Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to ShondaRhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - I have co-written with providence26. I have to give her most of the credit for our story. Please let us know what you think. Thank you Jackie

Chapter 9

Sofia is having a sleepover at Zola's house tonight, which meant we have had the evening to ourselves. It has been a little tense at times, with some very awkward silences. Our silences never used to be awkward. There are so many unasked questions that hover on my tongue, but I am too unwilling to argue this evening to put voice to them. I know that Arizona felt the evening went well, she is sleeping curled up to me, I cannot stop replaying the last two hours in my head. We had sex again, I tried so hard to give myself to her completely, but opening myself up to her was painful emotionally. I wanted to hide my body from her gaze and touch. I felt the need to protect myself from my own wife. This is not how things should be. I faked it. For the first time ever with Arizona I faked an orgasm. I just wanted her attention to end, I felt like throwing her hands and mouth off of my body, it all felt wrong. I am not sure if she figured it out, but she moved up my body and snuggled next to me.

This cannot go on the way it is. Either I let go of the betrayal and forgive her, or I need to end this now, before we destroy each other even more.

As I lay here, I am not sure which possibility is worse.