Around the same time I started to write the groundwork for this story, the mining disaster down in West Virginia happened, killing 29 people. As is the case with these things, I drew on that tragedy for what is currently happening here in the story. You may want to find a quiet place alone to yourself before reading.


Pagan Poetry, Winter Sleep

"Captain? Come in! Are you there? Damnit! Captain? Captain!"

Lightning moaned, slowly coming back to her senses at the muffled, crackling sound of Luzzu's voice on her communication unit. Slowly, she dragged her face up off the ground, gingerly moving each joint as she checked for any broken bones. Feeling only stiffness, she blinked her eyes to clear her sight, and rubbing her brow, felt the sticky sensation of blood. She could see that she was trapped in the cavern. And we were so close to getting out too. Damn, she thought. She recalled the last thing that happened before she was knocked unconscious was Hope pushing her clear of a large falling rock. Panic gripped her and she looked around for him. What she saw jerked a half sob from her lips.

"Hope!"

Frantically, Lightning scrambled to the side of his prone form. Hope was lying face down, his left shoulder jutting up in an unnatural angle, and his lower legs were trapped under rocks. She felt for his pulse while her own pounded anxiously. It was there, faint but steady, and Lightning could feel herself begin to breathe again. She made to clear the rock off of Hope's body when Luzzu's voice on her comm once again broke through.

"Captain, can you hear me?"

She fumbled in her pocket, pulling the comm free, flipping it open and holding it to her ear.

"Sergeant?"

"Captain!" She could hear the relief in Luzzu's voice, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, but Sergeant Estheim…" Lightning paused, quelling the emotion that threatened to creep into her voice. "He's injured, and it looks pretty bad."

She could hear Luzzu curse under his breath. "How about you and Rassler?" Lightning asked. "You two got clear? What's your status?"

"Yeah, we got out okay. Aside from the nick Rassler got in the fight, we're okay."

Lightning sighed. "I want you and Rassler to get your men on the airship and back to the outpost. Report to Colonel Treno and tell her what has happened."

"The hell we are!" Rassler's voice could be heard in the background. "We're getting you out of there!"

"You do that and you could cause this whole pocket to become unstable and crush us." She chastised her sergeant sharply. "No, we need the engineers from the outpost to get us out. Now get out of here and go get help, do you hear me? That's an order."

"Yes, captain," came the reply. "We'll be back before you know it," added Luzzu.

Lightning snapped the communicator shut and placed it back into her pocket. She returned back to clearing the rocks off of Hope's legs, fighting the sense of desperation that threatened to consume her. Pushing clear the last heavy boulder, she could see one of his legs had been broken by the weight. Her throat suddenly felt tight, and she dragged his limp body clear of the rest of the smaller rocks. She was surprised a bit at how heavy he felt in her arms as she turned him over onto his back. His left arm dangled uselessly as she did so. He didn't even make a sound. Lightning sat on the ground, cradling his head in her arms. She smoothed his silver white locks with a gloved hand, feeling the prick of unshed tears coming to her eyes. The knot that had developed in her throat seemed even bigger as she peered down into his still features, caressing his jaw tenderly. This is my fault, she thought bitterly.

"Hope," she murmured as a tear rolled free, "you're going to be okay, you hear me? You have to be. There's so much I have to tell you… So much you need to know. You are not going to die on me, understand? I won't let you, I won't! I couldn't bear it if…" Lightning's voice started to fail her as the emotions she had been keeping at bay finally overcame her and she wept into his hair, gently rocking him as she did so.

~x*x~

Hope felt as if he were dreaming. His whole body felt weightless, as if he didn't really exist anymore. There was no up or down, right or left, and he was suspended in the middle of this nothingness. His mind tried to sort it out, to make sense of what was happening.

Am I… dead?

The anguish of that thought seared his soul. He could see the smiling faces of the people he knew; his fellow soldiers… his father, the people who he shared the burden of being a l'cie with… Light. The very thought of never seeing Light's face again, to never feel her lips against his own, caused him to cry out in a soundless scream. He struggled furtively, looking for a way out of the maddening void. The darkness seemed to mock him and held firm.

