Hello there.

So…still looking for a Beta. Any volunteers or recommendations? I have a few people in mind but I'm still a little nervous going for it.

Anyway, sorry if you see grammar mistakes.

Please check me out on Twitter at /#!/JackBadJuJu

I have like two legit followers. Thanks guys. Anyway I will be posting teasers, recommendations, and start conversations about the Hunger Games, Twilight, Doctor Who, etc.

This story rated M for a reason, and one of the reasons is in this chapter. Yes, there is a hint of lemony goodness in here. A little angst and a little fluff too.

PLEASE REVIEW and place me in your AUTHOR ALERT. Thanks again!

The scent of the forest fills me. I breathe in deep and I am relaxed. In some ways since I've come back from the Games the woods will never be the same. Once upon time it was a place for me and my best friend, and before that for me and my father. I've lost my best friend though and my father is dead. Now it is only for me.

I think about how I can't seem to get the Games out of my mind to this day still. When I hunt by myself, which is always now, I can almost feel the chill of someone watching me going up my back. But there is no one now that cares what I'm doing in the forest. No one because they are all dead. No one because I killed them. Each face flashes though my mind and I wonder how did I become such a cold blooded killer?

My foot comes down too hard when my concentration drifts into memory. I scold myself for letting my mind wander when I'm hunting. That time is over now. Now there is only this…silence. Now there are only my haunting memories.

I quiet my thoughts and focus on the scene in front me. I've been tracking a herd of deer for some time. It's rare to get this many deer in one place so I plan to take down as many as I can or the biggest one there is. I just haven't figured out how in the world I'm going to drag it back home.

Then in front me about two hundred yards I see the family come out of the brush. There about six deer in the family, four females with a young adult male and a giant buck. I'm in awe of the buck. He's majestic and beautiful. I can tell what a powerful animal he is. I have to admit that I'm a little intimidated for some odd reason. I aim for him but then I'm reminded of something my father once told me. Never go for the shot that might stop your next one.

I know if I kill this buck it might end this family right here right now. I pull back and go for the young male. The kill is clean and easy, at least for me it is. His family is spooked and runs quickly away never to look back. When I come up to his lifeless body I silently thank him for his sacrifice.

I manage to get his body over my shoulders, but I have to take more breaks than I would like to confess. When I finally make it home I'm exhausted, sweaty, and in a foul mood. I drop off the deer with Greasy Sae who offers to skin and section it for me if she gets to have some choice picks. I joke with myself that I didn't even know she knew what do with choice pickings. She does her job quickly, and then leaves to deliver the rest to some families we help out.

I take a long, hot shower. My shoulders and back are aching. I regret being so stubborn and hauling the deer all by myself. I could have easily hung it on a tree and gotten Peeta to help me. He can pick up huge sacks of flour like they are nothing, but I always feel like I ask too much of Peeta.

I don't ask anything from anybody if I can help it, but somehow I always feel like I use Peeta. He tells me he wants to help me. I can't fight my obstinate independence sometimes to let him.

I try to rub my sore shoulders myself but it's completely impossible. I give up and settle with being hunched over and in pain. I pull my robe on not bothering to put on my clothes other than my underwear. I couldn't imagine putting my bra on. I plan on recovering alone in my bedroom.

I walk back into the bedroom and find Peeta patiently sitting on the bed. I instinctively pull my robe tighter around me. I am very aware of my state of undress.

"Oh…I'm sorry…I just…I uh got off early today." Peeta blushes and squirms a little. I'm strangely triumphant that I seem to have made him uncomfortable, but I'm also very sympathetic. On top of that I'm unbelieving that I'm the one that elicits such reactions in him.

"Uh, Greasy Sae said she thought you were hurting. Did you really bring in a deer all by yourself?" I can hear the disapproving tone. I sigh and roll my eyes.

"Thanks for caring Peeta, but I'm fine." I say before I walk a few steps, but my back spasms horribly and it stops me right in my tracks. Peeta is by my side. So much for pretending I was okay.

"Come here." He holds onto my arm and guides me to the bed. He places me in front him with my back to him.

"It's not that bad. I've had much worse." I try to remind him unnecessarily.

"Shh." He almost scolds. "I know that, but you're still hurt."

I breathe as deeply as I can, not sure what he is doing, but feeling electrified by his presence. Suddenly I feel his timid touch against my shoulder. His hands start to massage me and I feel relief instantly. A strange sound comes from the back of my throat, but he keeps going.

"Does it feel better?" He asks quietly.

"Mmhmm." I am unable to form words.

He moves slowly toward my neck. He reaches the collar of my robe and he hesitates. "Can you bring down your robe a little?"

