James POV

I watched the hostage, thinking of how to begin the interrogation session, or whatever it was called. The witch was tied to the chair and looking at her tentatively, I tried to recall what had possessed me to ask her out two years ago. It was certainly not her personality, because while sassy and suave, Hollice Bumpott didn't possess any special quirks or traits that I found particularly endearing—not the way Lily's aggressive behavior did. It was probably her looks, I decided, that won me over because curly blonde hair and a shapely body at the age of fifteen can do a lot to a bloke. I couldn't really remember much of what had happened between the two of us. In fact, a lot of the happenings a few years ago seemed kind of distant and blurry.

"Hullo."

"James," Lily said, standing next to me. "Remember what I told you about not being-"

"Too harsh, yes. Now, Bumpott, first of all, you're dreaming."

Sirius and Lily gave me odd looks, but neither of them said anything, which I took as a cue to go on.

"You're dreaming," I continued. "Everything is happening inside your head and that's why you can be totally honest with us."

A quick snort came from Sirius, who was trying to stifle his laughter, while Lily wore a dubious expression. If I didn't notice their reactions, I'd still have been marveling at what I thought was one of the cleverest things I'd ever thought up.

"I have a first name, and I'd appreciate it if you used it."

"We get to set the terms here."

Bumpott grinned. "Isn't this my dream?"

Excuse… excuse… must think of…

"Trying to control it will wake you up. Trust me, I'm… in your head," I said smoothly. It would have to do for now.

Sirius was still gawking at me, but with big, puppy eyes and a pout he'd perfected since he started becoming an animangus. Not wanting to see the odd shrewish look on his face, I nodded and let him lead the conversation.

"First question; what's your full name?" he asked, looking as though he could kiss me right then and there.

"I don't see how her full name is relevant," Lily said, her eyebrows crinkling.

"It makes this more formal. Play along, Evans."

"Erm… sure, Padfoot. What's your name?" she asked—and her use of Sirius's nickname didn't go unnoticed by either of us- turning to Bumpott.

"My full name is Hollice Bumpott, if you must know. Hollice for Holly and Alice. Where am I? And why are your heads covered in those paper bags?"

"Stop asking questions."

"Why isn't she nervous? She can't possibly believe what you're telling her," Lily told me in a low voice.

"Dunno…" I mumbled back. A thought popped into my head, but I didn't voice it out. She might've been acting this way because we weren't cruel enough, but it was a very Slytherin thing to say, and I was sure Lily wouldn't approve.

"It's not that I'd want her to be scared, but I didn't think she'd be this calm, either."

"Second question," said Sirius. "Do you have any plans next week? Fancy a drink at The Three Broomsticks?"

I looked at him, annoyed. "Not now, Padfoot." Then, turning my attention back to the figure before us, "Look, Hollice, you recognize this?" I said, lifting the threatening note.

"That's a piece of parchment."

Sirius smirked and poked my arm, talking in a volume only I could hear. "She isn't the brightest person if you ask me." Making his voice a little louder, "He meant what's in the parchment."

"No idea," she answered confidently. "More importantly, you're James, Black, and Evans, aren't you?"

"What? Of course not!" Lily said sharply, looking a bit taken aback.

I coughed. "What gives you that idea?"

Sirius caught my eye and raised an eyebrow. "I think I underestimated her quite a bit."

"Heh. I think you did, mate."

"You should've used a pitching spell. Didn't think I was smart enough to distinguish your voices, did you?"

"First of all—"

"Suppose not." I shrugged. "And I thought we were the cheeky ones."

Lily's mouth dropped open, and she glared at me. "James!"

"Lay off, Evans. We're busted," Sirius said.

"I'm impressed actually."

"I recognized James's voice right away." Bumpott was looking steadily at me.

"Of course you did," Lily said in a tone that was almost scornful.

I took out the paper bag that covered my head, and fixed my hair a bit. "Of course she did. I guess we wouldn't need these anymore."

