Chapter Eight: Eerie Aliment
He was warm, and comforted in the cool, wintry air.
But how could he be warm?
In the midst of the winter storms?
Why, that was because someone was up close to him, warming his body and soul, rubbing slightly calloused fingers in soft circular motions on the back of his pale neck. A light humming filled the air, and Zexion sighed into it. He breathed deeply and let his body drift in this cold, yet wonderfully warm experience. He was floating, weightlessly.
The one who was humming looked at him brightly with endlessly deep green/hazel pools for eyes. He was too beautiful, his slight smile all for the dark haired boy, always for him.
Zexion felt his lips mirroring the expression, the feeling was odd for his tired muscles, but he liked the way it lit up the other's face to see it.
"You're okay," he sang into Zexion's ear, light, warm, sweet-smelling breath engulfing him. Zexion hummed the response, his eyes closed lightly, nodding into the fabric of the other's shirt. His shoulder was more comfortable than Zexion could have imagined. It was welcoming the sleep upon him.
The musician's hand vanished from Zexion's neck.
He froze, eyes shooting open abruptly. He was suddenly sitting in the backseat of a car… A car that had been horribly mangled. He swallowed a cry, violet eyes darting about, searching for the escape. The teen's whole world felt heavy from the gagging sent of metallic gore. His eyes fell upon the figure to his right, in the next seat over.
Demyx. Was bleeding, bent metal protruding from his shattered chest like an unwanted limb. Unmentionably disfigured organs protruded from the gaping hole in his torso, lumpy blood still dripping from what must have once been his beating heart onto his already blood-soaked lap, staining baggy jeans dark crimson to match what had earlier been a green t-shirt. His eyes, those same eyes that had been so happy moments ago, were now empty… Dead. His hair was soaked in sickening crimson, and more of the same fluid tricked from the corner of his mouth, which hung open slightly, from the shout he had hardly had time to release before darkness took him.
Zexion screamed.
X.x.X
I woke with a start, the scream still on my lips as I jolted from my bed, my body swiftly meeting the floor with a heavy thud. I yanked the blankets that had fallen with me tighter around my trembling frame, not bothering to climb back onto my mattress, choosing, instead to curl into the fetal position on the floor, shivering from much more than the chill of the heatless apartment's cheap linoleum floor.
I screwed my eyes shut and begged the images to leave me, for the humming to return, for it seemed to have an almost magical effect on me when I was like this. I shuddered uncontrollably, letting out a soft whimper into the dark emptiness of the night. Fuck it all!
I hated being this way! I hated it! I forcibly swallowed another whimper, choking on nothing, gagging myself soundlessly in my comforter. My shoulders shook with what wanted to be sobs, but I stifled them too, ignoring the growing pain in my chest with every precautionary movement I made to steal myself away from the growing nausea I was experiencing from the mere thought of Demyx.
He was…. He had been…. I shuddered. He was too close. My dreaming of him only confirmed that fear. Bad things…. Bad things were going to happen…. And…. I feared I could not stop the wheels from turning, not now. Not when so much had already occurred.
He… He had seen me… He had held me through a flashback and its aftermath. He was the only person that knew I still experienced them. My life was, as frightening as the thought seemed, in his hands. If he told someone I was still suffering from the events of my younger years, I would be put away again… Back into a hospital.
Breath caught in my throat and I squirmed, gasping for the vital air. I… I couldn't go back to a place like that. I just couldn't. They'd… They'd keep me there! I'd never be able to leave again! I was suffocating more under the pressure of the fears than the blanket pulled harshly over my head in a pitiful attempt at shielding me from both nothing and everything.
I was full of contradictions in that moment. I wanted to cry, but refused to yield to that weakness yet again. I wanted to die, but I didn't want to be a failure like that. I wanted to be held, but I refused to be helped by someone else. I…. I wanted Demyx to go far away from me and never return, but I didn't want him to go, because if he did, he would take the junk food and humming with him. I wanted to stay unbreakable, but I didn't want to rebuild those walls Demyx had so gracefully passed through. I wanted Demyx to come and hold me again, and tell me I was okay, but I didn't want him to care about me that much. There was only one thing that was agreed by all sides of my writhing mind:
I wanted to scream.
X.x.X
Demyx seemed… Odd at school the following week, growing increasingly moody and strange as the days rolled on, to the point that by Thursday Axel had sworn that the blond had been abducted by aliens and replaced with an android, and then proceeded to poke at the slightly shorter boy's ribs until he was sprawled up against the lunch table, whining about his 'injured ego' and flushing heavily from the tickling. I pointedly ignored him, staring instead at my latest book, a heavy, very outdated encyclopedia that set open on the table in front of me. I wasn't even really paying attention to the commotion but for spare details, until I gasped at having my hand snatched up without warning in the grasp of a warm one that was tanner and a bit larger, with slight calluses on the fingers from years of playing string instruments.
