I'm calling out your name
(Calling out your name)
From where he was sitting on the grassy bank, Georg slowly turned and searched behind him. A short distance away, the picnic rug was spread out under a group of shady oaks. The baskets had been emptied of Cook's lunch and special treats hours ago. Only a few early season apples and sliced cake wrapped tightly in wax paper were left on the rug beside the baskets. Maria and Liesl had gone on a walk to explore the nearby woods with the younger girls some time ago. Since they'd left, he'd found himself straining to hear them, or, like now, desperate to catch sight of them. Especially her…
Staring beyond the rug, scattered with the picnic baskets, skipping ropes and ball, he looked into the distance, hoping they wouldn't be gone for much longer. It was ridiculous. For so long he couldn't wait to escape the children and all they reminded him of. Being around them had been suffocating, overwhelming, unbearable.
But now, so desperate to make up for all that lost time, far from pushing them away and ignoring them, now he was feeling possessive and over protective. These past weeks, he'd almost convinced himself that was all as he tried to believe it explained everything. But now he could admit that was only part of it. Now, he had to face what he'd been trying so desperately to deny. He found their governess so damn fascinating. Especially now.
Disappointed there was still no sign of Maria and the girls, he turned back. Smiling, he recalled how excited the children had been when he'd announced at breakfast he'd be joining them this afternoon. If there had been any doubt before then, right at that moment, he knew he'd made the right decision.
He didn't care that Elsa had made her annoyance obvious to everyone at breakfast, all but ignoring him until he'd heard her leaving for town with Max. It made him wonder what a future with her and the children looked like. God, did they even have a future? Later in his study, he'd laughed off Max's suggestion that perhaps he should stay and join him as chaperone on his afternoon jaunt with the children and their governess. But, as he narrowed his eyes against the afternoon sun reflecting off the lake, he wondered if perhaps it hadn't been one of Max's more sensible suggestions. What exactly had his friend noticed?
He froze. He was certain it hadn't been Elsa, but surely that hadn't been Max wandering around the villa at the break of dawn. Oh God, surely not? Max would have said something, he wouldn't have been able to help himself. It couldn't have been him. Could it…?
"Father?"
"Yes, Louisa…?" Georg turned to his daughter sitting in the shade beside him.
"Don't you wish days like this could just go on forever?"
He smiled and wrapped his arm around her. Pulling her against him, he placed a kiss on her temple against her tightly braided hair. "I know what you mean…" he whispered quietly against her, wishing it was possible to look at the world through the eyes of a child. But he knew only too well how fragile forever could be. Just when you thought something was going to last forever, without warning, your world could suddenly crash down around you...
"Can we do this again?" Louisa leaned into her father. "I mean with you and Fraulein Maria…" she pulled away and looked up at him, before blushing and turning her attention back out to the lake.
"I'm sure we can," Georg felt like his heart was going to burst. Of all the children, Louisa had been the most wary of him after his return from Vienna. He'd seen the way she'd looked at him these past weeks, as if she expected the spell would be broken at any moment and he'd go back to his old self. The angry, distant father they'd come to know and fear. "Of course, we can do this again," he added tentatively. "If that's what you'd like…"
Her cheeks still flushed, Louisa turned back to him with a wide smile. A smile that said more than any words ever could. Tightening his arm around her, he poked her ribs, making her squeal and squirm next to him.
"Louisa! Sshhh…" Fredrich hissed from the other side of his father. "You'll scare away the fish!"
Georg reached across and ruffled his eldest son's hair before turning and grinning mischievously at Louisa who was busy straightening out the skirt of the dress Maria had fashioned for her from the old drapes. His daughter rolled her eyes at him, then concentrated on the rod in her hands. Leaning back on his hands, he marvelled at how lucky he was to be given a second chance with the children. As each day passed, he realised it was a chance more precious than he could have imagined. One he surely didn't deserve.
