While Iris and her gang were searching for TS&U in the wastelands of Canada's emptyness, trouble was going down back in Hogwarts. Isabellatrix had been promoted to sheriff by Voldemort, which meant that she was Head Master. She was enjoying exerting her power over her students through divide and conquer. Just for the shits and giggles, she had turned Hufflepuff into a prep house, and forced them to dress in pink lacy dresses and pink t-shirts with rainbows and unicorns on them. And she had turned Ravenclaw into goths, and set the two houses feuding.
Guy was treating Allan like his personal slave, and kept him on a chain in the courtyard when he wasn't working. Ron was bing beaten up in Slytherin every day because he sucked so much at quidditch that they lost all their matches. Hermione was hired as Izzy's maid, and had to miss all her classes.
"It is not good," sqaid Dumbledore. "We have to do something."
He looked in a crystal ball, and they could see Guy whipping Emmett with his nine tail because he was taller than Guy and that wasn't legal.
"Perhaps Gandalf can help us."
He called Gandalf in the crystal balls, and they made a plan.
The dark side was running a bit low on funds, so Voldemort was rasing money by setting up a used car dealership from Hagrid's house. He picked random customers from the telephone book, and made them buy a car because he was minister of magic and they had to go to Azkaban if they didn't do as he said.
Suddenly Dumbledore and Gandalf arrived at the school disguised as musicians. Gandalf was grinding a hurdy-gurdy and Dumbledore played accordion with a French striped sweater and a baguette in his pocket. They had a black dog with them that played a piano pulled by Hagrid, and he had a parrot on his shoulder that was Lupin but polyjuiced.
"What is this?" Guy asked waving his sword as they came up the hill playing an ecclectic burlesque French version of When A Man Loves A Woman.
"Wee are juzt ztreet muzicianz," said Gandalf. "Could you zpare a few zicklez, deer boy? To feed our ztarving enfantz? We take requeztz."
"I request you GTF out!" Guy bellowed. "This is not the Nottingham faire!"
Suddenly they just laughed evilly and turned back into real people. They did cruises on Guy, and he flew up in the air and crashed through a window and was fenestrated. (That's what it's called when you fling someone IN through a window, right?)
They ran into the castle and found Guy in a heap on the floor in Izzy's apartement. Izzy had helped herself to some of the sheriff's stash and was high as a Aerodactyl.
"Get him!" shouted Dumbledore, and Hagrid jumped on Guy and beat him up like a slave.
"Oh no!" said Lupin. "She's waking up!"
Izzy laughed "Harr harr harr! I can necro now!" she laughed druggily.
She pointed her wand at her purse, and it became a crocodile again. It chased after Dumbledore like Zonic.
"Expellimimus!" shouted Lupin and Izzy's wand flew out of her hand and into another room.
But then they noticed that the chairs had become necromanced as two angry big bulls who vomited springs.
"Ruuuun!" shouted Gandalf! "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
They usain bolted out of the poffice, and legged it down the hall. They passed Percy Weasley's knocked out body with Izzy's wand in his forehead like a retarded unicorn.
"HA HA HA HA HA!" they laughed and kicked him because he had always been a bit of a p****.
Dumbledore grabbed the powerful Ocarina of Power as they ran out of the school. Then they transformed the piano (Checkov's piano you guys!) to a helicopter and flew cheerhootingly away from the scene of the crime.
