Well, here it is. The big one. The one we've all been waiting for. With this chapter, I cross the mythical line into 100k+ territory, where this fic will gain the attention of even the snootiest and most word-biased of readers (which I confess to being myself).
Your overwhelming support, even when I didn't update for months at a time, has truly touched me. I finally get what Beyoncé and Gaga mean when they say it's the fans that make everything worth it. Love you guys!
Now, let's move on to the Loguetown Arc and the conclusion of the East Blue Saga of the new and improved One Piece: New Game Plus!
P.S. The-Lost-Samurai has a story called Second Wind. Not only is it pretty good, s/he said they read this for inspiration! I feel so flattered!
P.P.S. THIS. IS. FANFICTION! I HAVE NO PUBLISHER BREATHING DOWN MY NECK TO MEET DEADLINES! THIS. IS. A. HOBBY!
So pardon me if I'm the freaking George R.R. Martin of updates. In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
…
…
…
And I may or may not have been diagnosed with PTSD for the INCIDENT that happened last fall, as well as for some shit that happened back in middle school. Oh, and turns out I'm bipolar too. Fun. Though it does explain a lot. So this whole year has basically been dedicated to putting my pathetic life back together again. And working out through trial and error which cocktail of psychotropic drugs is exactly right for my poor abused liver and slightly defective brain. Maslow's hierarchy being what it is, I figured I should work through the layers before returning to the top, i.e. creative pursuits. My 'Fifty Shades' thing was a product of horniness and cabin fever rather than true recovery.
But here I am now. With a late Christmas present to ring in the New Year, if only to end the constant badgering to update. It's like I'm dealing with a bunch of junkies, honestly.
Moving on…
The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon, painting the sky in a glorious palette available only to Mother Nature herself. A light mist clung to the surface of the ocean, giving the whole world an ethereal beauty. Seagulls cried out to each other, light and free, riding the invisible currents of the air as they soared through the sky. It was truly a glorious morning on the East Blue.
Not that any of the Straw Hat Armada had the time to appreciate it. They were too busy trying not to pass out.
"I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD!" bellowed Luffy through a megaphone from the comfort of his 'special seat'.
"I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD!" answered his crews, currently doing knee-highs while shadowboxing around their respective ships.
"PIRATES SURE DO LOVE THEIR GOLD!"
"PIRATES SURE DO LOVE THEIR GOLD!"
"I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S BEEN SAID!"
"I DON'T KNOW BUT IT'S BEEN SAID!"
"PIRATES DON'T QUIT TILL THEY'RE DEAD!"
"PIRATES DON'T QUIT TILL THEY'RE DEAD!"
"PEACE MAINS SET OUT WITH A CHEER!"
"PEACE MAINS SET OUT WITH A CHEER!"
"UNLIKE THOSE UGLY MORGANEERS!"
"UNLIKE THOSE UGLY MORGANEERS!"
"THOSE WHO RAPE AND RAID AND KILL!"
"THOSE WHO RAPE AND RAID AND KILL!"
"WE'RE JUST IN IT FOR THE THRILL!"
"WE'RE JUST IN IT FOR THE THRILL!"
"FINDING ONE PIECE IS OUR GOAL!"
"FINDING ONE PIECE IS OUR GOAL!"
"CAUSE FREEDOM IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL!"
"CAUSE FREEDOM IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL!"
"THE ONE WHO FINDS IT WILL BE KING!"
"THE ONE WHO FINDS IT WILL BE KING!"
"AND KINGS CAN GO DO ANYTHING!"
"AND KINGS CAN GO DO ANYTHING!"
"HE WON'T FORGET HIS AWESOME FRIENDS!"
"HE WON'T FORGET HIS AWESOME FRIENDS!"
"WHO STUCK WITH HIM UNTIL THE END!"
"WHO STUCK WITH HIM UNTIL THE END!"
"THAT'S WHY WE SAIL IN THE ARMADA!"
"THAT'S WHY WE SAIL IN THE ARMADA!"
"FOR OUR CAPTAIN 'MUGIWARA'!"
"FOR OUR CAPTAIN 'MUGIWARA'!"
"ONE, TWO, SUNSHINE!"
"ONE, TWO, SUNSHINE!"
"WE~ GO!"
"WE~ GO!"
"BREAK! Okay everybody, that's it for today! Take five to cool down then fall apart for messy… or is it fall in for mess? Eh, whatever! Good job, guys!"
Several men collapsed to the deck, clutching whichever cramp was burning the most. Their companions, barely better off, offered hands to help stretch out. They all looked about as threatening as sea sponges, but once they got a hot shower and an Attack Cuisine breakfast, they'd all be right back to being fearsome, if amicable, pirates.
"That was shorter than usual," Nami commented, looking up from her compass. She'd actually had to relearn how to use one when she'd got sent back. That had been pretty funny in a backwards kind of way, actually.
Luffy shrugged. "I just wanted to wake them up. They're going to need their energy later. You know how much trouble we got into with just five of us. Imagine what's going to happen with 300 odd Straw Hats wandering around Lougetown. Do you think the chaos will be cumulative or are there economies of scale?"
"I really wouldn't know," the redhead grumbled. "Will you at least promise you won't cause a scene for at least an hour? We actually do have a lot more to do this time around."
"Cross my heart," Luffy swore, tracing where his scar once was (would be?). "I've gotta check up on something anyway. Even then, I'll take the scenic route to the execution platform."
"Why do you even have to visit that again?" Usopp asked, walking up to the bow. "It's really public and you've already done it. Couldn't we at least try to slip in and out of a place without leaving behind a trail of wreckage?"
The captain huffed. "I was just a kid the last time I was up there, Usopp. I had no idea what it was like for someone that had seen the Grand Line to die looking on something so ordinary. Now that I've seen the things I've seen, it's going to be a whole new experience!" Luffy quirked a brow at his sniper. "By the way, I hope it's not just our new friends that have been training. You getting any better at your Observation?"
Usopp looked away and rubbed his nose. "I'm fine at using it to find my targets. It's using it to do the whole 'mind-reading-dodge' thing that I'm no good at. I can't stay that calm when there's a guy an inch from my face trying to pound me."
Luffy grinned. "Well, you could try what I did! Put on a blindfold and have Kaya hit you!"
For some inexplicable reason, Usopp was suddenly seized by a coughing fit. He probably burst a blood vessel too, because his face was suddenly red enough to be seen from space.
Nami cast an eye at Kaya supervising Zoro doing some simple stretches. "It's always the quiet ones," she muttered.
"Nami-swan! Your breakfast is ready! I have fresh squeezed juice from your tangerines and I made marmalade from the rinds which I took the liberty to spread on your toast! I call it Pain Perdu à la Nami! I hope you find it especially delicious!" Sanji stopped puffing smoke hearts and wiggling his legs in a way that really shouldn't be anatomically possible to resume his usual gruff demeanor. "Oi, jerks! Your morning slop is ready!"
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Bipolar love-cook," he growled.
"Hmm, apparently I'm considered one of the guys now. Should I perhaps take offense to that and see how he reacts?" Kaya asked, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
The swordsman grinned like a shark. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."
After watching Sanji writhe a little, the crew settled down for breakfast. Meals were actually somewhat ironic affairs aboard the Going Merry. The crew, long conditioned by Luffy's thieving nature when it came to all things edible, had developed a series of strategies and methods in order to eat what they could before it vanished. However, Luffy was now the picture of table manners, courtesy of Garp's thorough if hypocritical conditioning. The result was that the majority of the crew would all keep half an eye on Luffy and flinch at his slightest twitch, eating like wolfs, while the Captain himself would eat sedately with his knife and fork. For Kaya, it was beyond entertaining. For the rest, it was just plain sad.
