I know. I know. It's been like. Months. But someone put it well when they said that life had put the story on hiatus. But I punched life in the face, so that shouldn't be a problem anymore. And I'm working on chapter 10 as we speak, so you shouldn't have to wait too long for that :) I'm not sure that this is worth such a painfully long wait, but I'm thinking it should come pretty damn close ;) It's always a good day when you earn your mature rating... Thank you all for your patience, and I hope you enjoy :)


The Drums in My Symphony

Sebastian was staring at his reflection in his bathroom mirror when he heard the bedroom door open. It had taken three or four good splashes of cold water to his face to calm the mad rush of thoughts and emotions that were scurrying around beneath his perfectly composed expression.

He knew that he ought to go out into the bedroom to meet Ciel, but he wasn't ready yet. He needed another minute to fully wrap his mind around the reality of what he'd started.

When Ciel had first arrived on his doorstep earlier that night, Sebastian had frozen up. But once he'd thawed out enough to plaster a layer of coolness onto his features, he had made every excuse he could to get out of the living room where the boy had been sitting. He'd made a fuss of getting him towels and tea and clothes, taking every moment he could to steal away on his own to try and sort through the conflicting thoughts, emotions, and motivations swimming around in his mind and making his head spin. But every time he'd gotten away, they'd just spun around ever faster in his head, dizzying him uncontrollably. It was only when he'd re-enter the room that his thoughts would still and time would freeze again. But then that utter stillness would nearly drive him mad, and he'd be forced to leave again.

When he'd finally asked Ciel why he had come, his question had boomeranged back at him as a question of Ciel's; he'd asked Sebastian why he'd kissed him.

Of course he didn't have an answer for that one. No, that was wrong. He did have an answer. It just wasn't one that he'd been ready to articulate yet. So he'd been vague with insinuation. But that had backfired on him, too. He had watched Ciel's whole demeanor change in front of him from a confused (and maybe slightly frightened) child to one pivoted by anger and hatred who recoiled from his touch. While Sebastian wouldn't pretend that he had any real clue what had gone through Ciel's head in that moment, he'd smelt something that rang of shame, and it twisted the knife he'd driven into his own stomach when he'd feigned nonchalance.

So what did he do? He kissed him again. And he didn't just kiss him. He kissed him.

Sebastian splashed water on his face again to wash away the heat he again felt there. It had been a rash and impulsive thing, he knew. And by every right, Ciel should have slapped him. Part of him had actually expected him to. But instead he'd succumbed to the kiss almost instantly. Sebastian hadn't planned on pushing the kiss as far as he had, but the moment Ciel reacted the way he had he couldn't control himself. It had taken every ounce of control he had to pull away and stop it from going any further. It was only the coolness that he forced into his expression and manner that had stopped him from giving into a passion he was learning was harder to control than he'd thought.

And now he's in your bedroom.

Sebastian looked desperately up into his reflection, as if hoping he could find something that would give him answers to the questions that were now seeping into his mind. He wasn't afraid that Ciel would resist him anymore. If their kiss had told him anything, it was that Ciel could be bent at the slightest touch should he choose to do so. But what that really meant, he was now realizing, was that if he didn't exact the utmost care to control himself, Ciel wouldn't stop him. A simple kiss had gotten Ciel on his back, and at nothing more than the suggestion he'd opened his bedroom door. Sebastian wasn't positive to what kind of extent Ciel was expecting this invitation to take them, but if he wasn't careful, it would go right where Sebastian wanted it to. And while Claude had assured him that a lawsuit wasn't particularly likely, he was much more concerned with the thought of putting Ciel in a compromised position.

Liar. Compromised is precisely where you want him.

Sebastian snorted and tossed aside the towel he'd used to dry his face. Who was he kidding?

Sebastian heard movement on the other side of the door, and he knew he couldn't stall for any longer. He took one last look at his reflection, running his hands through his hair to smooth it into place, then he took a deep breath and pushed the bathroom door open.

