Katrina hadn't expected them to have to wait so long to get a sign from Metatron. It had been nearly two weeks since they had gotten the lead in West Virginia. Katrina was starting to get a bit stir crazy. She didn't understand how the rest of them could just sit around so easily. When it got to be a bit too much, Katrina would fly off to a hospital. The more she did this, and the more she read about the Winchester's adventures, the better she began to feel about herself. She had obviously been a believer in nurture over nature, so any doubts she had about the sources of her powers had been recognized as less important than the way she used them. She refused to take Sam's suggestion about trying to revert back to a human until she was absolutely sure that they would not be able to retrieve Castiel's grace. If she made herself a human, and Castiel became an angel again, then he would be the one left alone for eternity. She could never forgive herself if that happened.
Castiel eagerly shoved the scrambled eggs into his mouth as the quiet room, filled only with the sounds of yawns and scraping forks. If he could pick one thing that made being human okay, if not great, it was food. Good food never lost it's novelty. The smells, tastes, and the sensation of being full were simply some of the best things Castiel had ever experienced in the thousands of years of his existence.
Being human was just so much… louder. Everything was bright and powerful and extreme, and even when it was overwhelming it was beautiful. At least, now that he was no longer starving and on the streets. Hunger pains were just as loud, and about as unpleasant as eating was pleasant. Pain was loud too, but Castiel didn't complain much. The sting of a too hot pan burning his skin felt oddly pure. It was just as powerful with emotions.
Now, it wasn't that he had been a machine completely devoid of feeling as an angel. He had been happy at times, but never had he experienced joy, or pleasure. He'd experienced concern for his well-being and that of others, but not fear. He had known loyalty and devotion, but never love. He had thought that he had known love. He had loved his father, and he had loved his brothers, and he had loved the human race as he had been instructed to. But now that feeling seemed like a small candle flame in comparison to the bright burning star of what love felt like as a human. Angels had not been designed to love. They were designed with just enough of a capability to love to remain loyal and united with their brothers, to follow orders without question, to remain motivated in the face of evil. But they were not allowed too much of a capacity for love. Too much love would addle the mind and cause that love to be more important than orders, and that would be unacceptable.
Castiel had known that there was something wrong with him, as did the other angels. Somewhere in the process of Castiel's construction, there must have been a slight miscalculation. Though Castiel did not have the same capacity to love as humans did, he knew that he had a tendency to love too much. He mourned the loss of his brothers for too long after any battle. He had simply loved them too much, or so he had been told. Only among angels could one be ridiculed for loving too much. He had loved Dean too much. He loved Dean with a strength greater than any love he had ever experienced as an angel, and it had terrified him. And just as expected, it addled his mind and made him question orders to a point that he had never thought possible. He had rebelled against heaven for a love that was hundreds of times weaker than the way he felt as a human now.
Love was so different now. It wasn't just a concept of loyalty and an acceptance of someone as an integral part of his life, it was a physical feeling. It was a warmth in his chest and a tickling feeling on the underside of his jaw that made him smile as he sat next to a laughing Dean while watching television, or as he pulled Katrina tightly to his chest at night. It was a fluttering feeling in his stomach as the entire clan sat around a table eating and talking and making Castiel realize that this was what family was supposed to feel like. His brothers had not been family. Not like this.
"I swear to God Cas, you eat like a dog that's afraid someone's going to take away it's food," Dean said, shaking his head.
"I know, I can hardly watch him without completely losing my own appetite," Sam added, his nose wrinkling with mild distaste.
"Sorry…" Castiel muttered, looking down at his lap.
"It's fine," Dean patted him on the back, "Just like other human stuff, you gotta get a hang of table manners."
"I gotta say, it's nice having someone cook three meals a day instead of having to eat left over pizza and mac and cheese every day," Charlie leaned back contentedly, "I'm terrible at the whole cooking thing."
"Yeah, thanks for that Katrina," Kevin agreed, "Who knows how much takeout we'd be eating if it weren't for you."
"Thanks," Katrina smiled, "I have to find something to do to keep me from going insane."
