*LTP walks in and her arms, chest and face are bright red*
LTP: Hey everyone.
Reala: *snickering* Wow, Nights wasn't kidding about the sunburn!
Jackle: Why didn't you use sunblock?
LTP: I did, apparently the stuff I used wasn't strong enough.
NiGHTS: Are you sure you're alright to work today?
LTP: I'll be fine *takes out a bottle of aloe gel* I brought aloe. Now say the disclaimer Reala!
Reala: *sigh* Lady Twilight Prime does not own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Bino the Elephant.
LTP: NOW LET'S START THE FREAKING SHOW! *winces as her burn stings*
Jackle the Mantle
*opens in Nightmare castle, in Reala's room*
Reala: NiGHTS, where are my keys? I'm late; Jackle's probably deep within the pits of hell already.
NiGHTS: What, you mean the living pile of laundry?
Reala: Yes, NiGHTS, I've sent Jackle to hell. Science stuff, you wouldn't understand.
NiGHTS: I don't understand, what do you mean "hell"?
Reala: My life with you, NiGHTS, that's the real hell.
NiGHTS: Whaaat?
Reala: I'm just gonna take the bus, do you have any change?
NiGHTS: There's some on the coffee table.
Reala: Thank you, NiGHTS... for your minimum contribution to my day.
*Reala arrives in some random laboratory in Nightmare*
Reala: Hello? Does anyone even still work here?
*Clawz comes down from the cieling*
Clawz: Hello Reala.
Reala: Oh good, Clawz... my least favorite of Wizeman's creations.
Clawz: And that's why you have friends.
Reala: Has Jackle checked in yet?
Clawz: Are you interested in what I've been doing today?
Reala: Not in the least.
Clawz: Pooping! I've been pooping! A lot!
Reala: That's... nice?
Clawz: I'm hoping it helps me locate my other end. I've never seen it, you know. My butt. I've never seen my butt. I want to lick it.
Reala: I'm gonna go check on Jackle.
Clawz: I've been eating a lot of hummus. It has not sat well with me. Let me know if you smell anything.
*Meanwhile in hell*
Reala: *over a headset*Jackle! Status report!
Jackle: I've reached some sort of hatch - it's red, has a giant sad face on it?
Reala: Excellent! I think you've found the chamber of misery.
Jackle: Oh good, how do I get in?
Reala: You must be extraordinarily miserable. Are there any demons or hell monsters around that you could get to sexually molest you?
Jackle: Thankfully not. Only thing here is this weird flower staring at me.
Flower: Hello!
Reala: A flower, hmm. Ask it to sexually molest you.
Jackle: Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Hey there little guy.
Flower: Pee on me!
Jackle: Uh...
Reala: What was that?
Jackle: Nothing. *to the flower* What the hell is wrong with you?
Flower: Pee on me!
Jackle: No!
Reala: Jackle, this might be our in on getting you molested! Do it!
Jackle: Not gonna happen, Ree.
Flower: It's so warm and dry down here, and I'm sooo thirsty. Pee all over me!
Reala: I like where this is headed, Jackle!
Jackle: And I, I do not.
Flower: Aim for my mouth, I wanna gargle.
Reala: Do it, Jackle. We need to get into that chamber.
Jackle: Ugh, fine, I'll, I'll do it.
Reala: Perfect! This is how history is made my friend! This could be your defining moment; the one thing you will always be remembered for. So, uh, how's it coming along, Jackle?
Jackle: AAAAAGH!
Reala: What is it? Is he molesting you?
Jackle: HE'S CRAWLING UP MY URETHRA!
Reala: What, the flower?
Jackle: THE FLOWER IS CRAWLING UP MY URETHRA!
Reala: Fascinating!
Jackle: AND SINGING! THE FLOWER IS SINGING AS IT CRAWLS UP MY URETHRA!
Reala: Wow, this is much better than I expected. We'll have that hatch open in no time, Jackle!
*later in the lab Jackle is back with a few cuts and a black eye*
Reala: So you're saying the only thing in the chamber was additional misery?
Jackle: Yeah, misery is one word for it, I watched my own eyes fall out, how is that even possible!?
Reala: I'm sorry, Jackle, I really thought that would work.
Jackle: What are you basing any of this on?
Reala: Science, Jackle! Speculative science!
Jackle: I'm going to murder you!
Clawz: Can I do butt science?
Flower: Hello!
Jackle: Oh good Wizeman.
Reala: You let a creature from hell come back with you?
Jackle: Get out of here, you weirdo!
Flower: Aww, why does everyone always think I'm a weirdo?
Clawz: You've hurt its feelings, Jackle.
Flower: I can't even take pictures of monkey penises without people thinking I'm a weirdo!
Jackle: Alright, I'm taking you back.
*Jackle warps back to hell as NiGHTS walks in*
NiGHTS: Reala? There you are!
Reala: What are you doing here, NiGHTS? I'm doing science so hard right now!
NiGHTS: I found your keys, they were in one of my hat boxes.
Reala: What were they doing there? And who the hell has hat boxes?
*Jackle warps back in where NiGHTS is standing and NiGHTS explodes*
Jackle: I'm back! Whoa, what's with all the blood?
Reala: You materialized where NiGHTS was standing.
Clawz: Then she exploded.
Jackle: Oh Wizeman, I- I just killed your wife?
Reala: *sigh* It's okay, Jackle... I have more.
NiGHTS: I still can't believe how bad your sunburn is...
LTP: Well, I should've seen it coming. I mean, I live in the sunshine state and my skin's almost as white as Reala's for crying out loud! *sigh* Oh well. Anyway, SEE YA'LL NEXT TIME!
REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!