"Why wasn't Remus here to point that out?" Sirius asked to no one in particular while Lily and he followed my lead and removed the head covers.

I'd almost forgotten about Bumpott, but she let out a little cough, and we all looked at her again.

"I have to say, apart from all the things you failed at, this was quite a fun kidnapping. Although... James, babe?" Lily's head shot up at the endearment. I had the grace to look a bit uncomfortable when I said, "Yes?"

"I fear your skills have deteriorated a bit. Maybe you should spend less time with little miss Prefect and more with people who are more... how do you say it... fun? You can do a lot better than this."

It wasn't clear whether she was referring to the kidnapping or Lily, but it was enough to make me glower. My insides curled, and really, no matter how good it was for my ego, anything against Lily automatically pissed me off.

Lily shrugged, as if the insult had little effect on her. "It's okay, James. No harm done." However, her eyes got noticeably stiffer when she turned to Bumpott. "You need to watch your mouth."

"Ooh. I'm terrified. The red hair screams ferocious, save me."

She coloured and bit her lip irritably.

Hollice Bumpott was definitely going to get it now. While it was a milder insult, she shouldn't have said it. Moreover, I knew more than anyone why making fun of Lily's hair was never a good idea.

"Ooh!" Sirius clasped his fists excitedly. "A chick fight. I haven't seen one of these in ages."

Lily looked at Sirius, her mouth forming into a thin line. "This is not a chick fight. As for you, Bumpott, I'm trying to be nice, which getting harder by the second."

"Who said I needed your sympathy?"

Sirius chuckled. "Hon, you'll be needing all the—"

"Destroy that photo, now!" I interrupted impulsively, before any real fight could occur.

Bumpott glanced at me, and in a sudden pseudo-sweet voice, "What photograph are you talking about, James, dear? We exchanged quite a lot of them in the past, hadn't we?"

Sirius coughed, trying to suppress yet another girly laugh. "Ah, such inappropriate thoughts those sentences conjure."

Lily made a slight hissing sound, which placed me in a guarded state.

"Emphasis on the past," I said. "And if I recall correctly, we had one picture, and it was taken only because you were Zonko's Hundredth customer of the day."

"I find that hard to believe," Lily muttered.

Sensing that she wasn't in the best of moods, I chose the best route to take- ignoring the little side-comments from either side and not making a big deal of things.

"We have more pictures and you know it," Bumpott said to me, one eyebrow raised coquettishly. "Who knows, maybe you'll look at them later, remembering what it was like to have an actually interesting girlfriend instead of…" She let her eye trail to my left. "…others."

Lily seemed even more upset by that than the thing about her hair. "There is nothing wrong with being single and hanging out with—"

"Well," Bumpott said, "your self-righteousness is very becoming! Do believe me when I say I truly appreciate it."

It was at this point in which Lily snapped; her hands reaching to pull at her hair. "What do you have against me? Are you really so desperate as to resort to those threats? That you had to follow us around and fabricate lies-"

"I did no such thing!"

"Really," Lily retorted. She seemed to have forgotten about her manners and earlier assertions about treating our hostages. "Don't act dumb with me. Remove all evidence of that inaccurate accusation, and leave us alone or-"

"What, you'll tell Professor McGonagall?" Bumpott laughed in a lighthearted manner than was even more offensive than the words themselves. "Turn the entire school against me? Well, I'd hate to disappoint but you aren't going to find anything."

"Honestly, Hollice… Don't you have anything better to do? This isn't going to end if you keep-"

"But this is my dream, isn't it?"

I looked at her exasperatedly. "You want to play that game, do you, now?"

Then, all of a sudden, the woman flashed a brilliant smile at me and said, "I'd play any game with you."

Surprised and confused, I didn't know what to say, or how to react for that matter. It took a few uncomfortable seconds before I could think of a proper response. "I daresay I am a very fun person, but that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean? Quidditch, perhaps?" she said, surprising me yet again and smiling slyly.

