Chapter 9
"And here we are – this is the hall and in just a second you're going to see our front door; it's red."
"Rick," came the warning voice of his companion, "she's still asleep."
The writer gazed into the baby carrier and shrugged. It was not surprising that Emily had fallen asleep on the drive home from the hospital, but that did not stop Rick from giving her a tour anyway. "She's taking it in subconsciously," he pointed out. Kate rolled her eyes.
Rick passed over the baby carrier so that he could juggle the luggage while unlocking the front door. The door had barely opened three inches when feet thundering across the hardwood floor could be heard. The man chuckled; no one could say his elder daughter was not excited about her little sister. "And here comes the welcoming party," he said, mostly to Kate. He stepped inside and opened the door wide, setting down Kate's overnight bag and reaching out for the carrier again, so she did not have to hold it and walk at the same time. She said she was doing fine and wasn't in pain walking from the car to the elevator, but he wanted to be over-cautious just in case.
Turning towards the living area, he spotted Alexis waiting impatiently just a few feet away, her grandmother standing behind her with a firm grip on her shoulders. Rick guessed this was so she didn't rush them at the door, and he greatly appreciated that. "Well, here they are."
Kate's father had visited them earlier that day, before they left the hospital. He gushed over his first grandchild and held her for the better part of half an hour, seemingly examining every inch. Rick couldn't blame the elder man; he was quite in love with Emily, too. He was also glad to see Jim looking as bright and clear-eyed as he'd ever seen the man. He seemed to be doing well post-rehab and Rick hoped that continued—for all their sakes.
"She's got a pink bow on her head." Alexis observed.
Rick hummed. "That was yours, Alexis."
"Really?"
Rick bobbed his head before turning and looking at Kate. He nodded towards the master bedroom they would be sharing for the first few months of Emily's life and said, "Go ahead and shower; I'll get us all settled in."
"You sure?" she asked, hesitant.
He almost laughed. He'd heard nothing about her talking about how much she regretted not washing her hair the day before the birth for the prior several hours. She could have showered that afternoon at the hospital, but once they found out they were being discharged she didn't want to bother and instead wished to shower in a home environment; Rick couldn't say he blamed her. "Of course, Kate. Go—enjoy it."
She gave him a relieved smile before walking slowly into the bedroom, both hands resting on her still-rounded belly.
Once she'd disappeared, Rick turned back to the duo of redheads to see that his daughter had inched a bit closer to the baby carrier. "Can I hold her now?" she asked.
Rick desperately fought the urge to tease the girl and prolong her all-important first holding a bit longer. According to his mother, Alexis had been positively furious that she had to go to school that day. She thought big sisters deserved a day off. She had evidently even volunteered to change all the diapers as a means of bribery, but of course his mother hadn't budged and sent her off pouting to kindergarten, so in the end he could not be cruel to her.
"Yes, you may."
The young girl's eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Of course; I said you could hold her first thing when we got home."
Alexis cheered and punched both fists into the air. "Yesss!"
Rick nodded towards the couch. "Go sit down." As the girl scampered away, Rick followed more carefully and set Emily's carrier down on the coffee table before turning to his elder daughter. He made sure she sat centrally on one of the couch cushions before grabbing two throw pillows and jamming one of them at her left hip and using the other to support her right arm.
She gazed up at him as though he'd lost his mind. "What's all this for?"
"She's heavier than you think, pumpkin." Rick cautioned as he unbuckled Emily from her carrier. He scooped her up like a pro before turning around with her tiny six-pound frame balanced between his two much-larger hands. "Now you want to be very gentle with her head, but you'll do just fine." With that, he set the baby in Alexis's lap, making sure her arm was beneath the little girl's head for support.
Alexis stared down at the infant with no small amount of awe. She traced her right index finger over Emily's pudgy cheek and then down onto the pink and yellow long sleeved shirt she wore. "Hi Emily. I'm your big sister Alexis. When you get bigger, I'll braid your hair."
Rick's heart swelled with emotion. He knew that with a nearly six year age gap it would be unlikely that Alexis and Emily were best friends, but he did hope that they got along and loved each other like sisters should. As a man with no siblings, that was a connection he missed greatly, and was happy his daughter would get to experience it. "That's very nice sweetheart; let me get a picture."
