Guys… Yeah, I know, it's annoying right? To wait for an update for more than a month, while I promised before that I'm gonna update fast and regularly…. I am really really really sorry :'(((
Real life has been bitching me a lot lately. I thought after graduated I could sit and relax for a while, but there's people and family and others that pushed to start seeking job and all. And some stressful moments developed a nice writer's block, so… here I am, updating with a shorter chapter and there might be not much of progress you can see here.
I dedicate this chapter for my beta reader Eternal Witch who is currently pursuing her career IRL, without her, this story could be an eye-sore forever. Thank you and good luck, dear =)
And behold, this chapter will be full of dialogues, explaining in detail what happened right after Misaki's parents were dead.
On that rainy night of December, 1997, Takahashi Misaki was half-conscious due to anesthetic sedative of his first lung operation given several hours ago. He wanted to to open his eyes, but it was as if thousands of invisible cotton still weighting his eyelids. He could smell alcohol and hear the beep-beep sound of a machine beside his bed, and that he might be alone in that hospital room.
"Stop joking around! They can't be dead!"
His brother's voice from before he lost consciousness echoed inside his head. His brother denied the fact, but Misaki couldn't. He didn't see their bodies; he didn't see how they died. The fact stated by his brother, sourced from a police officer, was clear enough for him.
Mom and Dad are gone… and it's all my fault.
He forced himself to sleep just to feel that dream again, where he stood at the center of a green forest, surrounded by breeze and calmness that'd protect him from reality. However, the pain on his chest held him from reaching the bliss.
"I will take care of Misaki! I will raise him by myself!" His brother's desperate voice became louder that it shrieked into through his ears. But still, Misaki believed it was also one of the echoes. Maybe, just maybe, he imagined his brother too well because he felt a solitude in the hospital room. He couldn't let the shadows of his parents penetrate into his mind for that would only bring sorrow. He could only picture him and his brother.
Suddenly he recognized other voices as some people he hadn't met for a long time. Might be his uncle and aunt? His grandfather and grandmother? Maybe relatives from his mother's side? Or maybe from his father's side? Misaki didn't exactly know who they were.
"I won't give Misaki to people who only want to take advantage of his weakness!" Not only Takahiro raised his voice higher than before—there were also a note of fear and angst in it, as if Takahiro was so sure that Misaki was to be taken care of no one but his big brother, as if the world around them was dangerous that Takahiro was the only one Misaki had to rely on.
Fueled by his brother's strong determination, he forced his eyes to open, his eyelids fluttering slowly. He first saw an unfamiliar white ceiling before slowly slid his eyes to the curtain on his right side until he found the room's door which had a square area of transparent glass. Behind it was the lower part of Takahiro's face; half of his glasses, his nose, and his chin could be seen, along with his gritting teeth. Misaki could only watched silently as he saw Takahiro facing some people only Lord and Takahiro himself knows.
"I'm not going to college!"
Misaki blinked when he heard that.
How many years had it been since Takahiro worked hard to be accepted to a prestigious college? How many times had Misaki caught his brother sleeping on his studying desk in the morning before going to school? How many times their parents prayed to God for the best path He can give to their first son's future?
All of it was for nothing.
Misaki's vision was blurred by tears. Between his weak sobs, he desperately called his brother, frantically opening his mouth to speak but no voice came out. He had no power to move his hands although he wanted to reach his brother, to tell him that it's okay to not think about him too much, to tell him that he won't trouble his brother anymore.
Nii-chan…
But suddenly, a big cold hand wrapped his other hand, holding it with a charming chill. Unlike his hands, Misaki's heart felt warmth instead, and his emerald eyes glanced to the depth of the cold hand's owner, to those lavender eyes… which were focused on where Takahiro stood and arguing.
"I'll devote myself to heal Misaki…"
Misaki knew whose hand and eyes they were. He knew he wasn't alone.
"…because Misaki is my brother!"
The argument continued, and the cold hand tightened its hold on Misaki's tiny one.
Usagi… san?
Misaki felt safe and peaceful. He closed his eyes, focusing himself on the magic that worked from their entwined hands.
Usagi-san…
"What is it, Misaki?" A deep voice that wasn't his brother's cooed back Misaki's calling.
"Eh…?" Misaki didn't hear anymore of Takahiro's voice. Instead, he could hear clearly the weak chirping bird sounds, and he could feel that afternoon breeze swept his skin, while he actually believed that the window in the hospital room wasn't opened…
"You called me twice." The same voice hummed again into his ears.
"…Hee?" Misaki opened and blinked his eyes dumbly. He rustled his eyes only with his right hand; he couldn't move his other hand because…
It was actually wrapped by Akihiko's. It was Akihiko's hand, for real, literally holding Misaki's, in reality.
