The Lucky Ones - 9 - Creep
"I've still got your kiss, burning on my lips."
There are so many definitions for physical attraction that I have come up with. Spike was my eye candy. Something I could swallow whole and wish for more. He was like the drink that satisfied my incredible thirst for life. Too bad I didn't notice that he was marked with a label entitled "POISON" before I gulped him down in one session.
Jet had gone his own way and told Spike and I to stick together. While we were searching, we didn't talk at all. He walked with his gun clenched in both hands pointed towards the ground, his arms stuck to his sides. He looked so professional. But wait, what was I saying? He was a professional. Born to hurt people and walk away. His work was really cut out for him.
I watched his boots sink into the heavy snow beneath us. The heels reached the frozen earth below and let out crunching sounds. It was almost peaceful, gazing at the footprints he left in the white blanket around us. I wanted to freeze life and count all the indentations he left in the universe and then notice how my footsteps were always following his.
"Alright, this is the spot Jet told us to look out for." Spike spoke in his normal tone.
A dark alleyway rested ahead of us. From my distance I could see a dim green trash bin at the end and a broke-down side-entrance to a dirty pub.
We both found our way through the street hallway easily, carefully stepping over broken glass bottles and tin garbage lids on the dirt. The bin wasn't pressed against the wall all the way and Spike suggested that we hide behind it, until the bounty exits the bar's side door. I didn't argue, I quickly climbed behind it, sat on the ground, and pretended to look busy with the sliding mechanism of my gun. He sat a little across from me, watched what I was doing for awhile then lit a cigarette.
I wanted to ask him why he did it. Why he introduced me to pleasure and left me to meet pain alone. How could he show me the world and then snatch it away from me? Even if I didn't ask him those exact questions, this mess was going to end. His hair blocked his eyes from mine and his attention was focused on his lighter which he was lighting and then killing. That's all he did. Flicker. No flicker. Flicker. No flicker.
.
It's hard to understand how he could ignore me so easily. If I asked him, I'd never get a straight answer. I wondered what it was like to be him for a day. No doubt, it'd be much easier than being Faye Valentine.
I licked the cold air off my lips and prepared to have a verbal one-on-one assault with him.
"Spike. Do you know what it's like to see something you want? I mean, it's close enough to touch, but it's too far away to feel?"
He didn't answer, just continued flipping the cap on the silver box on and off.
"God damn it! ANSWER ME!"
Slapping the lighter out of his hand, I watched his emotionless expression. It seemed that nothing was going to affect him anymore. After a moment of silence, he opened his mouth.
"If you didn't care to notice Faye, there's a huge part of my life that was taken from me. Now do YOU know what it feels like to wake up each morning and realize that you had perfection for the shortest while, but it slipped away? Do you know what it's like to live on the fact that a mistake you made cost you everything you ever knew?"
His voice, silent and cruel. His eyes, piercing daggers into my soul. It hurt to hear him talk this way. He was still stuck on Julia, probably forever.
Sighing, I sat back against the wall roughly. The impact was sudden and a spurt of tears flowed from my eyes. I tried to conceal them quickly, but Spike already saw that I was crying. I heard the pub door open from where I was. He heard it too, but he wasn't moving. Wiping my face I grabbed my gun and peeked over the receptacle through burning light pink eyes. I saw the bastard we were after. Walking alone, hands tucked in his coat pocket.
Not making a sound, I aimed the gun for his feet and fired two bullets into his foot. He fell to the ground screaming obscentities. I jumped from my hideout and cuffed him. I actually caught the one Jet's been watching. And Spike, he didn't notice. He was still sitting in that corner his face in his hands. I doubt that he was crying, but I don't think he was smiling either.
.
We had money now and I was hoping everything could return back to normal. Jet and Ed seemed oblivious to what was going on. They happily ate raw fish encircled with seaweed and steaming white rice. It looked good, but I couldn't eat. I sat there staring at my bowl not blinking. Spike sat in his room, polishing his gun with a used rag. It was as clean as anyone could get a weapon, but the silver shine didn't impress him.
I thought that catching a bounty would finally make me feel like I was worth this coat of skin. It didn't. All I could think of was Spike asking me whether or not I had been in love before. He didn't know what I felt for him and it was obvious that he probably never would. To me, it just seemed like another normal day.
At 12:00 a.m. everyone was in bed. Sound asleep. A clock on my wall ticked my life away as I watched the tail of it swoop from left to right quickly. Beyond the intense clacking, I heard Spike practicing his moves.
I exited my room and stood by his open room door. All the lights were shut off, the moon shined on his cold tile floor. He kicked away his anger. I could see his muscles carved nicely in the dim light. His thin training pants flowed gracefully around his dancing body. Beads of white sweat trickled down his naked chest, and the sides of his hair clung to his head.
Taking a small step into his room, I was surprised that he didn't notice me yet. I could've watched something like this over and over. The way he fiercly pushed away misery in a single punch. I narrowed my eyes and studied his room from my safe, dark distance. I saw a small picture of Julia resting on his bedside. It was a meloncholic sight, that and it was sweet. He really did care for this woman. He loved her with everything he had. Then at that moment I couldn't imagine what it was like to be him. To realize that the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was not coming back to share it. I felt sympathy for him.
"I know that you're in here."
His voice startled me. It made my pulse stop.