Dean scowled. Did no one remember when he had cooked? He had been pretty damn good at it. But now everytime he got up in the morning he found Katrina busy in the kitchen before he could get a chance to make anything. He wasn't sure if the fact that she made food for him as well made him happier or just more pissed off. He was supposed to be the one taking care of people. Cas hadn't even gotten a chance to taste one of his omelettes. Honestly, Katrina popping up had flipped Dean's expectations of what life in the bunker with Castiel would be like completely ass-backwards.
Dean suddenly realized that he had been staring straight at Katrina and that she was now staring back. She was looking at him like a particularly interesting puzzle. Dean's scowl deepened as he looked away, turning red. That's when he felt… something. Like a pressure in his head. He didn't know what it was, but Katrina's stare suggested that it had something to do with her.
Katrina wondered why Dean seemed to be pissed off all of a sudden. Did he not like the food? Did he really want takeout? All he had to do was get some… she wouldn't be offended. Her curiosity getting the best of her, she let her mind probe out to Dean's, hoping to figure out was going on in his head. When she reached him, she could feel his irritation. It was paired with envy and what Katrina could most accurately describe as a broken ego. Katrina tried to dive deeper, but Dean stiffened then. Apparently there was no way to discreetly read someone's thoughts, which was unfortunate. She withdrew, looking away from him.
Katrina smirked as she came to a realization. When she and Castiel had first arrived at the bunker, Dean had asked if Castiel wanted anything for breakfast, and when he had learned that Castiel had already eaten he seemed irritated then as well. So maybe his pride was wounded because he wanted to be the one to cook. He was such a child. Why not just say something? Though she supposed Dean wasn't the type to admit that he really just wanted to be a mother hen.
"I'm going out today though," Katrina said, standing, "So you'll have to figure out something for lunch and dinner yourselves. If you can manage that," She looked directly at Dean, waiting for him to volunteer, but he didn't seem to want to take the bait. She held in her sigh, it looked like she was going to have to spell it out. "Maybe Dean could cook something?" she suggested.
"Yeah, fine…" Dean grumbled reluctantly. Katrina rolled her eyes. Dean had to be the most stubborn person she had ever met, except maybe her mother. He simply couldn't let anyone see that he actually cared about anything. It was such a typical macho-man complex.
"Where are you going?" Castiel asked. It seemed as if Katrina was running off more and more often lately. She never said where she was going, she just left. He didn't like it.
"Oh, just the usual stuff, healing and sightseeing"
"Sightseeing?" Sam asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Yeah. If you somehow acquired a bunch of powers that included the ability to be anywhere within seconds, wouldn't you want to go see the world? My mother never really let me go anywhere as a kid, and I never got a passport. Most of what I know is small town and church community crap. I wanna change that. I mean, I never had much of a mission for the few years while I was on my own, and right now it's not like there's much I can do to help on the Metatron case. So I split up my time between you guys, using my powers for good, and using my powers for me." Katrina smiled to herself, until she realized that everyone was just looking at her silently. "What?"
"You're just incredibly well balanced," Kevin said, "That's a bit of a foreign concept around here."
Katrina supposed she was… at least in comparison to the rest of them.
"Hey, while you're at it, why don't you patch Sam up a bit more?" Dean suggested.
Katrina and Sam exchanged a nervous glance. They hadn't told anyone about the unusual side effects of their last healing session. Both were afraid that the strange connection might deepen, but didn't know how to refuse without being suspicious.
"She doesn't have to, there's people out there who need it more than me. I don't want to take up her energy before she can get to them."
"Bullshit!" Dean said angrily, "You sure as hell do need it. You promised me you'd try to get better. Now let her heal you like she promised."
"I guess I did promise…" Katrina mumbled reluctantly, sitting back down. It didn't look like there was a way out of this. But honestly, it was a bit selfish of her to put her comfort over someone else's health.
"You're damn right you did, now get to it."
"Can I at least finish eating..?" Sam muttered, slightly irritated.
"Fine," Dean said through his last bite of breakfast, "But no stalling after that." Washing it down with a drink of coffee, he stood, picking up his plate and heading towards the kitchen.
Castiel stood as well, collecting everyone else's plates as well as his own. "I'll do the dishes."
"Thanks Castiel," Charlie smiled.
"I guess I'll get back to my own work," Kevin sighed.