"Usagi-san!" he yelled out. He snapped onto Akihiko who sat beside his bed and realized that it wasn't the same hospital room he just had a dream of; the features of the room now were more familiar to Kinenkan's ward rather than a normal and clean hospitals.
"Thrice now," the silver haired said while cracking a smile. "Were you dreaming about me, Misaki?"
Misaki immediately pulled his left hand. "Ha, you wish! I must be still dreaming because you shouldn't be here."
"And why can't I be here? Isn't it obvious that I want to visit the sick?" Akihiko caressed Misaki's hair gently. "I'm worried about you."
Here we go again, all lovey-dovey and care-play, Misaki furiously thought as he grew uncomfortable by the older man's touch. He slapped the man's hand from his head and in a sudden motion steadied himself to sit. As if he got stabbed by a needle on his right chest in less than a second, Misaki gasped and clenched on his chest, but hurriedly put a poker face when he saw the worried look of Akihiko.
"I'm okay. I'm not sick anymore," he said sternly, hoping that Akihiko would stop acting so concerned of him just because he was 'obliged' to. "Sorry for making you worry and came all the way here."
Upon realizing how hard-headed Misaki was, Akihiko glared at the teen's face. He had drove a thousand miles to Kinenkan and was worried-sick and thought of nothing else but the teen, and here he was, receiving denials. Akihiko put his hand again on Misaki's head for he wanted to make the boy locked his gaze only to him, to let him know that he truly love him, not his brother. "Misaki, you-"
There were knocks from the door that cut Akihiko. Soon after, Nowaki entered the ward and slightly bowed to both Misaki and Akihiko.
"Sorry to interrupt." He said warmly to Misaki.
"Ah! The flower man!" Misaki yelped at the the familiar face he recognized as the worker of the flower shop he visited before he went to Kinenkan. "You are… a doctor here?"
"Flower man?" Nowaki laughed a bit before he continued. "Takahashi-kun, it's true that I was an employee of the flower shop, but now I'm just an intern doctor here." Seeing Akihiko sitting beside Misaki's bed, Nowaki clenched his lips and changed his face to be more serious. "Usami-san, may I talk to you for a moment?"
Akihiko nodded and stood, rustling Misaki's hair as if he didn't really want to leave the teen.
"To my office, then." Nowaki said as he turned around to approach the door. "I'm sorry Takahashi-kun, it might take a while. Rest well in the wait, okay?"
"Un!" Misaki replied before Nowaki closed the door.
Nowaki was fully aware that he had no courage to walk side by side with Akihiko—he was afraid that his nervousness could be read by the other man. He wasn't sure of what and how to disclose the information about his current patient, for he had known how far the other man had put the effort in seeing the patient directly. That was why he could only have his back facing Akihiko while walking on the corridor.
Indeed, Nowaki dreamed of becoming a pulmonologist, but he hadn't expected his first patient in this case was this… serious. He even questioned himself: was his diagnosis true with his current medical knowledge? Was he elligible enough to conclude what disease it is? Should he ever tell Akihiko what was actually happening to Misaki?
Entering his office, Nowaki stepped forward in front of Akihiko and sorted out his feelings to wipe off his doubt of himself. As soon as he confirmed that the office door was completely closed behind them, he inhaled deeply and turned around, ready to put a wry smile, before he saw a view he couldn't be au fait with.
Usami Akihiko bowed to him, as low as his own torso, and said, "Thank you for treating Misaki well."
In a blink of an eye, Nowaki caught more clues on how much Usami Akihiko cared for his patient. His blue cobalt eyes watched as the silver head, firm and without tremble, facing the floor, respectfully appraising his work in treating Misaki.
…And it'd be harder to tell him everything, thought Nowaki. "Usami-san… please, it's just my job…"
"Usami-san, as a doctor and as your acquaintance," Nowaki said as Akihiko stood up again. "May I know your relationship with Takahashi-kun?"
"I'm his brother's friend," Akihiko answered, and soon before Nowaki could ask more about Misaki's brother, he added, "And Misaki doesn't want his brother to know that he's here."
The intern doctor showed a sympathetic frown and soon after walked slowly to behind his desk to sit on his chair. "Then I assume it is safe to tell you medical informations regarding Takahashi-kun." He twined his fingers above the desk while Akihiko sat with a more relaxed position.
"But I warn you some things," Nowaki continued. "Some facts might be… too unacceptable-"
"I love him," Akihiko cut firmly. "I want to know more about him."
Sighing in defeat, Nowaki had no more hesitation towards the confident man. "First of all, I'd like to confirm the record from the chief here. He said that Takahashi Misaki was accused for a theft, a sexual abuse, and attempting a homicide to your brother, Usami Haruhiko. Is it true?"
"True, but I don't believe so." Akihiko gritted his teeth.
