Author's Note: Not gonna lie, writing this one hurt a little bit...
The hospital…
The minutes after a sniper's bullet pierced through the window in Kate Beckett's apartment were a blur. Cliché as that sounded, for Ricki, it was the truth. Even as she paced in the waiting room outside of surgery, Ricki still had blood on her hand and on her shirt. She shook her head, completely oblivious to everyone around her.
Detectives Ryan and Esposito had come, and Captain Montgomery was on his way – but Manhattan traffic being what it was, there was no telling when he'd get there. Ryan and Ricki had exchanged brief pleasantries when the detectives arrived, but Esposito hadn't said a word.
All things considered, that was probably for the best.
She couldn't stop reliving those fateful seconds. The flicker of light, the one Ricki thought she had imagined, then the next. The blast of a trigger being pulled. The bullet piercing through the glass. Their bodies toppling over the dining table.
The sickening realization that Beckett was bleeding. Panic. Fear. Stomach-churning certainty that Ricki was watching her new partner's final moments.
Guilt. After all, if Ricki hadn't asked to start shadowing Detective Beckett, would this have happened? Sure, the Coonan case would probably still come up, the connection to Johanna's murder might've still been found. But…if Beckett hadn't taken Ricki back to her apartment…what then?
"Mom!"
For the first time since arriving at the hospital, the here and now pierced into Ricki's psyche, and she looked up to see her teenaged daughter sprinting toward her. They caught each other in a frantic, clingy hug, Ricki letting out a sob as her knees buckled.
"Mom…" Alexis squeezed her mother as tightly as she could, and Ricki felt another pair of arms surrounding her, knowing without seeing that Martha was also there. Ricki sniffled and kissed the top of Alexis' head before reluctantly letting go of their embrace.
"How ya doin', kiddo?" Martha's voice held a warmth and concern Ricki hadn't heard in years.
Ricki just shook her head, not wanting to talk out of fear of losing what little control she still had over her emotions. She stroked Alexis' hair, careful to use the hand that wasn't covered in Beckett's dried blood.
Alexis looked up at her mom. "You're not hurt?"
Ricki shook her head again. It wasn't entirely true – she was pretty sure she did something to her left knee when she tackled Beckett to the ground, but that paled in comparison to what the detective was undergoing.
The operating room…
"GSW to the chest. Caucasian female, early 30s!"
"BP 80 over 35 and dropping!"
"Cut the shirt open! We don't have much time!"
Beep…beep…beep…beep…
The team of surgeons worked in perfect concert, connecting Detective Beckett to a series of machines as her shirt was cut in two and pulled off of her body. Her eyes were shut, her skin, already pale, looking even more so under the harsh light.
"Entry wound in the center of the chest."
"I don't see an exit wound!"
"Get that bullet!"
"We need to release the pressure!"
"Make an incision along the left side. No more than an inch or two."
No sooner did the surgeon's blade touch skin, blood poured from the incision and splashed onto the floor. The surgeon stepped back in shock before finding his footing again, feeding a tube into the new cut. Blood continued to pour.
"Where's all that blood coming from?!"
"BP still dropping!"
"Come on, come on!"
Beep… … … beep … … beep … … … … … beep…
The waiting room…
"Mom, what's taking so long?"
Ricki cleared her throat and shook her head. God, her mouth was dry – so dry that when she went to speak, her voice cracked. "They're still working, pumpkin." She stroked her daughter's hair, staring straight ahead. "I'd be more worried if they came back out quickly."
Esposito was pacing, cracking his knuckles and snarling. It made everyone else in the waiting room uncomfortable, but if that was how the detective wanted to cope, then Ricki wasn't going to begrudge him that – mostly because she already knew his opinion of her and the last thing they needed to do was start something while Beckett was in surgery.
Captain Montgomery still hadn't showed yet. Traffic must've been worse than usual. Ricki checked her watch, confirming that suspicion; it was the height of rush hour.
When the doors to the waiting room burst open, Ricki looked up and saw Jim striding with purpose toward the group. Feeling tears threatening her eyes, Ricki shook her head and distracted herself by placing a kiss on top of Alexis' head. She and Martha exchanged a look, before Ricki moved the sleeping redhead to lean against Martha and stood.
She couldn't hold everything in anymore, and Ricki barely made it to the privacy of the nearby stairwell before she crumpled down to her knees with a loud sob, burying her face in her hands as her body shook.
The tears were practically a stream running down Ricki's face, her mouth agape. The dried blood was all too visible to the writer, even through the fog of her own tears, and she leaned back against the wall, letting herself release the tears that had been threatening her eyes – ever since the meeting with Dr. Murray, if she was being perfectly honest.
Ricki had been so busy crying that she hadn't noticed the door to the stairwell opening again, another body sliding down to the floor beside her. She sniffled and swiped at her nose with a shaky hand, jumping out of her skin when the presence to her left finally registered.