Once the table was cleared, Nami pulled out a checklist. "Let's go over things one more time."
Usopp groaned. "When did docking get so complicated? We never had to use a list before. We just winged it."
Nami pierced him with a glare. "Well, since a certain idiot decided to expand our operation, that's not going to work anymore."
"I resemble that remark," protested Luffy, patting his mouth with a napkin and not seeming aware he was doing it.
Sanji axe-kicked his captain's head on principle. "Continue, Nami-swan. Have I mentioned how pretty you are when you're well-organized?"
Ignoring the second half of that, Nami examined the paper. "Sanji-kun, you're to take the Baratie crew and get groceries. We know Whiskey Peak is having a food shortage. And though there's lots of game on Little Garden, I'd rather we not spend too much time there. The last thing we need is another Kestia episode. Drum's still trying to find its legs again, so they won't have too much to spare." Looking up, having at some point donned reading glasses, she eyed the chef. "Will 25 million buy us enough to get all the way to Arabasta?"
Trying to think through the meganekko haze, Sanji did some calculations in his head. "Let's see. Food for 320 active people, plus 30 cooks and 20 animals, at three square meals a day plus the fourth for the night shift. Enough for 3 weeks, though with uncertain weather we should have a cushion of at least a week. Given the discount on bulk purchases… accounting for fishing between the islands… if we do half-rations every other day… assuming no one pulls a Luffy… that should about do it. Though we'd be living off salt pork and ship biscuit by the time we dock at Nanohana."
Nami nodded. "Good, because that's all I'm willing to spend. Even when we're rich, we don't have enough money. Running an armada's damn expensive."
"First lesson in business. When is enough enough? Enough is never enough," Kaya quoted airily, reflecting on all her tutoring sessions with her late father.
Nami went on. "I don't want to risk drawing Smoker's attention, so Gin and the Don crew can't just steal a ship. Thankfully, I heard the shipyard there's struggling ever since all the pirate customers stopped appearing. They should be able to get a pretty good deal. Usopp, your job is to do whatever the heck it is you do to get what you need for your lab. Luffy's training can only go so far. If we're to keep all the grunts from cannon-fodder status, they're going to need some quality liar's tricks up their sleeves. Plus, I'm sure all the other captains and officers are going to need their weapons upgraded sooner or later."
Usopp puffed his chest. "Just leave it to me! I'm the king of flea markets and junk shops. Why, I once made a particle accelerator with just some copper wire and a four-piece toaster oven I got for just…"
Tuning out the jibber-jabber of the fellow member of the weakling trio, Nami moved on. "Kaya, Kadoo, and I are going clothes shopping after I run a little errand with Jango. Everyone else is free to do their own thing, provided they keep their cover until Luffy starts to blow things up. Though I'm tempted to give Zoro an escort so he doesn't get lost," she tacked on with a straight face.
"I don't get lost. Everything else just moves when I'm not looking," Zoro huffed, tilting his new hat.
"Riiiiiii~" Sanji drawled.
"Shut up, cook."
"I'm not done! – ~iiiiiiiiiight."
Luffy chuckled. "Well, that's settled. One last stop before the Grand Line, guys. So let's get this show on the…"
He trailed off, his mouth going slack. His eye grew to the size of saucers while his pupils reduced to the size of pinpricks. His normal healthy tan rapidly paled, first to the color of bad porridge, then to chalk, before settling on ghostly ivory. His body suddenly started shaking, as if coming down from an adrenaline high, or perhaps having a mild seizure.
Alarmed, the crew rose. "Luffy, what is it?" questioned Nami.
For a second, he didn't move. Then he seemed to jerk, as if struck from a trance. With shocking speed, he made for the furthest corner of the room, where he proceeded to curl into a ball and start shivering as if he was out in a blizzard.
Now very creeped out, the crew exchanged looks. Kaya, suddenly the picture of nonthreatening gentleness, held up her hands and slowly inched toward her captain, as if approaching a spooked animal.
"Luffy-san? Is something the matter?" she purred in a tune as soothing as a lullaby.
The man-child's only response was a tiny moan.
Slowly kneeling, Kaya got on eye-level with Luffy. "If you don't tell us what's wrong, we can't help you," she coaxed.
Luffy took a huge breath, so much that his sides expanded, before letting it out in a shuddering gasp.
"He's here," rasped Luffy, sounding like he was speaking from his own grave.
"Who's here?" Kaya asked, softly as a kitten's fur.
"Gramps. He's here. And he's pissed," Luffy hissed.
Kaya smiled gently. "Okay. Why does that affect you so much?"
"You don't get it," Luffy snarled. "Gramps is pissed. He'll look for us, and he'll find us, and when he does he's going to DESTROY US ALL!" Luffy had started out barely above a whisper, but ended screaming at the top of his lungs.
Kaya didn't outwardly react. "Luffy-san, I'm sure you're overreacting—"
"DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!" Luffy roared like a broken record.
Her face still angelic in its serene calm, Kaya pulled back her hand and slapped Luffy so hard that his head turned around a few times. "Please don't interrupt me when I'm comforting you," she chided.
When Luffy's head settled back in its proper alignment, he took a couple breaths. His shaking had stopped. "Thanks, Kaya. I needed that."
"Happy to help!" she chirped. She stood back up and waltzed over to Usopp's side. She either didn't notice or didn't care how her other three nakama all leaned away from her. "What did you think of my bedside manner, Usopp-kun?"
Usopp was either a much better actor then he let on or he truly didn't fear his girlfriend at all. "You're a natural, Kaya-chan. Chopper will be lucky to have you as a nurse."
"Aw, Gatsby!" Kaya simpered, blinking doe eyes up at the sniper as she cuddled up closer.
Filtering out the weirdness for the sake of her sanity, a skill she was unfortunately very practiced at, Nami got back on topic. "Luffy, what the hell was that? Why are you this freaked out about your grandpa being at Loguetown?"
Luffy, though no longer in a blind panic, turned a bit blue at Nami's words. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to see him until Water 7, if then! I thought they'd send some back-up with my higher bounty but I never thought that Gramps would be this close. Shit, this is so bad."
Sanji resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Why are you this freaked out? We've run into your grandpa before and walked away pretty okay."
Like an extraterrestrial parasitic larva, Luffy launched at Sanji's face and latched on. "USE YOUR HEAD MAN! Last time, I didn't trick him! Every damn time he saw me, I was shouting to the rooftops how I would never ever be a marine and was going to be Pirate King if it killed me! When I actually followed through, it was a disappointment but no big surprise! When he came to Water 7 that was him checking up on family! And at Marineford, he let me hit him so he could fake defeat and give himself an out! This time, he's MAD as FUCK! This time, he thinks I've betrayed him! This time, HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO FIGHT!"
Usopp was getting a sinking feeling. Still, he tried to convince Luffy and himself that there was nothing wrong. "Come on, Luffy. You can take on that old man. Didn't you say you could take on an Admiral and win?"
