Chapter 9 – Learning More

After the end of our discussion I decided to go back to Bella's. I needed to see her. Now that I knew that her past was more than likely more dark and horrific then I originally had guessed, I needed to know that she was ok. I knew it was not logical that because I now knew her past was dark, today she would be hurt, but it felt that way. I was determined to protect her from any more pain.

When I got to Bella's, she still wasn't home. I slipped in and took a few minutes to deal with the burning that I felt. I then went to find what medications she was on. I found a high dose of Lexapro, Xanax, Tempazepam that was barely touched, and an unopened bottle of Vicodin. I called Carlisle and let him know. I sat at Bella's kitchen table until she came home as I considered what we had talked about and breathed in the scent that was Bella. I was determined to find a way through this, whatever it was, for her.

I heard Bella come home at 7 and wondered where she had been all day. I slipped out the back to continue watching her I could catch the faintest hint of the sea coming from her house and wondered if she had been boating or something else. When she went in it was obvious that her mood was dark and melancholy. She put her keys down, took off her coat, and slid down the wall pulling her knees into her chest and just sat there. She looked so broken. It was all I could do to stay where I was and not run in and put my arms around her and comfort her. She looked like she was barely keeping it together. I knew if I could read her mind, at that point I would have all the answers that I sought, I would know what demons haunted her. As she sat there looking at the wall I knew she was seeing something that wasn't there in the room with her; she was remembering a past that was slowly killing her even before she killed herself.

Then the phone rang. Bella startled and got up to answer it. "Hello" her voice was shaking.

"Bella, hey sweetie, you sound terrible."

"Sorry Emily, just a rough day. Some days I can't keep the thoughts and images away. I try so hard to forget. I never do but some days I am just bombarded with everything. Today was one of those days."

"Do you want to talk about it? You know it might help. Do we need to make this a conference call? You know the others will want to help."

Bella drew in a shaky breath. "No I don't want to talk about it right now and please, I don't want to talk to everyone in a conference call. Tell me what's going on with you. How's the new job?" She sat back down against the wall on the floor.

Bella talked on the phone for a while about nothing much. I watched her visibly compose herself and make an effort to sound like she was doing ok but it was obvious to me she wasn't. I got the impression she wasn't fooling her friend either.

Bella took a deep breath. "I have some news you will love," she said with sarcasm, pulling her legs up to her chest. She had relaxed a bit during the conversation but she was tense again.

"Yeah, what's that?"

"I had Jacob over for dinner on Wednesday."

"So you always have him and Ben and Angela over after study."

"Well no . . . Jacob was here alone. Ben's mom got hurt and was at the ER."

Emily drew out a long breath. "Wow" There was a stunned pause. "This is the first time isn't it? I mean, the first time you've been alone anywhere with a guy since it happened."

Bella nodded her head and quietly said "yeah."

"Are you ok? How did it go?"

"Umm, fine I guess. I mean, I didn't have a panic attack." Bella breathed deeply "but I don't think I said 2 words the entire time he was here."

"Hey that's ok. It's still progress. I am happy for you babe. I really am."

"Yeah progress." Bella Snorted. "I can hyperventilate in front a perfectly normal guy for no reason."

"Stop it! Seriously it is great and a huge step. You haven't even been alone with Seth since it happened."

"That's true. I think Jacob wanted to hug me good night. I thought I was going to faint. There is no way I was letting him touch me."

"Who cares? You didn't panic and you didn't faint. It's all good. Who knows maybe someday it will happen."

"Maybe" Bella sounded highly doubtful.

"I miss you a lot you know, and I wish you'd come home."

"I know. I can't. I can't go back. I miss you too. It sounds like I will be back before Christmas for the trial, so I'll see you then."

"Have you heard anything about it? When's it scheduled?"

"Umm right now it stands that it'll be the beginning of December. No one is expecting any more continuances. I've talked to my professors and let them know that I might be gone for finals. You can imagine how that went over with some of them."

"Will you stay for Christmas then? It would be so wonderful to have you home for the holidays. I know your family would love to have you here."

"Probably not. I don't think I can do another Christmas at home. Last year was way too much. I'm not gonna do it again." Bella shuddered.

"Hey sweetie. Stop! It's ok. Don't worry, no one faults you, I just don't like that you are out there alone."

"I'm not alone. I have friends out here. I promise. It's all good. Listen I need to get going. I'll talk to you later. Ok?"

"Yeah, ok. I'll catch ya later, gator."

