Hey all..new chapter for you! Enjoy!
Chapter nine - guilt
RPOV:
"Hey, Rose," Scorpius slurred slightly, walking over towards me. "We've got rounds now, let's go!" I wiped my eyes, wiping my face clear of any sign that I had been crying just moments before. I knew that if he saw, he would make fun of me, something I was not looking forward to.
"Bye Olivia," I said gently, giving her a huge hug. "I'll be back later if you need to talk," I whispered so that only she could here.
"You know, you really shouldn't be doing rounds if you're drunk," I told Scorpius as we walked down the hall.
"I'm not! I just had a few butterbeers, that's all!" he exclaimed, tripping slightly. I smirked, not replying. If he wanted to get in trouble with Headmistress McGonagall, that was fine by me. "So, congratulations about the game. I imagine you're feeling quite proud of yourself, yes?
"Actually, the Ravenclaw team was quite good. Your brother almost caught the snitch, he had me worried for a moment there," he answered. I could feel my eyes softening; he had talked about Hugo when he had the opportunity to gloat about himself. He was definitely not an average boy, not by any standards.
After a few moments of comfortable silence and footsteps echoing along the hall, Scorpius spoke again.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, feigning politeness. I could tell he had been thinking deeply for the past few moments. However, I could see the amusement gleaming in his gray eyes.
"Why do you ask?" I questioned, growing suspicious.
"Oh, no reason," he replied knowingly. Typical Scorpius, trying to appear aloof. Wait a second… something clicked in my mind.
"You weren't eavesdropping were you?" His smirk answered the question for me. "How dare you!" I exclaimed, restraining myself from slapping him. The last thing I needed was more detentions with him. "You're a typical Malfoy! My father has told me all about you!" I shrieked, my tone growing louder and angrier.
"I'm sick of everyone talking about my father! I'm not him! I'm not and I never will be!" Scorpius screamed.
"Shhh! You'll wake everyone up!" I exclaimed, starting to feel sorry I had said anything. I hated seeing him this upset…
"I don't care! I have to say this! I'm different than him!" he yelled. "Everyone judges me on his actions and I'm sick of it!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean t-" my words were interrupted as Scorpius' mouth met mine. He tasted like butterbeer and mint, the best combination I had ever tasted; I had been waiting for this moment for so long, even if I hadn't known it… I ran my hands through his hair, so silky it felt almost unreal. He pressed me up against the stone wall, deepening the kiss. A soft moan escaped my lips, feeling the passion I had been lacking with Aidan for so long… AIDAN!
I pulled away quickly. "I- I- can't do this," I stammered. "Not right now. Not like this."
"Rose!" he called out, but by the time he had said that, I was already ran halfway down the hall. I glanced back longingly, but kept running until he was out of sight.
I was in bed, shaking. "This can't be happening no, no, no!" I thought, my eyes wide open, hugging my blankets to my body. I was curled up in a ball, reliving the memory of the kiss over and over and over. Each time I thought about it I winced, cringed and my stomach felt like it was doing somersaults, to the extent that I was feeling nauseous. My mind had never been in such a jumble.
"I loved it," I admitted to myself, once again wincing. It was an amazing kiss, and I was sure I never shared this kind of spark with anyone. I took a deep breath, and my pounding heart started slowing down. "Ok, Rose," I told myself, "Time to be realistic. He was very drunk, really sad and vulnerable. The kiss meant nothing. Stop catastrophising."
I then turned my thoughts towards Aidan. Aidan, sweet, sweet Aidan. I felt so guilty about all of this, and no matter what, I did not want to hurt him. "Technically," I thought, trying to justify the situation, "it was Scorpius who kissed me. I actually stopped the kiss!"
"Not immediately though," a tinier voice in my head stated. I sighed and rolled over, drifting off to sleep, with the images of Aidan and Scorpius still burned in my mind.
I woke up the next day. For a couple of seconds, my mind was blank and I was at peace. Then everything that happened last night, flooded back into my mind, and I felt like a large lead block dropped in my stomach. I groaned and got up. Masie and Stephanie were still asleep, and the sound of Stephanie's soft snores were the only thing that broke the silence. I went into the bathroom and freshened up, preparing myself for what I might be facing at breakfast.
Masie and I met Olivia at the entrance hall and we exchanged gossip, as we usually do, although I made sure to steer clear from talking about Scorpius.
"I'll talk to you later, guys," said Olivia, getting up from the Gryffindor table and heading towards the Ravenclaw table. I glanced at the Slytherin table – I couldn't help it. Scorpius wasn't there. I felt relieved, and at the same time, a bit disappointed. Masie looked over at the Hufflepuff table, and waved to Jeremy Thomas, the head boy, who winked back at her.
"Ugh, you two shut up with the googly eyes," said Stephanie, coming up behind us. Masie grinned at her and Stephanie shook her head, a slight smile visible. Her brother had voiced his interest in his sister's roommate many times, and it was common knowledge that something was sort of happening between them. But all they seemed to do is tease each other.
"Why aren't you two dating yet?" I asked, curiously.