The sight of Ciel standing there in nothing but Sebastian's shirt buttoned around him, lit only by the moonlight filtering through the rain swept window was enough to catch the breath in Sebastian's throat for a moment. While there was usually an air of arrogance and careful control that hung around the Phantomhive boy, now he looked so… vulnerable. Fragile. …Beautiful. The image stirred the shiver in him brought out only by the chill of treading in the taboo waters he's favored recently. It unearthed urges in his gut that hadn't turned in him so strongly in years. The sight of the boy in front of him was everything he knew he shouldn't want and everything he knew he shouldn't feel. And it was absolutely breathtaking.

Ciel shifted his weight between his feet, looking a little nervous and uncomfortable. Sebastian could see there was a faint halo of anger still hanging over him, but it seemed internally directed, and overshadowed by his childlike apprehension. The conflict of emotions brought a slight smile to Sebastian's face, and for some reason seeing that Ciel was really as nervous about the situation as he was (though for different reasons) set him a little more at ease.

Sebastian walked over to Ciel and gently rested a hand on his waist, hoping his smile came off as casually as he'd intended. "You came."

Ciel froze at his initial touch, then made a face, walking past him to sit on the edge of the bed. "The couch was wet."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, following him. "I see." He sat down on the bed next to him, instantly wrapping an arm around Ciel's waist and pulling him closer. "I have a spare room, you know. You passed it on your way here. You could sleep there, if you'd like."

Ciel looked away, color blossoming across his cheekbones. Sebastian chuckled slightly, leaning in to ever so gently kiss his neck. Ciel was silent for a moment before responding. "…You didn't say that earlier."

Sebastian smirked slightly, letting the hand on Ciel's waist slide under his shirt. He felt a slight shiver run under his hand, enticing it across his stomach. The moment he'd touched Ciel his concern and awkwardness had melted away in the warmth that was growing at the base of his stomach like some sort of hunger. No, not a hunger. That thought brought images of Claude across his vision, and he rejected them. It was a want. A needful thing, but nothing that could hurt anyone. Not if he was careful. And while, admittedly, it was becoming very clear to him that keeping his control intact would be harder than he'd anticipated, he knew also that the moment he'd feel the slight tug of the leash he'd made for himself he'd pull back. Because unlike Claude, Ciel's fragile innocence wasn't a thing he felt the urge to own or to control. The need to protect it was strong in him too, and for that, he was different.

Sebastian kissed down his neck and across his shoulder, pulling back his shirt as he did. "I suppose I didn't. Should I have you leave?" Sebastian placed his other hand on Ciel's knee, carefully sliding it up under the hem of his shirt.

He heard the breath catch in Ciel's throat in the softest of gasps. But Sebastian stopped the progression of both of his hands as well as his lips, left on his shoulder, waiting for Ciel's response. When at first he got none he started to pull back from him.

Ciel reacted almost instantly, grabbing Sebastian's hand even as he pulled it away. Sebastian raised his eyebrows, looking at him expectantly. Ciel just looked back at him, forcing back expression behind his flush. Sebastian carefully held back his smirk, tilting his head to the side slightly. "Well?"

Ciel huffed slightly, then pulled Sebastian's hand back onto his thigh, leaning forward to kiss him. The forcefulness of the kiss surprised Sebastian, and it took a minute for him to pull focus enough to lean forward and slightly over the boy, instantly taking back the power of the kiss. Pushing both hands up under Ciel's shirt to his hips, he pulled him back onto the bed, laying him on his back.

Ciel didn't waver even as he was moved, matching the intensity of the older's kiss, though Sebastian could see nervousness in the flutter of his eyelashes. After a moment Sebastian broke the kiss, looking down at Ciel and permitting his eyes to wander. While it was clear that he wasn't a child any longer, his undeniably effeminate figure brought out a vulnerability of one much younger than he was. His skin was porcelain and his eyes as clear as glass. He was soft to the touch and he knew that it wouldn't take much strength to break any one part of him. But even as he looked down at him through sexual tension that you could cut with a knife, he saw a hardness in the boy's eyes that turned something in his stomach. He'd seen the shadow in his eyes before, and it haunted him.

Ciel must have noticed Sebastian's pause, because he frowned slightly up at him. "…What's wrong?" Ciel pulled the shoulder of his shirt up, looking a little self-conscious.

Sebastian just shook his head and kissed him, pushing the shirt from Ciel's shoulder again as he kissed down his neck. "It's nothing." When Ciel still looked concerned, Sebastian quickly moved to start unbuttoning the boy's shirt to distract him. The distraction went smoothly, for almost instantly Ciel became preoccupied with trying to hide the blush on his cheeks, the rate of his breath increasing ever so slightly.

