Crossed Wires-Chapter Nine

Renesme's POV

I woke up wanting to see Jake, needing to tell him. Now that I was finally old enough for him I wanted him to know how I felt. So I walked until I saw Jake's shape sitting next to my father's.

I heard them laughing, the two men I loved most in the world. I was going to sneak up on them and spook Jacob if I could. They seemed deep in conversation so maybe he wouldn't be paying attention. I could mask my thoughts from my father since almost infancy so I just had to blank him out and be very quiet.

"Edward, when did love become so friggin' complicated?" Jacob asked genially.

"Jacob, with you love was always complicated. Don't you remember?" Dad joked.

Love? Jake was in love? With who?

"So what are you going to do?" My dad asked.

Yeah, Jake what are you going to do?

"Not sure. Any suggestions?"

"I would suggest you take a risk, what are you afraid of?" Dad asked.

"Hurting Nessie. This will change things. What if she isn't ready for a change?" Jake said flatly and with a finality that had my breath catching. I gasped.

That did it. I was no longer unnoticed, they both turned around in a flash and I caught the look of shock on Jakey's face.

"Ness?" Dad began coming at me with an outstretched hand.

Oh Daddy! I want to die!I thought it at him as I whipped around and ran full speed toward the cottage and my loving mother's arms. I heard Daddy tell Jake to "Let Bella handle it," as I sped away. Thank God for Daddies who knew their girls.

Jacob POV

Crap! Oh, Crap! What the hell happened? She looked as if she were crying? Edward? Tell me what to do! I thought desperately.

"Let Bella handle it," he said.

What happened, Edward? Why was she so upset?

"She overheard enough to know you are in love…" He said, "But not who you are in love with. She was thinking that she had lost you."

"Edward are you smiling? Why the hell are you smiling? She's hurting! I hurt her!"

"Jake, what better way to gage her readiness than to see how she responds to the idea of you in love? Bella won't tell her it's her. She'll leave that to you. This will allow you to know if you think the time is right to tell her," he said it so reasonably. "Jake seriously what is your greatest fear here?"

That she won't choose me. I slumped down onto the forest floor. I had never thought it that bluntly, and it deflated me completely.

"Jacob…" Edward said gently. "Why would she choose anyone else?"

I want her to have the freedom to choose better. She deserves so much better. God, Edward, she deserves the absolute best.

"Yes she does, and she has it in you, my friend."

Renesme POV

"Mom!" I screamed. I was running and almost ripped the front door of the hinges. "Mom!"

She zipped to my side with a look of panic on her face. "Nessie what's wrong? Baby, I'm here," she wrapped her arms around me; I could feel her panic in her arms.

I was crying. Big wet tears streaming down my face were also there in my voice and I could not catch my breath.

"It's Jake!" I managed to get out before sobs overtook me again.

"Is he hurt? Should I call Carlisle? Baby speak to me!"

"No, he's okay. It's just…" I sniffed and tried to compose myself. If anyone would know it would be my mom, I mean she was Jake's friend too. "Mom, I heard Jake confess to Daddy that he… That he…"

"That he what?" She was holding my face in her hands.

"Mom, did you know Jake was in love? That means he imprinted. Did you know?" I said feeling the tears begin to fall again.

I saw the little knowing smile upon her lips. "Yes honey, I knew."

It took me a moment to process that. I swallowed hard. Why had no one told me? How could he be in love? I hadn't even had a chance to make him fall in love with me.

"Do you know her?"I asked afraid to know the answer.

"Yes, Sweety, I know her."

"Is she good enough for him?" I asked.

Her beautiful heart shaped face softened and a beatific smile crossed it. "I think she is. In fact I cannot think of any more worthy object of his affection."

I heard the sound of my dad on the porch, then I felt him wrap my mother and I in his cool grasp. I turned into his rock hard chest and wept some more.

"Hey! Hey! It's going to be alright. We're right here," he said rubbing my back.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I said.

"It isn't my place to tell you things that are Jacob's feelings and thoughts. How would you feel if I spilled your innermost thoughts?" Daddy said, looking a bit sheepishly at me.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Ness, I think you should talk to him about this. He's your best friend, and he cares for you, as you care for him. Remember how important you are to each other, and be patient. Give him a chance to explain everything to you," he told me.

I sobered at once. Dad could be so reasonable. I loved Jake, he was the best friend I had ever had, how could I not want him to be happy and loved. Who wouldn't love Jake? I mean I had loved him since birth. "Any idea where I would find him?" I asked praying he could point me in the right direction.

"I sent him to his place. I thought you should have a chance to work this out."