Bella hung up and stayed lumped on the floor. I was ripping at my hair in frustration. Why was it that the only people that knew what was going on with Bella were out of reach to me? Who was this Emily person? Who was Bella talking to earlier in the week? Was there anyone here in Seattle that knew her story? Who is Seth? What was he to her? I watched as Bella started banging her head against the wall. Then she got up, changed and ran on her treadmill.

I called Alice. "Alice what is going on in Bella's future? She just talked to a friend about a trial she is going to be leaving for in December. Is it a trial for her or someone else? Can you see?" I was pacing in frustration.

I waited while Alice tried to see Bella's future. "I'm so sorry Edward. There is a trial and I see Bella on the witness stand but it's hazy. It isn't very clear. I am guessing that there are too many decisions between now and then that have to happen for me to be able to see clearly. I'll keep watching."

I sighed and thanked Alice. I just wanted to punch something to get this rage out. I wanted to hurt someone for breaking such a fragile girl. I wanted to cause damage for the damage that had been done to her. I couldn't remember being consumed with such rage before. I needed to know what had happened. I needed to talk to her. I needed answers and I didn't know how to get them.

She stayed up very late that night, drinking tea and staring out the window. She was tense and troubled. Finally after 4 in the morning she fell into a troubled sleep on the chair she had been sitting in. I watched her toss and turn and call out in her sleep for 3 hours before she woke up and started her day. She looked terrible. She made herself a cup of coffee and got dressed and left. Today I followed her.

I watched her go to church then followed her through the minds of the people present. She sat at the back with her shoulders hunched and grasped at the cuffs on her wrist. When Pastor Weber started to approach her, she looked up with complete misery in her face and shook her head at him. He was extremely concerned but left her alone. Jacob saw and decided to not push her today. He remembered times when Bella had looked so troubled. As soon as he or others had approached her she left, not able to deal with people.

After church Bella got back in her car and drove to the hospital. She was greeted by many of the people on staff and spent time visiting for a few hours with different kids. It was obvious how much the kids she spent time with loved her. The children missed their parents and had a special place in their thoughts for Bella who visited them to read stories, talk and just cuddle. I watched Bella's mood lift as she spent time with the different children, whom she obviously knew well. She joked and asked after them and their families.

As I sat there watching I could easily envision Bella with her own children and family. The thought turned me cold. Was Bella willing to give up on a family? Why did the idea of Bella having a family make me disheartened? I pushed the thoughts out of my head and continued to observe Bella and decided to just be happy that she was happier.

Bella left the hospital and drove to the Phi Mu house for their weekly meeting. I went to the Beta house for ours but kept track of Bella and observed her. Rose was right. The tension she carried with her so often when I saw her in places like the quad where there were males around was absent. Her sorority was working on a sisterhood activity and playing games; Bella was smiling and as relaxed as I had seen her ever get.

I paid little attention to what was going on at our meeting. I knew if I was needed that Emmett or Jasper would let me know. They both saw I wasn't paying close attention and had figured I was keeping track of Bella in some way. The one thing that did get my attention was that for homecoming this year we had invited the Phi Mu's to be our sister sorority. That meant that our two organizations would have multiple socials and activities together this semester, including the homecoming dance. Excellent, I thought.

Bella's meeting got out before mine and she left quickly. When our Beta meeting ended I went to my car to find Alice in it waiting for me. I want to talk to you about Bella and help you. I nodded at her and left for Bella's. The drive was quiet with Alice not saying anything but humming music in her head.

We got to Bella's and found her cooking a dinner for herself which made me very glad. Alice looked at me, have you researched diet and her calories yet? I shook my head no and sighed. I opened my BlackBerry and kept one eye on Bella looked through current web pages for relevant information on dietary needs and proper caloric intake. Observing Bella I guessed her to be 5'4" but wasn't sure on her weight. According the web site I was looking at with her frame she should weigh no less than 114 pounds but I didn't know how to determine what she did weigh, I couldn't very well go pick her up to find out.

I blew out a breath and Alice looked at me. "I need to know what she weighs."

Simple, when she goes to sleep I will climb in her house and pick her up. I should be able to tell pretty closely. We just have to make sure she's sleeping soundly. I nodded. It was better than what I could come up with. As much as I wanted to be able to hold Bella and see what she weighed I knew it would be too dangerous for me to do so. I again ignored any thought of why I wanted to be able to hold her.

