My Time Of Dying
By Breech Loader
Breech: I'm so glad I picked the right POV! It's kind of hard to do realistic depression without being repetitive, but I'm doing what I can to shake it up. It's that, or end up writing another pile of crap that results in sex solving all of their problems.
This week's song: Adema's "Betrayed Me".
Chapter Nine: Betrayed Me
It's amazing how a couple of days can feel like a week. Just like how a week can feel like an eternity.
Sonic's marvellous mission to help people – specifically me - is all nicely arranged. His ex-chick Sally thought up all the plans. If I'd killed her first, back when I thought I was worth something and my smile didn't fall off my face, I might be running two planets by now. Or I might have spin-dashed them both. Just like me to think up something like that.
And she's definitely a bitch. Oh yeah, she acts all sweet, but she's such a bitch. You know, that special kind of bitch who's super-nice up until there's somebody better than her. And because there's nobody better than her, she's nice.
Not that it takes some special kind of bitch to hate me. They're all waiting for me to turn on them.
Again, I can't blame them. I'm wondering when it'll happen myself.
We're in the two-tailed freak's plane, headed to what is being called "Mission Circus Park".
"Okay guys and gals, this is a simple mission. Eggman's getting to build his manufacturing plants a little too close to home," Sonic grins, "We gotta send him a message. Because a mailbox is gonna be all that's left of the place! Any questions?"
"Ah still don't get why we need to bring the Green Jerk along," Bunnie tells him, "I mean, Scourge?" she looks at me, "What're you up to?"
"I think I liked you better in my dimension," I sneer at her, "Where you were dying slowly of NIDS."
"Guys, cool it!" Sonic laughs, "Teamwork, people!"
He starts going on about teamwork, just like a good guy should do. Sally joins in. Obviously it works. It would be inspiring, if I didn't know this was such a huge mistake. I shouldn't have looked at all, but the butterfly's faded and Sonic says that's because it's flown away – damn, he must have been looking up websites.
I just feel kind of lost. Fortunately, I've brought my switchblade. Just in case I get lonely. And no, Sonic doesn't know about it…
"What I don't get," I speak up, "Is why you guys don't have more weapons. I mean, sure, this ship is armed to the teeth," I tap my teeth, "But we're not gonna be on it for much longer. Seriously, Sonic? I don't need them, and you don't need them, but these guys?"
There's an unpleasant silence.
"I told you he wouldn't understand, Sonic," Sally sighs, "I agree that we need two super-fast hedgehogs on this mission, but we could have asked Shadow along."
"And leave Captain Evil at home guarding the women and children?" Sonic grins at me, and I put on my own grin, which may be a bad idea, because it's kind of scary. The snivelling coyote who rips off Patch edges away from me.
After the presentation is over, Sonic sits down next to me and takes my hand. I don't squeeze back, "Don't let what they're saying get to you," he tells me, "In a few hours we'll have proved them wrong. You're a good guy; trust me!"
"Sure thing, Sonic."
"Hey, all you have to do is not be evil! How easy is that? I'm distraction number one, you're distraction number two. Eggman's troops always go for me; when there's two of the Fastest Thing Alive, the Fattest Thing Alive won't know what hit him!"
I smile, because it's easier than seeing his face when I'm unhappy, and look out the window as we approach our destination.
Okay, it's not exactly a weapons manufacturing plant. It's been built to look like a massive circus, just like the mission name. It was built from stolen rings and now it generates more rings. Sally-bitch says it should be closed down, but nobody's got the proof. Doctor Fatass has Egg-Pawns painted up as clowns and shit. Fox-boy and the girls and Coyote Jim there are going to find proof while me and Sonic bust up Egg Pawns. Typical distraction.
Sure, I may be Sonic's worthless asshole twin, but ain't no point saying I've lost anything more important than my own self-respect. I'm the fastest thing alive. Apart from Sonic. And Streaks. But you know what I mean.
We put in the communication ear-pieces, and the drop door opens.
"DROP AND CURL!"
I comply. We land almost as one, right outside the gate, because we're awesome like that. Obviously it's Sonic, so we can't just run in and start smashing; we have to do something cool first. And by cool, I mean annoying. And by annoying, I mean faggy. And by faggy, I mean come on…
We walk right up and Sonic puts his arm around my shoulder. I tilt my shades appropriately. It's not all an act, "Cute couples, half price!" he tells the bot on the desk.
It lets us in, and then about a million defences are activated. That was part of the plan. Split and start distracting. Him up high, me going down. Smashing up Eggman's robots is just like stomping the regional warlords on my planet, only with a different colour scheme.
Damn, I finally feel alive!
And then, because I'm an asshole and can't get anything right, there's suddenly this place where I've busted up Eggman's robots and something else happens.
There are a whole crapton of other guys aiming at me. Robots and humans. And let's face it, I can't stand humans. They're assholes.
"Scourge the Hedgehog! Hands in the air and hand yourself over to GUN!"