Hope…

Mom? He swore he heard her voice calling out to him. With his mind, he reached out into the darkness, searching for the source of the voice.

Hope… I love you…

He sighed, Mom, I'm not ready to go yet. She laughed, a warm caring sound.

Hope… Live… Live for your love.

He gasped as he heard another sound. It was the distant, but unmistakable sound of sobbing. Light… he thought painfully.

I am so proud of you, Hope. You've become the man I dreamed you would be. Be as strong as I know you are. Her voice was growing fainter.

Mom… Hope reached for her voice again, but there was nothing. The faint crying could still be heard, and he turned his attention toward it. Hang on Light, he thought, I'm coming. I promise I won't leave you alone.

~x*x~

There was a soft groan as Hope's eyes fluttered open. He was aware that his head was pillowed upon something softer and warmer than the ground. Blinking rapidly, he willed his eyes to focus faster. The cavern was bathed in the soft orange glow of Lightning's illumination device. He moved his gaze about worriedly, looking for her, and the he felt a soft breath on his face and he looked up.

Lightning's chin rested against her chest, her wet lashes resting against her cheeks as she slept. Hope grimaced at the sight of her dirt and blood stained face, the lines of her tears clearly etched through the grime. Her lips were parted slightly in her slumber. One of her arms was draped across his chest and another was tucked under his head where it laid on her lap. Hope made to reach up to touch her face with his gloved hand, only to have a blinding pain wrack through his entire body, which made him groan involuntarily.

Lightning's eyes snapped open at the sound of Hope's voice crying out. Instinctively, she clutched him tighter as she looked down into the eyes of the young man in her lap. Her heart practically leapt from her chest with relief.

"Hope!" She breathed.

"Light-" another pained groan cut him off, "everything… hurts, Light." His breath came in short sharp gasps. Lightning loosed her hold on his Hope's head as her hand fumbled inside the pouch strapped to her leg, grasping for a potion. She passed it to her free hand and uncorked it with her thumb. Gently lifting his head, she pressed the tiny bottle to his lips.

"Here," she coaxed, "drink this. It won't cure you completely, but it will help with the pain."

Hope gladly took it, relishing the icy tingle that coursed its way down through his body, soothing the burning pain. With his mind less clouded, he could start to make sense of their surroundings.

"What happened? Where are we?"

"There was a cave in," Lightning explained. "We got trapped in a pocket, not far from the entrance. Don't worry," she soothed, seeing Hope's expression, "Luzzu managed to contact me through the comm. I've already ordered him and Rassler to get back to the Outpost and get help."

A sigh escaped Hope's lips and he tried to shift himself. "Why can't I move my arm?"

"You dislocated your left shoulder, and you have a broken leg."

He laughed hoarsely. "If we were l'cie, this wouldn't be a problem. Just a quick spell, and everything would be better."

"You don't have a cure spell in your manadrive?"

Hope shook his head. "The 'drives only have one type of magic each. Mine's attacking magic, not curative."

Lightning sighed and he started to close his eyes. Just a little rest, he thought, now that the pain's subsided, I can rest a bit…

"Hey," Lightning shook him slightly, making Hope open his eyes. He could see her yes were filling with worry. "Don't you go passing out on me."

Hope smiled slightly. "Well, then I guess you'll have to find a way to keep me awake."

Lightning paused, staring into his dirty, bloody face. He looked angelic, peaceful, and it scared her.

"Talk to me," she whispered.

"Hm?"

"Talk to me," she repeated. "Tell me about what you've done and seen these past five years."

"Ah," Hope sighed, eyes blinking languidly as his head moved about in her lap. "Where to begin? So much happened, so many different sights…" He looked up at Lightning, studying her face, her eyes, the way her pink hair hung over her shoulder, and a memory came to him.

"The ocean. Have you ever seen the ocean here on Pulse, Light?" Hope smiled as she shook her head. "Oh, it's breathtaking," he murmured. "There are sheer cliffs of red rock, and the waves crash high against them. If you stand close to the edge, you can feel the spray on your face. And there are these huge seabirds that make their nests in caves on the cliffs, they fly over the water looking for food. Every now and then, you can see the Fal-cie who takes care of the ocean. His name is Tidus, and he almost resembles a fish," he chuckled, and it dissolved into a cough, and Lightning stroked his hair gently.