I shot a glare in Demyx's direction, which died instantly upon seeing his comical facial expression. His bright eyes were pleading with me, his bottom lip stuck out ever-so-slightly in a puppy-like pout, his cheeks still stained a soft, glowing pink from laughter. I had to tear my eyes away from him to glare at the table in order to not think further into what his expression brought to mind, especially the way his lips were just-
No! No, no, no, no!
"Please, Zexy?"
I scowled at the nickname, but let it slide as curiosity got the better of me. I raised one eyebrow, tilting my head to the side a little in question at him. I did hope he realized I hadn't heard his inquiry.
"Will you go ice skating with us tomorrow? Pleeease?" I thought about it for a long moment, realizing painfully late that my hand was still in his, only to whip it away in annoyance that discreetly masked the embarrassment. Then I checked my planner.
Nope. Work. Good, I wanted to think. I wouldn't have to deal with him after school tomorrow. That was a comfort. But then… Something in the back of my mind nagged at me, upset somehow by this reaction. I shook my head and showed him my schedule.
"Oh," He deflated right in front of me. "Okay… That's… No problem." He grinned the fake grin and I looked away in discomfort, shielding it under the ruse of disinterestedly putting my planner back in its place.
Demyx didn't go to the music room that day during our free period, but instead situated himself across the table from me in the library. I ignored him pointedly while studying for my Calculus test the following day, but he gained my attention by clearing his throat. I looked up, my lips forming a narrow line only to see him staring at his text book, seemingly engulfed in his studies. I raised an eyebrow. He stole a quick glance at me, and then looked pointedly at my book on the table between us. Under the spine, sticking out just a little was a piece of paper that had been folded many times for secrecy, no doubt. I gave Demyx a calculating look before picking up the note and unfolding it.
It read: "Can I talk to you?"
I frowned, glancing at the blond across from me, who was now writing something in his English notebook, purposefully not glancing in my direction.
I flattened out the sheet against my book and replied, "What about?" I folded the sheet back up and passed it back to him, under the table this time. He started slightly when the note poked at his knee, but smiled sheepishly into his homework as he took it up.
When it returned to me, his cryptic answer had been added: "I just want to talk to you after school, is that OK?" I raised an eyebrow but nodded gruffly when he glanced up slyly. He smiled a little and winked at me before continuing to work. I watched him for a while before uncapping my pen and writing a further note.
"Are you alright?" I slipped the note under his textbook and got back to my own before the prowling librarian caught me. There was a nudge on my knee moments later, causing me to squirm a little, but take the note without being noticed.
"What do you mean?"
Playing dumb, eh? "You've been acting oddly lately. What's wrong?"
I listened to the frantic scribbling of his pencil on the lined notebook paper. "I've been acting differently? You think so? Well anyway, it really is nothing to worry about, Zexy, but I'm flattered that you care."
I frowned darkly. "Don't call me that. My name is Zexion. And don't take it too personally, everyone has noticed, it's just annoying is all."
He frowned at my writing and it took him a long time to reply back. "I like that nickname. It suits you. But, whatever. It really doesn't matter that much, man. You don't have to freak out."
I snarled. I was not freaking out. "I was only asking because I was curious."
"Curiosity killed the cat."
"Now you sound like Ms. Lockhart."
Demyx snorted. The librarian glared daggers at the back of his head. He silenced himself, but raised a single eyebrow at me, still smirking. I took back the note only when the librarian had turned her back. "You really want to know, don't you?"
I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. "Never mind."
He frowned, but wrote nothing more. We studied in silence until the bell rang, signaling the end of fifth period. Demyx jumped to his feet and rushed out, shooting me a grin and a wink on his way. The old lady librarian was shouting threats of detention after him for his earlier disruption, shaking a ragged paperback at him all the way down the hall.