"Mind if I come with?" Charlie piped up. When Kevin look at her with slight disbelief, she continued, "What? Maybe I'll get some good ideas for Roleplaying from it."
Kevin chuckled, "Alright, come on."
Katrina and Sam sat in awkward silence.
"We could just fake it you know," Sam finally said.
"We shouldn't though," Katrina frowned, "You really do need to get better… I promised that you would live until you were old and gray, and with your internal wounds sucking away your life force, that's definitely not going to happen unless I finish patching you up."
"You'd be willing to risk making the weird bond thing stronger just for that?"
"Obviously. My own comfort isn't more important that your health. I'm not kidding Sam, you're a wreck. I honestly don't know how you held together so well so far. Who knows? Maybe once you're finally fixed, I'll be able to pull the stitches out and the connection will be gone for good. It's either make sure you get fixed all the way and have some sort of weird mind link even stronger than the one now for a bit until I can take it out, or just keep everything the way it is so that you'll never get better and we'll have this weird weaker bond for the rest of our lives. Because there's no way I'm taking them out now, it could end up making the damage even worse."
"I guess when you put it that way it sounds better."
"I shouldn't have to possess you either, since I kinda know my way around in there now. Not to mention, I'm already sort of in there… God this is weird."
Sam snorted, "It sure is."
"Let's just get this over with," Katrina sighed, standing again and walking over to where Sam sat. Sam stood as well.
"Sit the hell back down," Katrina snapped lightheartedly, "You're too damn tall for to me reach up there."
Sam chuckled, sitting back down. He muttered something. The only word that Katrina picked out was "tiny."
"I'd like to remind you that one of my wings is as big as your whole body," she huffed.
"Prove it."
Katrina rolled her eyes, took a deep breath and placed her palm on his forehead. It was easy to find where she had left off.
"I won't do much. Like you said, I don't wanna drain myself."
She added to the patches, letting them grow like vines, spreading over Sam's wounds. It was easier now than it was the first time, but Katrina didn't want to get too enthusiastic, so after a short while she retracted. When they opened their eyes, they could both feel the difference.
This is so…
...weird.
Katrina's mind came to a screeching halt. She hadn't finished that sentence… Sam had. But neither of them had actually said anything out loud. Sam stared back at her in horror.
Oh God.
"Holy shit…" Katrina murmured, "This is not good."
"I'll say," Sam choked out.
Katrina went into full panic mode.
Oh my God what am I gunna do I'm gunna have to keep my mind blank at all times how on Earth am I gunna do that?
You?! At least your thoughts aren't anything embarrassing!
Damnit Sam! I wasn't talking to you! And embarrassing? Doesn't everyone have embarrassing thoughts?!
Yeah but not specifically related to the person that they're freaking mind melded with!
What are you talking about I thought you were over- oh MY GOD STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!
I'm trying! My brain is sabotaging me!
OH GOD NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT IT WHY THE HELL ARE IMAGES TRANSFERABLE TOO?
Alright alright alright okay I'm thinking about… law stuff. A temporary injunction is a court order prohibiting an action by a party to a lawsuit until there has been a trial or other court action. A temporary injunction differs from a "temporary restraining order" which is-
Oh my God this is like when Harry Potter was connected to Voldemort but so much worse
Are you saying I'm worse than Voldemort?
Shut up Sam!
You have to make this stop. Now. Get this shit out of me.
What if you die?
"Uh… Sam? Katrina?" Dean stood in the doorway, watching them. They had just been staring at each other silently with horrified expressions on their faces for over a minute.
Sam and Katrina both jumped, looking to Dean, their faces both pale.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," Sam said, his voice a little too high. He coughed, "Uh.. yeah."
No no God no.
"Well, I'll just go now," Katrina said quickly.
Maybe it'll go away if we're farther apart, she thought frantically before flying away.
She landed in France and was relieved at the absence of a certain Winchester's voice.
"Thank God…" she sighed.
She shook off what had just happened and prepared to get to work.
Katrina kept herself busy for as long as she could, but she couldn't stay in France forever. Castiel was sure to get worried, and she wanted to be there if there was any news on Metatron. She steeled herself before flying back to the bunker.
She could feel Sam's presence immediately. He was sitting at the table on the opposite end of the room, reading. He looked up right when she appeared, sensing her as well. Luckily, she couldn't hear any of his thoughts. She could only feel his relief as he realized that he couldn't hear her's as well. Katrina sighed.
