*LTP walks in and her arms, chest and face are bright red*

LTP: Hey everyone.

Reala: *snickering* Wow, Nights wasn't kidding about the sunburn!

Jackle: Why didn't you use sunblock?

LTP: I did, apparently the stuff I used wasn't strong enough.

NiGHTS: Are you sure you're alright to work today?

LTP: I'll be fine *takes out a bottle of aloe gel* I brought aloe. Now say the disclaimer Reala!

Reala: *sigh* Lady Twilight Prime does not own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Bino the Elephant.

LTP: NOW LET'S START THE FREAKING SHOW! *winces as her burn stings*


Jackle the Mantle

*opens in Nightmare castle, in Reala's room*

Reala: NiGHTS, where are my keys? I'm late; Jackle's probably deep within the pits of hell already.

NiGHTS: What, you mean the living pile of laundry?

Reala: Yes, NiGHTS, I've sent Jackle to hell. Science stuff, you wouldn't understand.

NiGHTS: I don't understand, what do you mean "hell"?

Reala: My life with you, NiGHTS, that's the real hell.

NiGHTS: Whaaat?

Reala: I'm just gonna take the bus, do you have any change?

NiGHTS: There's some on the coffee table.

Reala: Thank you, NiGHTS... for your minimum contribution to my day.

*Reala arrives in some random laboratory in Nightmare*

Reala: Hello? Does anyone even still work here?

*Clawz comes down from the cieling*

Clawz: Hello Reala.

Reala: Oh good, Clawz... my least favorite of Wizeman's creations.

Clawz: And that's why you have friends.

Reala: Has Jackle checked in yet?

Clawz: Are you interested in what I've been doing today?

Reala: Not in the least.

Clawz: Pooping! I've been pooping! A lot!

Reala: That's... nice?

Clawz: I'm hoping it helps me locate my other end. I've never seen it, you know. My butt. I've never seen my butt. I want to lick it.

Reala: I'm gonna go check on Jackle.

Clawz: I've been eating a lot of hummus. It has not sat well with me. Let me know if you smell anything.

*Meanwhile in hell*

Reala: *over a headset*Jackle! Status report!

Jackle: I've reached some sort of hatch - it's red, has a giant sad face on it?

Reala: Excellent! I think you've found the chamber of misery.

Jackle: Oh good, how do I get in?

Reala: You must be extraordinarily miserable. Are there any demons or hell monsters around that you could get to sexually molest you?

Jackle: Thankfully not. Only thing here is this weird flower staring at me.

Flower: Hello!

Reala: A flower, hmm. Ask it to sexually molest you.

Jackle: Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Hey there little guy.

Flower: Pee on me!

Jackle: Uh...

Reala: What was that?

Jackle: Nothing. *to the flower* What the hell is wrong with you?

Flower: Pee on me!

Jackle: No!

Reala: Jackle, this might be our in on getting you molested! Do it!

Jackle: Not gonna happen, Ree.

Flower: It's so warm and dry down here, and I'm sooo thirsty. Pee all over me!

Reala: I like where this is headed, Jackle!

Jackle: And I, I do not.

Flower: Aim for my mouth, I wanna gargle.

Reala: Do it, Jackle. We need to get into that chamber.

Jackle: Ugh, fine, I'll, I'll do it.

Reala: Perfect! This is how history is made my friend! This could be your defining moment; the one thing you will always be remembered for. So, uh, how's it coming along, Jackle?

Jackle: AAAAAGH!

Reala: What is it? Is he molesting you?

Jackle: HE'S CRAWLING UP MY URETHRA!

Reala: What, the flower?

Jackle: THE FLOWER IS CRAWLING UP MY URETHRA!

Reala: Fascinating!

Jackle: AND SINGING! THE FLOWER IS SINGING AS IT CRAWLS UP MY URETHRA!

Reala: Wow, this is much better than I expected. We'll have that hatch open in no time, Jackle!

*later in the lab Jackle is back with a few cuts and a black eye*

Reala: So you're saying the only thing in the chamber was additional misery?

Jackle: Yeah, misery is one word for it, I watched my own eyes fall out, how is that even possible!?

Reala: I'm sorry, Jackle, I really thought that would work.

Jackle: What are you basing any of this on?

Reala: Science, Jackle! Speculative science!

Jackle: I'm going to murder you!

Clawz: Can I do butt science?

Flower: Hello!

Jackle: Oh good Wizeman.

Reala: You let a creature from hell come back with you?

Jackle: Get out of here, you weirdo!

Flower: Aww, why does everyone always think I'm a weirdo?

Clawz: You've hurt its feelings, Jackle.

Flower: I can't even take pictures of monkey penises without people thinking I'm a weirdo!

Jackle: Alright, I'm taking you back.

*Jackle warps back to hell as NiGHTS walks in*

NiGHTS: Reala? There you are!

Reala: What are you doing here, NiGHTS? I'm doing science so hard right now!

NiGHTS: I found your keys, they were in one of my hat boxes.

Reala: What were they doing there? And who the hell has hat boxes?

*Jackle warps back in where NiGHTS is standing and NiGHTS explodes*

Jackle: I'm back! Whoa, what's with all the blood?

Reala: You materialized where NiGHTS was standing.

Clawz: Then she exploded.

Jackle: Oh Wizeman, I- I just killed your wife?

Reala: *sigh* It's okay, Jackle... I have more.


NiGHTS: I still can't believe how bad your sunburn is...

LTP: Well, I should've seen it coming. I mean, I live in the sunshine state and my skin's almost as white as Reala's for crying out loud! *sigh* Oh well. Anyway, SEE YA'LL NEXT TIME!

REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!