"We were out scouting one day," Hope continued, "and we found this huge beach, much bigger than any you'd have seen on Cocoon. The sand was as pale as crystal dust, and it almost sparkled like it too. It was so warm, and we all stripped down to our underwear and swam in the water like we were kids." Lightning smiled and laughed softly and Hope did too. "I guess we were still kids, in essence. That night, we made camp on the beach, and the sunset we saw… I think it was the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen on Gran Pulse, mostly because it reminded me of you." Lightning's lips parted in surprise, brows lifted slightly. Hope smiled at her lovingly.

"When the sun set below the horizon of the water, it turned the sky the color of your hair, and the water… it was as clear and blue as your eyes. All I could think about was you and how one day, I would like to bring you there to see it. And we could lie on the sands together, staying awake until the stars came out. I'd hold you in my arms and tell you how beautiful you were, and all the other things I've wanted to tell you for so long. I thought how one day, I would make love to you under those stars, and promise my whole life to you," Hope sighed, adoration in his eyes as he looked up at Lighting.

Lightning could feel tears coming once again to her eyes, the knot in her throat making her unable to talk, to breathe. It pained Hope to see her like this, and it pained him more to think he could do nothing about it. He felt tired, but he forced himself to go on, for her sake. He tried to think of something, anything to say.

"Light," he called out softly, and she flicked her shining eyes to meet his. "Have you ever… been in love?"

Wordlessly, she shook her head. Hope sighed and smiled.

"Well, when we get out of here, and we get back to the Colony, I want to show you what it feels like… to be in love."

"Hope-" Lightning choked out, but he didn't let her finish.

"I know that…that you don't love me, Light. I've accepted that, and I've been terribly selfish in thinking that I could make you love me. I've tried to deny my feelings, but I can't. It's all I've been thinking about all these years. I can't just stop six years' worth loving you. But, if you let me, I'll be content to just love you from afar. It would be better than nothing, if that would make you happy. I don't regret loving you, Light, even if it does come to nothing."

Lightning felt her heart pounding in her chest at his words. She really didn't know what to say. Hope was looking up at her, and she could see his apprehension, his love. She stroked his face tenderly with her gloved hand, bare fingertips gently brushing away the dirt from his skin. Her arm cradled his head closer to her, tendrils of hair and tears falling upon his face. Leaning in closer, she brushed her lips against his in a tender kiss. Hope released a shuddering sigh between their mouths. It felt as if time itself had stopped for him in that one moment. The kiss was a still and softly lingering one, and their lips didn't part until some time later. When they finally did, Hope sighed again, letting his own tears slide down his cheek and nuzzled in close to Lightning, who rested her cheek upon his head.

"If we die here, after that kiss, I wouldn't mind," Hope said, softly.

"Don't say such things," Lightning admonished gently. "We'll get out of here. I know we will." Just as she spoke, a miniscule draft of cool breeze touched their faces. "At least we won't run out of air," she added. Hope hummed in amused agreement. To be honest, Lightning wasn't really sure if they would make it out, but she had to have faith, for the both of them.

"Light… I'm… scared," Hope tried to laugh as he spoke, but failed.

Lightning sighed and shifted her hold on his head to reach into her leg pouch. She rummaged, feeling about until she felt what she was looking for. Then she placed it upon Hope's chest. He didn't have to see to know what it was. The weight of it alone told him it was his knife.

"You know I don't deserve that," he muttered, looking away.

"You saved the life of your captain, or more importantly," she tenderly turned his chin with her fingertips so he faced her, "the woman you love, and you did it with great danger to yourself."

With troubled eyes, he gazed upon the knife, shifting so that his good arm could reach up and touch its metal. As he lay there, staring at the weapon, Hope felt her warm, soft lips kissing his temple. He closed his eyes, feeling the tears coming once more, and then Lightning whispered softly.

