Edward sat motionless as I grabbed his hands and examined them in the sunlight, they were beautiful. The tiny diamonds sparkled as the sun glared of them. I was angry and frustrated with Edward. For him to think of wasting his life if anything happened to me. He needed to change me, although I knew it wouldn't be easy he just couldn't ignore the face that in twenty years I will be thirty seven and he still seventeen.
I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Edward even if that meant giving up humanity, not like it mattered though. Edward has a soul whether he wants to admit it or not Edward is almost human aside from the running ,coldness, and gorgeous features. I loved him and I know that it has to happen soon.
"Edward you really wouldn't do anything stupid if anything ever happened…"I whispered.
His face was hesitant like he wanted to answer truthfully but I knew he was lying.
"I can't promise anything." He answered.
"Edward…" I paused as he looked down at me. "Alice will if you don't." I warned.
His lips pressed into a hard line and his jaw line tightened.
"I know." The words came harshly out of his mouth. "She told me."
I looked at him astonished.
"What?" I moaned.
"She told me." He explained.
"When?" I asked.
"She told me that you had talked to her about how you wanted to spend the rest of eternity with me and you couldn't do that without being changed. Alice wants me to do it soon. She can't deal with the fact that if something happens to you, if you aren't changed, that I will take my own life." He said.
"Neither could I." I informed him harshly.
He rolled his eyes and gave me his usual look.
"Why do you want me to stay like…this." I motioned my hand towards myself in a disgusted tone.
He looked at me questioningly.
"Bella I don't know why you think you being a human is terrible." He said.
"It's not the fact of being a human." I informed him. "It's that being a human means that I'm growing old every second and you stay the same."
"I just want you to have a normal and happy life." He assured me.
"Edward my life sure as hell isn't normal and I am happy…with you." I looked at his face, it was a cross of a smile but still had the stern look.
I smiled innocently at him.
Then with in a second he flashed me my favorite crooked smile.
I could tell he was trying to get off the subject of changing me.
"Bella." He said in a serious voice. "When someone gets changed, you can never take that back, you'd be a vampire forever." He said. "After a while the ones you love, you have to see them get old and then sooner enough they will be gone. I would never know what it would have been like to see my mother and father grow old while I was suffering with my thirst, my parents and all other relatives were gone before my changing."
I looked up at him with sad eyes.
"But every friend I had ever had, I had to watch them die, over and over again the same process, it was excruciating." He looked down. "Bella I don't want you to have to go through that and see the ones you love die, you would be risking everything just to be with me and I don't want to be the one to take that from you."
I thought about what he said, it made my head dizzy and my mind swirled with visions of Rene and Charlie in hospital beds, years older than they are now, and me I was watching through a window away from the world and my eyes were red with thirst. I couldn't see them because I was a vampire and my appearance would remain the same. My heart hurt at the thought and a sudden ache in my chest made me think more.
Suddenly my vision changed there were nurses running into the room where my parents lay, the monitors were going crazy and then they both fell into a straight line. The nurses were calling for help but it was too late. And I sat there by that very window with Edward watching the nurses try and save my beloved parents.
"Bella?" Edward asked shaking me out of my terrifying vision.
"Yes?" I asked.
"I want you to be happy, this is your decision but all I am saying is that I don't want you to regret anything." He told me.
"Edward no matter what, I have already made my decision and that is to be with you forever." He started to interrupt but I put my finger to lips. "When the time comes I will still have you. I love you Edward Cullen, and that will never ever change." I informed him.
He smiled his brilliant smile and pressed his lips to mine.
The fire burned my lips and it felt good, his stone body pressed into me, not to hard though I could tell he was holding himself back, being restricted. I started to pull his shirt off, I got it half way over his head and then he pulled away.
"Please Bella don't make this hard." He begged.
"Why don't you ever want to…" my voice trailed off. "Have you ever?..."
He rolled his eyes.
"No, Bella I've told you I have never met anyone that I have been more involved and fascinated with than you. Trust me Bella I want to, but if I made one wrong move…I could kill you." He warned.
"No you wouldn't, I trust you Edward. You wouldn't hurt me." I told him. I had to admit I was defiantly embarrassed to be having this conversation but I need to know.
"I just don't think it is safe." He said.
I let out a sigh and let the subject drop. I had Edward and soon enough we would be together forever no matter what the risk.
