Chapter Nine
The blackout happened in the middle of an avalanche brought on by an explosion they were lucky to escape. Somehow, Owen noticed immediately and got him to safety. When the snow cleared, he helped Ianto up. "Jack?" he asked quietly.
"He's back," Ianto replied. "At least he's back in this time. I felt the bond return a while ago, but he could be anywhere in the galaxy, I suppose."
"And he just died?"
Ianto nodded and let his eyes slip closed. He hadn't felt the bond for months, and though he'd missed it, he had not missed the blackouts and knowing that Jack had died.
"Doesn't mean anything," Owen said. "He's got that parlor trick, remember?"
Sure enough, the animoré bond returned, but it was followed moments later by a strange tug in his mind, as if reality were shifting, or one overlapping another. Ianto staggered, falling to his knees, as images flooded his mind, visions that felt real yet couldn't possibly have happened…
…metal spheres falling from the sky, raining death upon the earth…Tosh, hugging him hard before running to join the resistance… the Hub destroyed, the Quay in ruins, and Cardiff a battered wasteland… Gwen, sobbing on his shoulder until she fell asleep from exhaustion and heartache…corpses everywhere, and the smell of death… blackout after blackout, knowing Jack was suffering somewhere…the sharp slice of a knife, cutting through his thigh…reaching out to Jack, offering comfort and hope…Owen, running into the night to save a child, struck down by the metal spheres…standing at the water, cold and alone …a beautiful woman who would save them all…excruciating agony like he'd never known…
"What was that?" Owen demanded as Ianto shook his head and stood, trying to drive the nightmarish visions from his mind, to concentrate on his reality, trapped in an avalanche on a snow-filled mountainside.
"Died again," Ianto mumbled, unwilling to share what had really happened. In truth, he didn't know. The sudden rush of images that almost felt like memories was new. Were they Jack's memories? Of what? Had Jack traveled to the future? Had he somehow shared his memories through the bond? Was that even possible?
It took several hours to dig the helicopter out from the snow. Once they returned to the base of the mountain, it became quickly apparent that there had never been any Rift activity to investigate. Gwen tried to get some answers about who had reported it and called them there, but was met with one dead end after another. Even trying to get home became difficult, as there were no transports available for days.
"Why would they send us all this way to look for a Rift that isn't here only to blow up a picture of Jack?" Gwen demanded over and over. "There must be something we're missing."
Ianto suspected she was right, and couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with the confusing images he'd experienced. Were they visions of something to come? Had they been sent to the mountains so they'd be out of the way? He found himself nervously glancing at the sky for the metal spheres he'd seen in his mind.
During the long wait and the longer trip home, Ianto felt Jack's steady presence through the bond. Jack did not try to block anything, and there were no more blackouts. He seemed safe, but exhausted, and touched by pain and sadness. There was concern and longing, as well, leaving Ianto even more confused and worried. If Jack was back in that time, where was he? Had he returned to the Hub and found it empty? And why did he seem so different and unwell?
When the team finally returned to Cardiff, they were shocked to learn that the American President had been killed, as well as the British Prime Minister. Ianto was almost certain their wild goose chase to the Himalayas must have had something to do with it, but he was too tired to try and understand. They checked in at the Hub, and Ianto was disappointed to find that Jack was not there in spite of the return of their bond. They didn't stay, but quickly stumbled home with vague promises to eventually come in to work in the morning.
No one did. Ianto slept for twelve hours straight, his dreams haunted by metal spheres, laughing as they destroyed the world.
When they returned the following day, it was business as usual: Weevils to track down, phone messages to return, reams of paperwork, a Rift alert in Morganstown that kept them out well into the night, and finally a blowfish hopped up on cocaine running amok with a sports car. They were still exhausted from the long flight back from the east and wanted nothing more than to go back to the Hub and head home, but they dutifully turned the SUV around and started tracking the blowfish.
For the first time in days Ianto felt something more than pain and exhaustion through the bond. He felt excitement. He wondered if Jack was about to leave again, to time travel with the Doctor, and tried to set himself for the moment the bond shattered. His mind tingled as he faced down the blowfish; when the kill shot rang out from behind him and he turned to find Jack standing there, he couldn't have been more shocked.
