A/N: I'm posting this at three in the goddamn MORNING. That's how much I love you guys. So if this chapter sucks more than usual, cut me some slack, okay?
I'm disappointed that nobody ever wants to get involved in my gimmicks. I got two responses for my last one. TWO. And they weren't great. The first was Phoebe from "Charmed",'cause she turned evil for a while. But c'mon! They do the "turn evil" thing like, once per sister per season. I woulda said Prue. I know she's dead and all, but there's this one episode where they all got inflicted with one of the seven deadly sins. Phoebe got lust, Piper got Gluttony, and Prue seemed normal. Of course, her reasoning behind this was that she must have been unaffected because she's so powerful, the oldest sister and blah, blah blah. I spent the whole episode yelling at the t.v. "Sin of pride, bitch! SIN. OF. PRIDE!". And even when they were cured, there was no change in her behaviour. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Prue is most bashable.
The second response was for a Harry Potter character. I disagree with that purely on principal. Choosing a "most bashable" from Harry potter is like playing "Whack-A-Mole" and only aiming for the middle one.
And now that my daily rant is out of the way, onto review replies!
muppettmadness: Again, sorry about the mix-up. Glad I cought that before anyone else read it. I would still love to her your opinion on the REAL chapter eight, if at all possible. Also, I noticed your profile is actually a trio so, out of curiosity, which one of you is reading and reviewing this?
kateg123: Aha! You say you normally love slash? I bet I know why (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). I have a theory that women like slash because it allows women to indulge in romantic fantasies without being subjected to the unrealistic standard of beauty present in most female characters. So they decide to hook up the two hottest guys. You do not. Why? Because it's already done for you! And also, Gwen, cute though she may be, is hardly a supermodel. There's my theory. It may need some work.
Amelia McDermid: I think, at this point in my sad and lonely life, my day would be made if anyone not directly related to me were to walk in naked.
hotflower901: Actually, in a way, he's sorta right. He's also a bit wrong. It's tricky to explain. And I'm not gonna cause it would give it away.
el-retardo69: Yes, because sex is the answer to everyone's problems! Or at least mine. But then, my biggest problem is that I'm not having sex. Nonaked Jack today, but I hope I made up for it.
GIMMICK: PM me your favourite, non-Torchwood slash pairing, and why. I know that my gimmicks have engendered a less than positive response so far, but bear with me! This time there's a prize! Nothing of real material value, I'm afraid, but I hope you like it anyway. The winner of this little comp will get...a character named after them! And not a lame little background one, an extremely significant one.
A short slash scene between the said characters will get you extra points. More if you can make me laugh. Also I'll need your real name (just the first one), or else there's no point. There's no set deadline as yet, cause this character doesn't show up for at least a few chapters, so there is absolutely NO reason for you to not at least scribble down a few lines on why (for example) those two A-Team members are so hot together.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Torchwood...yet.
WARNING: But that would give away the surprise!
NINE: NOT AGAIN
Ianto weaved through the dimly-lit archives. It was like a hedge maze, only dusty…and underground…with file cabinets. Okay, so it was nothing like a hedge maze. Finally, in the corner furthest from the door, he found Alex, lying on his side, face to the wall. He had somehow acquired a pillow and several bottles of water. Obviously, the boy was in it for the long haul. Ianto marvelled at how quietly Alex had slipped away. It had been hours before they even noticed he was gone
"You know there's not much point hiding out down here." Alex jerked his head up in surprise, and rolled over, a large book in hand. "We have heat scanners monitoring every life form in the Hub. All we have to do is look at a computer screen to find you."
"I don't care if you find me." Alex replied, sullen-faced, before rolling back to face the wall again "I'm just sick of hearing everyone's stupid theories. Owen thinks I'm faking, Toshiko thinks sleepwalking, Jack thinks I'm going stir-crazy, and Gwen just thinks I'm a "poor thing", which I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't keep saying so, over and over and over again."
Ianto sat cross-legged on the floor directly behind Alex.
"And what do you think?"
"I know it was real. She was there. I touched her, I felt her breath. I tasted her blood for fuck's sake! It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a hallucination, and if Owen accuses me of faking again, I'll break my telekinesis off in his butt!"
"You can't blame them for looking for rational explanations. Once, we, the whole team, almost died, out in the middle of nowhere. All because we assumed we were looking for aliens. We didn't want to think that there was a simler explanation. We didn't want to believe that humans could be just as evil."
"I'm evil?" Alex's voice had a dangerous edge to it "Is that what you think?"
"I think we have to cover all the possibilities." Ianto moved in closer to Alex, lying down and placing a hand on the boy's hip, running his thumb over the curved bone in a soothing, circular motion. "But for what it's worth, I don't agree with Jack, Owen, Toshiko or Gwen."
"What's your theory?" Alex asked. Ianto took a deep breath.
"That something strange and frightening is happening to you, and that you deserve to be taken seriously." Ianto felt the shivers running down the younger man's spine. They gave him a few delicious shivers of his own.
"I like that theory best." Alex leaned his head back. His hair tickled the underside of Ianto's chin. Ianto was quietly amazed that the usually cocky, confident Alex, who had been trained to kill in cold blood, now resorted to hiding like a child. In truth, for all that Alex was physically an adult; he was very child-like in thought and action. He wrapped his arms around the smaller body, feeling the hard muscles under the cotton-polyester blend fabric of Alex's t-shirt. For some reason, which he really didn't feel like analysing right now, 'Vulnerable Alex' was very sexy.