After retrieving the camera from their hospital bag, Rick added to the preexisting several dozen shots of his newest little girl by snapping a few of Emily and Alexis together. Then, he put the camera down and sat on the sofa beside them. He asked Alexis if she was done holding Emily, but she said no and took one of the infant's tiny hands in hers.
"Is she going to be this quiet forever?" she asked.
Rick chuckled. "No, definitely not. She's just sleeping. Babies sleep a lot."
"Why?"
"Because they have to grow and it's easier to grow when you're sleeping."
"Why's that?"
Rick brushed his hand over his chin. "Well because growing is hard work. It's hard to focus on growing if you're watching TV or playing with your friends or reading a book."
Alexis giggled. "Dad, you're silly—Emily can't read yet."
The man gasped dramatically. "She can't?! Oh no. We must have gotten a broken model; guess we'll have to take her back." He pretended to reach out for the baby, but Alexis pushed his hand away.
"No! We have to keep her or Kate would be sad."
Rick nodded. "That's true, Kate would be very sad and I would be too. We'll just have to teach Emily to read. You'll read to her, won't you?"
Alexis nodded eagerly. "Uh huh, but first I gotta get better at that."
Rick grinned at the girl who already read above age-level thanks to his profession and diligent working with her beginning at a young age. "And I know you will."
Stepping out of the glass shower stall, Kate reached for the fluffy steel-gray towels hanging on the nearby hook. She squeezed out the dripping ends of her hair and blotted the water from her face before methodically toweling off the rest of her body. When she reached her belly, she paused. Well, she certainly had not expected to still look this pregnant once the baby was out of her—even if it had been barely more than twenty-four hours. The doctors assured her that her uterus had actually gone down in size—that was one of the reasons she was given the option to leave after just one day after the birth and she had taken it, preferring to convalesce at home. Well, Rick's home.
The situation still felt odd to her—very odd. She was standing in Rick's bathroom using Rick's towels staring into Rick's mirror. Her discomfort was one of the main reason she resisted the idea of moving into the master bedroom after Emily's birth. Simply put: she thought it was a terrible idea. Yes, Rick's reasoning was sound, but he was forgetting a key factor: they were not actually a couple, yet they would be sharing a bed and a tight space.
She understood it—she really did. The baby would be waking her several times a night for the first few weeks (if not longer) and that would be quite exhausting. As she was breastfeeding, she felt she bore sole responsibility for the middle of the night events, but Rick told her that wasn't true. If the baby needed changed or spit up on one or both of them, she would probably want assistance and he would be right there. Plus, if something unexpected happened and she needed help, she would have to go all the way downstairs to get him if she was in the guest room; this way he would be right beside her. "Trust me—I've been through this already and this is definitely the best plan," he had said.
In the end, Kate did trust his experience, though remained extremely skeptical about his timeline. Rick expected their cohabitation to last two months at least, but Kate thought that sounded ridiculous. A week or two? Sure, but she very much doubted it would extend beyond a month—assuming she continued to breastfeed. If she had to switch to formula? Then by all means; she would happily share night duty with him.
Kate's examination of her rounded belly was interrupted by a knock at the door which was quickly followed by the sound of Rick's voice. "Kate? Sorry; I heard the water turn off and realized you left your bag of supplies out here. Can I pass it in?"
She quickly took the towel in her hand and wrapped it around her body before saying, "Yes, go ahead."
The door opened a moment later, but only Rick's arm appeared along with the bag. Once he'd dropped it on the floor, he swiftly slid his arm back out and shut it behind him. Kate called out a thank you before walking over and digging out all her glamorous new-mother supplies including cream for her breasts and special post-partum underwear with an absorbent pad already built in, which she begrudgingly had to admit was quite helpful in her current state.
Ten minutes later after dressing in some of her most comfortable clothing, Kate stepped out into the bedroom and was almost surprised to see Rick waiting for her on the bed. "Where's Emily?" she asked.
"Mother is doting on her as we speak. Are you feeling better?"
She hummed and walked over to the dresser that had been temporarily been converted to her clothing storage area. There, she retrieved a pair of socks and sat down on the edge of the bed to put them on. Without thinking, she swiftly crossed one leg over the other, but felt a tug of discomfort between her legs.
Evidently noticing her wince, Rick swooped into action. "Here, let me. Are you okay?"
She nodded and held out her foot to him, even if it did feel a bit silly. "Just moved too fast I think. I didn't realize how slow I'd be to heal."
"Kate, a person just came out of you."