My eyes pop open at his question. I'm not sure if I can let my robe fall away a little. Am I capable of being that comfortable with Peeta? He saw my bra not long ago but we hadn't gone to taking it off. I am just in my underwear after all. Can I be this way with him? My mind calculates all the things that could happen and I wonder if I think anyone of them is a good idea right now.

I know he accepts me for who I am scarred flesh and all, but I find myself thinking about how self conscious I am about that too. How can a simple question conjure so much trouble?

"You okay, Katniss?" His hands rub my shoulders down through my arms. The warmth is amazing, and I find myself considering how warm it would be without the barrier of my robe.

"Close your eyes." I tell him. I turn around to make sure he has.

When I am certain he will not open them back up I resituate the robe so that my arms and back are exposed but my front is not. I sit back down and sigh out the tension that has built up in my stomach. It's still there though, knowing that he'll be touching my skin now.

"Okay." I finally say readying myself.

There is nothing for a long minute. Then…his hands are on my skin tracing the places that were once covered with my robe. I swallow deep and close my eyes. He starts massaging me again. The pain from the haul starts to recede.

Peeta's hands aren't perfect. They are workers hands; calloused and strong. But they work well against my imperfect back. Soon his ministrations ends and his hands rest gently on me.

"Thank you." I whisper. He scoots forward until he is very close to me. I feel shaky as Peeta presses a kiss on my neck.

"You're very welcome." He kisses me again. I turn so he can kiss my lips. It starts out innocent enough, but I feel heat hidden behind it all.

In a sense I feel discomfort being so exposed with Peeta so close, but another part of me is thrilled. A hidden desire wants him to see me, touch me. I clutch the fabric tighter to me. I feel Peeta's arms encircle me.

"It's okay." He soothes.

"I know." I take my arms and put them over his. "I love you." It's becoming easier to say now.

He sighs and rests his head on my shoulder softly. It's still a little sore and I wince.

"I'm sorry." He starts to back away but I hold him to me.

"Stay." I don't know what I want from him, but I need him to be here with me.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks me while giving me a careful squeeze.

I bite my lip unsure if I want to let out all that I'm thinking about. "I had a chance to take out a buck today." Peeta is quiet, waiting for me to get to the point. I'm not even sure what the point is.

"Then I remembered that my father once told me something. Never go for the shot that might stop your next one. Basically don't go for the obvious shot especially if you don't think of the consequences."

I lean back into him feeling his strength transfer to me. "I have to wonder how many times I made that mistake in my life. I was thinking of the Games today. I wish…I just wish I knew better. How many people maybe didn't have to die if I was a little braver, or a little wiser? And then there is always Prim."

I stop talking feeling like I would be opening a part of myself that still wept at the mention of her beautiful name. Of course that makes me think of my mother who has disappointed me beyond the spectrum of forgiveness at the moment.

"We all make bad or misinformed decisions Katniss. And a lot of the decisions you had to make were split second ones. You can't blame yourself or look back and think if only. You'll go crazy. Believe me."

Peeta's tone turned bitter at the end. I know he understands how I feel to some extent.

"I know that." I responded without exactly exonerating myself from the responsibility I feel.

"You've made really awesome decisions too." He is trying to cheer me up. I suppose I would be trying to do the same if it was him.

"You." I say quietly almost hoping he won't hear.

I want him to know how much I care for him but at the same time I have a trouble expressing myself. I want to keep things to myself too much.

"Me?"

"Yes, you." I turn around still holding the robe tight around me. "You were the best decision I made. To let you in. To love you. When I thought I had lost you, I almost lost it."

I feel like I'm not getting this out right so I look down praying he comprehends what I'm saying. He hugs me with so much love I can feel it through his skin. I cuddle into him laying my head on his shoulder.

"You were my best decision too." He says with a smile. "You are getting so much better at that, you know?" There is a teasing tone to his voice.

"What do you mean?" I ask innocently.

He laughs a little. "Katniss, it used to be like pulling teeth trying to get out of you what you were really were thinking. I must say I'm liking this much better."

"But I still am horrible at getting things out right." I mumble into his chest. He grasps my arms and makes me sit up.

"You say things perfectly, as long as you say them. I promise you." His fingers trace my cheek and I have the most intense temptation to smile. I can't help it.

"Beautiful." He says simply before kissing me with unequaled fervor.

His hands caress my face and tangle in my hair while his lips move over mine ardently. His hands move down my neck and on my shoulders and arms. My eyes roll into the back of my head when I feel his touch this way. I pull away making another decision.

If I really want to have all I want with Peeta, then I know I have to be more open. More willing to experience things with him, and more willing to put myself on the line. I want everything with Peeta, but I really don't know how to get there.

