Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of the Characters of the series.
Beckett reached the cabin and was relieved that there was no one to see her weak, well there was her father but she had seen her father passed out on his own vomit and pee in his alcoholic days. He wouldn't judge nor would he care. A small voice in her head said that 'Neither would a certain bestselling novelist'. The voice sounded a lot like Lanie, she just chalked it up to the pain meds she had taking but deep down she knew the meds were just weakening her walls and it was her emotions that were seeping out. That was another reason she didn't want to be in New York for her recovery, her emotions and feelings were something she liked to keep locked at all times, if possible even from herself though she would have to just tough it out right now.
She had let her emotions run loose and almost called Castle and that was on the first day in the cabin. Thank god that the cabin was so deep in the woods that she had no network and the call just wouldn't connect. She would have to control herself better or next time it would be the landline she'd be using.
She had thought that she could just come to the woods and lick her wounds but being here was even more stressful than in the hospital. Not only was the desire to call Castle was more but her father was babying her and her physical therapy, she could swear that her doctor was trying to kill her. It didn't help matters that she couldn't not sleep to avoid the nightmares as her physical therapy left her with no energy. Most nights she would just wake up and cry herself to sleep but it had happened twice that she had woken up screaming and her dad had rushed in within a minute like he was just sitting next to her door waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It had been 2 weeks since she left New York, 3 weeks since the horrific event. She just couldn't get the day out of her head and yet every time she thought about it she was hit a bunch of emotions that overwhelmed her. First of all she would feel scared, she knew that her shooter could come here and shoot her and she would be defenseless but this was not the only reason that scared her, she was scared for the people around her, her friends, neighbors. If the person or group was desperate enough to order a hit on her during a ceremony that was filled with cops then they were not beyond torturing others for her whereabouts. This thought confused her, she could go to the city and this scenario could be avoided but then there was a risk she carried going back to the city to. She did not want to die but what scared her more was if the shooter missed the shot and it hit someone else she would never be able to live with herself.
Today was kind of a milestone for her, as she could now walk around with almost no discomfort and do the essentials by herself she was finally forcing her dad to go back to the city and carry on with his life. She wasn't sure how to feel about this, on one hand she didn't want her dad to drop everything in his life to help her, he had already done so for so long. He had a job and she didn't want to be the reason he get laid down. On the other hand she didn't want to be all alone in the cabin. Sure she wanted to feel independent again but even though she was physically prepared to be alone she didn't think she was mentally ready yet or ever would be. She still had nightmares and panic attacks. She was paranoid to an extinct that a chirp from a bird had her hiding in a corner.
She could see the tears pooled in her dad's eyes as he was saying goodbye. He had promised to call daily and told her to call him and he would be here at once should she need anything. She had put on a front, told him she would be alright hugged him and he was gone.
