathery face breaking into a grin when he looked up from his roster and saw the Borden twins standing at the front of the line. "Whaddya say, Roy? Colin?"

"Hey, Coach," Roy said, giving him a friendly grin, the kind that came easily to someone as confident as him. "Looking forward to tryouts."

"How about you, Colin?" Molinoff asked rhetorically, turning his head towards the other of the two boys with one face. "Looking forward to playing some football?"

Colin abruptly lost his sense of confidence, abruptly was seized by the freezing grip of terror when he realized he knew nothing about football whatsoever. He was going to screw up so bad! What was he doing here?

No, no- I know football. I love it. It's the best goddamn game there is.

I don't know a thing about it. How can I love a game I don't-

Molinoff, sitting behind a folding table, reached up and waved a hand in front of Colin, making the youth jump slightly. A few boys farther back snickered, and Colin felt his cheeks and neck grow hot. What a great start he was off too, engaging in identity conflicts in front of the coach.

At least he hadn't started arguing with himself, for Chrissakes, or almost punched himself in the face. That probably wouldn't go over well.

"I've been going crazy, Coach," Colin blurted with surprising smoothness. "Life's just not right if I don't have a numbered jersey on my back."

"Still a bodybuilding jock-for-life," Molinoff said, shaking his head solemnly. Then his face broke into a broad grin again. "What am I going to do with you? Either of you?"

"Put us on the field as soon as possible?" Colin asked hopefully, eager to recover from his mistake.

"You're darned right," Coach Molinoff said; he held out his bear paw-like hand and Colin shook it firmly, with the practiced ease of a boy who did not lack for confidence. In that moment there was no self-doubt in Colin, none of that depressing timidity and fear that he was so completely used to. He felt strong inside and out, ready to suit up and go shame everyone else on that football field.

It was a good feeling.

XX

The locker room was rapidly filling up when Colin and Roy got there, and Colin felt overwhelmed by the simultaneous input from two sets of memories. They were abstract ones, dealing with the connotations and stigma of the scent of old, rusty metal and years upon years worth of teenage boys' sweat. The clang of locker doors, the sound of water spraying on tiles, the sight of lean boys, steadily turning more muscular as they progressed into their teenage years, changing out of their regular clothes and into their uniforms.

Colin had once seen this as a place of fear, a place where skinny, shy boys like him were ripe for embarrassment. But that sensation, the feeling that this was altogether a 'bad' place, was quickly swept aside by a much stronger one.

It's good to be back.

It made Colin smile, and he found himself casually wandering into the room, to the side-by-side lockers assigned to Colin and Roy. He exchanged greetings with boys he didn't know, but did, and quickly set about stripping off his summer clothes.

"Enjoying yourself much?" Roy asked knowingly, as Colin got lost for a few moments, staring at his powerfully-built bare upper half.

"What're you getting on him for, Roy?" a boy with a head of stylishly-cut, shaggy brown hair asked from a bench nearby. "He's admiring himself. You do that, what, five times a day?" He must have been one of the first in here; he was already wearing his brand-new Central High uniform, with its red jersey and white pants, shoulder pads and all. He was in the last stages of pulling on and tying up what was clearly a new pair of football cleats.

"No," Jack Marchetti said, joining the conversation as he walked by. "These two? Eleven, man. That many times a day at least."

"Hey, I'm not doing anything Laurie doesn't do even more," Roy said nonchalantly. "You see all this? I'm gorgeous, man."

"Oh, and modest. I forgot that part," the brown-haired boy said, finished with lacing up one cleat and switching to the second.

"Shut up, Ben," Roy said kindly.

"Get any this summer, kid?" a boy said suddenly, clapping Colin on the shoulder. Colin jumped, and the boy laughed. "Spacing out again? Christ, and he's supposed to be the best center here? Hut one, hut two, hut three- huh?"

Colin's face burned, but he resolutely went on shoving his casual clothes in his locker and pulling on his tight-as-crap white uniform pants.

Roy, on the other hand, met the mockery head on. In the span of a second, he dropped what he was doing, and a loud clanging echoed around the locker room as Roy slammed the other boy against the lockers just to Colin's right.

