Accepting a bet with Maul was probably not the best idea I could've had, but hey, it sounded fun.
I was bored outside of my usual training sessions with Maul anyway, so what Maul proposed was a nice distraction from the sudden guilt ridden thoughts about the Ghost that would plague my mind when I wasn't busy.
The thought of the looks they would surely give me when they found out I chose Maul over them...
Yeah, best not to think about that.
Of course I knew the alliance was only temporary, but somehow, I didn't think that they would care much about that perspective.
Though I suppose I could understand where their worry over the situation would be coming from.
After the sparring incident and spending all those weeks with Maul, I too was starting to notice something that probably should've set off more alarms than it did.
Definitely should've.
You think I would've noticed that I started wearing the new wardrobe Maul gave me more often than my own, until it was all I ever wore, my favorite orange suit tucked away safely in a drawer, but... I didn't.
Not until much later anyway.
And then it didn't seem to matter that much.
I certainly no longer felt the usual searing anger towards him for what he did on Malachor.
It used to always be there, hovering in the back of my mind like a dark storm that would make me snap at those I cared about, and even Maul himself in the beginning.
But I think it slowly started becoming suppressed the moment I agreed to stay with Maul.
Or maybe even before then? I didn't know honestly.
I couldn't tell when I had started to change so much, or even so little. But to me... I still felt normal.
I had always felt this way.
My rage still burned for the Empire. More than ever, even.
But Maul?
My rage towards him when I was back on the Ghost was insatiable.
A drive that consumed me in both waking hours and sleep for only one thing outside of more power, and one thing only.
Revenge.
I had wanted to make him pay for everything he did on Malachor. That he did to Kanan. To... to me, even.
I had felt betrayed more than anything, and I wanted him to pay for it.
But my feelings towards Maul was simply ones of hurt and betrayal, I knew that now.
And as grudgingly as I was to admit it then, they were also of respect, and perhaps, familiarity.
I looked up to him, I had realized.
Like I did-... did with kanan.
Perhaps something had changed lately. Something vast, that I could never get back.
But I felt certain of myself now because of Maul.
I no longer felt so confused by my emotions as I was on the Ghost, even surrounded by my friends turned family.
They made me feel free now.
I was in control of my emotions. Alive.
Like I could actually make a difference.
I could definitely feel my goals were in reach now more than ever. I felt that alongside Maul, I really could bring the corrupt Empire to its knees.
And I craved it.
We both did.
I felt his desire for their demise as strongly as my own. More, even, as shocking as it was to think.
How could someone possibly hate them more than me?
I never asked though, and I didn't plan too.
I didn't want to reveal that our bond was more of a two way street than he realized.
He never seemed to think I could glance many things through our bond from him -something about practice- so I was saving the fact that I could as an advantage for later use.
After all, I needed all the ones I could get against Maul.
I did wonder though... Kanan and the others... how would they feel if I told them the thoughts I was having?
They might try to understand, sure, but in the end... they would be ashamed, maybe even disgusted by my familiarity towards Maul.
Especially after everything he's done.
I could only hope that in the end, after the Empire fell before us, they would accept it was a necessity.
But all my guilt ridden thoughts and questions would have to wait.
I had a game to win.
Crawling to the vents opening I dropped to the floor quietly, a grin forming as I look up and see the elevator doors before me, the robot guards gone from their usual positions.
Most likely doing a few patrols.
Good.
Now was my chance.
I quickly reattached the grate with the Force as I straightened, making my way to stand in front of the doors in absolute silence.
I was doing surprisingly well covering my tracks and hiding my presence as I snuck through the ship, relying heavily on my newly strengthened connection to the Force to guide me around the security camera's and patrolling robots to insure that I got to the communications room without being noticed.
Kanan would've been proud.
If I hadn't learned how to conceal my presence from Maul, that is.
Speaking of... What was I going to say to them after I managed to establish a connection to the Ghost?
I'd obviously tell them I was okay, but would they even take my word for it?
Would they trust me?
Probably not, but still... I wanted, needed, to let them know. I just hoped they'd trust me when I said everything was okay. That there was no need to try and find me yet.
Though honestly, it's been over a month and the Ghost still hadn't came in turrets blazing, which lead me to believe we were better hidden than I gave Maul credit for.