"Hey, kids. Did you miss me?"
It was surreal, and Ianto was struck again by a splash of strange images—of the metal spheres that had been haunting his dreams, of innocent lives cut down in cold blood, of a madman cackling in glee—and he turned away, flustered by Jack's return and the visions that mysteriously accompanied it.
Jack frowned and Ianto felt concern through the bond, but there was no time for personal reconnections. They had a crime scene to deal with and a traumatized family to Retcon. After cleaning up the house and leaving the family in the best way they could, they drove the body of the blowfish back to the Hub in silence, each stunned in their own way by Jack's unexpected appearance. Ianto felt Owen watching him closely and half-wished the doctor didn't know about the animoré bond.
Things didn't settle down at the Hub either, as everyone had questions for Jack, and Jack was exceptionally evasive in answering them. Ianto wanted to both corner Jack in private and demand more answers, and avoid him for as long as possible to escape what would undoubtedly be a difficult conversation. Fortunately, the Rift alert went off again, and they were all back in the SUV, investigating the death of a man at a car park.
And then Jack left them again. He exchanged a look with Ianto, as if hoping for his understanding or approval, but Ianto didn't know what was going on, what to say or do. He shrugged, feeling Jack's disappointment and worry in response. But Jack left anyway, and of course they followed him this time, only to run into one of Jack's former lovers.
Ianto knew that he had a tendency toward jealously, consequence of his own doubts and insecurities, but John Hart rubbed him wrong for all kinds of reasons. He was pompous, vulgar, untrustworthy, and obviously gunning for Jack—whether to shag him or shoot him or both. Ianto tried very hard to hide his feelings from Jack, however, going so far as to block the bond between them. He wasn't sure how he knew what to do, he just did; it was simple, like closing an invisible door to the imaginary room where his animoré resided. Jack glanced at him in shocked surprise.
When Jack paired them up to investigate the office building for Hart's bombs, Ianto knew he couldn't avoid talking with Jack any longer. Jack, however, didn't ask him about the bond. Instead, he alternated between coordinating on the comms with the others, and asking Ianto about how things had gone while he'd been away, particularly their trip to the Himalayas. Ianto told him everything, leaving out only the part about the strange visions he'd had on the mountain and his dreams ever since. He didn't understand what they were and didn't feel ready to talk about it with anyone.
"You did good," Jack murmured. He fell silent until they arrived at the office and began searching for the bomb. Then he made one of his typical innuendo-laden comments, but Ianto sensed Jack was trying too hard, and it fell flat. He was quiet for a moment, before speaking again.
"How are you, Ianto?" he asked, sounding both exceptionally serious and unusually apprehensive.
"All the better for having you back, sir," Ianto replied truthfully. Even if he was hurt and confused and not sure what to do now that Jack was back, he was glad. Nothing had been the same without him, and adjusting to life without the animoré bond had been hard.
"Can we maybe drop the sir, now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking…maybe we could, when this is all done…dinner? A movie? " Jack looked like he was hiding behind a pillar, and he actually sounded nervous. Ianto tried to hide his surprise. What had happened to Jack that he had lost so much confidence? And what had changed his mind about being together if he was now asking Ianto on a date?
Unsure what to say but unwilling to say no, Ianto tried to deflect. "Well, as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself."
"Ianto," Jack started, but Ianto held up a hand and he stopped. Jack sighed. "Looks like we're gonna have to go through every drawer, bin, and plant pot."
Ianto was rattled, but determined not to show it. He turned away and started looking for the bomb, though he knew perfectly well he wouldn't find it under a file folder. "Right, okay. I'll do this floor. Don't want you getting overexcited. And you take the roof. You're good on roofs."
Jack looked skeptical, but nodded and turned to leave. Yet there was one question Ianto needed answered in order to continue. "Jack? Why are we helping him?" He didn't trust John Hart, and suspected Jack didn't either, and he needed to know there was a good reason to be running around the city looking for Hart's bombs.
Jack's face hardened. "He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone." Ianto sighed and nodded. It made sense, but still didn't tell him much. What kind of reminder, a good one or a bad one? What kind of past?
