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Chapter 9
BPOV
My lips are still raw from what might just be the best kiss I've ever had in my life. But I can also feel so confused by the course of events tonight. While I stand there stunned, Alice walks over and grabs me by the shoulders.
"Bella? Where have you been? Did I hear your guy say that he was a professor? Is THAT Professor Hottie? Where did he go?" Alice bursts with all of the questions that she's been saving until we were alone.
"Alice, I have no idea what just happened, but I can't stay here and make small talk. You can either come with me or I'll call you tomorrow." I grab my purse and say my goodbyes to the others that are still lingering at the bar. Alice, knowing that I need some space but don't want to be alone, grabs her purse as well and follows me out of the bar.
"What do you say we head back to your house and take Sampson on an evening walk?" Alice catches up to me even though it requires her to take three steps for each of my own. "I'll follow you back to your place."
"That sounds perfect Al; the only male that I want to be around tonight is Sampson." Alice looks at me quizzically but doesn't say a word. We agree to meet at my house.
Once we get there and Sampson smothers her with doggie kisses, we take a long walk and I tell Alice about the events of my evening, ending with the amazing kiss and surprising goodbye from Edward. She listens patiently until I finish before she launches into her observations.
"First of all, Bella let me tell you that you weren't lying, he is HOT. If he wasn't totally absorbed by you, I might have given it a shot. But there's no way I was going to mack on him." I open my mouth to protest and she simply glares at me, letting me know that it's my turn to listen and her turn to talk. Sometimes I believe half of our conversations take place when we aren't talking to each other.
"Second of all, you have to realize that he was totally into you, but he's completely conflicted, and it's not just because he's your professor. He's had his heart broken, Bella. A man who has good looks, a great career, and has just landed in a new city should have a swagger. He was clearly lacking some confidence in there, and it is obvious that he doesn't know what to do with what he's feeling about you."
I try to think about Edward's reactions to me and consider what Alice has said about his confidence. He definitely was working on a buzz when I had arrived, so he must have gotten there early to get some liquid confidence. He stayed close by but wouldn't fully show his interest, until, of course, the kiss.
And the kiss, well, it felt like it was both a first and a last kiss rolled into one. But maybe he didn't feel the same way that I did. The attraction must not have been there for him in the same way it was for me.
"Alice, I was supposed to make an appointment with him to get tutoring help this weekend. What am I going to do? I can't face him now!" I lean down to scratch Sampson's ears, embarrassed at the thought of having to face him in class, let alone one on one.
"Listen to me Bella, and listen carefully. Whatever is going on in that head of yours, you need to let it go. You are going to send him an e-mail in the morning, and you are going to set up an appointment. Furthermore, you are going to act as though nothing is wrong. I don't know what his story is, but this guy has some kind of baggage. Worst case scenario, you need to get through the class successfully, so you need to find a way to get along with him for the next thirteen weeks. Better case scenario, what if there is something there? What if, behind whatever is going on with Professor Hottie, he's worth it? I just have a feeling that if there is something worthwhile there, you're going to have to work for it with him."
Alice grabs my keys and walks ahead of me, unlocking the door to get back into the house. "The first step to everything or nothing is with you, babe. But you've gotta send that e-mail." She gives me a hug goodbye and heads home, leaving Sampson and I to cuddle into bed.
The clock reads 11:00 once I am settled in, and I decide to check my e-mail. No messages, but I didn't expect any since the last time I logged in. I thought a lot about what Alice had said to me about making that first move and I decided to send him an e-mail tonight.
TO: swanb
FROM: cullenea
SUBJECT: Tutoring assistance
Edward,
Thanks again for coming out tonight. I enjoyed hanging out with you and learning more about your musical tastes. Since you left in a hurry, I didn't get the chance to set an appointment time with you to review the materials from last week. I'm still very interested in having that appointment, and I am flexible this weekend to accommodate your schedule. Please let me know when you might be available.
Also if you would prefer I seek out another student for assistance, I would appreciate it if you could recommend someone who might be willing to tutor through this semester.
Bella
As I get ready for bed I think back to my relationship with Mike, and how it ultimately ended. For years we had dated on again/off again throughout high school and college, always breaking up because he decided it was for the best that we were only friends. I became numb to these breakups because I knew that it was only a matter of time until we would be back together again and the cycle would start. I thought this was just how it was when people dated. At one point he would grow out of the cycle and he would settle down.
Until we broke up and he met someone else, and decided that he couldn't live without her. He proposed to her in less than a year. I never fully grieved the loss because it took me so long to realize it was actually over. So I just remained numb. I decided to focus on myself and my education, and then subsequently my career as well. I did what I could to not feel when it came to my heart. And it worked beautifully, until last week.
I realized that I wanted to feel again. Even if the situation with Edward was going nowhere, I at least needed to make this right so that I could get through the semester. And if everything happens for a reason, maybe the reason for all of this madness was to remind me that it was time to be human again. I snuggled up to Sampson and wondered what Edward was doing right now as I tossed and turned into a fitful sleep.