Hmm... Suppose I could start out the message with 'Hey guys, did ya miss me?' and then chuckle sheepishly like the old days...?
Ugh, no, I couldn't do that anymore.
I didn't feel like I had the right, after everything I put them through.
Well, whatever I said, Kanan would still be mad about my agreement to stay with Maul, so I suppose it didn't matter too much on the details...
I smiled bitterly to myself at that thought, before the Force chimed in warning about what I assumed was the robot guards beginning to head back down the hallway towards me. Snapping me out of my musings instantly.
I'd think about what to say to them later, but first, I had to get into the room before I was caught.
Quickly pulling the access card I swiped from one of the robots on a different part of the ship the day before out of my bracer, I slid it into the scanner, setting my jaw stubbornly and hitting the button to open the elevator.
A bit impatient I hit the button again before a frown tugged at my lips.
Wait...
Why wasn't the elevator...?
I looked to the red light the scanner was showing, realization dawning.
Oh...
The card was...
The sound of someone suddenly chuckling behind me had me jumping slightly and turning around fast, my face turning into something between a grimace and a scowl as the image of Maul crossing his arms at the end of the hall with a small grin greeted me.
"I'm impressed, Apprentice," he says calmly, "You got further than I anticipated. You can be quite resourceful, even without that little family of yours."
He seemed happy of that fact as a look of approval flicked across his eyes, calculating grin still in place.
I shifted to the side a little defensively at his words, arms crossing to mirror his as my eyes narrowed.
Well that was just great. It wasn't the robots coming down the hallway before. It was Maul.
I needed to pay more attention to the way he hid his presence, then I'd at least be able to tell the difference between his robots and Maul himself.
"Nice of you to notice." I say lightheartedly, distracting myself from my own mental reprimand. "You could've let me get a little further before the interruption, though."
He raised his brow as amusement traveled through our bond. "And risk you winning our little bet? I think not, Apprentice."
With an eye-roll I partially turned to gesture to the denied keycard dismissively. "Well if you had actually played fairly in the first place, I would've beat you anyway. The stupid card doesn't work."
With a chuckle he pulls something out of the left cuff on his wrist, raising another access card up into view between his for-fingers.
"I remember stating quite clearly that there were two possible cards that could grant you access to the communications room, and thusly, your precious friends. One would be positioned on one of my robots roaming the ship at random, the other, with me at all times. You chose to go after the wrong one, unfortunately." He threw the card to me with a flick of his fingers, my growing irritation turning to surprise as I raised my hand up and caught it on instinct. "Or perhaps... you don't want to talk to your friends as badly as you thought."
"You wish..." I mumble distractedly in response as I look down to the card he had thrown me wearily.
Why did he give me this? I failed the bet we made, didn't I?
"Why did you-?" I began to ask, looking up in time to see that he had closed the distance silently between us and now stood a short distance in front of me, his arms held behind his back in an aloft manner.
My surprise stopped the sentence short, but he seemed to know what I was about to ask anyway as he answered the question.
"I suppose you've earned a short message to your friends since you've done well in all your training." He says dismissively. "But you'll have plenty of time to send it to them later. First we have something important to do."
Wait, seriously? He was going to let me contact them?
That didn't sound right though...
What was he planning...?
My doubt over his sincerity quickly faded though as the feeling to trust him went through my mind, excitement rushing forward over the thought of talking to my friends again quickly overriding my sense of caution as I slid the access card into the same bracer I had used for the other card earlier for later use.
"Something important huh? What is it exactly?" I ask with more curiousity than intended as Maul smirked and pulled an inquisitors saberstaff from his belt, offering it to me.
"Take it. You'll be needing it with you on your mission."
My brow furrowed at his words, unsure if I had heard correctly.
He was sending me on a mission?
By myself?
That was... a little disconcerting.
Seriously, what was he up too now?
I hesitantly reached out and took it from him anyway, sending a questioning feeling through our bond and looking up to him, the saberstaff held loosely between us.
"A mission? With an inquisitors weapon?" I glance down at it thoughtfully for a second. "What kind of mission, exactly?"
Maul chuckled fondly, finding my distracted and curious look while I studied the inquisitors saberstaff amusing in some way. "Nothing you won't agree to, I'm sure, Apprentice."