I continued on to history by myself, tugging absentmindedly on the strap to my school bag along the way, dodging giggling freshmen and cursing sophomores. I got a split-second glimpse of Roxas with a burgundy-headed cheerleader girl whose name I did not know and the brunette star of the school's soccer team, whose name had something to do with the 'sky' I recalled, but it always seemed to escape me. They were students in his grade, and seemed to be friends of his. It seemed odd to me, how some people so universally popular and liked, like Demyx and Roxas, would spend all their time hanging out with virtual nobodies like the rest of us. Axel was known, but not too well liked by his peers, and Larxene basically scared everyone, although she did have some friends in her class. Demyx had told me about the guys called Luxord and Marluxia once, mostly just to explain that first tattoo Larxene had had gotten between her shoulder blades of Marluxia Fauna's family crest just because her parents didn't like him and she thought it looked cool. It was one of her first real rebellions against them, and Demyx looked up to her for it. I did too, and not just because she was taller than me. She was a brave girl and a tough one too. Another thing in the Harper family genes, perhaps? I certainly was beginning to think so.
Demyx waited for me after class only to lead me without a word to his favorite place, the frost biting our noses instantly upon leaving the heated building. Sharp winds whipped around the corner of the schoolhouse and the slush/ice/snow combination was particularly thick in this area. The sky was an eerie blue/grey hue and spilled minimal sunlight from between bits of hazy clouds, giving off no warmth. The trees were barren of any life, hibernating through these harsh months in preparation for the buds and leaves of spring.
I shivered and pulled my long, black coat more snuggly around my thin frame, glancing expectantly at Demyx. The hem of his blue hoodie could be seen underneath the cream colored denim jacket he was wearing. His fingers were hidden in yellow gloves and he smiled at me brightly, despite the visible sting of the cold on his face. He bounced slightly from foot to foot, probably to keep from freezing all together.
"Lovely weather we're having." He joked. I glared, shivering again. He smiled crookedly, fidgeting from nervousness or cold, I may never know. "I just wanted to talk to you about… Well, you know." I raised an eyebrow. He sighed and took a tentative step closer to me. "…About what happened? Last Saturday?"
Oh. That.
I frowned darkly. "What about it?" I seethed.
It was Demyx's turn to shiver. "Just… Are you okay?"
You said I was. Remember? You told me I was okay. You said it yourself. What? Have you changed your mind? Are you going to call the doctors now? Are you going to have them send me away? Are you?!
"Zexy?"
"I told you not to call me that." My voice must have made the air feel warm in comparison, because Demyx took a subconscious step backwards.
"Sorry, sorry. But are you alright? That was… Kind of scary, Zexion." He admitted sheepishly.
Scary…. Scary. What he meant was, 'You're crazy. You freaked me out. I was hoping you would be normal, but I guess you're some kind of lunatic instead.' I scowled.
"Zexion? What's the matter?"
"Don't tell a soul about what you saw on Saturday." My voice absolutely dripped with venom on the words.
Demyx swallowed harshly and replied in a tone that was so low; I very nearly missed what he said, due to another gust of wind. "I won't. I promise. Just… Please, tell me what I did wrong. So I don't mess up again." His voice shook dishearteningly and I almost wanted to smile encouragingly at him.
Almost.
I sneered and shook my head sharply. I didn't believe him. I couldn't. Five years in an institution had been more than enough for me. I'd rather cease to exist then go to another place like that. And who was to say he wouldn't do that to me, under the impression that it would 'help'? That it would 'make me better'? I turned and stalked back towards the school, only to be stopped short by a gloved hand clasping around my own cold one.
I didn't turn to face the musician, but I knew him well enough to visualize the broken look in his eyes, which was difficult enough to bear, without seeing it for real.
"Please," He pleaded in little more than a whisper. "Please don't block me out again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… Do whatever it is I did." I closed my eyes, desperately attempting to get the image of his tears, which I could hear in his voice although I was certain they had not been released, out of my mind's eye. My hand twitched. His grip tightened slightly. "Just… Don't go off all alone again."
Don't be hurt. Don't let me get you hurt. "Please let go of me." He hesitated, but obliged with nothing more than a sniff. With not another glance, I crunched through the winter weather and back into the school.
X.x.X
It wasn't until the following Tuesday that I came to see the consequences of what I had done to the sensitive blond. Demyx was forcibly happy and showed that false smile much more than any legitimate one. It made me ill. On top of that was the upcoming Christmas break, in which parties would spring up like fireworks in July. Ava was making me go to one with her to celebrate her thriving company. To say I was less than enthused would certainly be a major understatement.
But that didn't matter. Not right now. Right now, what mattered was that Demyx was not acting the same as he had been before the weekend, and the truthfully cheerful, bright, wonderful Demyx that had earned my respect and envy seemed to have become a thing of the past. And that was entirely my fault.
