Don't own Chuck

The ride back to Kotor and the casino was relatively quiet with Tank pouting in the back sitting next to Beckman. Diane on the contrary seemed to be in a good mood. Chuck kept looking at her in the mirror on the way back she had a look on her face he'd never seen on her before. She seemed almost happy. Roan finished off the gin and vermouth that was left then started humming. It was a tune he couldn't get out of his head so he tried to turn on the radio but nothing came in. That was when Chuck noticed he'd activated the mobile jamming device that had shut down their comms from the time he started messing with it.

"Roan, please don't touch that," said Chuck. "There's no radio on this vehicle, the government pulled it to put in our comms link."

"That's silly they'd choose functionality over comfort," said Roan as he sat back in his chair. "If you're wondering Charles she's happy because she's not in the hot seat."

"What are you talking about? She who? The General? Well, I did notice she had a strange expression I don't believe I've seen very often."

"She can be happy now you see because someone else in the hot seat putting up with your… how to say this nicely… exposé. If she were still in charge she'd be as mad as he is with you."

"Roan, if she were still in charge I wouldn't have had to do this and we both know it. What is the name of that song your humming you got it stuck in my head too now?" Chuck tried to change subjects.

"That may be true Charles, but you've got to play the hand your dealt and winner take all," said Roan as they passed a sign for Kotor.

"On that you're so right."

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The General's Aide was quickly finding out being left behind to look after the shop wasn't all it was cracked up to be. It was relatively quiet while they were in transit but the moment the wheels touched down trouble arrived with them like it was packed in their bags.

"Connie have you heard from them," asked the Major making his morning tour by the office to gather correspondence and checking personal e-mail that was delivered to the General's office computer.

"No but they've only been in country for a short time. What could they have gotten into," said the Secretary as she offered the Major coffee.

"Thanks, but it's like trouble follows them around and it's usually me that gets sideswiped by it," said the Major as he took the cup from her hands.

"I've been thinking about retiring," said Connie. "I'm getting too old to have to put up with another new boss. Every time a new one comes in they want something different or they don't like something and want to change it."

"You can't retire who's going to help me? I know in the military every two to three years you or your boss transfer so if you get someone you can't stand sooner or later one of you leave. But it's different here where they can stay forever it seems or they fall on their sword."

"Well General Beckman didn't fall on her sword. Those people in the pentagon in the JOCS railroaded her starting with that chairperson, Admiral Agnes Greene. I have some choice words for her. That fiasco in Pasadena was partly her fault most of the authorization and budgeting went through her I saw the paperwork. I don't know why General Beckman took the blame."

"Because she's a good soldier when you get your orders you don't question them you just follow and she got hers probably from the JOCS."

"You mean the dear Admiral. It's when I hear things like that I'm glad I'm not in the military," said Connie as she sipped her coffee.

"What? Who says you're not? Everyone knows you the Sergeant Major of the General's office and you make everyone tow the line starting with me," Connie gave him a look as her phone rang.

"Good Morning Admiral," said Connie as she made a face at the Major. "He's in Montenegro right now or should be. The flight should've landed an hour or more ago. … The Major? He's right here with me. I'll put you on speaker so you can talk to him."

"Major what's going on over there in Montenegro? I've got reports that your boss is in a meeting with the Iranians. State Department in up in arms and wants to know what we're doing?"

"Ma'am I can assure you I know nothing about this and it wasn't on the General's agenda when he left. Could this be General Beckman? She flew over there with him and not General Thomas'

"My source says it's both along with Roan Montgomery and Agent Carmichael. I've been trying to call them but my calls keep going to voice mail."

"You said Agent Carmichael do you know which one? We've got two there's a Charles and a Sarah they're husband and wife."

"I can't keep up with your people. That's your job and you're not doing a very good job of it. I expect you to contact your boss and tell them to contact me ASAP."

"I'll do my best but might I remind you Admiral that my boss doesn't answer to you but to the President so if he decides not to…." The line dropped.

"Well you told her. I'm proud of you," said Connie as she pulled a flask out of her drawer and pour some into his coffee.