"You wanna shut your mouth, wise guy?" Roy asked, breathing hard. "You wanna shut your mouth, or you want me to do it for you?"

The other boy, wearing short-cut, carefully-styled sandy-blond hair and a red t-shirt, blue jeans, and white sneakers that were beyond a doubt from top-level designer brands, snarled angrily and shoved back. "Don't fucking touch me!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Ben said, running over. "Cut it out, guys! Coach finds any of us fighting before tryouts even start, he's not gonna like it."

"You heard 'im," the boy said. "I'm not here to start a fight. Are you?"

Colin had finished getting his pads and jersey on, and glared hard at the other boy. "You shouldn't go running your mouth, then."

"Fuck you," the boy said deliberately. Roy was about to slap him hard across the face when Colin caught his brother's wrist. "Let him go," Colin said. "We'll settle this later."

"You bet we will," the boy said, glaring at Roy and Colin when the former let him go. "See you out there, Jerkules."

The audience that had been gathering to watch the confrontation slowly broke up, and the steady babble of conversation resumed. Colin found it remarkably easy to exchange casual, "guy talk" banter with Ben, Jack, and at least a half-dozen other boys while they all dressed, making introductions alongside Roy. Colin realized that several junior highs fed into Central High School, and thus there were a lot of boys neither he nor Colin knew. A lot of potential friends, something you needed to be popular.

Popular. It hit Colin, yet again, that he had been that in junior high, and stood a solid chance of being that in 9th grade. The raw aggression that so easily came out in Roy just as quickly was replaced by the natural charmer, and in the ten minutes of waiting as the last arrivals filtered in and got their uniforms on, he said hi and got himself and Colin talking to at least a dozen boys they didn't know. The broad-shouldered, powerful Borden brothers were given a wary respect from the beginning, especially after the fury shown by Roy when the rich kid had tried mocking his brother. But by the time the hopefuls were called outside and began trooping out to the field, it was laughs and casual banter all around.

Colin did his best to participate, but mostly just sat there and enjoyed himself. Here he was, visibly stronger than more than half of the boys in the room, in such fit condition that he had seen a dozen envious glances thrown his and Roy's way while they'd each been down to their underwear. And now he was about to go try out for football- and there was clearly no doubt he'd make it!- joining a team, a brotherhood of athletes, for the first time since starting this new life.

It made him smile, hardly the first time he'd done that today. This it. Time to go play some football.

XX

"Okay," Coach Molinoff called as the boys gathered around him. "Welcome to day one of junior varsity tryouts at Central High School. I'm Coach Peter Molinoff, JV Coach, and beside me is my assistant coach, Ed McGinley. Now, this is just the first day of a whole week, so don't push too hard. Pace yourself. If you wear out today, you won't have enough left to make it to the end of the week."

Molinoff paused, looking around. "Of course, if you haven't been staying in shape- or getting in shape- this summer, or if you've been slacking off on your football skills, that's gonna be pretty obvious too."

"Give it your best today, but remember this is just the start. And drink water, guys. It's gonna be hot all this week."

Quickly dividing the thirty-odd boys into two lines, Molinoff walked out onto the field and turned to face them. "Okay, warm-ups. Let's start with some sprints!"

XX

Colin had been instinctively worried at the beginning of the extensive series of warmup exercises, but before long he realized he'd had no reason to. A lifetime of addiction to athletics had made his body incredibly resilient, able to withstand great amounts of stress and long periods of heightened exertion without a problem. When the other boys began breathing harder, sweating as things got tougher, Colin was just going through the motions. Gradually, he had to fight not to smirk. This was killing some of the boys, challenging the rest, but he and Roy were enjoying themselves. It was just a little workout for them, barely enough to break a sweat.

Colin could see the admiration of the other boys, the jealousy- they could all tell that Roy and Colin were in better shape than anyone else here. To be the subject of such attention was awe-inspiring for Colin. He threw himself into even the longest sprints, the fastest pushups, with joy. This was turning out to be a lot of fun.

