Note: this has been reposted from my Tumblr account.

Greetings. My name is Firestar, former leader of ThunderClan, now StarClan resident. I am here today to–oh, you know what, forget it. We're cutting this formal CRAP! In case it's not already obvious, I have a few complaints I need to make. So listen up twats, because I've got a lot of things to say.

Oh and Bluestar, before you complain about me calling you a twat, I remind you that we are technically both equals now. Therefore, I have nothing to apologize for. NOTHING!

Anyway, back to what I was saying before. When I first joined StarClan, I was immediately "blessed" with the ability to see all that goes on down by the lake with the rest of the Clans. This might sound like it's a good thing, but apparently, we're not allowed to do anything if we see our living Clanmates being stupid? Do we just have to watch? What's the point of having this all-seeing power if we can't do anything with it?

Oh yeah, and don't even get me started on the subject of prophecies. It would be a lot more practical if we could just tell the Clans how to solve their problems straight up, but no, we have to deliver EVERYTHING as a riddle. While I'm on the subject, I would also like to request that catmint is banned from StarClan. The other day, Sandstorm had a little too much of it and tried to convince me to send a prophecy to Bramblestar about how a purple and orange cat would come and vaporize the lake in a rainbow mist, and for that ALONE I deserve to have an eternal break from all this prophecy crap. And catmint. Don't forget about the catmint.

But seriously, I mean it. Get rid of this all-seeing power because I now have the utterly useless knowledge that Onestar once mated with a kittypet who had "such brilliant blue eyes, it was like I was staring into pools of deep water" and that Bluestar was attacked by a dead squirrel as a kit, and Alderheart's legs are too short to be considered legs and I swear if I have to listen to one more complaint about kittypets or SkyClan, I will HURT someone so help me all.

The wonderful, amazing savior to whom you owe the prosperity of all the lake Clans and the defeat of the Dark Forest,

Firestar