Kat
5 Months Later
"Babe, babe, come here, it's about to come on", I yell from across my apartment. She was in the bathroom washing her face.
Tonight a documentary was premiering about food service and Iris and The Eye were featured in it. It was made almost 2 months ago, and we were waiting impatiently that day for Netflix to finally release it.
She rushes out of the bathroom and sits beside me, putting my legs on her lap. The documentary starts and we snack, messing with each other. After that last outing with Adena, I had made myself and my happiness a priority. Changing up my routine even more. I even went to pride.
Granted, I'd been to pride before with friends who were celebrating their sexuality and the community, I only went as an ally. But this time, Iris and her friends took me and I had the time of my life. I lost my voice when we went to the drag show.
This time, pride meant something to me. A black, bisexual woman. Surrounded by other bisexual women. Other people of color, especially black people. It was new, and a little overwhelming, but it was thrilling and amazing.
We get through most of the documentary, and I see that she fell asleep, there's still a good bit left to watch so I don't move off of the couch, but drape the blanket on the both of us.
Iris had already been featured in it, but now they were asking locals what they thought of the food, the community, and what food meant to them. I beamed at the rave reviews. Until I saw Adena.
I choke on my popcorn as she starts speaking about the restaurant. She had been there. More than once at least. No one who had gone once would offer their opinion. Had she seen me?
My choking wakes up Iris. "Hey, you ok?", she sits up patting my back.
"Yeah, I'm fine, kernel got stuck that's all", I try my best smile to reassure her. She adjusts back against the couch, looking at the screen at Adena.
"Well I'm glad they've got some of my favorite costumer's on here at least", my face goes blank and I feel the blood leave it. I look at her and blink rapidly.
"You-you know her?", I ask her trying to act as normally as possible.
"I mean yeah, she comes in a lot. Names Adena. Pretty amazing photographer. I always talk to her when she comes in. I even got her to try the charred octopus. You know I'm trying to incorporate that to the menu", she says this with a smile. I return it, even though my smile wavers slightly.
"That's pretty cool.", I say nothing more after this. I hadn't thought about her in months. Sutton and Jane stopped talking about her after I stopped pining over her. And I had moved on, but why did seeing her...smiling… happy.. Just not sit so well on my chest?
We hadn't gotten closure from our last meeting. I still had her messages in my phone from her trying to call and texts trying to get in contact with me. Apologizing.
But seeing her face after 5 months, it was like all the breath was squeezed out of my lungs and the hands holding them weren't letting go.
And that's when I made my first mistake. Me and Iris were girlfriends. My mistake came from having sex with Iris that night in reaction to seeing Adena. It was a distraction, it was my guilt. Iris didn't deserve that. So when she held me close after we were done, I said sorry, tearing up.
She was more than confused. She rolls me over, wiping my cheeks.
"For what Kat? Are you ok?", she looks me over with such a caring look that it makes more tears fall.
I shake my head. I try to come up with some sort of lie. I wasn't ready to admit what I was really sorry for.
"I had a long day, I could have pleased you more, but I'm so tired. I just feel bad for that", her eyebrows scrunch in confusion before she smiles.
"Oh no, please don't feel bad for that. I am plenty understanding of that. I know you had a long day, I made you tell me all about it so I understand Kat. Please don't cry, I'm not upset", her unconditional support made my chest hurt. She kisses both of my cheeks, then my forehead, finally a peck on the lips before pulling me to her chest, holding me close.
I was going to end up hurting this brilliant woman. She deserved so much more than what I was giving. What I couldn't give.
But I didn't leave when I knew should have. The next day, Iris doesn't come back to my apartment, having to take care of some business for the restaurant and her closest friend coming to spend the week with her, so she was crashing at Iris' apartment.
So it gave me the time to confront Adena. I needed to know what she was doing at The Eye if she was such a frequent costumer, even being close enough to Iris to get to taste test new menu items.
I text her. "I'm coming over, we need to talk", I'm surprised that her response is almost immediate. "Won't be home for at least another hour and a half, out for lunch. Rain check?"
It tugged at my heart that she wasn't upset in the text. Although she was mainly the reason for our latest split, I could understand if she was upset with me for not responding back to all her texts and calls. It was messed up of me and I was ready to admit that, amongst other things.
Then I made my second mistake. I grabbed my purse and headed to The Eye. Something was telling me that she was there, somehow talking to Iris. Somehow she knew about us.
When I get there, one of the waiters knows me and tells me that Iris is talking to a guest but that I can sit anywhere. I scan the restaurant and feel my heart stop. Adena was in the back, the glass shielding of the kitchen offering me a view of her taste testing something that Iris and the other chefs had made.
My mind races as I sink into my set, watching both of them laugh. How was any of this possible? Was this some sort of karma?