I sighed as I walked through the ever-empty hallways in the later hours of the afternoon, having stayed late for a project with a girl in my psychology class named Selphie. We had to finish it by the following day, and we really didn't get along well enough to go anywhere outside of school to work on it. She didn't care for me because I didn't speak, and had complained loudly all week about being partnered with me. Yes, she was one of the lead cheerleaders. Go figure, right?
I pushed though the heavy door to the outside, cringing against the cold, where there was now no time of day when you could not see your breath, even on the precious few days of minimal sunshine. I shivered and pulled my coat tighter around my body, stalking away from the school building.
Or, that was the plan. Until a rough hand caught me be the shoulder and whipped my viciously into the side of the school building.
Standing in front of me, pinning me to the cold brick was that friend of Demyx's, Riku. He stood in his yellow, blue and black down coat, leather gloves and a green scarf around his muscular neck. Damn, it. Swimmers. A half finished cigarette hung from his pale lips that were drawn in a furiously narrow line. He glowered down at me for a long time before he spoke.
"Hey Mute," he said, aquamarine hued eyes narrowing to not but slits, cigarette wobbling with the movement of his lips. "I need a word."
I swallowed thickly, placing a glare of my own across my face.
Riku sneered. "Wipe that fucking look off your face before I make you. I want to know what the fuck happened to Demyx." So he noticed? There's one (however grudgingly given) point for the guy. "He spent the weekend with you a week ago and he's been in a slump since. What the hell?"
I frowned and shook my head. It was my fault, really. Demyx's light was fading, and it was because I hurt him… Because I didn't want him to be hurt for my sake. It was really screwed up no matter how you looked at it.
"Well, whatever the hell it is you did to Demmy, you'd better fix the gods damned problem before it goes any further. I swear to Yeven, Kurisaki. I will be the death of you if you're an asshole to Demyx. He's like my little brother. Everyone's actually. Except for you, shit head. You don't deserve his love. You little bastard."
I looked away in shame. Riku was right. I really didn't deserve Demyx. I really wasn't good enough for him. But… But I had him. Which meant there was something in me he could see. There had to be. I nodded, new determination erecting in my soul. I was going to fix this. I was going to-
Was I really? Could- Could I really? Let… Let Demyx inside?
I had to do it. But could I manage? Could I really let him know who I really was? And, most importantly:
Would he get hurt if I did?
Riku released me with a roll of the eyes. "You really are impossible." I smirked. Yeah, likewise, buddy. I hurried off to the bus stop before the taller male changed his mind about letting me off without a thrashing.
X.x.X.x.X
-makes face- I'll let you know right now: I fucking hate this chapter. It started out all strong and stuff in the beginning, and got progressively worse as it wore on, until to top it all off, the fucking-Riku scene makes my eyes bleed with pure loathing. (I love Riku, by the way, I love him a lot. I'm not intending to character bash or anything… I just can't see him liking Zexion, especially in this kind of environment.) I rewrote it no less than five times and I still hate it with such a bloody passion, that I thought I'd just give it up and post this before I destroy my computer in a blind bout of rage. And gods-damned Zexion is still being a bitch about life, which has gotten old, and Axel hasn't been a good little douche bag in WAY too many chapters for my liking. (I love him too, really. I have a plushy of him, honest to gods, but he killed Zexion. No, they're NOT really made out to be all that close.) Riku comes across as bullying, when I wanted him to be more ass-holish than that. Damn it all. Not to mention in one of my mini-rage fits, I shut this down without saving and lost a full scene and important added details to the nightmare(which at the time literally made me gag. 8D Totally the intention… I don't really think it got there on the rewrite… -frowns-). I had to rewrite all that of course. I'd really like a gun right now. Which is probably why I don't have one…. -grumbles-
Gosh! I defiantly just added at least one chapter to the plotline by not putting something in this chapter that I had originally intended. Oh, well. I just hope this doesn't skew my timeline too much. We're running out of weeks before Christmas man, and shit has to happen.
Okies. I think that's more than my fair share of free therapy for one update, no?
Of course I'm going to mention my awesome reviewers, because I've found that if I am ever depressed(or REALLY pissed), all I have to do is go back and reread your messages, and I get all happy and giggly-like again! (Well, that AND/or drink a good, well-sugared cup of coffee….) Fangirl-16, Aya Invictus, Angelic-Demonic Puppet, dark and light heart, DarkHenrych,You people are the reason this story is still going strong, despite the issues that were supposed to be keeping me away from it. I just can't turn you people down. 8D
And the winner of the doodad I did last chapter is Aya Invicyus. 'Bunny Zex' is definitely my favorite innuendo I've ever written. XD So don't forget to tell me what couple and genre you want your one shot to be, dear, so I can get it to you soon!