"Well, he never asked me to," replied Masie
"He's shy," chimed in Stephanie, "Even though he acts like the coolest person around. He's bound to ask you sometime soon," she said, nudging Masie.
It was great to talk about these seemingly trivial things, and it took my mind off my worries for a few minutes, until –
"Rose, your detention is tonight, right?" said Albus, stuffing his mouth with bacon. "What a fun night we both are gonna have. More rounds with that Alessia. I hate you guys so much for getting us stuck in this routine, Rose," he said, for about the millionth time these past few weeks.
"Oh shut up, Albus," piped in James, annoyance evident in his tone of voice "All you do is complain about everything! It's 8 in the morning, for goodness sake!"
"You're not the one stuck doing rounds with that bitch!" fired back Albus, and they started quarrelling, something which everyone was used to by now.
In the meantime, I was staring blankly. "Crap, I forgot all about the detention. Oh God, oh my God, you'd think things can't get any worse, and now I'll be stuck in Filch's office, with him, for hours" I thought, feeling nauseous once again.
The day passed by slowly. Sundays were usually lazy but for the fifth and seventh years, there was not much chance for time-wasting. I finished a couple of essays that were due that week, and I headed down to Filch's office, dread increasing and engulfing me, almost suffocating me, with every step. I finally arrived. I realised my heart was pounding. I opened the door, and found an elderly Filch, gruffly explaining to Scorpius what we had to be doing. Scorpius instinctively looked back when I opened the door. He turned to look forward almost instantly, but not before I saw a blush creeping up to his face. My own face felt like it was burning, but I felt like the mature thing to do was to step forwards, and listen to what Filch was saying. After he explained, he left the room, and the silence that engulfed it could have been cut with a knife.
"I didn't think you'd show up," ventured Scorpius, uncertainly.
"It's detention, I don't really have a choice", I replied, avoiding looking at his face. We started sorting out the files, in alphabetical order according to each year. A few minutes, which felt like an eternity passed and from the corner of my eye I saw Scorpius shake his head. "Look," he said, and I inhaled a sharp breath.
"Here comes the awkward speech," I thought.
"I'm sorry for my behaviour last night," he said hurriedly, "unfortunately I wasn't drunk enough to forget what happened," he smiled weakly, and gave me an embarrassed look.
Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay, it wasn't that bad," immediately as I said that I regretted it. WHAT THE HELL WAS I SAYING? "I-I mean it-it wasn't a big deal," I stuttered, and shrugged, trying to seem passive, but obviously failing.
Scorpius cleared his throat, and said, "Yeah, yeah, it was just-just the drinks it was stupid, I'm sorry I put you in that position, especially because of Aidan and everything." We were both blushing profusely and avoiding looking at each other.
"Aidan," I thought. For the past few weeks I felt a sharp pang of pain in my stomach each time I thought of him. I felt guilty, I felt like I should love him and care about him more. But I just didn't...
That week after that wasn't one of my best ones. I was still rather confused about what happened, but at least Scorpius and I managed to muster up the courage to have polite conversations in our two Prefects rounds scheduled for that week. But apart from the whole awkwardness with Scorpius, there was another thing which was gnawing at me, and which I desperately needed to deal with.
The morning of the Hogsmeade trip dawned a bright, but cold Saturday. I rolled over in bed facing the window when the autumn sunshine was streaming in. From the next room I could hear the sound of a shower running, so I knew at least one of my roommates was awake. And yet, as I glanced over, I could see the crimson curtains were still pulled around Masie's bed, so I knew that, true to form, she was still in the land of the dreaming.
Masie has grown to be a wonderful roommate and friend over the years, with a knack of finding out everyone's secrets. People could often see Masie, Olivia and I huddled up giggling, at Masie's latest stories, which she sometimes tended to exaggerate. She was tall, with a brown mop of hair that fell into her deep chocolate brown eyes. Moreover, today she was going on a date with Jeremy Thomas - he finally asked her out!
I rolled out of bed, slipping my fluffy dressing gown about my shoulders and slipping into the bathroom as Stephanie Thomas came out, hair dripping and a towel around her shoulders, also in a dressing gown. I smiled at her in greeting.
I looked at my face in the mirror. There were slight bags under my eyes; last night had not been a good night for sleeping. I had been far too filled with apprehension for what I was going to do today. My hair hung in red curls about my pale face. My chin was set. I was determined. I couldn't let this continue any longer, especially not after last week.
I jumped into the shower, letting the hot water wash over me, trying to forget what had happened, but I couldn't. I had been avoiding both Aidan and Scorpius since after the Quidditch match, but in a brief encounter with Aidan yesterday we had agreed to go to Hogsmeade together and after that I had formed my plan. Now all I had to do was attempt to wash away my guilt.
I walked beside Aidan down the leaf strewn paths of Hogsmede, with Hogwarts castle looming majestically behind us. He was chattering away about everything and anything; assignments, prefect duties, family, his plans for Christmas. He wanted me to go stay with him this Christmas. I felt my stomach clench at the thought of it, but not in the good way.