With only the song of a distant blackbird interrupting his thoughts, he found himself agreeing with Louisa. Sometimes, some moments are just so perfect, you do wish they could go on forever. Surely, this afternoon was one of those. Even after the inevitable ache of coming back here without Agathe, it had proven to be easier than he'd imagined.
They'd left the villa at midday, loaded up with picnic baskets, blankets and anything else they could carry. As they'd walked along the path that skirted the lake, singing songs and laughing and joking, he'd suggested they stop at the boat shed on their way past and pick up the old fishing rods. They hadn't been touched for years, but he was sure they'd still be there. Perhaps a little worse for wear, but still in good enough order for the children to have some fun.
Friedrich and Kurt had been so excited at the prospect of fishing in the lake. Of course, Louisa had also jumped at the suggestion, naming all kinds of creatures they could use as bait, much to the horror of her younger sisters. Maria had agreed that whoever wanted to go fishing with their father could do so, but only after they had lunch first.
Walking along the path with the rods in his hand, he'd smiled as he heard Maria reassuring the younger girls that Cook had packed them up with so much food there was bound to be something of interest for the fish. Louisa wasn't so sure, but a stern look from Maria had been enough to convince Georg that they should make do with the leftover cold meat, chicken bones and whatever else was in the picnic baskets.
He smiled as he turned his head, once again searching the woods behind them. He knew he shouldn't worry. If there's one thing he'd learned, if the children were with Maria, they were in safe hands. But still, with his renewed interest in the children, he found himself always wanting to know where they were, what they were doing. Of course, he couldn't deny that his interest in the children wasn't matched by a keen interest in their governess.
As a gentle gust of wind ruffled his hair, he knew it had been there the day she'd breezed into their lives. Escaping to Vienna, he'd been certain he'd forget about her soon enough. But he only grew more and more curious as the days, and then weeks, passed and no telegrams or calls came from the villa. He kept waiting for the inevitable explanation, the excuses, why governess number twelve had suddenly abandoned ship. Or at least a frantic call telling him to return immediately, the children were in tears and inconsolable. But the call never came. A carefully worded telegram never arrived. There'd been nothing but deafening silence. It had only made him all the more intrigued.
And now, well now, his fascination was impossible to ignore. It would be ridiculous even trying to deny what he now knew. In the early hours of this morning, everything had become crystal clear. As unexpected as the sunlight streaming though the kitchen window, so to had been the realisation that he was falling for this remarkable woman.
By the time he'd made it back to his room, he hadn't been able to sleep. He'd spent the few remaining hours before breakfast reliving every moment, every word, every look, in his mind. It had been no different later in his study. He was supposed to be giving serious thought to his future with Elsa, but he'd been far too distracted. God, how could he think about Elsa? He'd been preoccupied with short blonde hair, wide blue eyes and a smile that touched every corner of his cold, dark heart.
And every new discovery, every moment spent with Maria, just made him more…
"Father?"
"Yes, Kurt…?" Georg turned to his youngest son who was sitting on the other side of Friedrich.
"If we catch another fish, can we take it home and eat it for dinner?"
"If it's a big enough," Georg smiled.
"Yes, Father…" Kurt answered as he looked at the end of his line disappearing into the lake.
"You do understand why we've had to let the small ones go?" Georg hadn't missed his son's frustrated tone.
"Yes… but the bigger fish are too smart to get caught."
Georg laughed. "You just have to be smarter to catch them!"
"Father, I don't think they're interested in Cook's lunch," Louisa suggested. "I'm sure I could find them something much more interesting…"
Georg laughed and gave his daughter a gentle nudge. He was just about to say something when he heard a familiar sound on the summer breeze.
Maria!
He whirled around, hoping to catch sight of her or the girls. "Friedrich, keep an eye on things…" Georg stood up, patting his son on the shoulder before making his way towards the picnic blanket. He looked along the overgrown path that led away from the lake, before it turned further into the trees and out of sight. Scanning the woods, he wondered where they were. Hoped they wouldn't be long…
Can you hear me calling
Out your name?
