Disclaimer: The following is an adaptation of episode 6, season 1 of Moonlight. I do not own these characters. Credit for dialogue and plot from the show goes to their respective authors.

Author's Note: Thanks so much to all who have left reviews. You have no idea how much it means to me to get the encouragement to keep going. Sorry this chapter is long over due. Summer intervened and I have much less free time than I will in September. I also took a few weeks off to finish my Hawaii 5-0 story, Thread Between Us, so just another plug to take a look at that if you have any interest.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.

Thanks!


So I'm going to go ahead and assume that you remember my last letter, the one about the tall, dark, handsome man that saved my life?

The tall, dark, handsome…vampire that saved my life.

Come on, you did know those first three words never come without a catch, right?

If you weren't happy with me after the last letter, you're definitely going to be less than pleased after you read this one. But since you haven't shown up on my doorstep to pack me off to the funny farm I'm going to assume you have some level of trust in me.

Please try very hard to remember that trust as you keep reading.

As always seems to be the case, my recent problems began while I was reporting a story. I started off covering a fashion designer, not my favorite area, but I ended up witnessing the drug overdose of a model. She died during the photo shoot while I was standing right there and as my camera man was filming. The girl's death alone however wasn't the only reason I felt compelled to follow the case. It turns out that Josh was also investigating this drug for the D.A.'s office. He actually asked me to not pursue the story.

Big mistake. Asking me not to investigate only throws gasoline on the fire. We can get into the details about how I feel about Josh ordering me off a story later. Needless to say he was not my favorite person at that moment.

So would you believe that in the course of investigating the drug I ran into Mick? Of course you would because it seems to keep happening. He was tracking his own case which also led back to the drug. Hey, before you say it, I don't actively plot ways to bump into him.

I don't! Really!

Nonetheless, I ended up needing to go to a particular club to get my hands on the drug, and Mick went with me following his investigation.

Yes, I admit that in order to gain admission to the club a certain level of dress was required, a low cut dress with a short skirt to be specific. Mick seeing me in that outfit was not intentional, and I did try to tell him not to come with me. Well, at least it wasn't entirely intentional. If only his seeing me in the revealing outfit I wore to the club was where the night ended, but sadly that's not the case.

Stay with me and I'll explain more in a minute.

Besides, it shouldn't matter that he saw me in that dress right? I did at least try to ask him about the whole kiss thing. You do remember what I told you about the last time I saw him, when I kissed him… twice... don't you? Apparently according to him that was an accident.

Ahem… really…? How exactly did I accidently kiss him? And what does that say about his feelings?

But I digress. I was at the club trying to get my hands on the mystery drug and I eventually found what I was looking for. They were calling it Black Crystal and I had a vial of it in my hands. Unfortunately I also ran right into the problem that Mick had been looking for… the drug's manufacturer, Lola.

Lola, as I later learned, is a very old vampire.

Did I mention that she's a very old, and also very attractive vampire?

I guess I was stupid enough to be lulled into a false sense of security by spending so much time with Mick. Not to mention that I've also met his friend Josef… yes, another vampire… and felt no real threat from him. Now Josef did give me the distinct impression that if I were alone with him I wouldn't be entirely safe, if it weren't for his friendship with Mick. But I thought Josef's interest lay somewhere between seduction and snack, not actual potential harm.

Don't get me wrong, I know that both Mick, and I assume Josef, could be extremely lethal if they need to be. Hell, in Mick's case I've witnessed him in action. When Mick was stranded in the desert I watched him snap a man's neck with his bare hands. But in every case where I've seen Mick in action it was to protect someone, to stop someone dangerous.

Being near Lola however, even in a crowded room, I instantly felt threatened. It was like being in the presence of a pure predator. There was no trace of lingering humanity in her. Not in her walk, the way she prowled across the room, not in her face and its cold, calculating expression, and certainly not in her eyes. I know it sounds like I'm overstating things, but trust me when I say there was something dark flickering in her eyes as she seized on me and sized me up.

I was scared, truly I was, but more than that… part of me was fascinated too. What would it feel like to know you were the most powerful being in the room? Even when Mick showed up, Lola didn't flinch. And she certainly didn't cower. She knew she was in control and he couldn't take her. Maybe part of that was her ego and hubris, but I doubt anyone who challenged her would escape without one hell of a fight.

