Holy shit, I'm awesome, aren't I? :D I just updated PotA yesterday (after writing the WHOLE chapter that day~~!) and now I'm back with three chapters for this fic! I'm awesome, this settles it xD

(I hope y'all understand I'm kidding. I'm not narcissistic at all.)

I hope you'll enjoy these chapters (the rest will follow soon after), because I've genuinely begun to love this fic ^o^


Ninth Entry


October 23rd, Saturday, 4.17 AM

Dear diary,

I only seem to write entries when something ultimately bad has happened. And no, today is no exception.

It took a few hours, but I'm finally calm and my hand is steady enough to allow me write. All had been going well for about two weeks, until yesterday night. Yesterday was Friday, btw, and I was feeling pretty tired at the uni. When the final lecture ended, a group I knew but had never spoken to came up to me and asked whether I wanted to go out for some drinks later that night. One of them was supposed to be buying.

And you know me. Of course I agreed. I mean, why not? It's free!

Their names were Akira (the one who was supposed to treat us), Chiko, Manzo and Kano. Despite their sense of humor that differed from mine a great deal (what's so funny about referring to a girl as 'the slut'? I don't get it), I got along pretty well with them.

But then they got drunk. I was drunk as well, I guess, but not that much. I've never gotten the whole 'drunk and free' feeling. I only get major headaches in the mornings. But that's beside the point. The point is they were drunk, period. And as the night rolled on it became more and more obvious what an outsider I was. They had kinda teamed up and the remarks about me went nastier and nastier. And finally, one of them blurted out that he knew I worked at a strip club.

Believe me, I wanted to flee right then and throw up in some nearby WC and just get hit by amnesia and forget that it all ever happened. But I couldn't. They literally didn't let me leave. So I decided to wait until they passed out and escape then.

The whole thing was Manzo's idea – the bet, I mean. They made a bet whether I could deep throat Chiko in that bar's bathroom. And if I could, I was supposed to get 1000 bucks. God, they even flapped the money right in my face! (Don't ask me where they got the money. Fucking spoiled kids babied by their parents. Mommies' little monsters.)

And okay, I guess I was kinda drunk by then already (not enough to give me a black out, though. shit.) and c'mon 1000 FRIGGING BUCKS. I would've been able to quit my job at the strip club!

I didn't mention the fact that I'd never actually given a blowjob to anyone, since I danced, but didn't sleep with the customers. But I knew the theory – how hard could it be?

As it turned out - pretty hard. I managed, but when I was finished and Chiko cummed, that's when things went from BAD to WORSE. I hadn't noticed then but they'd filmed it and I wanted to get Manzo's mobile phone to delete the video and it turned into a fight. Four against one. Guess who won?

They left me lying all beat up on the bathroom floor and took off. Needless to say that I didn't get the money. I've got black eyes and a LOT of bruises. My lip STILL hasn't stopped bleeding. And Kakuzu's going to be so angry with me for ruining my image. I don't want to whine or anything, but am I allowed to say FML?

I FUCKING HATE THIS LIFE! I. WANNA. FUCKING. DIE.

Why can't I? Why can't I die? Because I'm too much of a coward to take my own life, so I keep hoping that some terrorists bomb the uni when I'm in it. Maybe, when I get enough money, I could hire an assassin to kill me? Or maybe I've got enough courage to do it myself by then?

I know the video's gonna end up on the Internet soon. And maybe it's what I deserve. I mean, how could I be so fucking STUPID?

I'm sobbing again. Crybaby.

If I don't write again, it means my wish came true and I died. But don't count on that – I don't have that kind of luck.

See you (maybe),

Deidara

P.s. Song of the day – Dear Agony (by Breaking Benjamin)