"I just want to forget everything." Alex's voice was barely even a whisper.
"You could, for a while at least." Ianto replied, just as softly, with that slightly devious hint to his voice that worked quicker than ten of Jack's 'sexy grins'. "It is Friday, after all."
Before he could even blink, Ianto was on his back, with Alex straddling his hips, their clothed erections having a close encounter of the best kind. 'Vulnerable Alex' had been shed as easily as torn wrapping paper, and the gift that was 'Horny Alex' was gleefully received.
"Now why didn't I think of that?" Alex asked, bunching Ianto's jacket in his fists and leaning down to press their foreheads together. "What a good idea," He practically purred "and for thinking of it, you get to choose what we do first." Before Ianto could speak (not that he was even able to at the moment), Alex pressed a hand to his lips. "Wait! Let me guess…" he closed his eyes and appeared to be in deep concentration.
"Uh…Alex?"
"Aha!" Alex opened his eyes and grinned at Ianto evilly, before undoing Ianto's top button with a deft flick of his fingers. The tiny triangle of skin that was revealed was caressed, and then eagerly licked as Alex's hands moved onto the next button, and the process was repeated. Undo, rub, lick, undo, rub, lick, until, after what seemed like an age, and Ianto's entire torso had been tongue-polished to a high sheen, Alex reached the waistband of his trousers. "Damn. I ran out of buttons, looks like play time's over." His eyes widened in mock surprise "A zipper! These are always fun."
A staccato of metal teeth, a quick tug, and suddenly Ianto's trousers and briefs were around his knees. Alex swooped down, and the musty archives were replaced by the wet, warm, undulating walls of his mouth, seeming to encompass the Welshman's entire being.
Toshiko ran the video for what felt like the millionth time, trying to ignore Owen's jibes. It wasn't enough that the man was already ugly as sin, he had to deliberately make himself unattractive to anyone. She sighed. Trust her to fall for the most obnoxious, self-centred, rude…where was Ianto? She could really do with a pick-me-up.
"It's getting late." Gwen looked at her watch and yawned.
"You can go home," Toshiko offered "I want to go over this one more time."
"Are you still doing that?" Owen sneered from his workstation "I gave up on that ages ago, I'm looking at footage of him and Ianto going at it on the front desk."
"What?" Gwen stormed over to his computer "You can't just spy on people like that! It's a total violation of human rights!"
"You're just upset because I got footage of you kissing a girl!"
He ducked, sniggering as Gwen swung a fist in his direction. His head hit the keyboard and a different video popped up.
"What's this?" Gwen asked, forgetting about the little weasel for now. Owen glanced up.
"Ask Tosh, she's in it."
"What?" Toshiko manoeuvred her wheelie-chair around to Owen's desk, suppressing the urge to spread her arms out and pretend to be flying. She watched the footage for a few seconds before recognition set in. "Oh, that's from when I got Alex to display his powers for me. I never did get the chance to go over it." They watched as he went through them one by one. "Watch this!" she said as it got near the end "He's about to do something really cool!"
They watched.
They waited.
"He's not doing anything." Owen finally said.
"I don't understand," Toshiko muttered "when I filmed it, there was a cat on the table."
"A cat?" Gwen asked "How?"
"Thought-form projection." Toshiko explained "He can take images from his mind and project them into three-dimensional space, making them physically real."
"Hang on." Owen raised a finger. "You're sayin' that the brat could magic me up an army of bikini-clad babes?"
"Sure," Toshiko replied flippantly "for like, two minutes."
"Pfft. Not worth it."
"But if there's a cat there," Gwen brought them back to the matter at hand "why doesn't it appear on film?"
"Maybe it isn't real?" Owen shrugged "There are such things as tangible hallucinations."
"Well, whatever the reason, we know thought-form projection doesn't fool cameras. Which gives me an idea…" Toshiko's fingers rattled over the keyboard, and the footage of Alex in the morgue played alongside his demonstration with Toshiko. She paused them both. On the first, her hand was stretched over the table, petting an invisible cat. In the second, Alex was frozen in place in the centre of the floor, arms pinned to his sides, eyes wide with fear.
"Look at that," Toshiko said "He's acting like someone grabbed him suddenly from behind. And think about the other stuff: the flickering lights, the morgue drawer moving. He can do all that with his mind."
"So he really did fake it then?" Owen asked, surprised that he was being proved right.
"Of course not!" Gwen scolded "Look at his face, that's genuine terror! The poor thing..."
"So what's happening?"
"Well, obviously…" Gwen paused "…Tosh?"
"I think someone's using thought-form projection on him."
"But…how? He's the only person around who can do that."
"Not necessarily." Toshiko replied "Maybe Alex knows. We should ask him."
"Which brings us to a pertinent point," Owen interrupted "where is Alex?"
A fitful buzzing in his ear brought Ianto out of his orgasm-induced coma. It took him a moment to realise it was a voice, and another moment to realise it was coming from his earpiece, which had been shook loose by the intense thrashing when Alex did that thing with his teeth. He lifted it to his ear.
"Ianto, thank God!" Gwen sounded extremely relieved "Alex isn't anywhere in the Hub, and there's only five heat signals on the scanner. Have you seen him?"
"Sure, he's just-" Ianto turned to see empty space beside him "shit."
A/N: Ugh...too tired to thinks of a clever metaphor...Review or no fic for you!