XX

When the endurance and general fitness tests were over, however, and Coach Molinoff had the boys started practicing passes, everything changed. Colin started getting nervous; guys were all talking about what position they hoped to play this year, what they'd been in junior high the past three years. Colin soon discovered Roy was a quarterback, and unsurprisingly this turned out to be both a crucial offensive player and the one who was generally regarded as the team's leader.

Colin, on the other hand, managed to learn in conversation that he was a "Center", and that like Roy with quarterback, he had never wanted anything else. Yet he found himself stumbling and stuttering in conversation, dropping the ball or outright missing when a pass was sent his way. How was he supposed to play a position he had only just discovered was his favourite, in a game he had never once played?

"Colin," Jack called, casually shooting him a pass. "You all right, man?"

"I'm fine," Colin said insistently, unwilling to admit anything was wrong. What was he supposed to say, anyway?

I turned into Roy's twin brother recently. Big adjustment, a lot to get used to. I'm having to take an hour every day to remember all this stuff I already did, so I'm just not on top of my game today, Jack. Happens to everybody who gets turned into a different person by a creepy old house, I'm sure.

"Yeah," Colin grumbled under his helmet. "That's gonna go over well."

"What?" Ben, the daring wide receiver said from Colin's right, snatching an incoming football ut of the air and neatly throwing it back.

"Nothing," Colin said, clumsily chucking the football he was holding out towards Jack, who was still eying him curiously. Roy, a quick glance showed, was happily shooting a ball back and forth with one Danny Alder, one of the new friends from another junior high school the twins had made in the locker room. He was at home here, master of his universe, supremely skilled, supremely confident. Graceful, athletic, popular- everything Colin had never been.

XX

Then, as things moved on to the selection of small teams by Coach Molinoff, the execution of basic plays and a couple skirmish-style games, Colin's shaken but valiantly-holding confidence collapsed, and his questionable football skills became so bad it was painful to watch. It had to be. It sure was for Colin.

Placed where he supposedly loved to be, Colin got a lot of funny looks when he had to be told what Coach meant by "Snap the ball to Roy". It entailed bending over from the waist, and rapidly shooting the ball backward between his legs to the quarterback, who would then draw back to make a pass to most "open" player, one with the fewest opposing players near him, as the offensive team's formation broke up.

It only got worse, though, when Colin threw the ball and hit Roy in the helmet on the first go, then smacked him in the knee the second. The third time he got it right, successfully snapping the ball to Roy, but upon straightening up realized he had no idea what to do. He ad-libbed it from there, just moving where most of the team did, and for a minute that seemed to work.

But then he heard Ben hollering, "Colin! You're way outta position, you need to-"

Roy called for and made a pass to him, but with no cover Ben was easily blocked, prompting groans of dismay from Colin's team, and a louder one from Coach Molinoff.

"Hey! Hey, Muscles! Nice play!" the rich kid- Colin had learned his name was Kevin LeBlanc- shouted, clapping enthusiastically. "You should try out for the girls' team- oh, that's right, there isn't one!"

"Colin, what is going on, man?"

Ben was suddenly right in Colin's face, looking angry and scared at the same time. Angry at Colin screwing up, scared at failing to make the cut, was Colin's best guess.

"You gonna keep thus up all week? Because I'll just go home now, I don't need-"

"Markinson!" Molinoff shouted. "Get outta his face!"

"Yes, Coach!" Ben said, flashing Colin another look before he went. This one showed hurt; he felt let down. That felt worse than when he'd just looked mad at Colin.

"Colin Borden, get yourself over here!"

Dreading what was surely coming- a good chewing-out, if not getting dropped outright- Colin called out, "Yes, Coach!" and jogged out of the small crowd of boys standing around on the field, every one seeming to stare right at him.

"No worries, Colin! I hear they're looking for towel-boys, too!"" Kevin LeBlanc called after him, prompting a sharp rebuke from the assistant coach. It was nice to see that guy told to mind his own business, but it didn't help Colin much.

XX

Colin dropped his jog to a trot, then to a condemned man's slow walk, as he approached Coach Molinoff. It wasn't until he was almost in front of him that Colin could even bear to raise his head enough to look him in the eye. This was so embarrassing, Colin wanted to just curl up and disappear. It was awful. He could hear them snickering out there, could imagine Roy steadily losing his temper and getting ready to punch someone. He could hear Kevin continuing to make jokes.