I walked to Jake's place. I was chewing my lip and praying that I could be an adult about this. I promised myself to listen to Jake and fake an appropriate level of happiness for him. I could always cry myself to sleep at home alone, later.

When I approached the porch I saw him sitting there on the step with his head in his hands. His chest was bare. The sun glinted off his brown shoulders and his long blue-black hair hung in a sheet covering his face. He was so beautiful, no wonder I was lost to him. He was perfection itself.

I walked up to stand right in front of him and felt tiny in comparison to his massive muscles. But seeing him look so dejected all I could think of was that he was vulnerable and I had the power to hurt him, if I did not put him first. He always put my needs first, now I had to do the same for him.

"Hey Jakey," I said as nonchalantly as I could.

When he raised his face to me I saw a hollow, haunted look in his eyes. He looked at me, but he said nothing.

"So…" I began. I thought maybe I could joke him into smiling. "What's new?"

I saw the corners of his mouth turn up, in spite of himself. "Oh I don't know…"

"Will you tell me about her?" I asked softly.

He sighed heavily. "What do you want to know?"

"Is she good enough for you?" I was sure she wasn't.

"She is amazing. She's smart, funny, beautiful, kind… She's everything I ever wanted and so much more," he said, his eyes taking on a shine I had only seen when he looked at me. I knew that look, it was pure love. I had always felt it with him and now someone else had it from him. I thought my heart would break into a million sharp pieces and cut me to ribbons.

"Well, she'd better be. You deserve nothing less," I was biting my lower lip so hard I thought I might draw blood, but I refused to cry. I wanted him to know I would support him in anything he wanted. "Have you known her long?"

"I've known her for her entire life, and the truth is, my life did not begin until she entered it," he said with that same intense look in his eyes.

This was killing me. "Have I met her?" I asked trying desperately to sound cheery and enthusiastic.

"Yeah, you know her," he said looking at the ground.

I ran through all the girls I knew from Jake's life. Most of them were paired off already. I could not think of any.

"Nessie…" He said taking my hands in his. "Sit down. Let me try to explain this to you as best I can."

He walked about in a path, pacing and thinking. I knew this was hard on him. I had to try to be a real friend and support him. I sat on my hands so I would not interrupt him, and I could fidget without him seeing.

"Nessie, you know you are my best friend in the whole world, right?"

I nodded and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from interrupting.

"What if that was to change?" He asked.

"Change how?" I felt my heart jump into overdrive. Was he going to desert me for his imprint?

"Haven't you ever thought about being in love, Ness?"

Not with anyone but you, I thought. Could I let him go to ensure his happiness?

"Yeah," I said holding back tears.

"Okay," he said taking a deep steadying breath. "When you love someone you want your life with them to begin, you want to spend as much time with them as possible, you want your life to change, but the thing is, Ness, it isn't your life alone anymore. There is someone else who's wants and needs matter. In fact, their wants and needs can matter more than your own."

I nodded, I knew what he wanted and needed would always be paramount to me. That was why I was going to be happy for him if it killed me.

"Well, that's where I am right now. I want her to be happy and to have everything she wants and needs. I am just not sure that that's me," he said in a quiet voice.

Jacob POV

I could tell she was upset. I knew I had screwed up big time. I scrubbed at my face with the flat of my hand. What was wrong with me. I was supposed to make her happy. Leave it to me to screw it all up yet again. Sometimes I felt like I was born to be wrong for the women I cared for.

She was facing away from me looking out over the cliffs in a tight posture. I wanted so much to touch her, but I was terrified. Maybe I should just throw myself off a cliff to the rocks below and pray my injuries were fatal, yeah, right, with my luck they'd heal correctly and at super speed.

"Ness?" I said softly. I waited. She did not turn, or speak. All I heard was a soft sniff, and an even softer sob. Damn! I made her cry. "Nessie… Please talk to me. Hell scream at me, I don't care, just say something."

She took a deep breath and then turned to face me. "I'm sorry Jake."

Wait, what is she sorry for? I am officially confused. "What?"

"I said that I am sorry. I honestly thought it was me."

I was completely lost. "I don't understand."

She took another deep breath and walked over to a large boulder to sit. "Jake, I was so excited that my birthday was coming. I thought that since I am almost done growing that…" she stopped and shook her head. I could tell she was debating with herself, I just could not seem to follow her train of thought. "I am so stupid."

"You are not."

"Oh yes I am! I am as stupid as a real teenager. Jake I had this crazy idea that everything would miraculously change when I reached the chronological age of an adult. I honestly thought that it would matter."

"It does matter." I said, completely confused.

"Not to you." she said shaking her head and looking down.