Luffy detached from Sanji only to swivel toward Usopp. If Kaya hadn't been there, he'd probably have given his sniper the same face-to-face screaming treatment. "AN ADMIRAL?! Sure! I can take on one lousy Admiral! That's peanuts compared to taking on my freaking grandpa! He's old school! He's up there with the Yonko! If you asked me to bet between him and old man Whitebeard, I'd have to flip a coin! And remember, Gramps doesn't have a Devil Fruit! He doesn't have some special weapon and he doesn't have any creature blood lending advantages! He's just a plain, old, vanilla human being with nothing but Haki and his fists! And he still was to Roger what Smokey ended up being to me. THINK ABOUT THAT! WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU ABOUT HIM?!"
There was dead silence as the reality of Luffy's words and blind fear started to sink in.
Zoro, stoic as always, hmm'd. "Must be one hell of a fist."
Luffy seemed ready to swallow his tongue. "You have no idea. If you told me he tunneled through the Red Line with his bare hands, I'd believe you. According to old man Chinjao, Gramps leveled 8 mountains to WARM UP for their fight. THAT'S what's waiting for us. And I can feel just how spitting mad he is all the way from here."
Wiping the spit off his face with a fresh silk handkerchief, Sanji recovered from Luffy's 'attack'. Curious, and more than a little apprehensive, he cast his gaze inward on the sixth sense that was Observation and tried to sense what had set his captain off.
RaGE HAte fUry TREACHERY AGONY LOSs frENZY VENGEANCE!
There were no words to describe the aura emanating from Loguetown. It was like a wounded animal, torn up and bleeding and mad with pain. It was also a fallen ruler, betrayed by his closest friend, his family, stabbed in the back and the knife twisted. And it was a hurricane, a typhoon, a storm of screaming wind and freezing rain and pounding waves, a mass of elemental chaos determined to level all in its path to satisfy its wrath.
Such was the mood of the earthbound god that was Vice-Admiral Monkey D. Garp 'the Fist', hero of the Marines.
Sanji opened his eyes to find himself flat on the floor. Around his screaming self-preservation instincts, he wasn't surprised. If anything, he was amazed he only got away with being knocked on his ass.
"Oh, Luffy," Sanji moaned, getting to his feet before the confused eyes of his nakama, "what have you done?"
The young king-to-be gulped, seeing the echo of his own fear in his cook's eyes. "What I had to do. It was the only way I had to get to where I had to be. I was just banking on him having a couple months to cool off." Trying and failing to pull off his usual nonchalant grin, Luffy added "I do have a plan, though!"
"Pray tell," Nami asked, moving over to the trembling Sanji. In a rare bout of kindness, she placed a hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him. Such was his condition that he didn't even perv out at the touch. He just reached up to lay his hand over hers. He still shook.
Luffy laughed halfheartedly. "Well, you see, Gramps is mad because he thinks I broke my promise to be a Marine. The thing is, I never actually said that I would. I just asked him to make me strong and made puppy eyes until he said yes. Anything else is just his own assumptions. When I tell him that, he'll realize that it's all his own fault and he has no reason to take it out on me. Simple as that. Isn't that great?"
Zoro gave Luffy a flat stare. "Luffy, do you remember Whiskey Peak?"
Luffy frowned. "Of course I do."
"Do you remember trying to kill me because you thought I had slaughtered the generous townspeople in cold blood?"
Suddenly finding the corner of the room extremely interesting, Luffy answered "Um, yes."
"Do you remember me trying to explain that they were really bounty hunters trying to catch us in a trap?"
"You know, it was years ago, the memories are all kind of fuzzy…"
"Do you remember countering with, and I'm quoting here, 'Enemies don't give you food'?"
"I may have said that. Shoot, I say a lot of things."
"Do you remember your grandpa blurting out who your father was before he remembered it was supposed to be a secret at Water 7?"
"That does sound like him," Luffy mumbled, by now squirming like there were squids copulating in his shorts.
"Do you remember Aokiji saying that you and your grandpa are a lot alike?"
Luffy didn't even respond.
Zoro waited a beat. Finally, he asked "Do you really think your grandpa will let you off on a technicality?"
"Ahhh…. errr… mumblewumble…" Luffy dithered. When he ran out of delaying sounds, he hung his head. "I can dream, can't I?" he muttered, suddenly at the center of his own dark cloud.
Zoro quirked his lips. "I'll take that as a 'no'."
Nami sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Someone please tell me that we're not totally fucked. I don't even care if you're lying. I just need to hear it."
Kaya spoke up. "You know, Luffy-san, my father had a saying. He was talking about business, but I think it applies here. It was 'hope for the best, plan for the worst'. Now, your grandfather just might forgive you when you explain. But just in case he doesn't, we need to know what to do."
Luffy wallowed for a moment longer. Then he got up and sat down back at his chair. "Usopp, could you be a dear and hit me in the head with a hammer?"
The liar tilted his head. "Um, you sure?"
"Captain's orders."
"Well, if you insist…" With some hesitance, Usopp walked up to his captain while rifling around his bag. Taking a breath, Usopp reared back and yelled "Usopp Hammer!"
A goose egg raised on Luffy's head as Usopp lifted the mallet off of his skull. Raising a hand, Luffy scratched the bump like he would the side of his head. He scrunched up his face, steam practically coming out his ears. After a minute of pondering, he put a finger on the protrusion and pushed it back into his skull. That done, Luffy stood up.
"I have… 12 percent of a plan."
Nami resisted the urge to bang her head on the table.
Zoro shrugged. "Better than 11 percent. Let's hear it."
The Armada docked within the hour. Well, 'docked' might not be the proper verb. They didn't sail into the official port and weigh anchor with all the reputable ships. Even 'original' Luffy wasn't stupid enough to sail into a town with a known Marine presence with skull-and-crossbones flying. Well, he did it because 'pirates don't dock with the boring people', but still. Rather, the four ships found some nice rocks a good two miles away from town.
It was organized chaos as the crews disembarked, save for the unlucky few that had drawn short straws on guard duty. Those were currently getting treated to a motivating talk from a strangely subdued Luffy about how the safety of their ships, their homes, their inanimate friends rested on their shoulders. They all seemed strangely proud of being stuck with the boring job by the time their Captain was done.
Usopp was calling out orders through the megaphone, standing up on a nearby crate. "NO SHOVING! FIND YOUR ASSIGNED GROUPS AND WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS WITH AS LITTLE FRUSTRATION AS POSSIBLE! CLOAKS ARE BEING PASSED AROUND BY BUGGY! FIND THE NEAREST LIMB AND COLLECT YOUR OWN IN AN ORDERLY FASHION! PERSONAL ALLOWANCE IS BEING DISTRIBUTED BY NAMI! IF SHE DOESN'T LET GO RIGHT AWAY THEN GENTLY GET HER ATTENTION, DON'T TRY TO INITIATE A TUG-OF-WAR! THAT JUST SETS HER OFF! BE SURE TO SET OUT WITH AT LEAST A FIVE-MINUTE CUSHION SINCE THE LAST GROUP, WE DON'T WANT TO BE TOO SUSPICIOUS! REMEMBER, ALL UNITS ARE TO REPORT TO THE TOWN SQUARE BY THE TIME THE STORM HITS, SO MAKE GETTING YOUR SUPPLIES FIRST PRIORITY! AND SMILE! IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU SET OUT FOR THE GRAND LINE!"
Nami was openly weeping as she got to Gin. "Okay, here's the funds for your new ship," she said to him, holding a moneybag like it was her firstborn. "His name is Marvin. If he gets fussy, just say some rhymes with a funny face. Be sure to spend him before sundown, he doesn't like to meet strangers when it's dark."
Gin hid his sweatdrop. "Right. I'll just take… Marvin off your hands."