"Shit…" She closed her eyes and her lower lip quivered. "Mr. Beckett…"
"Ricki." Jim's voice shook and he glanced at Ricki's hand. If it were possible, it looked like his face went white all over again. "You…"
"It's not my blood." Ricki shook her head, another sob overwhelming her. "I tried to save her, Jim…I tackled her to the floor, but…she still got hit." Her fingers shook, the red caked into her skin. Ricki wondered if it would ever wash out – and even if it did, she'd still probably see it.
"I'm glad someone was with her." Jim stared at his own hands. "I'm glad she wasn't alone."
The two sat for several minutes without saying anything, another wave of tears overwhelming Ricki. She felt Jim's hand on her back as the sobs took over again, shaking her head and snaking her fingers through her hair.
Jim sat up, clearing his throat. "Katie tells me you've started shadowing her." He smiled sadly when Ricki nodded. "It's a little weird, thinking of her having a partner. She hasn't had one in so long."
Ricki's voice betrayed her, but she spoke anyway. "Why?"
"Conflicting personalities." Jim shrugged. "Work ethics that didn't match. That sort of thing. No one could ever keep up with her."
Ricki sat in silence, no longer actively crying, but tears were still falling down her cheeks. Her face was little more than a series of streaks, both from her tears and the carefully-applied mascara her breakdown smudged. She wrung her hands together, trying desperately to work out the tension that was overwhelming her.
"I can already tell you've been good for her." Jim's voice broke the silence, and Ricki's head snapped up in surprise. "She seems – happier, when she calls."
"Jim…"
"She cares about you, Ricki."
Ricki gulped back another sob, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt her entire body shaking, her heart practically pounding against her rib cage. She couldn't get their last kiss out of her mind, the love it held, the comfort she had hoped to give Detective Beckett in one of her most vulnerable moments. It hadn't been their first kiss, but it felt like the most important.
Especially now.
"I love her, Jim." She shook her head and let out another sob. "No, that's…I don't yet. I can't, but…" She forced herself to look at Beckett's father, her eyes red and bloodshot. "I can already tell I will."
Jim gave a sympathetic smile. "You do love her, Ricki. I can see it in your eyes." His smile grew ever so slightly when the author gave him a confused frown. "Would you be this emotional if you didn't love her?"
Shit, Jim had a point.
"You know…" Jim sighed, loosening the black tie around his neck. "Johanna and I were colleagues for almost three years." He swallowed. "People talk about being struck by a bolt of lightning. With us, it was more of a…slow burn. Took me three years to figure out I was in love with her."
It struck Ricki, even in this moment, just how easily she and Jim got along. Even the day they ran into each other at the coffee shop, he was opening up to her about things that were incredibly personal. That day, he had the excuse of her books.
What was the purpose this time?
"I would give anything to have a minute of that time back." Jim's voice turned wistful, his eyes watery as he looked at Ricki. "You think you have all the time in the world, but you don't. No one does."
Jim stood and held out a hand for Ricki, which she took and forced herself back to her feet. Her knees wobbled, and she squeezed Jim's hand to steady herself. Jim surprised Ricki with a hug, and she let her eyes close.
He broke the hug and squeezed Ricki's shoulders. "When Katie makes it through this, don't let any more time go to waste. You love my little girl, you tell her."
Ricki frowned. "When…? Don't you mean 'if'?"
Jim smiled and shook his head. "Beckett women are tough. You're about to find out how tough."
The waiting room…
As soon as she returned to the waiting room, watching as Jim sat next to Captain Montgomery, Ricki kneeled in front of Martha and lightly ran her fingers through Alexis' hair. The teenager was still asleep.
"Mother…" Ricki swallowed. Her eyes were still bloodshot and felt dry. "You and Alexis should go home. She has school tomorrow. Take her to your place if you think that'll be easier."
Martha nodded and squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "Of course, darling. What about you?"
Ricki shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere until Kate's out of surgery." She gave a sad smile. "Maybe not even then."
She was so busy with her family that she hadn't noticed Detective Esposito come up to her from behind. He cleared his throat and she jumped with a start, exhaling and shaking her head as Martha gathered up Alexis so they could leave.
"Esposito." Ricki sighed.
He regarded the author with a serious gaze, but it wasn't nearly as hard as it had been before. He waited until the two redheads left the waiting room before turning his head to the side and squinting. "What happened?"
Just as Ricki opened her mouth, the doors leading into the operating rooms burst open. Everyone in the waiting room who had been sitting rose to their feet, and a tall doctor with broad shoulders removed his surgical mask and looked around.
"Anyone here for a Katherine Beckett?"
Montgomery, Jim, Ryan, Esposito, and Ricki all rose their hands. Ricki swallowed, trying desperately to get rid of the lump in her throat. She glanced at her watch; she hadn't realized they'd been here so long by now. It was almost the next day by now.
Her heart skipped a beat at the doctor's next words.
"She's out of surgery."