She chuckled. "I know, but I guess I thought since I didn't need stitches I'd be fine."
"Well, you need to take it easy." He reminded her once both socks were on her feet. "Anything else I can do for you? Do you need me to run out to the drug store for more supplies?"
"Oh…" she said as her face flushed, "no you don't have to do that."
He gave her a serious look. "Kate, it's okay. I've been through this before, remember? I can handle all the nitty-gritty details, because, believe me, you and I are about to experience more bodily fluids than you knew possible."
She laughed at his wording. "Thanks for the reality check."
He winked. "No problem. Why don't you lay down for a bit while I make dinner? I'm sure Emily will need fed sooner than later, but Mother has her now. Just relax."
Kate nodded and slid under the sheets of the bed, knowing he was right; her shower had been more tiring than normal. Besides, she needed to rest when she could, because who knew what that night would bring? Emily had been up twice the prior night, but that was probably only because she didn't really fall asleep until after nine and they "got up" at five-thirty. Lying back against the pillow, Kate's last thought before drifting off was that perhaps she really could be successful at this whole motherhood thing.
Tears streaming down her face, Kate sat in the center of Rick's king-sized bed with her legs crossed. By her left knee sat a box of tissues, by her right knee there was a pile of used tissues, and just in front of her lay her baby, happily swaddled in a yellow blanket seemingly satisfied after her last feeding. Emily was content; Kate was a wreck.
She felt stupid; there was no real reason to cry. She had successfully fed and changed Emily all by herself while Rick cleaned up dinner and made sure Alexis was getting ready for bed. The evening should have been a "win" but yet the tears still came. Rationally, she knew this was, at least in part, due to the roller-coaster of hormonal changes she was going through, but that was not the only reason; not even close.
"Hey how was—what's wrong?" Rick's tone changed the moment he stepped into the bedroom.
Kate looked up, a bit bleary eyed due to her tears, and shook her head just as a few dripped off the bottom edge of her jaw. "Nothing."
"Clearly it's not nothing." Rick walked over and scooped Emily up. He pressed a kiss to her head and then set her down in the bassinette now seated just beside Kate's side of the bed. Once the little girl was secure, he knelt down on the bed in her previous position and waited for Kate to explain her sorrows.
"It's just…" She began with a squeak. "I fed her and was changing her diaper and, you know, staring at every inch of her like usual. I was holding one of her feet and looking at her little toes and I just…I just thought, 'Oh my god, I almost g-gave h-her u-u-up.'" She stammered out as more tears fell down her face.
Horrible. She felt like a horrible person. Worse than a horrible person—a horrible mother.
Emily was so pure and perfect. She had ten little fingers, ten little toes, and the cutest dimples at her knees. The knowledge that she had nearly ended her pregnancy was a thought too raw to process, but after that she had been intent on giving the girl to a strange family that, yes, would have loved her, but then Kate could not have loved her, and that was a terrifying thought.
Rick placed a gentle hand on her knee and reminded, "But you didn't."
She gazed up at him with her watery eyes. "But I would have. How could I think that?!"
"You were doing what you thought was best for her, but you know what I think?" He paused for a moment when Kate shook her head. "I don't think you would have gone through with it. The moment the doctors placed her in your arms that would have been it; you would have changed your mind."
This comment did not make her feel better—if anything, she felt slightly worse. "But then I would have broken those people's hearts. I would have promised her to then, only to have kept her? That's terrible!"
"Kate." He groaned, squeezing her knee. "Stop second guessing decisions you didn't make. You chose to keep her; you chose to stay in her life and that's all that matters."
Kate sniffed and mopped up some tears from her cheek as she glanced back at the bassinette. She could just barely see Emily inside from her position. Her heart clenched in her chest. "I love her so much. That seems impossible but it's true."
"Trust me, I understand. I felt the same way. Well, feel the same." He corrected with a grin.
Kate nodded as embarrassment swept over her once again. She shrugged and gathered up her pile of used tissues. "Silly…I'm crying over her toes."
"Not silly. You're her mother – you can cry over whatever you want."
She laughed breathily and thanked him. After sliding from bed—carefully!—she tossed the pile into the trash and the pulled back the covers knowing that when Emily went to bed, she needed to as well. "Thanks Rick."
He smiled, leaned over the bed and kissed her head gently. "Any time."
A/n: as always, thank you for your reviews.