My waitress comes up and ask me what I want to drink. I ask her for water. And when she comes back with it, I tell her not to leave just yet as I drain the entire glass. She looks at me in surprise, before giving me another cup.
I stare at them in disbelief, they looked like the best of friends. But then Iris looks at something, her phone I think. And says her goodbyes, leaving out of the kitchen, through the restaurant and out of the door.
When I look back in the kitchen, Adena is staring at me, a look of shock on her face. She walks over to me slowly, eyes never leaving mine.
I watch as she sits on the other side of the booth. We both are silent, just taking the other in. She breaks the silence. "You're hair got longer", she offers. I feel tears brewing behind my lids.
"What are you doing here?", I say, afraid to know the answer. Afraid of the truth. "I was visiting my friend", she says, eyes leaving mine as she says friend.
I sigh, wringing my hands. "And who is your friend?", a tear escapes so I wipe it from my cheek. She looks back up at me.
"Iris, and by your reaction, you two are together. I just want to tell you that the first time I came here, 5 months ago, I had no idea who she was other than someone I saw you with in a grocery story. So when we talked to each other, we hit it off and we've become good friends and I'm sorr-", I cut her off.
"Does she know that I know you?", the tears are springing from my eyes, so I pick up a cloth napkin to wipe my cheeks and eyes. Adena shakes her head.
"No, of course not. I haven't told her", I laugh at this. I had some sort of luck on my side. Just the smallest.
"What is so funny?", her eyes look nothing but sad. I feel a crack form in my heart. Her hands lay on the table in frustration at my laughter.
I immediately stop. I didn't laugh at her. I didn't mean to laugh at all. It was just this whole thing was funny. How it all was turning out.
5 months without her in my life. 5 months to not think of her, get a girlfriend, feel like I've put a real foot in at work. Stronger relationships with Jane and Sutton, they went to pride with me.
But now here I was, talking to Adena. I had made this decision.
"I laugh because I tried so hard to remove you from my life, thinking that my feelings would go away, and I'd be able to move on, but I'm here feeling like my heart is going to explode, like my body needs just a touch", I look down at her hand. Her eyes follow mine.
Our finger tips were mere inches away. It was like magnets. Not able to resist just not touching. It never failed to happen. Slowly my hand moved to hers, feeling the electricity building between us. I'd have just one touch, just one. And it'd have to be the only closure.
Just as our fingertips were brushing against each others, I hear Iris. She was talking to one of her servers and then was headed in our direction. I quickly moved my hand back across the table to my side.
She was beaming. "Kat! I didn't know you'd be here, and I didn't know you knew Adena", she looks between us with a bright smile.
As if she got to spend time with her friend and her girlfriend. Like it was a good thing.
Then my third mistake happened. A tear rolled down my cheek, and Adena looked like she was on the verge of tears. I didn't act quickly enough to prevent a shit storm.
Iris looked between the two of us, silent as we were. Smile no longer on her face as she looked at the position of Adena's hand and our overall state sitting at the table.
I could tell by her face that her brain was putting the pieces together. "Iris-", she shakes her head cutting me off, putting a hand on the back of her neck.
"I don't know if this has been going on long", Adena cuts in this time. "No, I haven't seen her in months", Iris scoffs.
"I see you two have some catching up to do, thanks for making me your rebound Kat. It was an honor getting to know you. But I'd like for you both to kindly fuck off", she says calmly.
We both gather our things. Adena quickly leaving. I stand in front of Iris. "I know you don't want to hear this, but please listen to me. I didn't cheat on you. I'm sorry…. And I was falling for you, but I… I don't know. ", she nods her head taking it all in.
"I give you balls for telling me this, but I am worth more than an apology I should have gotten months ago. No wonder you never left anything at my house. I always thought that was weird, but I never let it bother me. I wasn't a new chapter for you, I was just a bookmark. For her. All those nights you were sad over an ex lover, she was it. And it never crossed my mind.", she walks away. So I left the restaurant.
And that was the last time I saw Iris. And I never tried to reach out, I didn't go to The Eye anymore, even if I'd miss their soups.
The next day, Sutton and Jane continue to make sure I'm okay at work. They make me come over to their place the day after that and we have a movie night. It made me feel better. But it didn't take my mind off of Adena. So I texted her.
And Jane told me that this was our last chance. Now or never. She was tired of me being sad and doing nothing, instead of at least doing something. And I was tired too.
"It's time we settle this and figure out what to do", I hesitantly press send and wait, laying on my bed. I get up pacing, feeling like I've fucked up. But then I hear the chime of my phone. Rushing to my phone, I sit on the floor, eyes shut as I open my phone.
When I open them, I sigh. "When and where?", she had sent back. I headed to the door with my keys and put on my shoes. Now or never.