"Wait, the fuck?"
"We will not repeat the warning!"
GUN? Well, it is painted all over their crap. Wait, there was some kind of human army I stomped back on my planet. The Representatives for International Passivity. They took over their own government in a violent military coup; long story involving explosions and a lot of decent people getting murdered and a whole shitton of ballot-box-stuffing…
Nice name, but if they want to fake people out they need to work on their acronyms.
I kicked their asses pretty much solo, by the way.
So if they were triple-fried assholes on my planet…
"Listen, I'm with the good guys today-"
"Hands in the air!"
"Just ask-" a bunch of safeties turn off and I just… I'm trying, okay? See, even when I try… The world doesn't want me to be a good guy, it won't let me be good, I'm so sick of this! "Well, fuck this! You want another bad guy, you got one!"
I jump, then spin-dash into the nearest little floating mech. It drops a Semi-Auto Rifle. I pick it up. And I can hear a lot of shouting and they're trying to hit me but good luck with that, you miserable fucks.
Hey, it's a distraction, isn't it?
"SCOURGE!" Sounds like Sonic has finally caught on to how much I suck at being good, and he's shouting over the com link, "SCOURGE, YOU GOTTA STOP!"
"Then tell them to stop shooting at me, you spiky blue moron!" I start firing at a robot about five times my size and bring it down heavy.
"SCOURGE, GUN IS HERE TO BACK US UP!" Sally-bitch shouts at me.
"Can't talk! Busy right now, Babe!"
I rip the com-link off and toss it aside. I mean, I kicked up a bunch of Egg Pawns on my way in; you'd think they'd have gotten the idea by the time I'd gotten here. There's a load of trash around me and man, I am so angry…
"You bunch of assholes!" I kick some guy down and snatch up his handgun, cocking it and aiming, "Since you're the good guys, that means you're always right, I guess. You want a bad guy? Fine… then I'm the bad guy-"
Sonic slams into me even as I fire, throwing me right off target.
"Scourge, what the hell are you doing?!" I open my mouth to tell him that I plan to kill every mother's fuck who crosses me, and then I see the disappointment in his eyes, "Oh, forget it… Just get back to Knothole! I'll get the girls out myself!"
So surprise, surprise, the mission was a failure. Thankfully Sonic got everybody out before Eggman could waste the lot of them. It'd make for a great comic book or something, but it doesn't involve me, because I was too busy throwing off GUN and Eggman robots on my way back.
Alone.
They didn't get the proof, and they nearly got killed. Sonic's saying it's not my fault, it's all a misunderstanding of bad communications because GUN was snooping around on the exact same day, but I know how much I disappointed him.
Now Sally-bitch is on the web-cam or something apologising to GUN for everything, and they're demanding my head on a stick, and the Buns-fake is getting patched up in the Infirmary on account of people getting hurt and I can hear the news in the living room about me, Scourge, the complete failure who makes a mess of everything.
So now I'm locked in the bathroom and looking in the cabinet, but all they have is Paracetomal. I might as well try to hang myself with toilet paper.
"DAMMIT!" I toss it aside and sit on the toilet, hands in my quills. Seriously, the worst part is that I was trying. And then those GUN creeps turn up and I blow it. And I don't just result in my own fail. Oh no, I fail enough for all.
I should have slashed my wrists on the way back. Saved everybody some trouble.
Now Sonic is probably going to be in trouble with the Zone Cops too.
I've failed him completely. He took me on this stupid mission to prove that I can do something right, and I make everything foul up just by being there. I finger my switchblade for a bit. Then on reflex, I drag off my jacket and slash the knife across my arm quickly, watching the blood flow. Great. Now I've failed again. I'm just weak and stupid as well as a bad person.
I make myself sick.
Literally. I stand up, lift the toilet lid, and stick my fingers down my throat in an attempt to throw up everything that I am out of my body. I don't deserve to eat. I am a non-person. It's difficult because lunch was like, six hours ago.
I'm bringing up bile when Sonic thumps on the door, "Scourge? Scourge, I'm not mad at you…"
Why does everybody have to be so nice about it? Oh, okay. Why does he have to be so nice about it? Seriously, he's the one I've hurt worst today. I keep remembering his face when I was about to shoot that soldier. And I would have. And I regret not doing it. I mean, I regret… I regret…
"Please?" I bundle myself into the shower and turn it on. Then I curl up into the corner, still wearing my jacket, "Scourge, please at least say something…"
"I'm in here…" I pause, "I failed. I tried, and I failed." I cover my face with my hands, "I'm a bad guy… Nothing's changed…" There's hot blood trickling down my arm, and I stare at it.
"Don't make me break down the door, Scourge! Doors are expensive!"
At super-sonic speed, I unlock the door and return to my corner, cold water pouring down on me. A bad dog belongs in the corner. Sonic comes in and looks at me, bleeding and cringing soaking wet like the worthless shit I am.