Because I couldn't ever be apathetic to the greatest sport in the world, I really didn't have any choice but to pursue the topic. "What about Quidditch?"

"They say Thomas Cleavley could take you out if he wanted to."

"Cleavley? Not with my state of the art broomstick—which, I'll add, is the finest, most exotic wooden example of speed, beauty and masculinity. Let's not even start on skill level," I said, more to my wounded pride than to anyone else. Also, anything to shut Sirius up, who was laughing obnoxiously when that Thomas bloke was mentioned.

Still grinning, Bumpott said, "Could I give it a go? I'd want to test it out."

I raised an eyebrow. "Cheeky bird, you. I didn't know you were interested in Quidditch," and unable to suppress it, I grinned back.

"I'm interested, all right. Can I use it?"

Quidditch tactics kicking in, I thought for a second. There was a vacant slot at the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and if there was the slightest chance that Hollice Bumpott was any good in catching balls, I was going to take it.

"My broomstick? Only on Thursday, I guess. I've got Quidditch practice scheduled on other days... what are we talking about?" I should have been forcing her to destroy every living copy of the photo that so haunted Lily my love, but here I was chatting about my interests and forgetting what I was supposed to be doing. I looked at Lily guiltily; she did not look pleased.

Bumpott, meanwhile, didn't seem to have heard my last statement. "Have it ready by Thursday. I'll be at the... where should I get it?"

"You're impossible!" Lily cried; hands crossed over her chest.

"I'm sor—"

"These two here," Sirius said, "Are the perfect examples of why denial isn't going to get you anywhere… babe…"

I wanted to bang my head on the table. Not this again… That bastard was going to get me into a great deal of trouble someday.

Lily seemed to feel the same way, and I didn't know if I liked it or not. "For the love of Merlin! Why does every single person I know have to think that James and I are in love with each other?"

"And Sirius, stop hitting on the hostage," I added, even though I knew that he was used to mindless flirting, and therefore very careless when it came to things like that. He usually meant them as jokes and failed to notice that the opposite gender misunderstood his intentions."

Lily scowled at me. "What are you talking about, James? Didn't you just?"

"Pardon?"

Making a sophisticated motion with his hands, Sirius attempted to shove his ideas down our throats again. "Ah, love."

"Lily and James? In love?" Bumpott said, laughing. "I don't think—"

"No one asked for your opinion, you..." At the last moment, Lily held herself back.

"And who's hitting on whom now?"

"Untie me, James."

I was about to reply but Lily beat me to it. "You're ridiculous."

"Yeah," I said.

"You all are."

"Oh."

"And you're jealous," Bumpott said.

"Me? Not at all."

"Is that a defensive tone I pick up?"

"What are you talking about?" Lily's voice cracked mid-sentence, and it would've been really comical if we weren't talking about such a sensitive topic. Cross that; the delicate subject of all delicate subjects.

"So Miss Evans doesn't like it very much when other women talk to James, does she?"

CODE RED. CODE RED. CODE RED.

"That's rubbish!"

Sirius laughed. "She means to say that it's perfectly true. You couldn't have come any closer to the truth."

I caught a sudden defensive impulse when I noticed how uncomfortable they were making her... and me, but mostly her. "Hey... stop ganging up on Lily."

"Cue in Romeo."

"Jamesie, Jamesie, where art thou-"

Bumpott was abruptly cut off when Lily raised her wand at pointed it at her threateningly. Sirius stopped mocking too, and for the hundredth time in my life, I witnessed Lily Evans demonstrate her superior prowess at shutting idiots up.

However, she was noticeably red-faced. Her hair was all messy and tangled, and her eyes were furious- but in a brilliant way if that made any sense. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I've just about had it with you, Holly. I'm leaving."

Lily lowered her wand and turned around dramatically, snapping the three of us out of the trance we were in.

"Evans!" Sirius cried while I followed her to the door.

"Lily, hey," I said, but of my attempts at persuasion failed miserably.