You know that I'm falling
And I don't know what to say
Maria had her arm draped around Liesl's waist as they walked along the rough, overgrown path. The three young girls were skipping ahead of them, each carrying a large bunch of white daisies they'd stopped to pick deeper in the woods.
"Careful, girls!" Maria called out ahead. The girls stopped and turned, smiling and waving, before they continued skipping ahead.
"Thank you, Fraulein Maria," Liesl wrapped her arm around her governess' slim waist.
"Whatever for, Liesl?" Maria glanced at her before returning her keen eye to the three young girls bounding and giggling ahead of them.
"For getting Father to join us," Liesl answered, as if it were obvious.
"He'd actually decided to come along himself," Maria smiled at Brigitta who had stopped to throw her arms out wide and twirl around in a circle.
"He listens to you, though," Liesl continued.
"Your father listens to everyone," Maria told her.
"But it's been so long. I haven't seen him so happy for, well, since… well, for such a long time…"
"Oh, Liesl, that's hardly anything to do with me," Maria laughed off the silly suggestion.
"But he does listen to you, Fraulein Maria," Liesl turned, trying to convince her. "Somehow you get through to him when no one else can."
"It's all your father's doing," Maria explained to Liesl with a smile. "Eventually, time heals every…"
"Father! Father!"
Maria looked from Liesl to the commotion from further down the path. She smiled as she watched the three girls race towards their father. He was watching them from a distance, he must have just rounded the bend in the path. Catching sight of him again, she thought she might have to stop to catch her breath.
Liesl was right. Her father did seem much more relaxed, somehow different today. But then, everything seemed different today.
Just like every other morning, she'd been running late to breakfast. As usual, he'd been sitting at the head of the table wearing one of his familiar suits, and that familiar dark expression he wore whenever he was reading the front page of the newspaper. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but much to her disappointment, he barely looked at her.
He'd said good morning to her but didn't look up from his paper. The Baroness looked even more serious. Usually she'd be trying to catch the Captain's attention, speaking in her low, husky voice only loud enough for him to hear, trying to draw a laugh. But even she seemed different today. She didn't speak to anyone. Her and the Captain didn't even look at each other.
Just as she was wondering if her Middle-of-the-Night-Captain had been nothing more than a dream, he looked up from his plate and caught her looking at him. Much to her horror. He gave her one of those smiles. One where his mouth barely moves but his eyes could set her heart on fire. She was sure he even gave her the tiniest hint of a nod. Thankfully, the children were so excited at Brigitta's birthday, her attention was quickly dragged away.
After presenting Brigitta with her birthday gift, the Captain had joined in as they all sang "Happy Birthday" at the top of their voices while they watched her tear away the red ribbon and brown paper. When the children had finally settled down, he announced that he'd be joining them in the afternoon. She hadn't missed the stony expression from the Baroness. It had been such a contrast to the children's raucous response and obvious joy.
Partway through breakfast, Maria had been struck by the thought that perhaps it had been the Baroness who'd banged the door in the early hours of the morning. She hadn't seen anyone when she'd left the kitchen, but it might explain the Baroness' mood. She couldn't think about it for too long, not with the children so excited.
Then he'd excused himself and shut himself in his study. They didn't see him again all morning. Louisa had even suggested that he probably wasn't going to join them after all.
And then, just as they were gathering in the foyer, the children wearing the play clothes she'd lovingly made from the old drapes, he'd appeared on the stairs. She was certain her heart had stopped beating right at that moment. Perhaps the world had even stopped for an instant.
The Captain was walking down the stairs wearing a casual shirt, and a pair of tight lederhosen and knee-high boots. At least he'd put on a coat made of rough woollen flannel. But still, memories of last night kept flooding back. She'd lost count of the number of times the children struggled to get her attention. She'd spent most of the afternoon trying not to stare. She could hardly trust herself to look at him. But he was just such a distraction…
And now, here they were out in the woods and suddenly her pulse was racing once again. All it took was a sudden appearance by the Captain. What was happening to her? She could hardly start reciting Hail Marys or crossing herself now. But that's exactly what she should be doing as thoughts of the wild, untamed Captain from last night filled her mind.