"Do you think it wore off?" Sam asked.
"Probably not," Katrina shook her head, sitting at the other end of the table, "I think it's proximity related. We could hear each other's thoughts when we were standing next to each other. And I bet if I really tried…"
I could talk to you like this.
Sam ran his fingers through his hair, "I guess it could be useful in a way. As long as we don't have to worry about lack of privacy. They're like walkie-talkies."
"Glad you're being optimistic. 'Cause we might be stuck like this for a while."
"Stuck like what?" Katrina spun around to see Dean standing in the doorway. Again. This seemed to be a reoccuring theme.
"It's nothing. Where's Castiel?"
"Hell if I know," Dean shrugged, "He's your boyfriend."
Katrina's brow furrowed at the venom in Dean's words, and was further confused at the sudden sad pity that was coming from Sam. Was Dean angry with her? That didn't explain why Sam seemed to be feeling so bad for him though.
"I guess I'll go find him then…" Katrina said, standing up.
"You guys!" Charlie burst into the room, "We got a hit!"
"Are you sure?" Dean asked, " Where at?"
"Some storage unit in Idaho. We've got a facial match from about three minutes ago."
"Get your things Sam," Dean barked, "Kat, go with Charlie and see what the exact location is."
They all split. Dean rushed to his own room, picking up the bag at the foot of his bed that had been packed for days in anticipation.
"What's going on?" Dean turned to see Castiel outside his door.
"We found Metatron, we're going after him."
"Finally. Where are we going?"
Dean passed Castiel, heading back to the library, "We're going somewhere in Idaho. You're staying here."
"What?" Castiel asked incredulously, following Dean, "Why?"
"You're just a human now, it won't be safe for you."
"You and Sam are human too!"
"Yeah, except we've been human our whole lives, and that's the only way we've ever had to fight. You're not an angel anymore, so the ways you learned how to fight won't work anymore. You don't have enough training."
"I did just fine on my own before I got to the bunker! I had to kill angels, even though I was just a human!"
"The answer's no Cas," Dean had kept his eyes forward the entire time, refusing to meet Castiel's glare.
"Well it's a good thing that that's not up to you. You can't keep me from coming if Katrina takes me with you."
"I'll just have to make sure that she doesn't then."
"What's going on?" Sam asked as Castiel and Dean entered the library. Katrina was back as well, looking at Sam's collection of weapons. They had heard them arguing from the hall.
"Dean wants me to stay here while you go to face Metatron."
"It's not safe for him to come with us. He hasn't had enough training to be able to defend himself, and we need to be able to focus on the task on hand. We won't be able to do that if we're busy worrying about keeping him safe."
"I can take care of myself!"
"It wouldn't really be fair if we didn't let him come," Katrina said, "He's the one who was betrayed by Metatron… he deserves his revenge…"
"He won't be able to get his revenge if he's dead!" Dean's voice had started to rise.
"I won't die! I've taken care of myself just fine as a human before! And even if I do, Katrina can-"
Dean spun around, finally meeting Castiel's eyes, shouting, "That doesn't matter! I can't watch you die again Cas! I can't!"
Castiel stared back, eyes wide at the panic in Dean's. "But if Katrina heals me… it won't matter…" he said quietly.
"Don't you get it? That doesn't matter! It doesn't matter that you'll be fine again in a minute or two. When I see you die, I can't think about any of that! All I see is you, dead. I can't do it Cas."
Silence settled over the room as the two men stared at each other. The raw pain in Dean's voice and eyes had Castiel speechless.
"He's right…" Katrina finally said, breaking the silence.
"Katrina-" Castiel started.
"I mean it. He's right. The most important task for me should be getting your grace back. I won't be able to focus on that if I have to worry about protecting you. Everyone here knows that if faced with the option of saving you and keeping Metatron from getting away, I would choose saving you within a second. We can't afford that right now."
"But I can take care of myself…" Castiel said weakly.
"No. You can't. Last time you encountered an angel, you died. And the time before that you would have died if I weren't there to save you," Katrina said sternly. "And if something ends up happening to me, I won't be able to bring you back. It won't do anyone any good if both of us die."
