Silver

Silver. That was the first thought to go through Kanda's head when he feasted his eyes on Allen. It wasn't akuma or what the hell's up with that scar and the hair? He thought silver.

Allen's silver eyes had look right at him, the two fathomless silver orbs penetrating him, almost as if he could see his very soul. And for a second, just a second, the flowers had disappeared. The lotuses that were always everywhere, unseen by everyone else, always there to mock him and remind him of his horrible past had vanished when he saw Allen.

It had been so long since he'd be able to go around without the flowers but then this stranger that he was told was an akuma came along and took them away just like that. And so of course he'd panicked, was this some sort of akuma ability? That meant that this was at least a level two. He'd not let it his fear show of course, he'd kept his poker face and held his Mugen to the strangers throat as he made his case. Kanda made sure to carefully avoid eye contact the entire time.

And then Allen had been declared as not being an akuma and he'd tsked and scowled but he'd actually been strangely relieved. He was unable to even think of being the one to make those beautiful eyes glaze over. Kanda never called anything beautiful, he might call his dead lover beautiful, but she was dead and Allen wasn't and his eyes were beautiful. He hated it when they became wet with tears, he hated it when they remained dull as he forced his polite smile that was so obviously faked, and he loved it when those eyes sparked with anger and twinkled with laughter.

The next time Kanda sees Allen he hides behind a pillar and looks at his eyes. They are the most incredible shade of silver he has ever seen and the flowers disappear yet again. He feels… peaceful. Not a hint of a petal anywhere, there wasn't even a lingering scent in the air of flowers. Kanda had actually forgotten how it was to breathe in deeply and not smell the disgustingly sweet smell of lotuses.

The next time he actually talks to Allen he realizes that while to him Allen is an enigma, to Allen he's just some rude guy with a sword. Kanda doesn't make any horrible hallucinations disappear for Allen. He doesn't do anything special for Allen. For some reason this saddens him.

And that night he dreams. He doesn't dream about his lover dying, or Alma laughing hysterically as he holds the Innocence and his splattered with blood from dead scientists. He dreams of silver. He dreams that he is floating in a silver abyss and he feels safe and warm and there aren't any flowers. That was the first time in a long time he hadn't woken up trying to remember how to breathe or with the taste of salty tears on his tongue. Ever since he met Allen he rarely dreamt of other things than silver.

Silver is his favorite color now and whenever he's agitated and he can't find Allen he finds something silver and stares at it for a long time, it doesn't make the flowers disappear but it calms him down. When he meditates now he thinks of silver. He can't remember how he managed to function without Allen anymore; it's almost like his entire life centers around the albino now.

When he is upset and manages to find him Kanda looks at Allen unseen for hours as he stares at his pretty eyes. And whenever they react they fight and he's socially allowed to glare deep into Allen's eyes. Somehow it feels even better when he and Allen are participating in eye contact. Not only does he stop feeling awful but when Allen looks into his eyes he feels important and pleasant. When Allen looks at him there is an odd fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach that kind of tickles and his heart feels weird and his breath catches in his throat and even though all of these sensations should have irked him or frightened him he finds himself hoping that Allen will look at him.

It's all very strange and he doesn't quite get it, Kanda is a lot younger than he looks and he never had a normal upbringing so the fact of the matter was that he wasn't quite sure what love was. He knows that in his past life he had a lover, and she would always hold a dear and precious place in his heart, but still. And he knows that he loved Alma as well, but in a weird fucked up sort of way since Alma was technically his dead lover but he just can't see Alma that way. And that was actually kind of the problem, he didn't know that you could love someone like someone loves a lover even if your first one has died; he thinks that you only have one shot at love and if that's taken away from you than… well, game over.

And he can't even begin to comprehend the saying of love of at first sight. This is partly the fault of that anyone could be an akuma and he wouldn't know it. But he fell in love with Allen at first sight and no matter how annoying he is the more he gets to know him the more he loves him.

And so he settles for watching Allen's beautiful eyes and he never says anything.

And Allen who whenever he is upset seeks Kanda out to look deep into his amazing dark eyes never says anything either.


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