"What were you saying about retiring maybe I should put my application in at the Buy More. I hear they're hiring."

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The rest of the drive was inconsequential; they drove through town then pulled into the tunnel access that led them to the Dungeon vehicle parking area. The whole tunnel complex was so James Bondish Chuck thought but not that their Castle was any better. But Margo did have an espresso machine that they didn't. However, Chuck was having that taken care of even if Casey would never use it. Chief Silverman and Mike were on hand with her agents to help them unload and get settled in.

"What do I call them," asked Mike, "I mean they're both technically the Director. So if I say nice to meet you Director they're both liable to offer me their hand and the same thing if I say General."

"Mike, I don't know how to say this but you don't need to say anything just nod your head and look intelligent."

"Yes I know just another pretty face. I think I can handle that," said Mike as the Mercedes rolled in. "Here we go."

Chuck parked the Mercedes then got out with Roan. He tossed Mike the keys and started to walk away as everyone climbed out.

"General your office has been trying to get in touch with you they said it was urgent," said Margo as she offered her hand. "Mike, organize the men and have them take their luggage up to their room."

"Hold up Agent Carmichael, I want you with me when I check in. I think this has something to do with you," said Tank. Roan gave Chuck a look.

"I thought I was on vacation? Isn't that what you told me when we left the airport," said Chuck. Roan faked a cough.

"Don't get cute with me mister," said the General. Margo and Mike looked at each other realizing something had happened on the road home.

"You're not my type," replied Chuck. There was a silence in the room that if a pin had fallen it would've be deafening.

"Charles, don't press it," whispered Roan. "Just go with the flow for now. Let the man calm down a bit before you give him an ulcer."

"Chuck, I'll let Sarah know you're back," said Mike. Margo signalled for Mike to run. They knew she was the only one Chuck would listen to and who could keep him out of hot water, or hotter than it obviously already was.

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With Chuck and Sarah out things were kind of boring at the Buy More. Morgan was doing the regular nine to five but the Cobra was anxious to get in the mix. Then on his way in Casey gave him a call and told him to get in on the double maybe things were looking up finally. Pulling in with his herder he could only hope the new guy recognized him for his full potential. Daydreaming about missions and exotic places he walked into the Buy More.

"Son," said Big Mike heading him off at the door with Skip and Fernando next to him. Suddenly his bubble was busted and he was back in his reality.

"What is it? If you're with those two it can't be good. Guys I really need to get to my office. I've got work to…"

"Son is work more important than the life of your best friend and his wife. There's more to life than just work like pastries and your momma."

"I knew that was coming," said Morgan. "Okay what do you want to tell me and please no Muy Caliente."

"Have you heard from Chuck lately?" said Big Mike acting concerned. "These two told me... well go ahead and tell him yourselves."

"Well we were watching Animal Planet last night in the home theater and they had a special about these tribes that eat people over there. They were constables. "

"You mean cannibals, the practise is called cannibalism," said Morgan as Skip and Fernando started pushing each other.

"I told you, you had it wrong. He said they were called constables because they arrested people then ate them. It was the digestible justice system."

"Criminal, the criminal justice system - you know when you've reached what I thought was the bottom of idiocy you take it to a whole new level."

"We do our best," said Skip. "But it's true they have this big soup pot that then put people in then they light a fire under it and throw in vegetables."

"Wait you said last night? Abbot and Costello wouldn't have happened to have been in that pot would they? There was a film festival on TV last night," said Morgan as he shook his head. "I watched part of it. You idiots it wasn't Animal Planet but 'African Screams'."

"Okay dumb and dumber probably got their shows mixed up and for your own good the home theater room better not smell like a bong but they got me thinking…"

"Oh no that can't be good," said Morgan trying to figure out a way to leave but he was surrounded by night of the living moron. "Listen I appreciate you guys being worried about Chuck and Sarah but I don't think they do that there or at least not any more so I wouldn't worry."

"Son not anymore but you know that's a lot of white meat there and after you've only had dark you might want to try something a little bit leaner and lighter."