"And your brother's condition is?" Nowaki asked. He was suddenly reminded that Hiroki was once told him Akihiko wasn't in a good term with anybody in his family. "I won't ask anymore about your family after this."
"He was out of hospital almost 3 weeks ago. The wound was just a small stab pierced by a shatter of glass, and it didn't reach deep to the fatal organ." Akihiko said with a flat tone.
"I see." Nowaki nodded and took a long breath before he began his long explanation.
"There are 4 main symptoms that deduct my diagnosis. First, Takahashi-kun felt pain on his right chest. Second, he shuddered because he felt cold, while he actually had a burning fever. Third, I heard his turbular breathing sound as he did a respiration and cough.
For now I assume that his right lung is filled with fluid, although I can't make sure how much it is without CT scan. The fluid impairs his breathing by limiting the expansion of the lungs during the respiration, that's why he felt pain when inhaling."
Nowaki paused for a while before he continued. "The symptoms are indicating tuberculosis, but…"
"But…?" Akihiko raised his brows.
"From the sputum sampling, I didn't find any tuberculosis bacteria, despite that I found the ESR and thrombocyte are in the abnormal state. It means the fluid indicates other infection than tuberculosis…"
"But, Kusama-sensei, when he was 8, Misaki got almost the same symptoms. I don't know what the disease was but his lung was also filled with fluid and he already had an operation to let it out." Akihiko said. "How come it happens again this time?"
In his point of view, Nowaki could clearly see how Akihiko was furious toward his own lack of medical knowledge and vocabularies. Combined with his own lack of information about Misaki's past record, the intern doctor had his confidence level decreased more. He started questioning whether it was worth to tell Akihiko everything, though it was an absolute necessity for someone other than the patient to understand truly what the patient suffered.
There was no way of turning back for Nowaki, and he decided to explain everything slowly with the language a common human would be able to comprehend. However, before he could say anything, there were soft knocks on the office's door, and Nowaki heard a familiar apologetic voice came from it. It was slowly opened, and he saw his assistant, Keiko entered the office.
"Keiko-san?" Nowaki asked confusingly.
"I'm sorry, I… was eavesdropping just now…" Keiko said while she closed the door. "Kusama-sensei, I came to tell you that I am the nurse who assisted Sawamura-sensei when treating Takahashi-kun 10 years ago. That's why I was so shocked when I saw him here…" Keiko bowed to Akihiko and added, "… and nice to meet you again, Usami Akihiko-san."
Akihiko was a bit confused on Keiko's greeting. "Have we met before?"
"Once or twice, I believe, 10 years ago in Musashino Hospital. No wonder you forgot, it's been a long time ago. But I know you were the one who often helped the Takahashi brothers that time." Keiko said with a smile.
"Oh, since you've treated Takahashi-kun in the past, Keiko-san," Nowaki waved to the chair beside Akihiko's. "You can explain the patient's medical history to us now. I also need it to further my diagnosis."
Keiko said "Thank you" as she slowly approached both men and sat next to Akihiko.
"Kusama-sensei, Takahashi-kun's body is actually prone to pneumonia, even before he was 8. But, the rainstorm in 1997's winter made it worse…" The nurse started to explain in a serious tone.
"True," Nowaki nodded in agreement. He looked back on his memories of that year at Kusama Orphanage, the place where he grew. "At that time, many children in the orphanage I was living at were sick due to the humidity and cold weather."
"Then around December 1997, 2 weeks before Takahashi-kun came to Musashino Hospital, he had his first pleura effusion with a procedure that was supposed for adult with worse stadium of the disease." Keiko continued. "The effusion was done with general anesthesia and the doctor used the wrong instruments for needle biopsy."
Nowaki gaped at Keiko's explanation. "How could it be? The doctor should have known that to treat patient under 15, it is required to give antibiotics and doing X-rays first!"
"His first operation was done in a small hospital that now had already went bankrupt," Akihiko added. "I was there 3 days after the operation and I still remembered seeing Misaki in pain…"
"…when he shouldn't be." Nowaki folded his arms and frowned. "If the procedure was right, the operation wouldn't be that hurtful even after the anesthesia wore off."
"And Sawamura-sensei only cured what was left by the malpractice." Keiko said in gloom while she faced her own lap.
No one said anything, and the brief silence gave Nowaki the time to review the new facts he got from his assistant and conclude a sharper diagnosis. He leaned forward to focus himself on Akihiko, but wasn't brave enough to look directly to the other man's eyes.
"Judging from the symptoms and what Keiko-san had told us, the wrong instrument must have made an internal bleeding at the bottom of Takahashi-kun's right lung. True, his pneumonia might have been cured a long time ago, but this place won't keep that long.