The smaller girls raced ahead, quickly reaching their father. He threw his head back and laughed as he crouched down to hear their news. He looked up and caught her eye. Liesl was right, he looked so happy. She'd never seen him looking so relaxed around the children. She smiled. They just adored him. They all did...
"...perfect day, Fraulein Maria."
Realising Liesl was talking to her, Maria forced her thoughts away from the Captain and caught the tail end of Liesl's words.
Liesl tightened her hold around her governess' waist. Although, she rarely thought of her as the governess since that first night, she never really had. "Thank you, we have our father back again..." she trailed off.
Maria turned, and saw the tears welling in her eyes. "Oh, Liesl," she whispered as they continued down the neglected pathway.
I'll speak a little louder
I'll even shout
You know that I'm proud
And I can't get the words out
Kneeling on one knee, Georg laughed as his three youngest daughters all talked at once, trying to get his attention. Each carrying a bunch of flowers, they were so happy, so adorable. Brigitta had her arm around his shoulder. Marta was holding onto his leg, while Gretl was jumping up and down telling him all about all about the patch of daisies they'd found deeper in the woods.
He wondered why he'd ever tried to force the children out of his life. Moments like this were just too precious. He looked over Gretl's head as she danced from one foot to the next. Maria and Liesl were still some distance away, deep in conversation. He loved that Maria treated Liesl differently to the other children. She'd been right. God, was this woman ever wrong?
She looked back down the path and he caught her eye. He smiled at her. He couldn't stop himself. She looked so beautiful walking towards him in the dappled sunlight. The breeze ruffled her hair, and she laughed as she lifted her hand and ran it through her fringe…
He sucked in a breath as images of last night's dream came flooding back. The memory hit him so hard, it felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs. He thought he'd managed to push that to the back of his mind…
"Father…" Marta was tugging on the rolled-up sleeve of his shirt.
"Yes, Sweetheart…" Georg wrapped his arm around his daughter as he tore his eyes away from Maria, and his thoughts away from last night.
"Father… can we go on a picnic tomorrow?" Marta asked in a small voice.
Georg looked into her wide eyes and smiled. "Tomorrow might be too soon, don't you think?"
"But…" her eyes grew wider as she tried to find the words. "I like you being here…" she dropped her eyes as she reached across and ran her fingers along the rough skin of his forearm. "I like you being here with us… and with Fraulein Maria…" she whispered, before bravely looking up into her father's eyes.
"Oh, Marta!" Georg pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. "I like being here with you. And with Fraulein Maria," he said into her hair.
"Fraulein Maria!" Gretl whirled around and called out. "Father likes spending time with us!"
"Of course, he does, Sweetie," Maria smiled down at the Captain as she came to a stop and Gretl grabbed hold of her skirt. "Your father likes nothing better than spending time with all of you children," she reached down and brushed Gretl's fringe away from her face.
"And you too, Fraulein Maria!" Gretl announced proudly as she let go of her. "He told us, he likes you to!" she turned and started skipping off down the path toward the lake.
Maria stared after the small girl, her cheeks growing hot.
"Ehrm…yes, well, girls…" Georg began, as he stood up tugging his ear, his eyes not leaving Maria's. "I think it's time we checked on the fishing…" he mumbled as he turned to walk back down the path. Heaven help him, did he really say that? Feeling Liesl and Maria's eyes on his back, he ushered Brigitta and Martha around the path's sweeping bend toward the lake. Reaching up and running the back of his fingers down his cheek, he was sure he was blushing.
As he walked the short distance back to the picnic blanket with one girl either side, he placed a protective arm gently around their shoulders.
When they reached the blanket, Brigitta flopped down looking up at the puffy clouds floating across the sky.
"Any bites?" Georg called out as he walked down to the bank.
"Nothing…" the three children all replied together.