"You haven't failed me, Hope, and you didn't fail me when it counted. There is great strength within you. I can feel it."

Hope looked up once more at Lighting, the woman he loved, feeling as if his chest would burst from the feeling. She was softly smiling down at him. And then her expression grew a bit more serious.

"I don't… I don't know if what I feel for you is love, Hope," Lightning began, slowly, "but give me time. This is all too new for me, and I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling. Please, be patient with me."

Hope had been looking upon her, awestruck as she spoke, and when she finished, his features softened to a smile. He nodded.

"I will wait," he said, snuggling up close to her once more and gripping his knife tightly. I swear it.

~x*x~

Meanwhile, the airship was touching down at the outpost. Its gangway hadn't even touched the ground fully when Rassler leapt down, nearly running as soon as his feet were touching the turf.

"Rassler! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Luzzu yelled. He caught up with the bigger man, and grabbing him, spun him round.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm going to report to Colonel Treno like the captain ordered us to!" Rassler hollered down at the stockier man, grey eyes blazing. His olive skin was slightly pale from the loss of blood from his wound. He turned to go when Luzzu grabbed him again and struck him in the face. Hard.

"H-hey! What was that for?"

"Don't be an idiot. Get your ass to the medics to have your arm looked after," snapped Luzzu, "and while you're at it, some ice for your face. I'll report to the colonel."

Rassler opened his mouth to protest, but was met with a blunt finger in the face. "Not another word outta you, get me? It's bad enough we don't got our captain or our second-in-command; we don't need to lose another officer because he was too pig-headed to look after himself." Luzzu's face was nearly as red as his hair. Rassler nodded mutely.

With that settled, Luzzu stalked off towards Colonel Treno's office. With every step, he was cursing himself, thinking there should have been a way to prevent such a catastrophe. Done is done, he thought grimly, no sense in wondering about 'what ifs' now. He had been so lost in thought that he completely didn't see Lieutenant Beclem.

"And where do you think you're going, Sergeant Luzzu?" Beclem's nasal voice pierced into Luzzu's thoughts. He stopped and turned.

Mustering up as much politeness as he could under the circumstances, he replied, "I have orders from Captain Farron to report to Colonel Treno immediately, lieutenant."

"Aren't you aware that we have procedures here, sergeant? If you want to speak to the colonel, you have to go through me first."

Don't even tempt me, Luzzu thought. Instead, he said, "My orders are to speak to Colonel Treno only."

"Well if it was so important," sneered Beclem, "why doesn't Captain Farron come see her herself?"

Luzzu had quite enough. His dark eyes seethed with fury. "Well that would be rather hard for her to do, lieutenant," he half hissed, half snarled. "Given that she's buried under who knows how much rock at the moment after killing a monster you and your men failed to even track!"

"How dare you talk to a superior officer like that!"

"On the contrary, how dare you! You're an insult to your rank!"

"Insubordination! I'll have you court marshalled for this!" Beclem glowered.

"I would hardly call it insubordination when you're the one interfering with his orders, lieutenant," the voice of Colonel Beatrix Treno rang out, freezing both men. She stood, towering in the doorway of her office, fists on her hips. Her solitary eye was burning a hole through Beclem where he stood.

Luzzu, recovering from the shock the quickest, stepped forward and saluted. "Colonel Treno!"

"Sergeant, what happened?"

"Well, colonel," Luzzu began, "we killed that thing what's been wreakin' all the havoc, but there was a cave in. Captain Farron and Sergeant Estheim got trapped inside, somewhere close to the entrance. We managed to get a hold of the captain on the comm, and she appears okay, but Sergeant Estheim is critically injured."

Colonel scowled and cursed under her breath. "Right then. Beclem!" The lieutenant flinched. "Alert the engineers. I want them on that airship in less than ten minutes! And I want a squad of medical personnel, too. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, colonel," grovelled Beclem. "Will you want me to go and oversee the operation?"

The colonel snorted. "And have you cock it up? No, I'll be going. I have a debt to repay." With that, she stalked off, with Luzzu following in her wake, smirking to himself in satisfaction.