"No. I've been insulted enough times. Just finish this interrogation, get the data you need, and tell me about it in the morning. I'm done with this kidnapping business. I knew it wasn't a good idea from the start. And don't you dare follow me." She jabbed her wand at my throat and turned away.

"I'll see you at the Great Hall."

"Sure," she replied in a hollow tone.

I walked back into the room, ready to give them hell for making her go away, but was hit by a paralyzing stun as soon as I entered- ironically the same spell I used on the first year a while ago.

It lasted for a good five minutes; I was effectively tied to the chair by the time it ended... next to good ol' Sirius Black.

Hollice Bumpott took a step towards me and ruffled my hair much to my chagrin. "Bye lovelies. This was fun. And James?" She wretched my chin up and forced me to look at her. "We really must get reacquainted."

Then, the barmy witch dashed off, leaving Sirius and me alone in the room.

"How did you do it this time?"

Also tied to a chair and his back turned to me, he fidgeted in the seat. "Don't ask."

"If you don't tell me, I will tell Wormtail of that time you thought you might be gay because you thought his booty was fly."

"She tricked me. That is all."

"Padfoot."

"All I have to say is that that woman has long fingernails, and I am never hitting on her ever again."

Silence.

"So... know how to get us out?"

"Well, my wand is over there," Sirius said, pointing to the floor. He bent over and reached for it, accidentally rubbing his rear end with mine.

"Hey! Hey! Watch where you're moving that thing of yours."

"I can't help it if my arse is humongous. I mean, at least- AARGH!"

We landed on the floor with a loud thud, both still tied to the chair. Bodies bent at an awkward angle, our faces went down first, and our backsides followed thereafter.

"I hate you."

"My pleasure, mate."


A few hours and an extremely sore body later, I was at the Common Room, looking for Hollice Bumpott's dot on the Marauder's map. I had to find her before she could rat us out and land us in even more trouble. Besides, Lily would throw herself off the astronomy tower and take me with her if she found out about Bumpott's little stunt with us.

"Bumpott… Bumpott… Bumpott… Where the bloody hell are you?"

"Right here, sweetums."

I glanced up sharply, trying to know where the familiar voice came from even though I'd been checking around the area and was certain that she wasn't there.

I scanned the map again, but there was still no sign of her dot anywhere.

So where did the sound come from?

"Right…" her voice said "I've installed one of Zonko's spyware packs somewhere over there and I can see and hear you right now, you know."

Merlin, this girl was good.

"Where are you?"

"Not there, I assure you."

"When I find where you're hiding, you won't even—"

"Now, now, James. That's not why I came to talk to you… from a distance, but still. If you look to your left and remove the pillow, you'll see a neat little box full of chocolates prepared just for you."

I did what she told me, and sure enough, the package was there. "You want me to eat these, don't you?"

"Well, yes. They're just chocolates, don't worry—"

"Don't take me for an idiot. What makes you think I'm going to do what you say?"

"I… I'm going to tell Professor McGonagall about what you did to me if you don't."

"What makes you think—"

"I'm giving you ten seconds."

"Hollice!"

"Nine... Eight… Seven..."

"Hey. You little-"

"Six… Five… Four…"

Having no choice but to submit to her demands, I closed my eyes, whispered my prayers, and placed a handful of chocolates into my mouth.

Then, I felt everything.


A/n: Oh, look! A chapter! Horay for a totally cliche ending/cliffhanger right there. I shall replace it sometime in the future when I find a more appropriate sentence. Anyway, I passed the top 75 students summer program thing I was talking about! Thanks to everyone who messaged me. AAAAH

Also, I don't think I got to announce it so... remember when Lily promised to take James to a Muggle restaurant and let him try cola/soda sometime in the future? There's a fic for that. Yes, a fanfic! It's called 'Soda Drunk' and it happens as soon as they start dating so go to my profile and check it out.

Chapter 9 is when the real stuff happens, so stay tuned. Teaser: 'I was beginning to see sense in what Marlene had been telling me all along.'

As always, thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review!

-El Padfoot