When I was taken as a little girl, kidnapped from my mother and locked away, I was completely powerless. It didn't matter how scared I was, that I was terrified. It didn't matter that all I wanted was to go home to the safety of my mother. Everything was out of my control, and I could do nothing to get that control back. The person that took me had all the power.

Watching Lola and Mick face off in that club, it was hard not to be a little awed by the power they had in their hands, in their entire bodies. Power that on some level they take for granted because it's always there with them.

It was hard to stand there between them as they metaphorically snarled at each other, and not to want some of that power too.

Which is my way of leading you to the part where you're not going to be happy with me.

While I was standing there, Lola taunted Mick about my presence. Just friends, she mocked him. She said that he cared about me… not sure how I feel about that particular pearl of observation coming from a centuries old vampire that I'm fairly certain was contemplating whether or not to let me live at the time.

She said he cared about me but hadn't turned me. Mick's response to Lola was an angry retort that no one was turning me. Of course he'd never do that to me, certainly not without my asking for it.

I was quick to tell Lola that I don't want to be turned, incidentally.

But what if I could know what it feels like to be one of them, to experience the world as they do, without being turned? The drug in my hand, safely ensconced in a little glass vial, could give me all that. Or according to Lola it would anyway.

What would that power feel like?

I'd love to tell you that I'm not stupid enough to taste that drug. I'd love to tell you that I would never endanger my life by consuming a substance that was causing people to die from overdoses.

I wish I could say all that, but I can't.

Maybe part of me was just feeling rebellious. I didn't tell you how I got out of the club or away from Lola, did I? As I was standing there in between Mick and Lola, police burst through the door downstairs. It was a raid. Which means, you guessed it, Josh walked right in, saw me standing there, wearing that dress and standing next to Mick, in direct opposition to his request that I not pursue the drug story. Josh did drive me home, but it was clear he wasn't happy with me. Not about the drug story, and definitely not about my being with Mick.

At least Mick had offered to go with me to the club while I followed my investigation. Instead of treating me like some child that can be ordered around.

Like I said, I was feeling a little rebellious, a little powerless. Lola was right. I did want to know what it felt like to be them. I took the drug.

I'll pause for a moment till you stop yelling.

Obviously I did live to tell the tale, so I managed not to overdose.

Words can not begin to describe how I felt on that drug. It was unreal. The first thing I became aware of was that all of my senses were heightened. Hearing, smell, touch, everything was alive and vibrating around me.

And I was in control. I felt superhuman, invincible. Whatever I wanted I could just take. Nothing would stop me, no one would say no. The sense of power was breathtaking.

What would I want to take, you ask… yes, well, about that…

The drug had a slight impact on a few other things. There was another sense that bore the brunt, my sense of inhibition. Unlike my other senses, the drug had an inverse effect, I had no inhibitions.

What is the lyric in that Joni Mitchell song? The one about you don't know what you've got till it's gone? The same can apparently said of inhibitions.

I knew what I wanted and I was going to go get it.

I'd love to tell you right now that I ended up at Josh's apartment, but we both know that wasn't where this story was headed.

I walked all the way to Mick's apartment, through L.A. at night, wearing only a tight, revealing black slip, a killer red overcoat, and high heels.

What do you want me to say? I didn't go there to get another kiss, that's for damn sure.

Or at least that's not all I had in mind.

And I just knew, not a doubt, that he wouldn't refuse me, couldn't refuse me. In that moment, I was so certain how he felt about me. How we felt about each other.

When he drank my blood a few weeks ago, I felt like I belonged with him, like we have a connection in some way. When I kissed him last week it was a sweet, romantic impulse. When I took the drug and went to his apartment, this was lust, pure and simple.

I know that I've wanted men before in my life. I'm a normal, hot blooded for lack of a better term, human woman. But I've never played the seductress. Not overtly like this. I honestly wouldn't have thought I had it in me. On that drug, though, I could play the role to the hilt.

You want me to lie to you now and tell you it didn't feel good? I'm not going to lie, in that moment, it felt good. Just his eyes on me alone, the way he was watching me with a faint glow as I crossed the room and later climbed the stairs, the reaction of his body and the way it tensed when I touched him, he wanted me too. I thought I knew it. I was so certain at the time.