"Leaner, lighter why me? Okay listen up Chuck and Sarah aren't in Africa anymore. Chuck got the job done early but Buy More cooperate doesn't know. He took a little time off to go see Sarah's parents and pick up Sam so there's nothing to worry about. Can we all go back to work? I got things I need to get done."

"Yeah and you two morons come with me. I want to see what the home theater room looks like. I hope you didn't drool on the furniture or chew on the remotes. If you did we're going to have a problem.

Morgan saw his chance and he took it making his way down to Castle as fast as he could. Next time he made a mental note to us Orange Orange. They did the exact opposite of Big Mike; they ignored him and were as cold as their products to him.

"I'm here," announced Morgan as he ran down the metal steps. "I'm here John so what's the mish? The Cobra is ready to pounce."

"Mish? How many times do I have to tell you not to say "mish'. It sounds moronic. Hold up let me check something out." Casey held his IPhone up to Morgan then touched the app for flashlight and light shined in Morgan's eyes. "Yeap, my idiot detector works."

"Funny John very funny so what'd you call me down here for that I had to fight my way past Big Mike and the lethargic duo."

"Here Morgan I need your help," said Alex standing in front of a large box. "Chuck ordered this with delivery instructions that we were supposed to set it up down here. But Dad doesn't want to have anything to do with it."

"If it's a computer or weapons system there's not much I can help you with," said Morgan but the box read 'Buy More'.

"This is your home turf," said Casey. "A kitchen appliance if it was a killing machine then it would be mine."

"My dear Casey need I remind you that most home accidents take place in the kitchen with a death every sixteen minutes."

"There'll be one in under thirty seconds right here if you don't shut up and help Alex. I don't see the need for that thing anyway." Morgan gave John a puzzled expression then looked over at Alex.

"It's an espresso machine like the one they had in the break room in Pasadena and like the one they have on the Lear."

"Oh this will be a piece of cake to setup. Here let me help you get it out of the box then we can make ourselves a cup of Joe."

"Huh, Joe," said Casey. "You won't get any Joe out of that thing. Maybe a cup of Josephine you might get. You make yourself a cup of coffee and you know you've got something. It warms you up and follows you around like a friend and when it gets cold you can nuke like Hiroshima or drink it cold accepting if for what it is. That crap might as well come out in pill form toss it down and it's gone like bad sex."

"John, you're getting me lost in your analogies," said Morgan as he was trying to figure out where to put the water in. "Some people take their coffee differently is all, like not everyone eats red meat."

"Next thing we're going to have to get are those little cups and saucers. Maybe we could just borrow some from Sam's tea set."

"What's gotten into the Big Guy? He's really worked up. Did he have too much coffee this morning or what?"

"No he thinks this is some sort of commie plot to take over the world. But I think what's really got him worked up is not having a bad guy to go after. Dad needs a mission. He took Mom to Red Lobster for dinner."

"I knew the Big Guy had a heart in there somewhere. The big softy – didn't Kathleen think that was romantic of him?"

"Yeah up until he told the waiter he wanted to execute their lobsters. His finger was itching and he needed to scratch it."

"Did he at least offer the lobsters a blindfold and a cigarette?"

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Sarah came down with Sam as soon as Mike told her what was going on. She asked Chuck to try and not get himself in trouble but it seemed he hadn't listened. But she couldn't help think that part of this was her fault she knew where he was going and it was just inevitable that something would happen. Maybe if she'd gone with him she could've done something to help avoid this but she had to start thinking about Sam.

"Chuck, what did you do?" said Sarah as soon as she walked in but he held his finger up pointing at the monitor. She recognized the Major as the aide and he was standing in Beckman's old office talking. "What's going on?" Everyone turned to look at her. "Sorry," she said then whispered "Chuck?"

"Word has already gotten back to the JCOS about our little detour to the Iranian mission and they along with the State Department are up in arms wanting to know why they weren't briefed."

"And what are you going to tell them?" Chuck looked at her. "Oh Chuck you've got to tell them something."

"No that's my job," said Tank. "I'm the one in charge and I'm the one in the hot seat even if someone else stoked the fire under it."

