I do not own victorious
AN at the end
Dear Diary,
I would like to say I'm doing good but I'm not. Yes, I have stopped throwing up; haven't done it in a month! Yes, I also stopped cutting; almost 2 months! Sadly now all I think about is calories. I get mad if I eat anything over a certain calorie count (per meal). I was with Andre the other day in a store and he kept asking me if I wanted anything to eat. I said no I'm good, I have snacks in my purse if I get a little hungry. He than said something that broke my heart! He asked me if I was positive I didn't want to eat. I said yes Andre, really I'm fine. Thanks. He said Cat if you eat it wont make you sick. You know that right? I felt so bad as soon as he said that! It made me think he was worried or thought I wasn't eating because I couldn't get sick! That wasn't the reason. It was because I might go over the calorie limit I set for myself. Andre didn't need to know that though. I watch and try to calculate every single calorie that goes into me. I'm not going to lie and say its not annoying because it is! I want to stop thinking how many calories I'm eating but I cant. I know if I keep this up I can become anorexic and I don't want that. Its sad, I stop getting sick to go to barely eating. I'm not doing this on purpose. It just happened.
AN: hey everybody. I know this chapter may be "deep" or whatever you want to call it but this is what I deal with lately(every since I stopped getting sick) day to day. Please don't call me crazy or leave any rude comments. I know what I'm doing isn't right so please don't tell me that either. Anyways, thanks for reading.