"Oh, Scourge," he sits next to me, taking in the tablets strewn over the floor and the unflushed toilet, and my switchblade on the floor, then the blood on my arm. He wets paper and wipes it clean, and we're looking at the scars, only now there's going to be a fresh one. It's still bleeding, and he keeps wiping. Takes about twenty minutes until it stops and I'm clean.
"I'm sorry, Sonic… for being a complete disappointment," I hunch over, "I would have killed that guy, just like I would have killed myself. Just… give up on me, okay?"
"Never," he pulls out the pen and draws the butterfly again, "See?" he holds my cheeks, "Never, ever, will I stop believing that there is as much good in you as there is in me. Pick yourself up, make yourself strong again… You can do this…"
I want to ask if he's sure, except I know he will say he is. We look into each other's eyes.
"You say I'm a hero, huh? Well, heroes don't give up. And I will never give up on you."
He kisses me lightly. And I start kissing him back, because I just need somebody who doesn't hate me right now. He's warm and gentle even though I don't deserve it. I pull back and jump to my feet, "This… isn't right…"
"Scourge… what do you mean?"
I feel like I can't breathe, pulling on my quills, "None of this! It isn't right! Me and you… there is nothing right about this! I hate fags! It's fucked up! I… I… Sonic, please, I shouldn't be here, I'll just destroy every-"
He shushes me again. Then he takes my arms and holds them and rolls up the sleeves and starts kissing the scars, each and every one of them. Then he holds me in his embrace, rocking me gently. He holds my hand on his chest, "You feel that? That's my heartbeat. All calm. I'm not worrying, and neither should you."
"I… Sonic, I really… it hurts inside and I…"
For a moment I feel like such a total weakass bitch, with him comforting me like this while we're standing in the shower while there's water pouring right down. But then we start kissing again and I feel calm. Well, at first. Every few seconds I'm ready to go crazy but we just keep on standing there and… well, it's not so bad.
"Come on. We'll just… sit down together, okay?"
He turns off the water and we walk into the living room and sit on the couch. Then he holds me. I'm still trembling, water dripping off me. I must look so pathetic, but he's still holding me and rocking me gently.
"It was an accident… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so weak…"
"It's okay, Scourge. There's nothing to forgive…"
No better way to put it; our lips meet and we start kissing. And then after a bit I'm panting, moaning for breath as we press together. Then I'm on my back on that couch and oh man, we're still kissing and it's endless. I slide my tongue into his mouth and wow, his mouth really tastes of chilli dogs.
Fortunately I like chilli dogs. But DAMN, you would not believe…
And oh yeah, I can hardly breathe and he's gasping and shaking. Then he takes one of my hands and I raise it over my head, writhing against him. He's not straddling me. Just lying on top of me and I just can't stop touching him as his other hand moves inside my jacket and down me, and then oh man, he's arching against me and moaning.
Doesn't feel like he's got much experience. But I'm burning up inside just the same.
Just kissing, over and over again, and touching, and sweating. Gotta admit, making out has never felt so good. I'm aching inside for more of this. My eyes close and it's all so deep. Can't hardly breathe… drowning in him… just want it to be this way forever as he lies on top of me and our lips move together.
For hours.
I don't know how much time has passed. Now he's asleep in my lap, and I'm finally starting to doze off myself. Then his phone rings. I get up carefully and I snatch it up. Y'know, to let him sleep.
"Yeah? Who is it?"
"Hey, Baby… guess who got bailed out today…"
"F-Fiona?"
The phone goes down on her end. I drop it into the cradle and my heart is pounding. Why the hell am I so scared? I'm Scourge the Hedgehog. I could kick her ass three times before she'd hit the floor. Only reason she got so close last time was because I was wanting to die…
Not that I deserve to live, after what happened today. These are good people. I'll just hurt them again. I look over at Sonic sleeping on the couch, all peaceful-like. Oh man, what have I done? I can't, can't, can't go on like this…
I just can't take this. I don't know what to do. I'm panicking again.
Only one thing I can think of. The switchblade is in the bathroom… I finger it for a bit and for a second I think about shoving it into my own gut and twisting. But then… then I just slip it in my pocket and do what I always do when I've got a problem.
I run.
I had to leave so I could breathe,
I hate to fight, that's not what I want,
You were so true, too good to be true,
I trusted you and fell apart again,
I cannot change the fact
That you're not coming back,
So depressed, I'm your slave,
Betrayed me, you're not the one
To be trusted with my love,
Betrayed me, you're not the one
Who should be trusted with my love…
Breech: Yup, Scourge is still capable of thoroughly kicking ass. And Moebius has a GUN counterpart, whaddaya know? Sadly, Scourge slipped up there, eh? I just feel like it's unrealistic that these cute 'butterfly' solutions work first time. But when you fail, just pick yourself up and keep trying, eh?
Hey, when this fic is finished, do you guys want a six-months-later sequel?