"Take him off my hands. Yep," she said faintly, not moving.
"You can just hand him over."
"Hand him over. Right."
"… Ready to receive him."
Nami sobbed, but finally relinquished the sack. Gin had to hide the twitch in his muscles as he struggled under the weight. For a self-proclaimed weak little girl, she sure had a strong pair of biceps.
Ordeal done, Nami turned to her personal sack of money. "Don't worry, Daisy! I'll never give you away! I'll be holding onto you forever! And when I die, and become a skeleton, I'll still be holding you, yes!" she cooed.
"Something is seriously wrong with that chick," muttered Gaimon, looking up from where he was arranging the pets into their guard formation. Between Richie and Mohmoo as role models, even the bearaffe, arguably the cutest, looked threatening. Anyone who assumed the animals were just for show was in for the stampede from hell on an acid trip.
Zoro slid to Luffy's side after Kaya had finished giving him a fifteen-minute lecture on what he could and could not do, reminding him "No swords". "Hey, Luffy? What's going on with you? Your aura is all wonky."
Luffy looked like he had to fight to get each word through the manic concentration that clouded his features. "Camouflage. For Gramps. First… tone down voice. Then blend… with surroundings. Very hard. Please stop talking."
Zoro just sighed and wandered off. He didn't have a clear destination, he just knew that he didn't want to run into that Kuina look-alike. Even with his dream accomplished and her spirit laid to rest, he was sure that woman would make him all kinds of uncomfortable. Therefore, he was determined to avoid her.
Naturally, she was the first thing he ran into. But more on that later.
Sanji finished his cigarette, took a minute to ogle Nami bent over counting her money, and turned to the Baratie crew. "Okay, morons. Time to get provisions. Don't let yourselves get scalped by the fishmongers."
"Shut up, Sanji! We can shop just fine!" groused Patty.
The former sous raised a brow. "Really? Because as I recall, when I took over for you on stocking the restaurant, our profits nearly doubled. How much money were you costing us with your shitty haggling skills, eh Patty?"
"Less than you did with constantly updating your wardrobe. I could bathe in caviar for the amount you spent on shoes, eggplant," Zeff huffed.
Sanji flushed to the roots of his hair. "You're one to talk, shitty geezer! How much does that special shampoo you use for your mustache cost us each month?"
"About half as much as your cigarettes, brat! With how many cartons you go through in a week, I'm surprised we didn't go out of business!"
"Oh, please! How much did that hatter charge you to commission that ridiculous toque of yours?"
Carne sighed with his fellow cooks as they followed the two bickering blondes towards Loguetown. This could go on for days.
Jango shuffled as he stood next to Kadoo. "So, what's this thing Nami wants me to help you girls with?"
"No idea. I don't bother asking that woman questions. It's better to just go with it and not get charged the detail tax," shrugged the harlequin.
The hypnotist coughed and subtly checked his breath. "You know, Kadoo, I've always thought that you were, uh, well, a lovely girl…"
"What about the ruddy earl?" she asked, tilting her head.
"I mean, a vision of beauty!" panicked the man.
"Fishin' for doody? What kind of sicko are you?" she exclaimed.
"No, that's not what I – I mean, you heard wrong. No, I… oh fuck it. When I say one, two, Jango, you'll forget the last minute. One, two, Jango!" The disco enthusiast waited for the vacant expression to leave the girl's eyes before trying again. "So, nice weather we're having, right?"
Siam and Buchi watched from the side with pity. "That's the third time today. You think the captain's ever gonna get it right?" asked the slim one.
"I hope so. At this rate, the poor girl's going to be eating meals with a straw before he seals the deal," mused the large one.
Cabaji sighed as he witnessed all the idiosyncrasies of the armada. "Could this group get any stranger?" he asked his companion as he witnessed his Captain chew out a Don for accidentally tickling his armpit while grabbing his coat.
Mohji looked up from braiding Richie's mane. "Not unless we got an amorphous white creature that morphs into a sword with ADD and OCD that was simultaneously so powerful it disrupts the very fabric of reality and so annoying it could make even the sun grimace."
Cabaji leaned away a bit. "You've got to stop hanging out with Usopp-sama. Your hypotheticals are getting ridiculous."
High above them, the sun grew spikes and a face, winked at the audience, and returned to being an ordinary ball of yellow flame.
Finally, everything was sorted out, and the Straw Hat Armada set out to take Loguetown by storm.
Nami pulled back the dressing room curtain, revealing that she was in a drop-dead cocktail dress with a stuffed fox as a scarf. "What do you think of this?" she asked.
"Effervescent, miss!" gushed the teller, who was apparently so committed to the trade of clothes that he'd gone to the trouble of growing his hair in the shape of a hanger.
"How about this?" Kaya asked, showing off a ball gown of conservative cut, but made of lace so translucent it bordered on indecent.
"Oh, electric, miss!" he simpered.
"What about me?" challenged Kadoo, sporting a boho dress of eye-searing kaleidoscopic color.
"E-eccentric, miss," he managed, his fake smile perfectly intact.
"And this?" Nami asked, already changed into a cowgirl outfit straight out of a farmhand's wet dream.
"Elegant, miss!"
The girls continued to try on half the store, with the attendant continuing to shower praise such as "Elemental!" and "Elegy!"… Guess he had a thing for words that start with 'e'. The man was almost drooling as he watched the pile on the checkout stand grow, mentally calculating how big his commission would be. When all three were back in their original clothes, he stepped forward. "So, will you be taking all of them?"
Nami smiled sweetly as she led the three of them out. "Nope. We're looking for something more casual."
"Please come again soon!" he shouted after them, crying rivers as his dreams of early retirement went up in smoke.
The girls chatted as girls are wont to do as they searched for their next hunting ground. "Man, that guy was pathetic. Was I the only one getting a creeper vibe off him? He probably collects all the underwear girls leave in the rooms," groused Nami.
"I'll give him one thing, he's committed to the sale. I was looking for a thesaurus when he was buttering us up," Kaya commented.
"None of that stuff was good for life on a ship. Man, is it too much to ask for a pirate couture boutique or something?" Kadoo whined.
"They'd get shut down by the Government in a Mariejois minute, so yeah," sighed Nami.
"The closest we'd get is a costume shop. Actually, why don't we try that? You can look for a salty wench's outfit and I can look for a few possibilities for the next time Usopp-kun and I have 'story time'," offered Kaya, hiding a mild nosebleed.
"Hate to interrupt this riveting conversation," spoke up Jango, who'd been lagging behind them under the weight of numerous bags, "but WHY am I here, exactly?"
Nami rolled her eyes. "To be our pack mule, of course. You should be honored."
"Honored, my left nut! I already ran that little 'errand' for you! Why do I have to suffer this kind of torture?" the hypnotist protested.
Nami's eyes turned to Beri symbols as her eyes landed on the two stuffed duffel bags hanging off Jango's shoulders. That had been the easiest heist of her life. She'd had Jango accompany her to the biggest bank in Loguetown, where she'd had him hypnotize the teller into emptying the vault. All the others just assumed that he was some out-of-town business tycoon out for a day with his sugar baby. 500 million in five minutes, a new record. She thought there was a beautiful friendship in store for her and Jango.
Yes, her code used to be she only stole from pirates, but the armada needed funds. They were a lot more of them this time around, but Nami would always put her nakama first… provided she got a little something out of the deal too. Plus the bank was probably insured and the World Government would have to make up the funds. As far as Luffy was concerned, anything that caused those bastards a headache was time well spent, and Nami was happy to help.
