"I WILL BE YOUR DOOM !!!!"

"Sure thing little guy"

It was an odd set up. He now had a 'sidekick' (in the form of a black wearing, big headed, techno whiz kid ) and a trapped 'demon' (although his 'sidekicks' constant cries of 'He's an Alien!' were starting to sway his opinion ever so slightly). The Devil hunter leaned backwards in his chair, a content smile on his face.

While this was happening Dante's new sidekick was running around trying to keep himself busy before his 'sensei' thought up an adequate physical regime which (he hoped) wouldn't break his frail self in two.

Kinda confused ? You should be (we ARE in the middle of the story after all); to explain it properly though would involve a long winded tale describing events in such a way, that would indefinitely net the author a few Oscars and maybe even get him a award of the year. But since he's a lazy bastard you get the short version.

Once upon a time their was a loud, big headed child with dreams of supernatural grandeur ; unfortunately the little big-head child was pretty poor at finding anything mystical or out of the ordinary beyond a blatantly obvious Alien with inept conquering skills and serious anger issues. Thus the big head child went to what he deemed 'the best' and offered him the (now caged) alien as proof that he was worthy of training…or at least acknowledgment that the thing he had WAS an Alien.

Unfortunately the thing was VERY annoying (at least in Dante's opinion) . Every hour or so, yak yak yak, doom this, doom that, planet full of 'hideous stench monkeys'..

Jeez, even Beowulf didn't't gripe this much (and he was stuck in a set of arm/footwear ! ) .

"-nd then you will all bow to my superiorness, the Irken armada will then crush you, your planet and this stuuuuuupid thing you call a home into tiny bits of dirt encrusted filth !!!!"

"Do I have to get the gag ?"

"…..No sir."

"Good"

At least they found one way to shut him up.

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"Hail to the King baby"

Ash moved in to kiss the (pretty fine) women he'd just saved from the deadite, unfortunately he was stopped mid-smooch by the women pulling a handgun on him, the barrel pressing into his intimate regions.

"Call me baby ONE more time and you'll find yourself a eunuch , 'your majesty' !"

"Hey hey hey, no need to get hasty there ba-"

The women growled digging the pistol in a little deeper, this produced an interesting effect, the resident deadite slaughterer's voice jumping several octaves in pitch.

"-miss. What's your problem any way ?"

She shoved herself off of him with ease, a little disconcerting considering she looked alot smaller and weaker then him (muscle mass was easy to obtain when your scrambling to kill an evil version of yourself and his horde of summoned skeletons).

"My 'problem' you muscle-head, is that I spent FOUR MONTHS tracking that damned demonic energy source, I was SO close to finding it's nest and then you have to kill it !!"

"Uhh….you want to fill me in a little here ?"

Sighing loudly she ripped off a pendant around her neck and flung it to the floor. Her image shimmered a few times and in a blink of an eye the brunette in a blue blouse became a black haired women in some kind of weird school-girl outfit.

To be quite honest he'd preferred the former then the latter, at least the former didn't threaten to castrate him with a pistol (no doubt a messy and…painful procedure).

The women looked as if she was about to answer him but squashed the idea when a scream was heard outside the S-mart. Running towards the exit she only paused once to inform him that if he 'got in her way' she'd 'make him wish he'd never been born' .

Rolling his eyes the 'Hero from the sky' reloaded his 'boomstick' and picked up a chainsaw. A gasoline powered monstrosity soon roared into life, teeth spinning eagerly.

"Groovy"

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Those wretched, vile, moronic, disgusting, barbaric HUMANS !!!!

They SHOT him ! No warning, no snide comments, not even a jovial insult like his brother would give .

They just entered his domical and fired ! This lined up quite nicely with his theory that guns were the weapons of the weak, after all who but weak humans would kick down a persons door just to put a bullet in their skull ?

Apparently they thought that a single bullet would kill him (another idiotic thing established in human minds, didn't they realise that a single shot never kills ? ). The look upon their faces when he got back up again however was priceless.

As was the feeling when he crushed the gun that they used ; a hint of magic seemed embedded within it, but nothing that a son of Sparda couldn't overcome with ease.

He soon extracted the information he wanted, totrture was (he'd recently discovered) the only commendable thing humans had created. These 'Winchester' brothers had confused him with another demon and attacked.

Incompetent fools.

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"Ow"

Force Edge slid cleanly out of the Sorcerers body , the white haired ,black garbed man falling to his knees.

"I'm sorry Bob"

'Bob' looked upwards at his murderer, then the corpse at his feet. The body itself was that of a beautiful young women , dark hair framing a face now at eternal rest. He looked back upwards ; confusion evident.

"I-it should h-h-have…..worked, why d-didn't it….work ?" Blood seeped out of the wound in a slow fashion, small sparks signalling his innate magic trying (and failing) to heal him.

The air itself seemed to cleave in two as Force Edge was swung back into it's sheathe, it's owner neglected to answer the question and simply turned to leave.

"Answer me !"

Nothing, he continued to walk. Inches away from the exit now, just a simple case of twisting the knob and leaving .

"ANSWER ME GODAMIT SPARDA !"

A copious amount of blood and spittle mixed into the scream, the wound overcoming a last weak healing attempt by his magic. Then there was cold, such chilling , overcoming cold, before finally nothingness.

His final thoughts should have been on his dear sweet Winefride, but instead they twisted into something far darker.

Damn the Sparda family and their bloodline, damn them for all eternity.

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Ok , let's see equal parts humour to balance out the seriousness.

Now I'd like to thank all those who gave me encouragement and words of praise in my reviews. You seriously helped me when I doubted myself. Thanks very much.

I don't own Invader Zim , The Evil Dead franchise , Supernatural or The Dresden Files (TV Version)