"Hey. You feeling okay Rosie?" Aidan asked. I felt guilt wash through me and immediately forced a smile.
"Yeah, fine thanks Aidan. You were saying?" I continued smiling, but I think he saw through it. He continued however, taking my hand in his. It wasn't the same anymore. There was no spark, no warm feeling, no rush of admiration or love. I found myself comparing him to a certain blond haired Slytherin and guilt all but doubled me over.
He took us in the general direction of Madame Puddifoot's. It had been where he had taken me on our first ever date; how ironic that we should come here on the day I had decided to end it all!
I saw Olivia and a few of the other girls heading into the Three Broomsticks, and couldn't help but wish I was going with them. Between the guilt and apprehension, I was drowning.
Come on Rose! I said to myself. You're not a Gryffindor for nothing! Show some bravery, some courage. This is the right thing to do. You can't keep playing him along.
We took a seat at a table near the door, so we could watch the passers-by in the street. It was our table. It was irrelevant that other people used it; it was always the one we came to, together. It made me wonder if I would miss this, in a few minutes time, when it was over.
We talked idly for a few minutes, and by we, I mean Aidan talked and I nodded, trying to gather my courage. I sipped on my drink demurely, the only outward sign of my anxiety that I couldn't keep in check was a little crease of my forehead and the occasional biting of my lip.
Eventually I gently cleared my throat a little.
"Aidan?"
He continued on as if he hadn't heard me, so I coughed a little and tried again.
"Aidan?"
"Yeah, Rose?" He asked, his brow furrowing a little in response to my tentative tone. The guilt nibbled at my stomach a little more.
"Er, well, there's something that I wanted to, er, um, discuss with you?" It came out like a question.
He nodded, gesturing with his hands that I should continue. I didn't take his silence as a good sign, since he was normally so chatty.
"Well, I don't think this is working out anymore." I stated, perhaps more blandly than I had intended at first.
"What?" Hurt splashed across his face and my stomach clenched again. Aidan was a nice guy and I didn't mean to hurt him. Another wave of guilt came crashing down on me.
"I, just don't think we're working anymore. I hope we can still be friends?" The last part came out hopeful, almost pleading as I realised I didn't want to lose him entirely.
"Why? Did I do something wrong, Rosie?" he asked. I smiled at his response that at a time like this was so typically Aidan. Always the sweet, sensitive guy.
"No, no!" I sighed, "it's just I don't feel it anymore. You know what I mean?" I asked, my eyes down on the table.
"Yeah, I guess."
We sat in silence for a few minutes, before paying the bill and leaving the shop. We stood awkwardly in the doorway for a few moments, taking in the bustling street before us, the greens, oranges and browns of the village in autumn spread around us. Clouds had rolled in overhead, blocking the sun.
"I guess I'll see you around?" Aidan ventured.
"Yeah. Bye." I replied. He leaned in a kissed me ever so softly on the cheek. It was sweet, but that's all it was to me. I didn't know what had changed between us, and nor did I know how it had changed so fast. But then again, maybe I did. And I wasn't sure I liked it.
He shuffled off up the street, headed back to the castle already, it seemed.
I went the opposite way, in the direction of the Three Broomsticks, in the hope of catching up with my friends. I kicked the leaves up as I went. Once or twice a few were blown into my face by the wind that picked up every now and then as I trudged along the street.
I finally reached my destination and slipped inside, ordering a butterbeer and glancing around the pub for my friends. I couldn't see them, but I didn't want to venture outside again, so I simply sat in a corner of the pub, fully prepared to let my thoughts consume me.
I sat there on my own, sipping my Hot Chocolate, when a tall silhouette covered the warm sun that was shining on my face through the window.
"What are you doing here all on your own?" a familiar voice asked. I looked up to see Scorpius, his cheeks rosy from the cold wind outside. He had a scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, his hands were in his pockets and his hair was a little tousled, due to the wind. "He's so goodlooking" I thought, as I stared at him. I quickly looked around, seeing that none of his friends were around
"I could ask you the same question," I replied coolly. He looked around pointedly, shrugged, and said, "They're still at Honeydukes...you look like you could use a pick-me-up," He stuffed his hands in his pockets even deeper, and pulled out a chocolate frog.
"Thanks," I said, feeling too depressed to decline, "I could definitely use more chocolate." I opened the packet and nibbled on the frog. Scorpius, still standing, let out a low chuckle.
"What?" I asked, my eyebrows raising a little.
He glanced at me, smiled and gestured to the table. I looked down, puzzled. The card, of course! I looked at it, turning my head slightly to read the name, since the portrait was absent.
"Ronald Bilius Weasley." Scorpius said with another chuckle. I scowled, but then burst into giggles myself. I don't know what was so funny about the situation, but it was funny.
I smiled along with Scorpius and found myself thinking that we might just be good friends sometime. I glanced down at the card again to see my portrait father scowling up at the two of us, positively glaring at Scorpius. I sighed, partly with contentment and partly with annoyance. I knew dad would never approve of a friendship with a Slytherin, let alone a Malfoy.
Stupid prejudices!
REVIEW!