"By the way," Jack asked, turning around at the door. "Was that a yes?"
"Yes," Ianto replied without thinking, running a hand through his hair as he turned away. "Yes."
"Then why are you blocking the bond?"
Ianto whirled around. "What?"
"I can tell, you know. You learned how to block it while I was gone. Are you that angry at me?"
"No." It was an honest answer, but Jack clearly didn't believe him. "Jack, I knew you would leave one day. I don't begrudge you leaving, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt—physically and emotionally."
"So you don't want to feel the bond anymore?" Jack asked quietly.
"Yes," Ianto replied. "No, it's not that. I'm not angry, not really…only things were strained before you left, and you kissed me in front of the entire team only to run off with the Doctor without a word. It was hard, moving on, and now you've come back four months later only to have a psychopathic former lover show up on your heels. It's confusing, and I don't trust him, and I—"
"Good," Jack interrupted. "Don't trust him. But you don't have to keep that from me. You don't have to keep anything from me." He stepped back toward Ianto and reached out toward him. "Please let me back in."
Ianto closed his eyes. "When he's gone. I can't focus otherwise. I'm not used to this after living without it for so long."
"Okay," Jack nodded. "Fair enough. Can we talk when this is over? Just us, not the team." He cocked his head to the side. "Do they know?"
"Know what?" Ianto asked, realizing too late what Jack meant. "Right, that. Sort of. Owen knows, he figured it out after Abaddon. Tosh suspects, but Gwen hasn't a clue, she's too wrapped up in her own life right now."
"Right." Jack nodded and wiggled his ring finger. "Nice ring. She told me no one else would have her." He sounded sad, and Ianto couldn't hold back a snort of annoyance, old resentments floating to the surface.
"Because she's still waiting for you," Ianto replied, then snapped his mouth shut. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."
Jack studied him silently, stepped closer and raised a hand to his face, leaned in toward his lips. "I came back for you," he said, his voice crackling with emotion. "You are my soulmate, the one I want to be with for as long as we have together."
Their lips met, tentatively at first, then with growing passion as Ianto relished the feeling of kissing Jack once more. Without even thinking of the consequences, he relaxed the block he'd somehow set up, enjoying the bond grow between them. Yet even as Jack's passion and longing rolled over him, Ianto was also flooded with more unbidden images, of running and fighting and blood and pain. He felt the scratch of a beard on his face, stabs of hunger pain in his belly, the hot prick of a knife in his thigh. With a gasp, he pulled away from Jack, eyes wide as he shook his head, trying to deny what he'd seen and felt.
"What happened while you were gone?" he whispered.
Jack stared at him, his concern flowing in waves through the bond. Ianto threw up the block, shutting the door once more and wondering again how he knew what to do, then moved away to begin searching for the mysterious bomb.
"Never mind," he said, determined to remain calm. "We need to stay focused, figure this out first."
Jack was frowning at him, but nodded. "Then we talk. I want to tell you what happened, make this right."
"Fine."
With one last look of worry, Jack turned and left through the double doors. As soon as they shut, Ianto kicked the nearest filing cabinet and swore. Jack was back, and wanted to be with him—why was this so hard? What was happening to him? How could he do something he'd been unable to do before? And why was he having apocalyptic visions of death and destruction?
After they'd sent John Hart through the Rift again, good riddance, time reset and Jack informed them that they therefore needed to avoid themselves. He suggested they spend the night at the Park Plaza, and kept looking at Ianto, as if hoping for some sort of response or invitation. Ianto simply nodded in dull agreement and joined the team, though he knew perfectly well they'd all been working so hard that day that he could go back to his flat to avoid himself. It would have given him a chance to think through things.
Owen asked for help in dressing his gunshot wound, which was apparently more of an opportunity for him to fire a dozen questions at Ianto.
"Did he tell you where he went?" the doctor asked while Ianto handed him a wet cloth and then a dry one to clean his injury. Ianto shook his head.
"Did he say why he came back?" Owen continued. "Other than for you? And then the rest of us?"
Another shake of the head. "Did you talk at all?" the doctor demanded. "Or did you shag all the way to that office block?"