The jig's up. I'm gonna flunk. No way can I fake this a whole week!

Fully expecting a face filled with malice and contempt, Colin looked up and saw Coach Molinoff staring down at him expressionlessly.

"Colin," he said quietly, "Get that helmet off, mister."

Colin quickly reached up and pulled his helmet off, fumbling with it as he worked it up and over his head. Soaked in sweat as the day's heat rose steadily, Colin felt pure, blissful relief from the neck up, but it didn't do any good. It didn't stop him from all but dying from shame.

Molinoff continued to gaze at Colin for a few moments before saying anything. Out on the field, Coach McGinley was taking up the slack, directing the boys to resume the game with another hopeful taking up Colin's slot. Great. Already he'd been replaced.

"What's eating you, Colin?"

Colin sighed hopelessly, shaking his head. "I-I dunno. I dunno, Coach-"

"Feeling the pressure of starting high school? Something happen at home? Lady troubles?"

"Sir-Coach-" Colin started to protest, but Molinoff just waved him to silence, setting a firm hand on one of Colin's padded shoulders.

"I'm not asking you to answer me. But I watched some of your 8th grade games myself. Coach Wilson says you and Roy were the two best players he ever had. You're one of the best recruits I've got on this field, so whatever's eating at you, I need to know if you can square it away and handle it."

"I don't know, Coach," Colin sighed hopelessly, despair eating at him like acid. "I don't know…"

"Feel like telling me anything? I'm gonna tell everybody this later on, but I'll tell you now- I keep an open door. What you say to Coach stays with Coach."

"I-I can't talk about it," Colin said, shame-faced and embarrassed. How had all this gone so wrong, so fast? It had all been so wonderful when it started this morning.

Coach Molinoff started to say something, but he turned his head abruptly, noticing a new arrival. It was Roy, Colin's twin brother, striding over with a concerned look on his face, his helmet under his right arm.

"Coach, can I borrow Colin for a minute?"

"Not now, son," Molinoff said impatiently; he clearly didn't like being interrupted. At least not now.

"Sir, it's about what's going on with Colin. I can help."

The football coach hesitated; it looked for a time that he was seriously considering saying no. But the calm, steady, completely self-assured look Roy gave him in return, a confidence mirrored in his posture, must have sold Coach Molinoff and quieted his doubts. He nodded, and began moving off to rejoin his assistant coach in running the skirmish game.

"Talk it out, guys. Take an early water break. If you feel you can get it together, Colin, come and talk to me. I'll give you the day off if you need it, but you gotta be back and ready to go tomorrow if you want to stay on the roster."

"You got it, Coach," Roy called after him. Colin didn't look; he just stared at the ground.

"Colin," Roy hissed, visibly frustrated. "What's wrong with you?"

"I can't play football, Roy! That's what's wrong with me!"

"Oh, come on! You're one of the two best players on the fucking team!"

"Then why can't I do this?" Colin asked, barely able to keep from shouting it.

Roy blew air out of his mouth, running his hands through his hair and turning away. A moment later, though, he turned back, calm once more, gazing intently at Colin in that special way he did anytime Roy had a plan.

"You're overthinking it. I should've figured; you're really good at that."

"Thanks."

"Just listen, Colin. You can be a wiseass all you want later."

"Okay, okay."

"You have to stop thinking so much about it. Just relax and trust yourself."

"Really? Just go out there and act like I know what to do?"

"Not act, just know. You've been playing football since you were in elementary school, Colin. Trust me. You fucking know what you're doing."

"But I can't just-"

Roy reached out and gently set his hands on Colin's broad, muscular shoulders. Whether it was intended or not, Roy reminded Colin in one instant how much he loved who he was now. Swift, strong, popular and smart, gifted with perfect eyesight and natural athletic grace. Those shoulders were symbolic of all of it, and thinking about that, thinking about that beautiful football uniform he was wearing now, all those friends he was making and already had… Colin felt the tension, fear and uncertainty leave him almost instantly. He looked at Roy, who gazed back, saying nothing for a few moments.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"You can do this."

Colin smiled. "Okay."