She was brought back to reality by a piteous whine. "There go my knees! Oh, my arms! I'm gonna get crushed. I'm gonna get smeared like a puddle over all your clothes, how would you princesses feel about that?!"
"I'll brew you some willow bark tea later, now shut up! Take it like a man," barked Kadoo.
"Sure, whatever you say," mumbled Jango, defeated by his crush's command.
Kaya smirked. Hmm, another opportunity to stretch her yenta muscles. Should be easier than Operation Swirly Pinwheel. Those two were hopeless. Speaking up she said, "Oh honey, ignore the little man and let's find you some quality make-up. Your color palette is way out of alignment."
"So is my spine!" moaned the poor man stuck with them.
Nami chuckled, but then she looked towards the harbor with a frown. Vice-Admiral Garp's ship was on proud display. She hoped Luffy managed to keep his cover. Wouldn't do for them to get caught until they wanted to.
"Nami, come in here! This lip gloss is amazing!"
"Where?!" she cried, setting thoughts of the crew's survival aside for a much more important matter: fashion!
Were one to trace Luffy's path through Loguetown, they might well think that he was being led by a member of the Hibiki clan. In a mere fifteen minutes, he had circled the town once, turned back on himself thrice, jumped over two buildings, and taken at least one detour through a sewer.
However, there was a method to his madness. Garp apparently wasn't taking any chances: not only was the man himself wandering around the place like a cat searching for a mouse, but he'd stationed Marines at all major junctions and had the rest randomly patrolling. Luffy felt like he was playing a horrifically one-sided game of 'Cops and Robbers'.
The whole experience was made just that much harder by the constant colossal concentration needed to hide his aura, otherwise Garp would just hone in on him like a rat to cheese. Imagine simultaneously running a marathon and doing calculus. Through a warzone. With your mother-in-law yelling at you. While riding on your shoulders. Plus a bull charging at you from behind. And you have to go to the bathroom. On a worldwide broadcast.
It wasn't easy.
To help, he was repeating a mantra that Garp himself had taught him to help with the stealth side of Observation.
'I am the walls and the floors and air. I am everything and I am nothing. I'm not there.'
Luffy was currently blending in with a passing group down one of the city's many market streets. The trick was to move like them. Luffy was eying the pair of Petty Officers at the upcoming intersection, hoping that they were too bored to actually be scouting, when he felt himself being jerked by a massive hand into an alley.
Luffy had his thumb in his mouth and was halfway through blowing before he realized that the hand had red fingernail polish on the nails. And while Garp had developed a sweet tooth over the years, he was still quite fit and definitely not wider than he was tall.
The hand let go and Luffy looked up into the face of the first woman he'd ever hit.
"Ah, Alvida. Fancy meeting you here."
One look was all it took to see this was a very different Alvida then the one Luffy had ran into in the alternate timeline. For one thing, she was still roughly the size of an adolescent elephant. For another, there was no haughty smirk on her lips. Before and after her transformation, Alvida had always carried herself with a casual arrogance, a certainty that she was the most significant being for a mile in any direction. There was none of that now. In fact, her shoulders were hunched, her face slack with calm, her eyes wide and earnest. The image of a puppy flashed through Luffy's head.
'Looks like that experiment worked out. Let's see where this goes,' mused Luffy.
The extra-large woman weakly smiled. "I've been looking for you, Straw Hat. Ever since that day."
"Why? Revenge, perhaps?" Luffy asked, noting that she'd replaced her club with a solid steel kanabo.
She shook her head so fast her neck rolls did the wave. "No, no way! I actually wanted to thank you!"
"Thank me? For what?" Luffy asked. To be honest, he'd barely remembered Alvida. She was just a test to see if careful application of Conqueror's could really profoundly change someone's personality, as his Gramps had so sternly warned him never to do. Reverse psychology, really.
Alvida gulped. "Look, I know what kind of person I was. I was cruel, I was petty, and my temper was a tripwire. I guess it goes back to my childhood. Everyone teased me for my weight. I ate because I was unhappy, and I was unhappy because I ate. It was a vicious cycle. Eventually, I decided to fight fire with fire and be mean right back. From there, I guess I got carried away. Before you know it, I was head of my own pirate crew, looting and pillaging and insisting on this fantasy that I was actually beautiful. To be honest, I was probably so vicious because deep down, I hated myself. But I was trapped in this situation I'd built myself."
Then Alvida's eyes lit up. "Then you showed up. Your words were harsh, but they were true. And then you hit me." The woman moved a hand to rub her tummy. "No one had ever done that to me. It changed me. It was like you literally knocked some sense into me. When I landed in the ocean, all alone, all I could do was think about what you said, how bad things happen to bad people."
Luffy tried very hard to look like he was listening, though to be honest he could barely hear her through his mental decathlon.
"I'm not sure how, but I managed to swim to shore. I was so hungry. Then I came upon this fisherman who was having trouble with his nets. I thought about just stealing them from him, like I was used to, when your words flashed through my mind. So instead, I offered my help. And you know what? He offered me a few! He even cooked them for me. I could hardly believe it. I always thought people were inherently selfish and anything you wanted in this world, you had to take. Yet here was this man, giving me fish."
"Later, I was walking down the road, looking for a town. I passed this wagon, full of hay. This guy was scratching his head, shouting at the broken wheel like he thought that would fix it. I could have just passed him and minded my own business. The old me would have. But instead, I lifted up the wagon so he could replace the wheel. He was gushing, he was so happy. He even tossed out a bough so I'd have a spot to sit. Just like that he was offering me a ride! I was amazed at how trusting he was. I used to think that kindness was weakness, but seeing that man be so nice to a stranger, I now see it takes a strength I never knew."
Luffy nodded, in his head watching a cartoon Alvida act out the adventures her real counterpart was describing.
"Finally, I got to a town. I snuck around, because I didn't want to get noticed by the Marines. I just got to the pier when I heard this ruckus. It turned out that some punks were trying to mug some merchant that had just sailed in. I remember being scared, deciding I shouldn't interfere. But then I saw your face in my mind. And I realized that not doing anything is as bad as doing it yourself when you have the chance to help. And I didn't want to be bad anymore. So, I charged in. They actually ran away the second they saw me, I didn't even have to fight! Still, that was the hardest choice I ever had to make. And then the guy was so grateful, he gave me the very thing he'd been protecting."
With reverent movements, Alvida reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like an avocado. A pink avocado. With very swirly skin. Luffy's eyes widened. He'd never actually been this close to another Devil Fruit, not since he'd ate his. Something inside him seemed to shy away from it, some instinctive fear activating at the presence of the innocuous foodstuff.
Alvida held it out in a gesture of supplication, even getting down on one knee. "This is my offering to you, Monkey D. Luffy. With one punch and a few words, you changed my life. You made me a better person. And… I want to keep changing. I want to become someone who can look herself in the mirror. If you will have me, I want to be with you. Your enemies would be my enemies, your challenges my challenges. Help me be better, and I will do anything you ask."
Luffy gulped. This was actually a bit scary. Sure, it had pretty much worked out for the better, but one sentence and a dash of Conqueror's, and he'd remade an entire personality. He'd have to be much more careful about this. Maybe there was a reason the World Government was so scared he had this power.
Refocusing on the present, Luffy picked up the fruit. A brief whisper from the Voice confirmed that it was the same one Alvida had found in another life. With a nod, he held it out to Alvida, who looked up in shock.
