this is the last of what I have written (sort of). to be honest I'm annoyed that people comment to whine about formatting issues (which I've fixed immediately) and then don't comment with anything constructive regarding the story. you guys suck and make me want to give up out of spite. I do not apologize for the inhumanity of that statement.
x
Olivia felt strange in Brian's apartment, she had only ever been there once before when laundry girl showed up. She glanced cautiously around the hallways as they made their way upstairs to begin packing Brian's belongings. He noticed she seemed distant and slightly on edge, but he couldn't quite figure out why. They assembled boxes and began looking through his kitchen cabinets in a silence that fell just outside the bounds of comfortable.
"Are you having second thoughts," Brian broke the silence.
"No," she replied quickly, "Not at all."
"Just checking," he assured her.
She took off the zip-up sweatshirt she had thrown on, revealing an old Sienna College t-shirt. They were in the cold and hot weather pattern that was all too familiar to New Yorkers; cold in the morning and sweltering by lunch time. Brian smiled and reached out to push a loose piece of hair out of her face. She startled slightly but tried to cover and hide her nerves.
"Liv, what's up? Why are you so on edge?" He set down a box and sat on the counter.
"Did you hook up with laundry girl?" she asked bluntly. It was the last question he expected from her and his surprise was evident.
"Yes," he responded honestly. She suddenly felt stupid for bringing it up at all – of course he had been with other women - she had been with other men.
"Sorry," she exhaled, "I shouldn't have said anything, that was stupid."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine," she replied quietly, "Did you break up with her for me?" She hated that she couldn't stop herself from asking.
"Olivia, I'd break up with Chrissy Teigen for you," he smirked. She smiled despite herself and made her way to stand between his legs.
"I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me. I was… jealous," she admitted.
"I love you, Liv," he replied as he let his arms drape over her shoulders in front of him.
"I'm sorry I brought it up," she said as she buried her face in her hands.
"I was pretty jealous when I heard about you and Tucker," the words had barely left his mouth and she as halfway across the kitchen pretending to busy herself with packing. "Liv, come on."
Truthfully it had felt like a knife straight to his heart when he heard about her relationship with Tucker. When his pride had recovered, he turned to anger, and then regret. The emotions were intensified by sixteen-hour work days and alcohol fueled evenings. At that point in his life he had wanted to simply forget everything, especially the thought of Tucker touching the love of his life.
"I'm not upset, I'm just being honest," he began as he lifted himself off the counter, "I think we can both agree that we have a pretty intense connection and the time we spent with other people is something neither of us can stomach too well."
She considered this and realized he was right; when he had been with Carissa she had felt the same raging jealousy. The space between them started to weigh heavily on her; it wasn't like her to run anymore and she regretted it. Brian crossed the room and held out a hand to her; she smiled shyly and took his hand.
"I feel ridiculous," she confided as he pulled her against him, "You're right though."
"It's all good, Liv," he smiled as he lifted her chin to kiss her lips.
"If you don't stop we are never going to finish packing," she smiled as he kissed his way down her neck.
"Ughhhh, you're a buzzkill," he whined as he released her.
They continued packing in comfortable silence, occasionally discussing whether something was to keep or to donate. Olivia was content to go with the flow and said nothing when she saw that his t-shirt collection had more than doubled since they had last lived together. He opened a drawer to reveal a vast collection of socks and tossed a few at her.
"I'm glad all my socks will be in one place," he laughed.
"I'm glad they'll be next to my socks," she replied with a wink.
x
"Hey, you awake," he whispered into the darkness. He felt her turn and roll onto her back beside him, her hand finding his beneath the sheets.
"Hi," she whispered back. It was the nights when the world was still that they had laid out their confessions, disclosing past events and future fears. They gave each other space to navigate the unfamiliar path of healing, but held hands to keep themselves grounded. Brian turned on his side to face her, keeping his fingers intermingled with hers.
"I've just been thinking a lot about us," he paused, squinting into the blackness, trying to make out her expression, "We've been talking about marriage and what the future looks like for us, but we haven't really talked about Noah."
"What about him," she asked, oblivious to whatever it was he was working up the nerve to say.
"If we got married, that would make me his step father, right?" He could make out her profile in the darkness and saw her nod. "What if I wanted more than that?"
"What do you mean?" It was her turn to roll onto her side to face him. The room was blanketed in darkness; she could barely see his face but she could feel his eyes on her.
"What if I wanted to adopt him?"
Brian felt her freeze and heard her breath hitch in her throat. His heart was paused, waiting for her to speak, to tell him he was crazy, that it wasn't a good idea. The thought occurred to him that he had made a mistake, that he was unraveling all the work they had put into their relationship. It took her hand on his chest to pull him from the dizzying thoughts in his mind.
"I would love nothing more than for you to be Noah's father," she replied and he realized she was opening crying. He reached out and pulled her against him, finding her lips in the darkness and kissing her. She kissed him back mumbling an 'I love you' against his mouth.
"I was thinking about us getting married," she said, pulling away slightly, "and you know I've never wanted to change my name, but if Noah wants to, I'd change our names to Cassidy. You're a good man, Bri."
He laughed into the darkness as he pulled her back against him and whispered, "Are you trying to make me cry too?" She smiled but she could feel his tears against her cheek so she wrapped herself around him, holding on tightly.
x
"Hey Noah, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Mama," he replied through a mouthful of cereal.
"So you understand that Brian and I love each other very much, right?"
"Yea," he replied, not paying much attention to Olivia's comments.
"Sometimes when people love each they decide to get married," she explained. Noah's interests were piqued.
"Are you going to marry Brian?" he asked.
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about it first and see how you felt about it," she explained.
"I like Brian," he replied as he eyed the cereal box, "Does that make him my dad if you marry him?"
"Do you want Brian to be your dad?" She held her breath, not intending for this conversation to get too deep.
He put his spoon back into the cereal bowl and pushed it aside. Noah suddenly looked much older than six, he was thoughtful and poised when he finally replied, "Yes, I love Brian. I know he's not my real dad but he does everything my friend's dad's do with them."
"Well Noah, he could be your real dad if you wanted him to be. You know how I adopted you? Brian could adopt you too." She paused as she tried to assess his comprehension of the situation. It was a lot for a six year old to take in, but his answers were pure and innocent – Brian was the closest thing to a father he had known.
"Really?" He was out of his seat and around the table to her side, excitedly tapping his hands on her knees.
"Well, I think we should all talk more tonight when Brian's home. I think it might be nice if you told him what you told me," she replied as she pulled Noah onto her lap. He giggled and nodded with excitement as he hugged his mother.