I glance back up and meet his amusement with a raised brow, saberstaff almost forgotten as he continued. "I believe it's time you made another lightsaber to replace the one you lost. One that is... more fitting for you now, than one slighted from Malachor."
My eyes widened slightly to what he was saying as he glanced down at the staff in my hand, a blurred memory flashing briefly through our bond of him taking it off the Seventh Sister before later leaving the planet himself.
A small bit of Jedi sentiment that Kanan had taught rose up at the image and tried to wrestle with my feelings on the matter in the back of my mind, clearly trying to convince me to say something out loud about him disrespecting someone he had killed so cold-heartedly, but I easily crushed it down.
Now wasn't the time for weak sentiment.
Besides, I had to take items off the dead plenty of times as a child to survive, so what was the difference?
None as far as I was concerned.
The dead couldn't do anything with the stuff they left behind anyway, so why waste it?
Not that Kanan and the others knew much about those particular actions from my past...
With a little 'hmm' of thought I focused on the saber in my hand once more, shifting it around to test the balance of it as everything he said finally slotted away within my mind.
"Sooo... A mission with a dead inquisitors saberstaff?" I frowned down at the weapon in my hand. I didn't like the feeling of it. It was almost... heavy feeling in my mind, even though it was physically light.
Almost like an afterthought, I spoke again before realizing what I was saying. "Can't I just use yours?"
I froze.
What did I just...?
I wasn't sure who was more surprised, but from the overwhelming shock coursing through the bond, I think we were both equally stunned by what I had just asked.
"You..." Slight confusion was evident in Mauls voice, his fingers twitching slightly as he crossed his arms again. "...want to use mine?"
"U-um, no. I mean, I'm just used to holding yours lately I guess. It feels... different from this one, is all..." I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly, the hand holding the saber staff hanging loosely to my side as I looked away nonchalantly.
Okay, why the heck did I ask that?!
It was true that they felt different, but seriously?!
I was getting to comfortable with his presence if words were unconsciously slipping out this badly.
A few moments of uncomfortable embarrassment from me passed before understanding flicked through our bond from Maul, quickly followed by an emotion I couldn't quite pinpoint fast enough before he closed it off.
Curious I looked back to him in time to see him turn around and start back down the hallway, his mind carefully blank on his side of the bond.
"I... see." His words were as deliberate as his slow pace, making me frown as I watched.
"I wonder... Did your precious Jedi ever teach you much about the Force itself?"
He took my confused silence as answer enough and continued.
"Most are unable to sense a difference in lightsabers that have belonged to others, and how the Force within them are attuned to their former welder. But it seems I've underestimated you yet again Apprentice. You are more open to the delicate nature of the Force than I originally thought. It may serve our goal of crushing the Empire well, under the right guidance." He stops at the end of the hall, thinking of something.
"My Mother might be able to teach you some things better than I in that regard." He finally says, so quiet that I barely heard. "We will have to go visit her soon."
What?
Force revelations aside, did he just say he was going to introduce me to his mother?
Was she a Force user too?
Feeling thoroughly confused I didn't even notice Maul glancing back at me until he spoke.
"Oh, and Apprentice?" It took me a second to hear him and refocus my attention back, meeting his eyes in question. "You should really focus more on those mind lessons I gave you."
There was echoes of amusement on the edge of our bond now.
Realization made my eyes widen.
That emotion I couldn't read earlier?
It was definitely humor.
Because of me.
I had figured he'd felt some of my emotions earlier, but apparently he had felt all of it, and most definitely my embarrassment over the matter.
Surprisingly my emotional behavior always seemed to amuse him greatly for some reason.
Giving a grumbled curse I attached the saberstaff to my belt quickly as I jogged forward and caught up with him, ignoring my reddening ears as we walked. Conversation starting up immediately between us as we headed towards the bridge and away from the room I had so desperately wanted in only a few minutes ago, my desire to get inside completely forgotten.
The topic of our conversation?
It was entirely focused on me of course.
-No, I wasn't pouting.
-And no, I did not see the amusement over my embarrassment like he did, so if he would kindly stop chuckling at me through our bond that would be great.
-Seriously, who did he think he was?
-My Master.
-*sigh* Right. And I was the willing Apprentice.