"This is the Sube Sube no Mi. It gives the eater incredibly smooth skin, to the point where attacks just slide off. A very useful power, and quite dangerous in the wrong hands." Luffy grinned his trademark grin at Alvida. "If you want to be my nakama, this will probably come in handy!"
Alvida gulped. "So, if I eat this, you'll let me sail with you?" Alvida had her doubts. She was determined to do what it took to be with her savior, but was it worth becoming a hammer, doomed to drown at the slightest opportunity? To say nothing of becoming responsible for some strange, mysterious power –
Alvida's racing thoughts were stopped by Luffy's snort. "No, silly. You can do that anyway. I just thought you might want it. If you want, you can sell it or just throw it away. It's yours, after all."
Alvida smiled. That. That was why she would do it. That simple, unthinking goodness… she wanted be near it. She wanted to learn it. And she hoped, one day, she could find it within herself.
Without thinking twice, Alvida grabbed the fruit from her captain's hand and tossed it in her mouth. A few chews and a swallow, and it was done.
Then the flavor processed.
The obese woman all but gagged. "NASTY!" she cried, trying to think through the overpowering sense of each and every taste bud screaming 'THIS IS WHAT EVIL TASTES LIKE!' as they died a slow and painful death.
Luffy giggled. "Shishishishi. Forgot to warn you about that." A flash of concern went over his features. "I don't know if this next part will hurt or not. Sorry if it does."
Before Alvida could ask, she was hit by the single weirdest feeling of her life. Every cell in her body started to tingle as if they each had pounded a six-pack of Red Bull. Her bones suddenly started to protest as what felt like a whole puberty's worth of growth spurts was shoved into a few seconds, while everything else felt like it was getting sucked into some central point.
As fast as it hit, it was over. Alvida reached out a hand to steady herself, her balance feeling quite wonky, but it slid against the stone as if greased with butter. She staggered to recover her balance, and became aware of a curious breeze around her legs. Looking down, she was confused to see that her shirt had seemed to grow until it looked like she was wearing a tent while her pants and shoes seemed to have just fallen off her.
She looked up, hoping for an explanation from the object of her devotion, only to pause. "How'd you get so tall?" she asked, and reached up a hand to rub her throat. Did her voice sound different?
Luffy shrugged, that damnable grin still on his face. "I didn't grow. You just got smaller."
Before she could respond to that, all the blood drained from the young pirate's face faster than if someone had slit his throat. "I smell cigar smoke on the air. The reckoning is upon us!" He shoved something into her hand. "Here's money for clothes, the ships are a walk along the coast with the sea on your right, the password is meat. I MUST AWAY!" Moving so quick he left an afterimage, the armada captain sprinted down the alley and out of sight.
Alvida stared into the alley's depths, feeling as puzzled as she'd ever felt, when she heard someone cough behind her. "Ma'am?"
Alvida turned, seeing that it was some random marine, a cigarillo poking out the side of his mouth. She tensed, fearing recognition, only to watch bemusedly as the guy started to drool and hearts replace his eyes.
Stepping around the odd man, hoping he wasn't some creeper, Alvida walked into the street. She jerked to a stop as everyone turned to look at her. As one, men and women started to gawp at her as if she were some kind of celebrity.
More than a little freaked out, trying to ignore the mumbling, Alvida slipped into the nearest clothing shop. She immediately made for the biggest clothes, reaching out for what caught her eye. She paused when she saw that her usual size seemed much too big. In fact, holding up a pair of pants to her hips, it looked like her whole body would fit in one of the leg holes with room to spare.
Confused as all get out, Alvida made for the dressing room. After locking the door behind her, she turned to look in the provided mirror.
And gasped.
Her whole body slid out of the neck hole of the shirt like she was slicked with cooking oil. She didn't notice. She was too consumed by the goddess in the mirror.
Thick, wavy locks. Cute, button nose. Taut, round buttocks. Everything men lusted after and women pined for was there, as if some god was working through a checklist. Full, bouncy tits: check. Svelte, hourglass figure: check. Legs that went for miles, smooth and creamy and hairless: check.
She was a new woman. For the first time in her life, she truly was beautiful, like she'd always wanted.
And also for the first time, she didn't feel like hearing others say it.
Alvida chuckled as she ran a hand over her silky cheeks. Figures. She got everything she ever wanted, just in time for it to not matter. If there was one thing she'd learned in the month since her world had turned upside-down, it was that it was what was on the inside that counted. Even if she'd looked like this when she met Luffy, she still would have been a terrible person. Sure, some shallow part of her was rejoicing like there was no tomorrow. But now, all she cared about was being a good person, following the example of a good man she'd just pledged herself to. Her newfound beauty didn't matter.
Quickly finding out her new measurements, Alvida stepped out of the shop properly clothed. Retrieving her kanabo from where she'd forgotten it, she made her way to the coast. Along the way, she marveled at the smoothness of her skin. Unless she gripped it properly, the spiked staff slid through her fingers like water. Curious, she ran a finger over one of the barbs, and her finger didn't even get cut. Luffy was right, this was going to be useful.
She then tripped and slid on her exposed stomach for a good spear's throw until she ran into some stacked crates.
Well, it was going to take some getting used to.
Walking along the coast, she passed a couple of stacked boulders only to come upon four docked ships. Three of them had a very familiar hat on their Jolly Rogers.
Alvida walked up, looking for someone, only to pause as what looked like a snake with fur and rabbit ears reared up and hissed at her.
"Halt, who goes there?!" shouted what looked like a bush.
Alvida turned to look, and noticed a few heads peaking over the lips of the ships. All of them seemed to have the same gobsmacked, dazed look in their eyes. Alvida couldn't tell if that was flattering or annoying.
Turning her attention to the bush, she decided to fall back on what Luffy told her. "Um, I have the password?"
The bush looked up, revealing some kind of caveman stuck in some kind of box. Alvida held her tongue. Who was she to critique appearances? Half an hour ago, she looked like an upright walrus.
"What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" the bush asked with utmost solemnity.
Feeling a bit silly, hoping Luffy hadn't had his wires crossed when he'd left in such a hurry, Alvida answered "… Meat?"
The man nodded. "You may pass. May I ask what you're doing here?"
Alvida smiled kindly. "Luffy-sama let me join the crew."
"What, you mean she's our nakama? We get to see her every day?" yelled one of the men who suddenly appeared on the deck of the cat-themed ship.
"Captain Luffy is just the best!" proclaimed a clown whose eyes were definitely not looking at her face.
A man in a chef's uniform walked up to her, looking not all there. "Ohhh hello papa geyna. Tu le peya kona papaya."
Alvida sighed as her new crewmates continued to be dazzled into stupidity.
This was definitely going to take some getting used to.
Gin took a moment to admire the architecture of the street he was walking on. This was his first time visiting Loguetown. Krieg had declined to stock up here, claiming that "I already have everything I need to conquer the Grand Line!" Looking back, he was probably just too chicken to risk facing the White Hunter, the mysterious new Marine captain that had cracked down hard on pirates in the town.
Gin let out a sigh. For all his destructive power, Krieg really had been just a coward. How had Gin ever followed a man like that? Well, as they say, hindsight was 20/20.