Once he'd undone the last of the buttons, he carefully removed Ciel's shirt altogether, leaning back to give himself a moment to take in the sight in front of him. His eyes traveled down the younger's slender frame, doing his best to quell the churn in his loins. Ciel flushed scarlet as he watched Sebastian's eyes sweep over him, turning his head in embarrassment.

Sebastian leaned down and gently kissed Ciel's cheek, carefully taking his hand. When Ciel didn't return his gaze to him, he gently took him by his chin and turned his head to look at him. He spoke to him softly, smothering his tone with gentleness. "You don't have anything to be embarrassed about, you know."

Ciel blushed brighter, his voice thick with his nervousness and anticipation. "I know that. Jesus." And even though he looked away again, he squeezed Sebastian's hand ever so slightly.

Sebastian kissed Ciel's cheek again before sitting up enough to unbutton his own shirt and pull it off, tossing it unceremoniously onto the floor by the bed. When he leaned down again to kiss Ciel the cold air on his skin only seemed to fan the lustful flames inside him higher. The moment Ciel fell comfortably into their kiss he ground his hips roughly against the younger's, drawing a gasp of surprise from him that brought a grin to Sebastian's face.

Sebastian reached down to unfasten his own pants, pushing his knee between Ciel's legs. Ciel, finally grown comfortable with his near naked self, wore an expression fresh with new nervousness as Sebastian made short work of his underwear. Now completely bare, Ciel's legs twitched slightly in reflex, and Sebastian could see he fought the urge to cover himself. Sebastian leaned down over the boy again, trying to relieve some of his anxiety. He ran a hand through Ciel's hair as he kissed him, trying to convey enough affection in the motion to set the boy's mind at ease. Once he seemed to relax, Sebastian pulled back to look at him.

"…Are you sure about this? You can tell me to stop, you know." Sebastian smiled slightly. "I promise I won't fail you."

Ciel made a face at the reminder of their academic relationship. "Shut up." He reached down and hooked a couple of his fingers in the belt loops of Sebastian's pants and yanked his hips forward slightly. Sebastian took the affirmation easily and kissed him again, no longer trying to ignore the erection that he'd let his pants hide until now.

Once he broke their kiss he held a finger up to Ciel's lips, looking at him expectantly. Ciel gave him a look before somewhat reluctantly opening his mouth to allow Sebastian's finger entry. He let the younger suck carefully on it for a moment, feeling the heat in his loins rise up into his stomach. Feeling his patience wane slightly, he pulled his hand from Ciel's face and pushed it down between his legs. He waited another moment, and then took Ciel's silence as confirmation and carefully slid the slicked finger into him.

Ciel made a face as his hips twitched in response. Sebastian chuckled slightly, leaning down to kiss his cheek as he slowly began to move his finger inside him. "You'll get used to it. It'll be fine."

Ciel kissed him back, then made a face. "You know from personal experience?"

Sebastian laughed, carefully adding a second finger. "So I've been told."

Ciel squirmed a little uncomfortably, then was silent for a moment. "…By how many people?"

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, looking amused. "Are you jealous?"

"I am not!" Ciel looked away, pouting slightly, and grumbled to himself. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"

After several moments, Sebastian slid a third finger in, causing Ciel to squirm and hiss slightly. "'Everyone?'"

Ciel nodded slightly, growing relaxed more quickly than before. "Alois. He said I was jealous when he talked about sleeping with you. Which I wasn't, by the way."

"Mm hm." Sebastian leaned down and kissed Ciel again, pulling his hand away and tugging down his pants slightly. "I forgot about that. So, how about it? Should I give the blonde a go, too?"

Ciel flushed crimson in a combination of embarrassment and anger. "Don't even think abou- ah!"

Ciel cried out slightly as Sebastian pushed into him without warning. Although Ciel had been appropriately prepared, Sebastian imagined there must have been a degree of surprise involved. He had considered warning the boy, but it was worth the slap he'd probably get later to see the look on Ciel's face now. It was a mixture of surprise, pain, and submission that made his head pound.