I stared at her completely at a loss. I could see she was hurting, it was obvious, but I could not, for the life of me, seem to find a way to comfort her. I had no clue what the real problem was. I had not even told her I'd imprinted on her. If she was this upset now, what would that news do to her?

"You are really going to make me say this out loud, aren't you?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Ness. I thought this was about my imprinting."

She sighed. "It is."

She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them and then she buried her face in her knees. After another deep breath she raised her face and looked directly in my eyes. "Jake, I have always believed that you and I were connected, that you were… for lack of a better term, mine, and I was yours. I always assumed you felt the same."

At this point I tried to interrupt and tell her that I am and she is, but she raised a hand to stop me.

"I assumed that you were waiting for me to catch up to you. I have heard stories about imprinting since I was little, and I was fool enough to think I understood. I listened to all the wolves talk about how it felt, each in there turn. I absorbed it and processed it so that I was certain that what I felt for you my whole life was what I was meant to feel. Sot it never occurred to me you might not feel it too." A lone tear slid down her perfect porcelain cheek.

I was dumbstruck. I could not breathe. I could barely think. Was she saying what I thought she's saying?

"I thought that you were where I fit. You have always been my center, my home. I am such an idiot. Jake, I thought that… I should have known better. Every member of the pack who is imprinted has managed to tell the object of their imprinting. It's 'Imprint 101' as you guys say. Even Claire knows. Quil explained that they will always be together, no matter what. I should have realized that you would have told me. I mean, it's not like you and I have secrets from each other. Except one." She is crying in earnest now. Not sobbing, but big fat tears were leaking from her eyes in a steady stream. "I honestly thought you imprinted on me, 'cause I thought I'd imprinted on you."

She actually laughed. It is a harsh and painful sound that had nothing to do with humor and everything to do with pain. "Can you believe that? The hybrid human-vamp believed that she imprinted like a shape-shifter. Lord almighty, how deluded can one girl get?"

Suddenly she stood. I still had not found my voice. I was replaying what she just said again in my mind waiting for my brain to catch up to my heart which was beating wildly in my chest.

"I really am sorry Jake. I'll try really hard to get over this and not be weird around you. Eventually, maybe we can even be friends again. I…" her voice broke. "I love you."

She tried to bolt past me, but I reached for her and caught her up in my arms. I pulled her to my chest and breathed in the ambrosia of her hair. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might actually explode with happiness. I smiled broader than I had ever smiled. She loves me! She loves me! She loves me!

Ness raised her face to look at me and saw the grin. "Don't you dare laugh at me Jacob Black!" she hollered as she struggled to get herself free.

"Nessie, Nessie, Nessie." I said shaking my head. "You never cease to amaze me."

"Just let me go, Jake. Please!"

"Not now, not ever!" I said locking her in my arms.

"Stop, it's alright. You don't need to fix this for me."

"Nessie."

"No, Jake. Please."

Suddenly I realized that I had not told her. All this time, and I had never had the guts to tell her. I was so terrified she wouldn't chose me if she thought she had no choice that I had missed her doing it. I looked at her and realized she was still shaking her head no and trying to free herself from my arms. I found myself doing something I had dreamed about for what seemed like forever. I kissed her. I just leaned forward and pressed my lips to Nessie's.

She stopped struggling almost immediately, but I could feel it was from shock. Her eyes flew to mine. I began to ease my lips against hers, softly and slowly. I felt her catch up to the kiss and relax in my arms. I read confusion in her eyes, but she did not pull away. I found myself smiling against her lips and whispered against them, "That's right, Sweetheart, breathe."

I pressed our lips together again and she pressed back. I know I moaned. I had dreamed of this for so long, but not once, had my dreams ever compared to the reality of Nessie, warm and compliant in my arms. I felt her sigh against my lips, I took advantage of it and ran my tongue along the seam of her lips, begging for entrance. She opened to me with such sweet acceptance that it almost shattered me. I met her tongue with mine and drank in her sweet essence. Her hands slid up and her fingers twined through my hair. My arms held her tightly, but not so tightly I would hurt her. Then I pulled back and looked into her beautiful eyes. "Nessie, forgive me."

"For what?"

"For being an idiot. I wanted you to have a chance to be a kid so badly I missed that you were the woman I had always wanted."

"What did you say?"

"Nessie I have loved you since the first moment I saw you. Hell, maybe even before that. When your mother was pregnant I couldn't leave her side, I was drawn to her, it was a physical need to be near her. Except it wasn't her. The second you were born I was able to walk away from Bella, but I have never once been able to walk away from you, and I swear, if you'll have me, I never will."

"You love me?" she asked me.

"I adore you. I worship you. I idolize you." I said twirling her around in my arms.