song for the chapter - i can't breathe by bea miller
Henry took the part of making sure we had privacy. He told Gooch to keep Ray upstairs unless he absolutely needed him before shutting off the elevator but leaving the tubes alone. Charlotte grabbed some blankets and pillows and they moved the table out from the couch to put a makeshift comfy area for us. I sat in the middle, a pillow in my lap with one behind me. My phone was by Henry's which was behind my head, away from my attention. I was amazed at the amount of blankets Charlotte had pulled together. I felt more comfortable than in my own bed.
I pulled a blanket over my legs before replacing the pillow on top. Charlotte sat on my right and pushed a pillow behind her back as well before grabbing a blanket of her own. Henry took the spot on my left and stole his own set of pillows and blankets before placing his hand on top of mine, tracing shapes into my skin lightly.
"I feel like this talk has been coming for a while now," Charlotte started. I sighed and leaned my head back against the cushions. She wasn't wrong.
"I don't even know how to start this," I admitted.
"Okay, how about we just ask questions and if you think of how to continue it, we'll let you," Henry suggested. I nodded and took a deep breath.
"How did you know all of the right things to do when Ray asked you to help me?" Henry asked.
I pulled my lips in before letting go. "I used to practice a lot on myself. At first, it was awful but I started figuring it out and I used the internet sometimes. I got better as time went on," I answered, truthfully too.
"What do you mean practice on yourself? For fun or..." Charlotte trailed off as she looked at me, her brows furrowing in concentration.
"I wish I could say it was for fun..but it wasn't," I mumbled. One of the two let out a breath, but I couldn't bring myself to look at who.
"What are you saying?" Henry pushed.
"It started around 7th grade, I guess? My um, my mom was always super nice as you know, but something changed. She wouldn't come home until it was pitch black, always started arguments with my dad or I, and she would drink, every night," I paused to catch my breath. Time for the hard part.
"The night before we went to see The Fault in Our Stars was when she snapped. I hadn't even explained what we wanted to do before she started attacking me. That was the first time she hit me. From there, it got worse. One day, my dad was sleeping at home and she dragged me to the basement so he wouldn't hear. Halfway through she left for a phone call or whatever. I couldn't move. It hurt to breathe and every ounce of me was just screaming to give up. Jackson came down the stairs for his laundry and saw me. He started crying and begging me to hold on. Mom eventually came back down but Jackson hid and called the cops," I explained.
Charlotte had teary eyes and Henry's jaw was clenched. I squeezed his hand, causing him to look at me. Almost done, Jocelyn. Almost there.
"When the cops came, it took three of them to keep her down. She had threatened to actually kill me at one point. When they finally got her, Jackson wouldn't let go of me. My dad had come down during the mess and he was holding me too, I think but Captain Man finally got them-"
"Wait a second. Ray knew about this?" Henry blurted. Charlotte leaned over and slapped his arm.
"I didn't know until recently. That night when I first came here, he told me. I was so out of it I couldn't remember," I said. Henry ran a hand through his hair.
"Okay, keep going." He leaned back.
"I don't really remember much from there. I was in the hospital for a week and when we came back home, it was different. My dad and Jackson wouldn't let me out of their sight for more than 10 minutes unless I was sleeping. Even then, they would check on me. I got used to it. But um..the other day, Ray told me we need to be careful. My mom, she...she's back. And she knows where I am," I concluded.
Henry and Charlotte didn't say anything for a while but I honestly couldn't expect them to. Henry shoved the blankets off his lap and stood up. He started pacing the floor in front of us.
"It all makes sense. The bruises, the week you said you were sick. That's why we weren't allowed over," Henry pieced together. I nodded.
Charlotte scooted closer towards me. "Well, I'm not sure what else to say besides I'm sorry, Jocelyn. I can't believe we didn't see the signs."
"No, no. It's okay. I'd rather you guys not see me like that. I didn't want to tell you in the first place but Ray told me I had to because of my mom being back. She was bound to spill something. I don't want you guys treating me any differently. I'm okay. I'm a strong kid, and I'll get through it again if I need-"
"Uh uh. Not happening. No way. We aren't letting you go through that again, Jocelyn. Henry walked towards me. "We love you too much to think of you differently. It's all going to be okay." I didn't have the courage to look up at him, knowing I'd burst into tears. "Let's just sleep here for tonight. Ray won't care. Neither Char or I can leave you alone after that. We'll protect you as long as we have to."
"Hop up for a second and pull that stuff off," Henry offered me his hand as we stood up. Charlotte and I pulled the blankets and pillows away from the center of the couch. He pressed a button on his remote and slowly, the couch opened up from a half circle into a straight line and unfolded, giving us more room to sleep. I picked up a bundle of blankets and tossed them on the cushions.
"I'm going to change really quick, be right back," Charlotte dismissed herself from us and grabbed her backpack off the floor.
"I'm so sorry, Joce," Henry whispered as soon as we were alone.
"Henry, it's not your fault. I'm glad I finally told you." I made my way towards him and wrapped my arms around his torso. I felt his hands wrap around me, pulling me closer. I savored the smell of cologne that covered his hoodie as I stayed in his arms. I felt a soft kiss being placed on top of my head before he squeezed me tighter and let go.
"I've always got you, just remember that," He promised. I nodded and leaned against him. He was warm and me, being me, only had a short sleeve shirt on.
As if he read my mind, Henry pulled the hoodie off his body and slipped it over my head, leaving him in a white t-shirt. I was practically swimming in his hoodie. Not that he was bigger than me, but he was definitely taller so it went past my thighs and shorts.
"Cute," He laughed at my expression but I'd honestly never been comfier in my life.
Charlotte made her way back in the room, a teasing smirk on her lips as she saw my clothing. I made my way to the couch-turned-bed and jumped in the middle, satisfied with the plush landing.
I rolled myself over as Charlotte sat next to my right, giving me a shoulder hug. "I'm proud of you. Not because you made it through what you did, I'm proud of that too, but mainly because you didn't let it stop you. You're a strong girl, Joce. And I'm honored to have you as my best friend." Char's eyes were glazed with tears as I wrapped her in a fully hug.
Henry made his way towards us and sat down on my left again. Once he was comfortable beside me, he hit another button that dimmed the lights around us. I curled into his side, loving the warmth and comfort he brought as I felt Charlotte wrap herself around me. And suddenly, it was like we were kids all over again. Snuggled under blankets and happy because we had each other.