The re-opened internal wound might be due to malnutrition, stress, and also fatigued body. The wound would make another infection throughout the lungs. Before coming here, Takahashi-kun was given some medicine by senpai only enough to hold the progression of the infection and the fluid, but…"
Nowaki was so confused on how to continue the explanation with words recognizable by a human.
"…but the wound might have gotten… 'swollen'…" Nowaki continued cynically. "So… to answer your question, Usami-san…"
Nowaki glanced deep to Keiko, who nodded firmly, sorrow still lingering on her eyes. "Proper instruments in hospital standards are needed to confirm this, but… I suspect Misaki's body has a tumour growing inside his right lung…"
Nowaki could see how Akihiko's eyes widen. He was aware that Akihiko wasn't ready for this; that he was never ready to know about everything that'd hurt Misaki. But he couldn't stop now. It was way better to let him know sooner.
"… and it might lead to lung cancer." He said it with his eyes looking straight to the other man's.
All three people froze, and a long silence ensued.
Nowaki, behind his strong front, could see exactly Akihiko's reactions. At first he could see the grief inside the lavender eyes that were ready to stream tears, but somehow it changed to a brightful hope in the next second, as if Akihiko was about to say 'there must be a way to cure it!'. And before Nowaki knew it, he saw the author sunk his head down to his lap, posed in a full surrender; discouraged; doomed.
Beside him was Keiko with her body shuddered by the awkward silence. She looked away, to anything that was not Akihiko, while biting her lower lip.
"Keiko-san, it's almost lunch time for the patient." Nowaki said to distract Keiko from her uneasiness. Not to mention, he needed Keiko to leave so he could be alone with Akihiko.
"Ah, right, I'll prepare the intakes for Misaki-kun, I'll be leaving, Kusama-sensei…" Keiko stood abruptly. "E-excuse me, Usami-san…" She said, bowing and smiling while she tried to avoid Akihiko's marred expression.
Soon after the woman left the office, Akihiko changed his sitting position to a proper one and was ready to excuse himself too. But Nowaki halted him before he stood, and he resigned back to his seat, half curious and half unprepared for what more the intern doctor had to explain.
"Usami-san…"
This is the hardest part. Nowaki swallowed a lump in his throat, as well as his nervousness. "So I just heard from Keiko-san, Takahashi-kun had his operation soon after his parents' accident."
"Yes." Akihiko answered curiously. As he was determined to hear more of the doctor, he sat back and rested his hands on his knees.
"The psychological shock might have contributed a lot to the disease and made his immunity decreased dramatically at that time. The same mechanism must have happened in this case now, because I'm sure his wound was re-opened just recently. There must be something—something really shocking; something that really traumatizes Takahashi-kun, that made him suffer from this. Just like what he had when he knew his parents' death. "
"Did he have an accident here? Or maybe because someone bullied him?" Anxiety coloured over Akihiko's face as his curiousity gradually won over him.
"I'm talking about something happened more than 2 weeks ago; some time before he got in here," Nowaki grimaced.
Seconds passed as Nowaki watched the sudden change of Akihiko's expression. The lavender eyes jolted by an intangible fear of possibilities unknown to the younger male.
Akihiko knew it would be coming soon. Although there were so many times he buried down that one possibility deep beneath his consciousnes, he was forced to dig it back and accept the high chance of it happened to his beloved one. With what positive thoughts left in Akihiko, he pushed out his own strength just to deny what Nowaki would say after this—and denying was something that was not like himself.
"It might be about my brother who framed him and made him end up here, no won-"
I'm sorry… Nowaki silently apologized to Akihiko as he took the liberty to cut off what Akihiko was saying.
"Usami-san, if it was true… IF there were only Takahashi-kun and your brother in the scene…" Nowaki, breathless and stilled, tried to find any other line better than 'He might be shocked because your brother raped him'. But then he skipped it and went straight to what was most important. He gambled on whether Akihiko would be suggested enough by his words or not.
Nowaki finally said it, emotionless.
"I've checked without him knowing—Takahashi-kun... has rectal trauma."
So, you can grasp the chronology on how Misaki got the disease, right? Or are you confused?
I'll tell you a spoiler: I didn't put this chapter for being irrelevant with the future chapters, coz' you should note about the doctor who did the malpractice to Misaki. He/she might be someone important in some chapters later.
Again, many medical terms and explanation are used (I did research but of course I'm not 100% following it), but I try to make it 'makes sense' so common people can understand how Misaki got the disease =)
To all my reviewers: I love you so much guys, don't get bored on this story (and the wait okay XD). I'm sorry if any of you haven't got my reply yet, but I always think of you when writing, so I hope I won't disappoint your expectation on next chapter. And to those who only activates story alert and favorites: Don't be silent reader forever guys, I need your opinion and I want to talk to you too :'(