The new captain looked over his shoulder at his crew. On second thought, a bunch of guys covered in cloaks really wasn't that much less suspicious than a bunch of guys in worn clothing and obviously armed. But then again, whereas the latter was almost immediately profiled as 'pirate' by passerby, the former merely earned cautious sidelong glances. Gin was pretty sure they'd been made by at least a dozen townsfolk on their way to the docks. But those who'd gotten that gleam in their eye had just shrugged and carried about their business. Who cares if you passed a pirate? They weren't bothering you, so just let them go. Sure, they'd probably hurt or rob someone else, but that wasn't your problem, right?
Many people who are just learning about the criminal underworld become convinced that there must be some grand conspiracy in place in order to keep it all hidden and uninvestigated. But the truth is, not many people care. Because, unless something goes down right in front of you, until something happens to you or someone you care about, you're not involved. So what if people are waiting outside your neighbor's door day and night? You don't know they're a drug dealer. And that restaurant might be the one good spot in a bad neighborhood, but that doesn't mean it's backed by the mob. It's not worth the trouble to try and make any waves. Just keep your head down and keep moving.
Society's biggest problem isn't greed or violence. It's sloth. Apathy. The world could be burning down around them, and most would just stick their heads in the sand.
Gin shook his head. Now wasn't the time to get lost in philosophic thought. The Don had charged him with a task, and he was going to complete it with the utmost effort and total focus.
They disguised Don crew got up to the last Marine checkpoint before the shipyards. "State your destination," droned the uniformed grunt, who looked so bored he might have been in danger of falling asleep standing up.
"The shipyard. We need to purchase a ship," said Pearl, speaking in place of Gin so they wouldn't give the newly infamous face too much of a look.
"Proceed," the Marine stated, not seeming like he heard a word.
"Wait!" shouted his companion, who looked so jittery he might fire his musket by accident. "Why are you all wearing those cloaks? Got something to hide?!"
Pearl kept his cool and gave the guy a look. Gin was struck by the odd thought of how different he looked when he wasn't wearing his helmet and his hair was down. "Relax, officer. We just heard it was going to rain later."
The kid, couldn't have been wearing the uniform longer than a month, let out an audible gasp of relief. "Oh. That's all. Sorry for the trouble. Enjoy your day!"
As they shuffled past, the pirate right next to Gin whispered "How the hell does that weak-ass excuse keep working?"
Gin shrugged. "These guys are looking for the Don, not us. They're not going to follow up on every creepy looking person when the highest bounty in this part of the world is wandering around. Don't jinx it, Juan."
"Sorry, cap," muttered the exposition peon, his purpose served and likely never to be noticed again.
The disguised crew made their way into the surprisingly quiet ship repair area. Violent as pirates were portrayed by the (cough propaganda cough) media, the damage was usually confined to flesh and blood instead of wood and cloth. In a confrontation, a vessel either quietly surrendered and got off with little more than a few scratches or 'valiantly' (read 'stupidly') put up a fight and got the classic powder-magazine package to the Davy Jones Junkyard.
Unless you were lucky enough for the Marines to intervene, and then you didn't get your repairs done at a private yard. Oh no, you got escorted to the nearest base and got treated by the best carpenters the World Government could afford. And to compensate you for your time and to just take a load off your terrorized little shoulders, the Marines would even take over the job of transporting any cargo you had on you, so you had one less thing to worry about. And if they maybe took a bit of the profits from the sale, well, think of that as a head start on your taxes. And if there always seemed to be less cargo at arrival than when the ship set out, well, what puny merchant had the balls to accuse the World Government of theft?
Point being, Age of Pirates or no, the ship repair business in Loguetown wasn't lucrative. Gin spotted a group of four ships all bearing the flag of the Eurus League, the company their own Kaya had abdicated in favor of following her boyfriend out to sea, in for what looked like a gale. And there was one yacht that, from what the Don Captain could tell, looked like some idiot that had no business owning a swivel gun had one too many drinks and spotted a rat on deck. Considering the max capacity was two dozen ships-of-the-line, they weren't exactly pressed for room.
One of the workers looked up from lying on a pile of rope, literally with nothing better to do. "Can I help you, strangers?"
Pearl spoke up. "Yes. Where are the ships for purchase?"
The guy tugged at a strand of hair that seemed permanently glued together by dried salt. "Depends on what you're looking for. Rafts, dinghies and such, you can always count on Holt and Sons. For fishing, you go to Angie's Anglers. You don't mind selling an arm and a leg for too little hold room, you can get a decent merchant vessel from Peterman & Co."
Gin spoke up. "And if we were in need of something with a little… firepower?"
The dockhand raised a brow and seemed to give their little group a second look. Gin's hand moved an inch closer to his hidden tonfa. "I'd say you'd need the devil's luck to make it off this rock afore the White Hunter catches wind of you. And to spirit you away to do whatever it is I shan't concern myself with, you'll need Ohama." With that, he waved at a shop that had seen better days in front of a gated off section of the docks. He went right back to cloud watching as they shuffled past him.
Gin looked up at the sign listing at a slight angle over the dusty windows and beaten door. 'Shadow Hawk Watercraft'. The logo was of an atakebune clutched in the talons of a skeletal bird. Gin put a foot on the step and pulled his foot back, and the print was clearly visible in the dust. It wasn't the best first impression, but Nami had said they'd get a good deal since business had dried up.
"Money bag," Gin asked.
The carrier sagged as he handed it over. "Oh, thank you God. That was killing me."
"Have you been doing the same training as the rest of us?" his fellow tried to tease.
"Yes. Yes, I have," he answered solemnly. "Now I know how Nami-sama punches so hard she makes Captain Luffy and Zoro-sensei nervous. Those jugs must be pure muscle, I swear."
"Don't even joke, man. I don't want to catch the spillover when lightning strikes you down for an infidel," hissed one of the more impressionable nakama.
Gin snapped, regaining their attention. They'd lightened up under the new management, but he was still a strict taskmaster. "Keep an eye out in case our guide decides to narc. Try and be inconspicuous. I'm going to see about ending our cohabitation with the Superhuman Domingo's and the Cocox." So saying, Gin pried open the door (complete with creak) and walked in.
It looked like an old banker's office. There was a large counter dividing the room in half. On Gin's side, there were a few chairs and nothing more. On the other side, there were filing cabinets, a few lamps, and a free-standing wall and door creating a closed-off area of the rest of the floor. Gin spotted stairs in the back corner and assumed there were living quarters above him. There was a chime bell on the counter like you saw at hotels.
Feeling like he was in one of Usopp's cheesy horror stories, Gin dinged the bell.
Gin barely detected the sound of movement and then the door opened to reveal the old Chinese guy from central casting. Yellowed skin more spotted than a toad, squinty almond eyes, wispy mustache, gleaming bald spot, braid down to his waist, hunched form making him even smaller than he already was. He lacked the cane, but his hands were hidden in the sleeves of his robes brought together. Had Gin not witnessed Zeff knock Mohmoo unconscious with a wok propelled by the wind of a kick made with his peg leg, he might have dismissed the elder as harmless. Instead, he recognized the stillness of eyes that saw everything and steadiness of limbs that could move faster than thought. This was not a man to mess with.
Gin tried not to obviously swallow. "Ohama, I presume."
The man did not look anywhere but straight ahead as he moved slowly but gracefully from the door to the counter. He climbed a hidden stool until he could see over the edge. Gin noticed it put the man's eyes level with his trachea. Then he spoke in a surprisingly high-pitched, nasal voice that Gin stopped himself from laughing at by the skin of his teeth (A/N: think James Hong in Mulan).
"You lost, boy?"
Gin grit his teeth. "Depends. Is this the place to get a ship that can dish out some punishment?"