"General, we've got the Admiral on the horn for you," said Mike. "She's on a split screen with the Secretary of State."

"Well, my tenure in this office might be one of the shortest," said Tank as he walked forward to face the music.

"General do you mind if I stand next to you," said Chuck. "Maybe we got off on the wrong foot and I feel kind of responsible."

"If you want to share the knife with me who am I to say no," said Tank as they stood in front of the monitor. Beckman and Roan pulled Sarah back telling her it wouldn't help either if the people in Washington saw her there with her daughter.

"Well General," said Agnes as she started in. "When we nominated you into that office we thought you were going to put an end to these kinds of showboat actions. Your going to the Iranians has got to be one of the dumbest moves I've ever heard of and frankly makes me wonder if we've chosen the right person. What do you have to say Madam Secretary?"

"I'm surprised too I was hoping that you'd at least pick up the phone and contact us first. So we could let the President know and prepare some sort of communique…"

"Ma'am that wasn't the General's fault he didn't know where we were going until he got in the vehicle. You see I was notified by the Russian delegation that the Iranians wanted to see us but they wished it to be informal. They ensured that secrecy by jamming our frequencies so when the Director found out he had no way to contact you."

"Is this true?" asked the Secretary of State. Tank turned looking at Chuck but Chuck cut him off before he could reply.

"Yes ma'am the General has been quite vocal about his disapproval on how I handled this meeting but we have to say that it was very fruitful. The Iranians now understand what happened in Zamibia and are willing to help hunt down Izad Nazafi. You may know that we believe he's hiding in the Caucasus region near the border with Georgia, an area where for diplomatic reasons we can't attack with missiles or Delta force."

"Very good, I like that the enemy of our enemy," she said as she smile. "Agent you'd make a good diplomat."

"Thank you ma'am but I have a job even if it's precarious."

"Yes when you're not risking the life of your boss," said Agnes feeling the table turning on her. Chuck had a feeling she was looking for the General's head and she thought he'd served it up to her.

"Well actually we were never really in danger. The Russians felt obligated to guarantee our safety since they informed us of the Iranian's willingness to meet. The square were we met was full of FSB agents. Oh I did say we met outside the embassy and that we never actually went inside. I just wanted to underline that point that never at any time did we touch foot on Iranian soil."

"Very good then I think what we have here is a misunderstanding," said the Secretary of State. "Agnes I believe your people greatly exaggerated what actually took place which was some amazing work and should be complimented not condemned."

"Thank you ma'am," said Chuck. "But may I ask one question. How did you find out about our meeting to begin with? We just got back here so the only people who knew the 'who', 'where' and 'what was said' are here. I'm just trying to figure out how it got to you so fast?"

"The State Department was notified by the JCOS," said the Secretary of State. "Agnes you called me. How did you find out so fast?"

"I was notified by one of the other Chiefs but that's not important right now. What is is that you keep your communication lines open and no more of this cowboy stuff." With that the Admiral dropped the comm link then the State Department signed out too.

"I don't know if I ought to thank you or punch you in the face," said Tank as he put his hand out and they shook.

"That was good Sweetie," said Sarah as she came up and kissed him. Sam held out her hands so he'd take her.

"Chuck, you realize you have a nemesis in the JCOS now and from the news I'm hearing on Capitol Hill a congresswoman soon to be."

"Well, we all did well. This is a team effort and before you go too far General. Igor texted me reminding me he wants to play poker with you tonight."

"We're kind of obligated after today. What did he say in his text exactly? I'll take anyone's money just set the time but let's do this is our room and tell him to bring a lot of rubles, he'll need them.

"Yes Sir I'll let him know. Then I have an appointment to keep," said Chuck as he put his arm around Sarah's waist and pulled her close.

"Chuck, what's in your pocket," said Sarah as he pulled out the grenade. "You're not bringing this on our picnic. Here Mike," she said as she tossed it to him.

"Be careful I pulled the safety pin," said Chuck as they left together. "Did you get the cheeseburger?"

"Of course."

"Extra pickles."

"Extra pickles too."