Sebastian let out a sigh as he slowly pushed in up to the hilt, hardly feeling it as Ciel dug his fingernails into his shoulders. He stilled himself for a moment to let Ciel get used to this new presence inside him. Sebastian closed his eyes a moment, letting his senses flood with the pleasant sensations he hadn't felt in all too long. After a short moment he leaned down and kissed Ciel's neck gently, speaking softly to him. "How are you?"

Ciel glanced at him, voice slightly strained. "Remind me to hit you with something later."

Sebastian smirked, pulling out of him enough to push back in, without any greater force than he had with his first thrust. "Unless you forget."

Ciel hissed again, though Sebastian could feel him trying to relax beneath him. "I doubt that. Asshole." He turned his head to kiss Sebastian, as much as a distraction as anything.

Sebastian kissed him back, moving inside him with slightly more speed and force. "I'll take that as a challenge." He took a moment for Ciel to relax, the expressions on his face and twitches of his hips turning from those of pain and discomfort to carefully subdued pleasure. And once he'd appeared to become comfortable, he abruptly increased the pace and intensity of his thrusts, pushing himself to a rhythm that was starting to set off sparks up his spine to the base of his neck.

Ciel cried out in surprise at his change of pace, arching up into Sebastian's chest as he dragged his nails down the older's back. Sebastian felt his nails leave hot scratches down his back that burned like the fire inside his stomach, and he welcomed their sting the same.

Sebastian reached down under Ciel's back, pulling him against his chest. He looked down into his face and felt something turn in his stomach that wasn't his lust. Seeing Ciel like this, his expression so vulnerable, his every movement submitted against his own… For a moment every lustful feeling fell into the background as he felt something new lace up into his ribcage.

He felt the now familiar protective feeling, but entwined now with something different. While his lust burned hot in his chest, boiling his blood to the rhythm of his every thrust, this was different. It was warm, and gentle, curling around the inside of his chest like smoke, brushing against his heart like satin feathers.

Ciel must have noticed the change in his expression, because he frowned up at him. Sebastian simply smiled and kissed him, putting his hand to his cheek. The change rippled out from their kiss and through them, slowing their pace to a slower, deeper passion, their skin no longer crawling with need and desperation, but glowing with affection and familiarity.

With every thrust and roll of their hips the other's responded with a perfect synchronization, and Sebastian swore he felt Ciel's heart beat with his own; the underlying rhythm to a symphony he felt ring through every bone of his body.

Sebastian wrapped his arms more securely around Ciel as he felt the rise of heat in his stomach climb toward its apex. He glanced down and saw it in his partner's face as well, and it felt more that their passion increased as his pace did. He buried his face in the pillow beneath them as he climaxed, pushing deep into him and holding himself there as he rode out his orgasm. He felt the warm wetness against his stomach as Ciel shuddered beneath him, letting out a moan that was barely muffled against his shoulder.

He unsheathed himself once he felt Ciel collapse against the bed beneath him, entirely spent. He rolled off of him and onto his back, letting the coolness of open air flood his senses and calm the rapid pull of his breath.

He looked over at Ciel, whose slight frame was shivering slightly either from the chill or from the cooler undertones of an afterglow that still fevered his cheeks rosy. Sebastian reached over and pulled Ciel towards him and half onto his chest, pulling the sheet up partially over them.

They were silent for several minutes, the only sounds filling the room the soft taps of rain on the window and the slowly hushing echoes of their breath. After a bit Sebastian looked down at Ciel, softly kissing his forehead. "Still mad at me?"

Ciel looked up at him, distracted from the patterns he'd been drawing on Sebastian's chest with the tip of his finger. "Depends."

Sebastian pushed Ciel's hair back behind his ear, gently stroking his back. "On?"

Ciel pulled himself closer against Sebastian's side, entwining their legs slightly beneath the softness of the sheet. "What you give me on the paper I hand in on Wednesday."

"Hm. I see." Sebastian took to gently playing with Ciel's hair with his free hand, watching the blue undertones catch in the frail moonlight that shone through the open curtains. "Well I'll have to keep that in mind while I'm grading it."

Ciel sat up slightly, leaning over him enough to kiss him. "Just keep me in mind in general and I'm sure you'll be fine."

Sebastian grinned, rolling on top of him again. "Duly noted."


:)