December 9th: Eggnog
They are settled in on the couch in front of the fireplace. Jesse is sleeping peacefully nearby. Amanda's on one end of the couch while Carisi holds her feet in his lap, rubbing them in all the right places in time to the rhythm of the crackling fire. They are playing "I Never" with rum-spiked eggnog.
He had already gotten her to take a sip countless times with variations on the theme "Never have I ever had sex." So many euphemisms . . .
She wants to share something with him when she does her next "I Never," but somehow doesn't expect for him to -
Amanda says to him clearly, "Never have I ever been in love."
- take a drink. Casually, quietly, without saying a word. Without breaking eye contact.
"Wait? You have?"
Why does this surprise her?
"Yes," he says calmly.
In front of the Yule Log that had roared so many nights ago . . .
"We gotta slow it down, Carisi?"
"Yeah, we gotta slow it down," he answers her quietly.
He kisses her ever so softly, his fingers trailing gently through her hair. "But it's gonna be hard."
"I know, but I've already –" she says a bit anxiously.
"Already what, Amanda?"
"I've wanted to let you in. In many ways I already have."
"You can," he reassures her, sensing her unspoken fear. He places a kiss on her forehead and whispers. "It's okay. I won't hurt you."
"Everybody hurts me," she says with a touch of bitterness and pushes away to stand up.
"I won't," he says steadily.
"How do you know that? You don't know that." She squeezes her hands through her hair. "Everybody lets me down. Everybody disappoints me in the end."
"Amanda –" Carisi stands up as she interrupts him.
"I've already let you in so far." She almost whimpers. "So far. . . You have no idea."
"Hey, hey there." He wraps her in a hug and kisses her forehead. "It will be okay, I promise. You can let me in."
"No one else. . ."
"Has treated you like I will."
That makes her pause and think. Think about how different he is than all of the others . . .
She looks up at him and sees the sincerity in his soft blue eyes. She takes a deep breath and makes a decision.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I will let you in," she says firmly. "All the way."
"Really?" He smiles. The flames of the fire flicker within his deep blue eyes.
"Yes." She smiles back at him and reaches up to stroke his cheek softly. "I will. I promise."
"Never have I ever been in love."
He takes a drink. Casually, quietly, without saying a word. Without breaking eye contact.
"Wait? You have?" she asks incredulously.
"Yes," he says calmly.
But then he thinks about it and takes a good hard look at her.
"Wait? You haven't?"
She's been wanting to tell him this for a long time. "No. Never."
Based on this OTP Advent Calendar fic prompt list posted by yankeecountess. Thank you so much!
Stay tuned for tomorrow's Snow Man!
