Randomness of DOOM!
By: Light-Eco-Sage
Rating: PG-13 for language, lots of crude humor, and one pants-less Jak.
Summery: First attempt at a random fic. Go gentle in reviews.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
LES: Okay, this fic makes random stabbings at 'The Incredibles', 'Animorphs', 'Precursors/Ottsels', 'The Matrix', and 'Harry Potter.' And all of these are poked at in fun. I actually rather like the Animorphs and Harry Potter and the Incredibles. The Matrix is okay, I guess.
It was a sunny day in Haven City. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the heavy rain watered the poor plant that Keira had given Jak, but Jak hadn't been watering it, so it was dying.
"Help! I'm dying!" Said the plant. However, the rain, like I mentioned, fixed that.
Anyway, it was practically inconceivable that anything could go wrong on this perfect sunny/rainy day. Well… except for one thing.
"Where the hell are my pants?" Jak, who had nothing but a shirt and boxers on, stormed into his living room. Daxter sat on the couch watching 'The Incredibles.'
"I don't know. Maybe they went spinning off into another dimension." Daxter said as he watched Syndrome torturing Mr. Incredible. "You know, I think that guy totally ripped off your old hair-style." Daxter said, referring to Syndrome's stuck-up hair.
"I don't care about that crap! Where are my pants!" Jak demanded.
Suddenly, a Precursor appeared. You know, the REAL precursor at the end of Jak 3. However, I will not give away the true identity. CoughcoughOttselsCough. The fat leader Ottsel held up his staff thingy like a weapon. "Oh, you want pants?"
Jak, however, knew how trigger-happy these Precursors could be, and he knew he'd likely be turned into a Precursor, like Tess. "No thanks." Jak said.
"Okay, bye." The Ottsel then went spinning off into another dimension where it looked like a cross between a horse, a human, and a scorpion known as an Andalite. Soon it met up with a group of kids in a construction site, gave them the ability to morph, and then got eaten by a huge Yeerk-infested-Andalite-turned-space-monster.
"Man, I wish I had the power to morph." Jak said, apparently aware of what was going on in that weird dimension.
"Okay…" Daxter said, rolling his eyes. "Hey, maybe your pants are in that box." Daxter pointed to a box that had 'Jak's pants' written on the side.
"What makes you think that?" Jak asked.
"Well, it's a pretty box." Daxter said, not mentioning that it had 'Jak's pants' written on the side.
"I don't care how pretty the box looks. Help me find my pants!" Jak roared.
"No way! Helen thinks that Robert is cheating on her!" Daxter exclaimed.
"What?"
"Incredibles! Duh!" Daxter said.
"Never mind. I'll look for them myself." Jak said.
(Fifteen Hours Later)
"No way! Where the hell can they be?" Jak said. He had looked everywhere… except the stupid box.
Suddenly, Morpheus ran into the room. "The Matrix has you, Jak."
"Who the hell are you?" Jak asked.
"I am Morpheus." Morpheus said.
"Okay… what are you doing here?" Jak asked.
"In order to find what you seek, you must SEE." Morpheus said. "You are living in a dream world, Jak, and once you see that, you will find all of life's answers."
"Even where my pants are?" Jak asked.
"Maybe." Morpheus said. He pulled out a blue pill and a red pill. "If you take the blue pill, you will forget everything you saw here and return to your normal life. If you take the red pill, you will see."
"And I have to decide?" Jak asked.
"Yes."
"I hate decisions." Jak said. "Can't I just take them both?"
"I wouldn't…" Morpheus began, but it was too late. Jak had swallowed both pills. However, Jak promptly exploded. The effect of one half of your body leaving the Matrix, and the other half staying.
"Oh great." Daxter said. "Now there's blood everywhere! This is going to take hours to clean up. And I'm gonna have to arrange the funeral and everything!"
"Whose funeral?" Jak asked, who amazingly came back to life.
"Yours." Daxter answered.
"Really?" Jak asked. "…Creepy."
"Got to go." Morpheus said. "I'll be back."
"Who are you?" Jak asked as he disappeared. Jak shrugged. "Oh well." Then he noticed he didn't have on pants. "Where are my pants?"
"Maybe they are in that box." Daxter said, pointing to the box that now read 'Seriously, Jak's pants are in here.'
"Dax, I don't have time to play your stupid games." Jak said, running off. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." Jak opened the door and was greeted by a WHOLE ARMY OF DARK MAKERS! Thousands upon thousands of them! There was no hope for our hero!
"You there!" The head Dark Makers said to Jak. "We're looking for Jak! Shortish green/blonde hair, blue eyes, blue tunic, last time seen with no pants. Have you seen him?"
Jak's blue eyes blinked, standing there with a blue tunic and no pants on, running a nervous hand though his short green/blonde hair. "Uh… no."
"DAMN! He's eluded us again!" The Dark Marker said as the army walked away.
Jak closed the door. "That was close." His thoughts then turned back to his missing pants. "WHERE ARE MY GOD-DAMN PANTS!" Jak roared so loudly that people in China heard him.
"What is that?" Chan, a Chinese man, asked his friend.
"Idiot. It is obviously a dragon." Ping, his friend, said.
"Dragons…" Chan wondered. "Dragons are holy."
"We should worship it." Ping said.
The two friends looked at each other like the other was crazy. "Nah…"
Back in Haven, Jak was in a rage. Daxter, however, was fully absorbed in 'Harry Potter andThe Sorcerer's Stone.' (A/N: Or, in England, 'The Philosopher's Stone.')
"No! Don't look under the turban, Harry! It's He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" Daxter cried.
"WHERE ARE MY PANTS?" Jak roared.
"CHECK THE GOD-DAMNED BOX!" Daxter shouted right back.
This time, the box had 'God damn you, Jak, your pants are in here!' written on them.
"Okay, fine, I'll check the stupid box." Jak stormed over, opened the stupid box and… "It's empty." Jak said.
"What?" Daxter asked.
"It's empty." Jak said, showing Daxter the inside of the box. There were a couple spider webs, but Jak's pants weren't in there.
"Hmm… I was sure your pants were in there." Daxter said.
Jak suddenly felt a rush of anger over take him. He transformed into his evil side, Dark Jak! The creature growled and tore up the whole house. "Hey!" Daxter protested when Jak destroyed the TV.
"Where are my pants?" Dark Jak roared in an evil sounding, demonic voice that had scared the pee out of so many Guards over the years.
(In author's room)
LES is sitting at her laptop, typing out this random crap as she witnesses it. Jak's pants are on her bed. His pants were never in the box all along, but with her. LES turns to the audience. "You can be sure, I won't be giving Jak his pants back in person. Oh no. Well, hoped you enjoyed this random garbage."