"Maybe you should just sit this one out…" Sam agreed.
"Fine," Castiel bit out, his fists clenched. He turned on his heel and stalked back off to his room.
Katrina watched him leave, frowning sadly.
"Thanks Kat," Dean said quietly.
"You don't need to thank me. You were right. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."
"We should go," Sam interjected, "we've wasted a lot of time." He handed Katrina an angel blade, "I picked up a few of these from last time."
"Will they work on shifters?"
"Yeah they work on just about everything, except you and the Leviathan."
"Alright, let's get going."
Katrina put her hands on both of the boys' shoulders and took off.
"Come on Kevin! If we don't hurry up they'll leave without us!" Charlie called back behind her. She ran into the library, bag in hand. Kevin came in seconds later. The Winchesters were nowhere in sight.
"God damnit."
Dark.
Katrina threw a glance over to Sam as they walked down the corridor. If it weren't for the current situation, she would laugh. They had been there for about five minutes now, and Katrina had discovered that Sam went into a sort of trance when he was hunting. His thoughts had become simple, one or two word statements. He sounded like a caveman. He didn't seem to be able to hear her thoughts either, or at least he didn't pay them any attention.
Katrina hadn't been able to sense Metatron when they arrived, but Dean had said there was a chance that the unit he was in was warded so that he couldn't be found. They had covered two sections without finding anything. Dean had split up their areas so that their paths would cross at the end of every section. Katrina had to admit that he was pretty good with strategy. He had also had Katrina take out the security cameras so they couldn't be traced back to the scene. She and Sam heard steps coming around the corner in front of them. Katrina could tell that it was Dean, but Sam tightened his grip on his gun, raising it.
Danger.
She put her hand on his arm, pushing it down gently. Dean came around the corner and Sam relaxed.
Dean.
The word was surprisingly warm. Katrina realized that she had never heard a word filled with so much love. It was sweet. Hearing someone's thoughts was different than she would have ever imagined it to be. She didn't just hear words. It wasn't like reading them off of a page, plain and without context. With the words she heard and felt their connotations. It wasn't just "Dean." It was "Brother," and "Safe," and "Family."
It made her wish that she had had siblings. The last time she had felt anything close to familial, unconditional love was with her father, and that was nearly twenty years ago. Maybe her and her brother or sister would have been able to bond over the insanity of their mother.
There wasn't time to dwell on that however. Suddenly, something caught Katrina's attention. She could hear a sort of chanting.
"You guys hear that?"
"Hear what?" Dean asked.
Katrina led them towards the sound. She could tell that it was loud enough for their ears when she heard Sam.
Noise. Metatron.
They finally stopped at the unit that seemed to be the source of the noise. When Sam and Dean signalled that they were ready, Katrina took hold of the large metal doors handle and wrenched it up, bending it in half so that they could enter. They were met with the surprised and angry stares of about two dozen shifters. Katrina could see what the boy had meant when he said they seemed to be wearing masks. These creatures would never pass for the people they were impersonating if humans could see them like this.
"Shit…" Dean muttered.
Too many.
After a moment's hesitation, the shifters sprang forward to attack. Sam and Dean started firing immediately, dropping five shifters with silver bullets in a matter of seconds. Katrina focused on something else. An angel she could only assume was Metatron was near the back of the room. She made her way towards him, cutting down the few shifters that got in her way. Metatron looked far too calm for someone who was currently under attack.
Getting a firm grip on her blade, she closed the space between them, backing him against a wall. He stared at her calmly.
"I don't believe I know you…" he said curiously, "Which is weird… I was under the impression that I knew all the angels. I generally know just about everything."
"I'm here for Castiel's grace. Where is it?"
"Ah, so Castiel managed to find some minions after all. Not surprising I suppose, he's always had a… talent for leadership. Where is he anyways?"
Katrina pressed the tip of her blade against his chest, "Don't change the subject."
"Ah ah ah…" Metatron tutted, "Patience is a virtue."
"You're not really in a position to be preaching right now," Katrina said through gritted teeth.
"I think you've underestimated my position then," Metatron smiled. Katrina felt something sharp against her back. "You're not the only one with an angel blade."
Katrina tensed, "I'm surprised you let a shifter have a weapon that could potentially kill you. Seems a bit risky."