Other than his mouth, not a single muscle in Ohama's face moved. "And just why do you require such a ship?"
"My crew and I are set to travel into some rather… hostile waters. I would prefer we be able to defend ourselves."
Why were his eyes still on his throat? It was very uncomfortable. "How hostile are we talking here?"
Gin smirked. "A cynical man would say we're sailing to our own graveyard."
The corner of his lip might have twitched, or it could have been one of his teeth loosening. "And would you be able to find yourself on a bulletin board?"
Gin got the coded question, though why they had to talk in riddles in the man's own office he didn't understand. "Indeed. I just appeared yesterday, so I might be the first thing you see."
Finally, Ohama looked up into Gin's eyes. It was like looking at Death, if Death were doing his best to be cordial and nonthreatening. "Well, you have the balls to sail one of my works. Let's see if you've got the Beri."
As Gin reached down to haul 'Marvin' onto the counter, his hand brushed his neck and he felt his racing pulse. Wait a minute, was that old man—
"Yes, I was."
Gin jumped a little. "What?"
Ohama turned his stone-cold gaze on Gin. "You were wondering if the reason I was staring at you neck was because I was reading your pulse to see if you were lying to me. And I was. For the record, if you had, there's a reason I'm right next to the water."
Gin paused. Then his natural gallows humor took over. "No offense, but I'm starting to wonder if your lack of business can really be blamed on the Marines."
Ohama smiled. No, that's wrong. He barred his teeth. "I offer the push out of the nest. If the fledgling is strong, they shall soar. If they are weak, they shall die. It is as simple as that. But Smoker is smashing the eggs before they have a chance to even hatch. His methods are the cause, I assure you."
Gin wondered if he'd survive this transaction with control of his bowels. This guy was fucking terrifying, and possibly insane. "Fair enough."
Ohama's face returned to its flat mask and turned to inspect the sack. He didn't even touch it. "200 million in small bills. I prefer bearer bonds, but beggars cannot be choosers." The shrunken shipbuilder reached into a hidden cubby in the divider and pulled out a booklet. "For your consideration," he offered formally with both hands.
Gin took it gingerly. He opened it and found a registry of ships. Each had a photo, deck plans, and a brief description including number of cannons and sails. Gin quickly flicked through the selection, looking for something maneuverable to keep up with Merry, little for his comparatively small crew (with room for possible expansion down the line), but capable of living up to the designation of 'Demolition Corps' of the Armada.
"So, this voyage of yours," Ohama spoke up. "An expedition, is it? For an empty throne, perhaps?"
Gin couldn't tell if this was small talk or another test. Taking the better part of valor, Gin decided to be upfront. Or as upfront as he could be in the riddle-speak Ohama seemed to prefer. "An escort mission, actually. For the prince."
If that managed to surprise him, Ohama didn't show it. "I see. That's a difficult path to walk. What to you gain from this arrangement."
Gin smiled involuntarily as he thought of his Don. "The privilege of witnessing his assent, every step of the way." His face hardened. "And, if necessary, the honor of dying in his place."
The disquieting businessman shook his head. "What a limited life you have chosen. One bound by duty and obligation."
Gin threw back his head and laughed. Ohama lifted an eyebrow a quarter inch, which to the very few who knew him was the signal he'd been genuinely surprised. When Gin finally regained control of himself, he looked the man he was almost certain had survived the Grand Line right in the eye. "I see it the opposite way. I am free. For so many, their fate is beyond their control. It is decided for them by superiors and chance and their own inaction. For me, I know there is no fate but that which I make for myself. I simply need the courage to want it, and the strength to let myself have it. I am free. And I choose to be my friend's loyal shadow."
Ohama stared at Gin for a full minute. Just as the Devil-Man's bravado was about to run out, the pirate-turned-shipwright blinked. "I think," he said slowly, "that you should take a look at the D-Line." With reverence, he pulled out a thinner, much more opulent booklet.
Unsure what to make of the new offer, Gin opened the book. He immediately noticed two things. First, that the ships in this book were of noticeably higher quality than those in the regular catalog. Second, most of them were crossed out with a red 'X'. In fact, Gin found, all but one of the ships was gone.
In an instant, Gin knew that this was the ship for his crew. A 36-gun frigate, long and low, square-rigged for speed. She would be a sword on the ocean, slicing through the waves to unleash her broadside in a hail of destruction only to move on to the next. In and out before the enemy knew they were sinking.
Her name was the Blitz.
Gin looked up, but Ohama was already nodding. "Fate is the product of our action, but destiny is harder to understand. Take this key. Unlock the fence, let your crew through, lock it behind you. Then throw the key into the ocean."
Gin didn't have enough left in him after his speech to question the monster in human clothing. "Thank you," he said as he made to leave.
"Do not insult me," Ohama commanded firmly. "You thank a person when they perform a kindness. This is an exchange. You give me money, I give you a ship. The proper farewell is 'pleasure doing business with you'."
Gin felt cold sweat in places he didn't know had glands. "R-right. I'll remember that. Pleasure doing business with you." With the barest of decorum, Gin exited the office.
Ohama sighed as he turned the fancy booklet around. With great ceremony, he pulled out a quill and ink and crossed out the last of his greatest works to find their masters.
"How the wheel turns," he mused to himself. "Years ago, I gave Shanks the push so his master could reach my apprentice and find his true steed. Now, I give another shadow a push, so that he may reach Tom's boy and find the work that will carry them to the end." Ohama took a breath. "My time here is done. I should turn my sails to home."
Ohama paused, and turned his eye to the window, where in the far distance, you could just make out storm clouds. "But not yet. The day's surprises are not yet done."
I'll call it there. I've kept you all waiting long enough, so I'll break the tradition of fitting the whole arc in one chapter to throw you all a bone. Plus, considering I'm only halfway through what I had planned for this arc, it all works out.
Yes, yes I did just pull an OC with ties to major characters out my ass. So sue me, it's my prerogative as an author. Ohama is the man who taught Tom about ships, and the one who built and provided Roger's version of Merry. His name and that of his shop is based on Ohama Kagetaka, an actual Japanese pirate (Kagetaka = Shadow Hawk). He ruled over an entire bay, but was defeated by the coalition of a shogun and admiral. Yeah, they had to team up to take him down.
Also, I hope the name of the Don's ship isn't too high-minded. I mean, they used to be the Krieg pirates. Now they work on the Blitz. So, blitzkrieg. A fast, brutal strike. Also, blitz being German for 'lightning' and the ship supposed to be very speedy and angular. It seemed obvious to me, but if no one gets it I'll understand.
So, news to me, I have a TV Tropes page! That's right, New Game Plus has gained the attention of those brilliant, cultured, nitpicky bastards! For some reason they used a + symbol, but whatever! Check it out, I do it all the time, heck it might even change now that I'm updating.
So, the drought is over. Hopefully you'll be more sympathetic to the pauses between updates given my, er, situation. But not TOO sympathetic. I'm not milking this for pity, people. I'm just a username on a screen. I'm not soliciting sympathy point or anything. Just enough with the WHINING. Please. I know Once Again is dead, but I find that if you can't find a good story, you should write your own!
And, not to alienate my audience or anything, but…
#FEELTHEBERN!
#BERNIE2016
#BERNIEORBUST!
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The above is both an actual reflection of my enthusiasm for Bernie Sanders, God bless his honest incorruptible heart, and unabashed padding to make it over the word limit.
Auld Lang Syne! Oda Never Forgets! Good Night Everybody!