He smiled at Louisa as her two youngest sisters stood either side, carefully threading daisies through her braided hair. He chuckled to himself as she rolled her eyes at him. She reminded him so much of himself. Guarded, wary, always suspicious. Little wonder it had taken Maria longer to understand Louisa than the rest of the children. But then, she'd worked him out by the time he'd introduced her to the children. Perhaps he wasn't as complex and complicated as he'd always imagined…
Something's happening
Happening to me
Turning, he walked over to the blanket and sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him as he watched the children on the bank. Liesl and Maria soon joined him and sat down beside him. He turned and smiled at them both, but quickly turned away, still feeling a little awkward following Gretl's revelation.
Liesl looked from her father to Fraulein Maria and smiled to herself. Standing up, she walked down to the edge of the lake and sat next Kurt.
"Father?" Brigitta asked quietly as she stared up at the sky. "Do you think Mother is watching us?"
Georg quickly turned towards Maria. She was already looking him, nodding her encouragement.
"I'm sure she's smiling down on you all," Maria answered, still looking at the Captain. "Especially today, on your birthday."
"Do you think so?" Brigitta persisted.
"Mmmmm…I do…" Georg replied, holding onto Maria's eyes and nodding his thanks. "And she would be so proud…" he added quietly.
"Really…?" Brigitta sat up suddenly and turned to look at her father.
"Really," Georg answered, pulling his daughter onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her. "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!" he tightened his arms around her and placed a tender kiss against her hair.
Maria was still looking at the Captain. Seeing the emotion in his eyes, she cocked her head to the side, questioning if he was alright.
Georg gave her a tight smile and nodded. He just needed a moment. Thankfully, after the initial ache of being here without Agathe, there hadn't been too many difficult moments this afternoon. The children had gone surprisingly easy on him. His eyes narrowed, still looking across to Maria, he wondered if she'd said anything to them.
He turned towards the lake as he heard Marta squeal with delight. She'd been standing beside Liesl, with her back to them, but now as she turned and was making her way towards them, he could see what she'd been busy at. She made a beeline towards Maria, holding out a chain made from some of the daisies they'd picked earlier.
"A present for you, Fraulein Maria!" she called out.
"Oh, how beautiful!" Maria held out her arms and caught the young girl. She bobbed her head low enough for Marta to thread the necklace over.
"Father, doesn't Fraulein Maria look pretty?" Marta asked in her quiet voice.
"Mmmm…" Georg smiled at Maria, giving her a hint of a nod.
Maria blushed furiously and quickly wrapped her arm around Marta, poking a finger in her ribs to distract everyone, especially the Captain, from such an embarrassing question. Marta squealed and squirmed as Maria kept tickling her until she was able to make her escape down the bank towards the lake. When she reached Liesl, she turned around and smiled at Maria.
Georg watched on as Maria smiled at Marta. His daughter was right. Maria looked pretty. But then, he'd always thought that. Even when she'd arrived in that hideous grey sack. And now, with the chain of daisies around her neck, she looked sweet, lovely, and so utterly adorable. But then she always did. A gentle gust passed across them, blowing Maria's hair. He wanted to reach across and run his fingers through it, smooth it. He flexed his fingers. Perhaps it would be more fun to mess it up even more…
"Oh, no!" Maria exclaimed suddenly.
Shocked, Georg clenched his fist. "What's wrong, Fraulein?" Dear God, had she read his mind?
"We need to pack up," Maria turned to the Captain.
"What…?" he looked at her like she'd gone completely mad. He sat up straighter, as Brigitta looked from him to Maria.
"Now!"
Thank you everyone for continuing to read and review. Special thanks to the guest reviewers who I can't thank personally.
Apologies for ending things there, it certainly wasn't my intention. I hadn't planned to write a chapter just devoted to the picnic, but the chapter I originally wrote ended up being twice as long as this, so I had to cut it somewhere down the middle...
Fleetwood Mac's "Everywhere" continues to inspire this story.
I don't own TSOM, still just having a lend!
"Immerse your soul in love"