We continued to watch Bella in silence. She was studying and had all of her concentration focused on her school work. After a time Alice stopped humming in her head. Jasper Googled Bella and she doesn't exist that he can find. She must be using a fake name. Jasper started to dig to find out what the name was and I had a vision of Bella leaving. I told him to stop and the vision left. I'm sorry Edward but we're blind.

I was so confused. Bella Swan wasn't this girl's name? I pulled at my hair and growled. Why could I get no answers? Why did it seem every time I turned around there was another question that I couldn't answer?

Alice and I sat for a time and just watched Bella, each with our own thoughts, both wanting to help, and neither knowing what to do.

The phone rang and Bella looked at it. She sighed and didn't look happy, "Seth I know it's you" She walked over and answered. "Hello"

"Bella, hey how are you doing?" The voice was male and sounded hesitant.

Bella sat back down on the chair she had been on. "I'm fine Seth. I take it Emily called you?"

Seth chuckled. "I will neither confirm nor deny anything. Emily would kick my butt and you know it."

Bella snorted. "Yeah she would. What's up?"

"Nothing I was just calling to check on my favorite girl to see how she was doing." I growled, his favorite girl? Who was this punk?

Bella sighed. "Seth . . . "

"What Bella? You are a girl and you are my favorite one. That is all that I mean. I promise."

Bella shook her head. I was glad to see that she didn't consider herself his girl, but if I ever found this Seth I would definitely let him know my thoughts of him trying to claim Bella when she didn't want to be claimed. "Ok, ok. How's your school year going?"

They talked for a bit about nothing in particular when Seth hesitated, "So I hear you might be back in December. Where will be you staying?"

Bella cringed. "Yeah I'll probably be back. I'll stay at a hotel like I have the last few times."

"Ya know, you have friends here you can stay with." No, I wouldn't just talk to this guy I was going to kill him. It was obvious he wanted Bella to stay with him for whatever this trial in December was and that was not going to be happening if I could help it.

"No I would rather just to go a hotel where I can close, but lock the world out and not worry about anything. Trust me it's better for me. Listen I'm gonna get going. You take care Seth."

"Yeah Bells, you too."

Bella stayed up for a while longer and played on her computer and around midnight changed into her pajamas and made cookies. Alice stayed with me and was quiet, either going over what she knew about Bella or just humming in her head. For my usually exuberant sister her quietness was shocking but I knew that it was all because she too was worried over the human girl just a few feet away.

Once Bella went to sleep Alice climbed into her room and slowly reached over and picked her up. Bella didn't flinch or move. Alice put her back down and covered her up. Edward there is no way that she's even 100 pounds. I blew out a breath in frustration. Yeah she was underweight and I was left with more knowledge I could do nothing about. I couldn't very well force feed her.

Alice came back by me. We'll think of something. We will. I just have this feeling it will work out. I raised my eyebrows at her assuming she had a vision she wasn't sharing. No, no specific vision but I just know it'll be ok. I nodded.

"I want to meet her."

Alice thought about it and flipped through her visions at a rate I couldn't keep up with and turned to me and grinned. Tomorrow, lunch She giggled, winked, and ran off. I tugged at my hair wondering what my pixie sister was up to now!


So do you think Edward's ready to meet Bella? Remember he only "met" her less then a week ago in class. Will it go well? Will it go badly? What's Alice up to???

Thank you ChrisR for all the help with the drugs in this chapter. Bella is not abusing her drugs. In fact she is not taking as much as she should so don't worry about that. Here is a description of what she is taking for those that aren't MD's or Pharmacists. Lexapro: anti-depressant; Bella takes daily. Xanax: anti-anxiety med that Bella is only taking when she feels a panic attack coming on. Tempazepam: is a sleep aid for people that have trouble sleeping due to anxiety; Bella is not taking this and she will explain why later. Vicodin: a strong pain med; Bella is not taking any of.

Don't listen to 4StringQueen that thinks that Bella wears leather cuffs cause she is into BDSM bondage! LOL

My thanks go out to MidniteSeranade whom I would not be able to write without. I have received multiple reviews saying that my writing is good. That is ALL because of MideniteSeranade. All her, not me. Thanks also to Bob for giving me constant encouragement, along with Lorilie, 4StringQueen and FunkyDiva.

So this week I am Rec'in Empty by Hev99. It is a brand new story and is AWESOME so far. Please check it out and leave her some love!

Please review and let Edward know if you think he is ready to meet Bella! I'll send a teaser to you for next week!