That got to him. "Don't be ridiculous," Ianto snapped. "I'm not about to jump into bed with him twenty-four hours after he's just got back from god knows where."
"Why not?" Owen smirked and motioned for a clean dressing, purchased at a local chemist. "He's your soulmate, isn't he?"
"Sod off," Ianto muttered.
"I'm serious," Owen said, not looking at Ianto as he covered his wound. "You still have the bond, right? You said it came back, when we were in the bloody Himalayas. You've not said anything since."
"What do you want me to say?" Ianto asked dryly. "Did you want me to describe it hour by hour?"
"I don't want to know what Jack Harkness is thinking, ever," Owen replied with a grimace. "Did you feel him die, when Hart killed him?"
Ianto glanced at the floor, his jaw tight. Of course he had. It hadn't been debilitating, since he'd been blocking the bond again, but he'd been driving the SUV to track down the others and had felt the pinprick that told him Jack had died. And when Jack had returned, Ianto had offered relief and reassurance, then shut the door in his mind once more when he knew Jack was all right.
"Yes," he finally said. He did not tell Owen that even though he hadn't blacked out, he'd experienced visions of Jack dying, over and over. They haunted his mind behind his eyelids, and he wondered yet again if it had happened to Jack while he was gone, or if was going to happen soon.
Owen looked up. "You all right?"
"I'm fine," Ianto told him. "Not used to him being around again, especially up here." He tapped his temple and offered a half smile. "Could probably use a good massage."
"We all could, so I'm glad Jack's paying." Owen rummaged in his medical kit and took out some pills, popped several of them dry, and grimaced. It triggered a thought in Ianto's mind.
"You know how I have these blackouts when Jack dies?" he asked the doctor. Owen nodded. "Is there something that might help with the physical symptoms, the blackouts and seizures and such? A pill, maybe?"
"I don't think medical science will ever completely understand the animoré bond," Owen replied. "Especially your messed up one."
"I don't mean drugs for the bond itself, but the symptoms I experience when Jack dies. I know that it's uniquely unusual, but maybe…" He wracked his brain, trying to follow the random thought as it zigzagged around. It was like trying to remember something from a long time ago. "Aren't there drugs that actually prevent seizures? Like for epilepsy?"
Owen glanced at him in surprise. "That's not a half bad idea. I can look into it when we get back to the Hub, since I don't usually carry anti-convulsants in my back pocket." He raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean you want to keep the bond? When we first talked about it you mentioned breaking it off, but then Jack left."
"And he might leave again," Ianto said quietly. "So I don't know. It was only a thought, the medication."
Owen stood and put a hand on his shoulder. "He came back, Ianto. That means something. You should talk to him now that he's here."
There was a pounding on the door before Ianto could respond. He hurried to answer, and Tosh and Gwen came tumbling into the room, giggling like mad.
"Jack flirted with the spa staff to get us every treatment in the book," Gwen exclaimed. "And some I'd never heard of."
"Probably kinky, knowing him," Owen grumbled.
"Are you coming, Ianto?" Toss asked. Ianto glanced around to find everyone watching him, especially Owen.
"Of course," he said. "I'm still all locked up from that flight. Let's go avoid ourselves in style."
Gwen laughed again and took his elbow as they left for the spa. Jack met them there, and they enjoyed a day of massages and facials and general relaxing. They sipped cocktails by the pool and ate until they were groaning with overindulgence in the dining room. Ianto didn't have a chance to talk to Jack privately, and he was glad. The visions he'd had three times now were confusing, and he wasn't sure how to ask Jack about it. He wanted to figure it out first.
Jack had checked them into the only two available suites, one for the women and one for the men. Owen covertly offered to sleep on the girls' sofa, but Ianto pointed out that he was injured and could use a proper bed. Owen rolled his eyes and accused him of avoiding Jack. Ianto ignored him, claimed the other bed, and fell asleep almost immediately.
He dreamed of the end of the world, and woke even more tired and confused than before.
Author's Note:
And once again things take an unexpected turn, though it will wring a few more chapters out of this crazy story with a mind of its own! Thank you so much for the kind words on Chapter Eight, as I was rather unsure of it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading!