"What's the matter?" He looks concerned. This is the man I want to be with, in every way. I feel safe and I don't want to hide anymore.

"Nothing." I answer back before taking my hands off the fabric and letting it fall away revealing me to him. My heart is pounding so hard and so fast I think it's the only sound I will ever hear from now on.

His eyes stay on mine but he can't help letting his eyes drift down. He stares for long time with his mouth hanging open. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I know that I will be inconsolably humiliated if this doesn't work out right. I begin to feel afraid that I've sent him over the edge or something, but then he looks up to me as if asking permission. His hand reaches out and freezes mid air as he waits for my allowance. I take a moment to collect myself and then nod to him.

I close my eyes and wait. When I finally feel his shy hands against me a shiver runs through my spine and a shaky breath escapes me. So very careful and loving, his hands outline this new mysterious territory. Something unexpected burns inside of me. The hunger. The need. I want more.

I open my eyes and his seem like they are tearful. "You are so absolutely gorgeous. You don't know how many times I've dreamed of this."

I put my arms around his neck and with a kiss he pulls me to straddle his lap. We've never been in this position and I'm surprised how different it feels. In some way I feel more in control. I kiss his neck and face. I feel him against me, wanting me.

Then I am pulling at his shirt. I want to feel his bare skin on mine. I feel like it's so necessary to feel that close to him. When I finally do manage to get the shirt off, I pause for a moment in anticipation. His hands are on either side of my back, soothing me up and down. Then I hug him and we both make a satisfied noise. In my mind I think, "Finally."

When I pull back and kiss him, the urgency and fervor of my passion is unrestrained. I can't get enough of him. I need to be closer, but I'm still unsure if I'm ready. My thoughts begin a string of worry and once more I find myself slowing because of it.

"I can't go any further than this right now." I warn Peeta who only nods and starts kissing my collarbone.

He kisses down my chest until he is at my breast. Without warning suddenly I am in his mouth. I grab at his hair and moan loudly. My body starts moving almost uncontrollably. My hips roll into motion. I think to myself that my body wants to continue so badly. I can foresee if it was more in control than we would be going much farther.

He kisses across me and takes my other nipple into his mouth as well. I know I should feel some sort of embarrassment over something shared so intimate, but I can't find it in me to care. In the center of my body I feel the sensation that always ignites with Peeta whenever we become intimate, but somehow it is undeniably stronger.

My mind is a jumble of thoughts and feelings. His hips began to move with me and my thought process completely halts, and allows me to focus on the sensation he's creating. His nails scratch up and down my back. Peeta has never been so uninhibited before, and I find myself cherishing it instead of fearing it. He's only this way with me, and that excites me.

"Oh, Peeta." I breathe out without realizing I had said it aloud.

I'm on my back against the bed and Peeta hovers over me. He kisses my mouth with abandon. He is wild, and beautiful. He finds my neck more interesting and kisses a spot that has me making sounds I wasn't aware I could make.

"You have no idea how much I love hearing you." He whispers hoarsely into my ear.

He continues to be attentive to my body. It's almost like an act of worship the way he treats it. We stay inside this bubble of ardor for a long time before Peeta stops us.

He is breathing heavy and his hair is sticking up all over the place. I giggle a little trying to fix his hair while he smiles down on me. "I'll be right back." He says.

I lie on the bed still partially nude staring up at the ceiling. I cover myself feeling exposed now that Peeta isn't in the room. Before, I could never imagine being so close or open with someone. I had no idea that this would be the way I would spend my afternoon, but Peeta and I never plan these things.

We go through our daily activities day after day. We are haunted by our memories, and are own faults. We carry on until something has built up inside of us that is undeniable, this need to be known and comforted by one another. And whenever we satisfy ourselves with each other, I am never left feeling uncomfortable. I was certain that that feeling would haunt me, but it doesn't. I am so very grateful for that.

When I realize that Peeta has been gone for more than a little while, I ponder what he might be doing. Suddenly a revelation hits me and I know. I can relate to how much tension still has built in my body, but it ebbs away slowly. My body can become acclimated again. It takes some time, but I can move on with my daily life.

But Peeta…

I never thought he might be in pain after we had been together. I try not to think of what he is doing, but I can't. Part of me is curious and a little upset that I'm not bringing him relief. Then another part of me is so unprepared to see him fully. To touch him or to give him release.

There is still much I have to learn and to get used to. Even though some parts of us becoming more personal has been easier than I had anticipated, I can feel that there will be complications and misunderstandings along the way. I feel like cursing my innocence, but I'm glad that I'm sharing it with Peeta instead of anyone else.

Please REVIEW. They are better than sensual massages. LOL!