Fortunately for me, or unfortunately depending how you look at it, Mick's control of his faculties as a vampire far exceeded my own as they were on that drug.

Nothing happened.

At least the thing you're thinking of, the entire reason I showed up on his doorstep, that didn't happen. But that's not to say I escaped entirely unscathed and with my dignity intact.

Mick had decided that rather than give in to my advances, we'd take a shower together.

Hold it right there, not that type a shower. This was a cold one, fully clothed. I understand he was probably feeling a bit desperate to sober me up, but the result was that we both ended up soaking wet. And for my part, I could no longer change myself into dry clothing.

Interesting aftereffect of that drug, as it wore off I was so weak I could barely stand. I couldn't think straight and was having difficulty staying awake. Mick was forced to help me change out of my dress and… he saw me naked, or at least parts of me naked. This, in my mind, is decidedly worse than his having seen me in either of the two revealing outfits that I had already put myself in that evening.

Did I mention the control of his faculties part? It's impressive actually, either that or he really doesn't feel that way about me… yeah… not ready to contemplate that question yet.

Could we get past where he saw me naked? Cause I'm having some trouble. I don't really know what's worse - my nudity or knowing how amazing it felt to be in his arms. My memory is a little fuzzy on that portion of the night, but I do remember that. The drug was wearing off too, so I can't blame it for my emotional state. Feeling safely wrapped in his arms, his beautiful face near mine, he said something to me. He told me something that made me feel warm and safe, tingly all over.

Which is of course is why I can't remember exactly what it was that he said. And I'm not really any closer to understanding how he feels about me. Serves me right I guess.

So to recap, short version, took a dangerous drug, got high as a pseudo-vampire kite, and threw myself at Mick. And he didn't take me up on it.

Yes, I was ready to crawl into a hole and die the next morning. Thanks for asking.

Alright yes, you're right, I can imagine how much worse it would have been if I'd had to wake up the next morning and we had…. umm… oh God, I don't want to think about it. Kill me now please. How could I embarrass myself quite so badly?

And then there's the other disturbing part, the one where I asked him to turn me. I asked him to turn me several times.

Turn me into a vampire. I asked him to do that.

At the time having what I thought was that power was all that mattered… that and being with him, staying with him… forever staying with him.

Lola did share a few other nuggets of wisdom back at the club that I'm having a little trouble shaking. Things like, what's going to happen when I start to get old and Mick stops coming around? No drug can fix that problem. There's only one solution to that problem, and in the dark of night it was an attractive solution.

Only now in the light of day does it look like insanity.

When I woke up the next morning on Mick's couch and wearing one of his shirts to boot, he was, as always, his normal, sweet, and far too understanding self. I was embarrassed, but not because he did anything to make me feel that I should be if that makes sense. He didn't make me feel bad or as if things were weird between us which was a relief.

He did try to explain to me all the lows of being a vampire, all the things he hates. The drug doesn't make you see any of those things.

I do know the person that the drug turned me into, and I'm still sorting out how I feel about her. Still sorting out how she felt. I haven't come to any conclusions yet.

Actually, there is another solution to the problem of my aging while Mick stays young and attractive, a solution other than his turning me. I could just give up on this crush I have on Mick and stay with Josh. I did make my apologies to Josh that morning. In the end I felt like I owed him that much. I didn't consider him or his feelings in all of this. Not that I gave him the details or extent of my behavior, but at least for impinging on his investigation. Josh forgave me and said he understood.

The drug is off the scene now. Mick was forced to kill Lola and destroy her warehouse. She had been draining and murdering other vampires to make the drug. If that's what she became, so ruthless and cruel, out for no one but herself, how could I ever consider being that? For what purpose, just to feel powerful? Would I eventually become what she was? Could living so long inevitably result in my becoming her? Void of humanity, compassion, love?

I don't want to age and watch Mick leave me behind, to feel his desire for me wane and disappear, if it's even there to begin with, but as tempting as becoming a vampire was that night, right now the thought of being turned is scarier than ever.

Lola did say one last thing to me before she left the club, she said to remember that half the world is night. Question is where do I want to live?