Ashes of a Once Perfect Romance

Chapter 9

I sat there, next to a sleeping Tess, and crept out of the large bed, pulling the covers again so that Tess wouldn't realize that I was gone. I put my pillow in my place and slid on my favorite but tattered Dory slippers she had gotten at Chinatown when I was still a budding singer and was well known. My slippers were missing eyes and such, but nevertheless, they were something I couldn't live without. I grabbed the plastic door key from its holder near the door and walked out into the cool hallway of the Grand Hyatt, leaving the door shut slightly ajar behind me. I knocked on Shane's door and waited for a response nervously, my body shaking.

I didn't know why I was doing that. What if Liv was there or if they were having sex or something? I quietly waited outside of the door, clad in my old tattered shirt from Camp Rock and black Capri's with a large sweatshirt on top of that all, waiting for my answer. I was too nervous to simply think walking away, even though I knew that I should just leave. I wanted to talk to Shane- about things I should have done. How I was sorry, and how I never meant to hurt him. I stared at the large wooden door for several seconds, hearing faint footsteps approach the door. More butterflies built up in my stomach.

"Hello? Who's there?" Thank god it wasn't Liv. It didn't sound like the snotty Liv that I knew, and it definitely didn't sound like the sleepy Liv either. I had heard both through my past troubles with her. The voice was masculine, meaning it could only come from a man, probably Shane. Then, the door opened swiftly, a tired Shane holding it open lazily. He was in the plaid pajamas which used to be my favorite pajamas, too, which now made me feel lighter inside. I stared at my slippers again, not wanting to utter out anything embarrassing. Both of us stayed silent for a few seconds, both of us speechless, and me, breathless.

"Mitchie… Why are you here…" He glanced at his watch for a second and yawned. "At one in the morning" I sighed and stared into his hazel eyes, and tried to regain confidence as tears slid down my cheeks. His eyes reminded me of those times when he told me that he would marry me when the time was right, and my emotions broke down and the tears tumbled and spilled out. "Mitchie…" Before I knew it, I was engulfed in a hug by my past lover and I instantly broke down into a screaming, and crying breakdown immediately after he had embraced me. I sobbed into his shoulder, just like I did back then, and finally felt safer than ever before.

I couldn't believe that I was doing this. I think that I could still love him. I still have feelings there, in the pit of my stomach, and I've been trying to hide them from myself and no, they are emerging from the small pit of bitterness trying to cover them up. My feelings for him never died, though I know that his feelings probably died. He's marrying Liv, and they're going to have little Liv's and Shane's running around everywhere in a couple of years while I will have to move on in my tiny flat in the city and be forgotten from the press and everything. I cringed at the thought, but I knew that it was the option I would probably have to go through.

I still love him and he's marrying Liv in a month or two. That's the major problem here- he's marrying her. I still have loved him all this time and I didn't realize it until now, when he's marrying the 'girl of his dreams', Liv, get it into your head, Mitchie.

Then, I removed my arms from him and ran back into the room, which stayed slightly ajar, thank goodness, and sobbed into my pillow as soon as I could throw myself onto the bed. I was in love with my past lover, Shane Gray, again, and everybody knew that he was in love with Liv Montez forever. Shane and Liv were meant to be, and I wasn't supposed to fit into this whole dramatic mess. He wasn't going to just leave Liv like he had done with me. It was different. He loved Olivia Montez forever and was probably never going to leave her because she was too perfect and angelic. He would never have anymore feelings for Michelle Rose Torres, otherwise known as me; a prickly rose with its beauty and its major problems, other than guilt.

I ran into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror, deciding to take a quick shower. I just felt like I needed one after all my troubles- it always seemed to help. I quickly rinsed my hair with the hotel's lavender shampoo which helped me calm down, along with the warm water, and wrapped myself in a towel, and then put my hair into another towel as I climbed out. I waited on the toilet seat for my hair to dry for around two minutes before standing up and grabbing some clothes from across the hall- a simple Beatles t-shirt and gray skinny jeans. There was always something good on TV late at night, I had learned these past years.

As I let my hair go free after two seconds, letting my damp hair unravel, I squeezed a section and streams of lightened red dye drained away, leaving a red blotch on the white sink dripping. As I squeezed the rest of my hair, I noticed my highlights were a much less vibrant red. They now more flowed in with my natural hair color, and the highlights no longer looked unreal. They actually looked nice now, instead of me looking crazy and punk like those girls who pierce their noses and belly buttons and double pierce their ears and such. The red blended in, making it look more auburn then highlighted red.

I didn't even do my regular ritual of blow-drying it straight after doing this, like I usually do. I couldn't snap out of my gaze into space until two seconds later when I finally plugged in my cheap Dwayne Read hair dryer, starting to run my fingers through my fading auburn hair, quickly blow drying it at high temperature, then letting it dangle slightly damp and combing my bangs in, which took a bit of time to get perfect and got my hair pretty much dry. It always worked for me- it had been my ritual forever. Maybe I was becoming the real me again. I slid on my clothes and grabbed my fedora from the closet, and sat on the bed, turning on the TV.

The TV was blaring out childish theme songs- old Nickelodeon cartoons were on, the flat screen basically yelling out their theme songs- but still Tess didn't budge. Tess was a very heavy sleeper and wore ear plugs at night because of the heavy construction in New York. I was kind of happy that she didn't budge, as I stared longingly at my favorite cartoon character- Cosmo from the Fairy Odd Parents. He always had reminded me of Jason- both were clueless and kind of stupid- sometimes both didn't know what was right from wrong, but both would always try to bring out the best in a person and be supportive.

Maybe there was a chance of being myself again- the rocker girl with a large smile. Maybe there was even a chance of Shane loving me all over again and for us to get married and have little Shane's and Mitchie's running around a small country house in my town of New Jersey and I can sing and produce albums again. It all sounded like the dream I had when I first started dating Shane, when I imagined a small house lined with a white Pickett fence, with me and Shane having three darling children- two girls and a boy. It sounded perfect then, and it sounded even more perfect now extremely perfect.

I had a picture of what our daughters and son might look like if their father was Shane, and for those two minutes where I was imagining that, I finally had a real smile with no bitterness or pain in it because of the thought of Shane. Maybe I was really losing the guilt, the bitterness and pain and I was moving on to just plainly loving him. Maybe this whole thing was kind of… meant to be. Maybe this whole meeting-him-again thing was supposed to happen for its reason. Maybe it was a sign that we could really be meant to be- if we allowed ourselves to go back into that relationship.

A/N: Yeah so this is getting really good. Where was Liv that night and what happened to Shane when Mitchie left? We will find out next chapter- it might be a few weeks but I believe this was worth the wait! I hope the next one will be, too. Please leave a review. Sorry for Errors…

~Kim and Lyra