"Who said it was a shifter?"
"I don't think I know her either," said the angel from behind her, "I wonder where Castiel found her."
"How did you manage to get an angel to side with you?" Katrina spat, "If I were him I would've killed you on sight. Not joined you."
"It's all business," Metatron shrugged, "I'm the only one who can get people into heaven now. You'd be surprised how many people are willing to overlook their quarrels with me when they realize that. I could help you get in too you know. I don't think Castiel could offer you that."
Katrina glared at him, unanswering.
"No? Alright. Brother, if you would."
Katrina felt the blade plunge in between her shoulder blades. She grimaced in pain before laughing at the surprised look on Metatron's face.
"Never been, I think I'll be fine." She reached her free hand back, smiting the angel in a bright light. Metatron's shock grew visibly. Katrina slowly pulled the blade out of her back, her mouth twisting. "How about you tell me where Castiel's grace is then?"
"What in God's name are you..?" Metatron asked, dumbfounded. He shifted under her grasp. Katrina saw something glitter in the space between his shirt buttons. Ripping it open, she discovered a small glass bottle hanging from a chain around his neck. Inside was a silvery liquid substance. It pulsed and shined against his chest. It was Castiel's grace. It had to be.
She yanked the chain from his neck, snapping it. She then put it around her own neck, mending the broken links.
"Well, I guess I'm done with you then," Katrina said nonchalantly, moving the blade up to the angel's neck. Before she could drive it home, however, a sudden sharp pain in her stomach and a yell from behind her interrupted. She dropped both blades, staggering back. Metatron took the opportunity, stepping forward and picking up the blade that was already covered in her blood. She flinched, expecting him to stab her, but instead he disappeared. She spun around and saw Sam leaning up against a wall, clutching his own stomach. The knife that had pierced him was in the hands of a shifter, who was now falling to the ground after having been shot by Dean.
Pain. Blood.
"Sam!" Dean shouted, finally killing the last shifter and running to Sam's side.
Katrina stumbled over to him as well, the pain beginning to subside and slowly being replaced with a mild fatigue.
Sam's breath was ragged as he took his hands away from his stomach, looking at the blood that was smeared on them. Then, he frantically lifted up his shirt.
There was no wound.
His unmarked skin was just covered in blood that seemed to have no source.
"What the hell…?" Dean murmured.
Katrina? Sam looked up at her, shocked.
Yeah, I think so…
Katrina took a few steps back so that her thoughts could be her own. She looked around at the room, getting a good look at it for the first time. There were symbols drawn all over the walls. They seemed to be drawn in blood. There was a table in the middle of the room, surprisingly untouched by the commotion that had just occurred. There was a number of strange substances on it, a bowl, candles, and a sheet of paper with strange runes on it.
"You okay Sammy?" Dean asked, checking Sam's body with his own hands to assure himself that he was unharmed.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's check this place out and get out as soon as possible."
Dean stared at him for a long time before he finally nodded, going to observe the table as well.
"Looks like they were doing some kind of spell," he said, picking up the old, yellowed paper. He tucked it into his jacket pocket.
"Did you find Cas's grace?" Sam asked, searching the pockets of the dead shifters.
"Yeah," Katrina grinned triumphantly, holding up the glass bottle from her neck. She had nearly forgotten about it. Now that the mission was over, she could remember why they had started in the first place. Castiel would be an angel again, and she finally wouldn't be the only non-human in the bunker. They would be equal in power, and they could both live for hundreds more years if fate allowed. She could hardly contain her joy and resist the temptation to fly to Castiel now to give it to him. She closed her hand around the bottle, closing her eyes. She could feel it pulsating underneath her palm. It was so powerful, yet so beautiful. She could recognize it from when she had first been transformed and had felt Castiel's soul. Of course, it had also been tainted from the souls of purgatory inside of him, but this had been there too.
"Kat!"
Katrina snapped out of her thoughts, "What?"
"I said let's go. There's nothing else here, and we don't wanna be here when the cops show up."
"Alright," Katrina beamed. She put her hands on the boys' shoulders again.
Someone sure is happy.
Damn straight I am.
Her set mouth in a wide grin, Katrina took off with the Winchesters in tow.
