Chapter 9: Uncertainty

They drag me up to a room that looks like my office used to, I think. It's a fairly standard design, with very little deviation. The only difference is the back wall is a window into open space, instead of looking out over a city. The Agate sits in a chair behind a large, curved, elliptical desk, a few screens floating to her left and right. She dismisses them as we enter, though.

The Carnelian throws me to my knees in front of the desk, and then stomps away. I give her a particularly snide glare as she leaves, if only to be bitter and spiteful. She didn't have to be so rough, anyway.

"Welcome. Why don't you have a seat?" The Agate says as her Pearl pushes a chair over to me. I'm hesitant, but I do rise to my feet and make use of the provided chair. It's much more comfortable than the floor, in any case. "Good. Now, I have a few questions for you. My maintenance crew was taking a look at the pod you brought back to me, and noticed a few alterations that actually improved the function of the ship. It was why we couldn't seem to catch up to you, despite the impressive speed of this cruiser. I want to know how you did it, and how that unnamed gem freak is related, because I know it is."

"They aren't. At all." I spit, instantly regretting it. So much for not saying anything.

"But I'm certain it is. You were so insistent that it be set free, after all." She points out.

"I- they attacked me when I landed on an asteroid to make repairs. I fought them off, and I fixed the ship myself. I just didn't want to be trapped in a room with them, is all.. I mean, they did try to shatter me." I explain, hoping that my little lies sound reasonable. It's not too far from the truth. I did help fix the ship a little, and they really did try to shatter me.

"How did you do it, then? And why was the freak found with tools from your ship?"

"I don't remember. It's been a while already. I know I had to use the manual to figure it out, but I don't remember exactly what I did. I must have left the tools outside on accident. I don't remember, though." I shrug.

"I see." The Agate says, but her eyes bore into me, and I know she doesn't believe me. "Tell me again why you came back?"

"I was listening for transmissions, I think. I heard you'd taken someone prisoner, someone associated with me. I was afraid it was another Sardonyx, or someone else who used to know me and get in trouble for knowing me. I wanted to help whoever it was."

"Mmhmm. And now that you know it's that freak..? What's your idea?" The Agate asks, mouth curling into a smile, leaning forward.

"I don't have one. I- there's nothing I can do. This was a mistake." I say, because I hope it'll make her suspect me less. But it's true that at the moment, I don't have a plan.

"Indeed. I have to say that I will be quite happily adding that to my report on your capture."

"What's going to happen now?" It might be a little bold to ask that, but I can't get any more in trouble than I already am. Traitor, rebel, defect- what's one little question in the face of those things? The Agate sits back in her chair again, deciding whether or not to disclose that.

"Same as before. We're on our way to the next planet with a Galaxy Warp and we're sending you to Homeworld for trial, study, and execution." She says, but the joy in her voice is gone.

"And the other gem? They have nothing to do with me."

"Why argue on their behalf when they tried to shatter you? When they so clearly dislike you?"

"Old habits. It's- it was my job to take care of and guide other gems. I can't help but.. pity them." I can't tell her that I care about Phantom- she'd think that's absurd, and I'm sure she'd only make us suffer worse for it.

"Yes, you Sardonyxes are very pitying, aren't you? You're not the highest gems out there, but you all certainly look down on the rest of us, don't you?"

"If that's how you see it. I always thought.. we were helping. We were there to make others' lives make more sense, follow a specific path. I always aimed to guide with their best interests in mind.." I don't know where these words are coming from, since I can't even remember my time doing my own job, but they feel right. They feel true.

"Hmm. Your cellmate is going with you back to Homeworld. And if I can figure out what it is, it may even be sent directly to one of the Diamonds." She turns in her chair, eying me. "Do you know what it is?"

"They." I correct her.

"What?" She glares at me.

"They're not an 'it'. They're a person. They deserve a person's pronoun." I insist.

"Please. 'They' is not much better than 'it'. No gem would ever call herself by-" Angrily I cut her short.

"You're wrong. With the discovery of organic lifeforms and a basic study of how they live, procreate, and address themselves and their own genders, many gems have called into question the way they perceive themselves. It may have been that 'she' was the only pronoun that indicates sentience before, but now many gems are starting to think of themselves in broader terms, and identifying with genders that these organic lifeforms conceived of naturally. For someone like Phantom, it's-" I catch myself, mouth clamping shut, almost too late. The Agate inhales with a hiss.

"Ah! So you do know what it is!" She pounds her hands on her desk, rising to her feet. I shake my head.

"No- That's not- I just call them that!"

"You called it that before! You must know what it is!" She snarls victoriously but I throw my hands out, fingers spread wide.

"You've got it all wrong! We'd never talked before- we'd only fought on that asteroid!" Was that the story I went with? "They disappeared after I fought them off and I just- I was thinking of them as a ghost- It's just a nickname! I really don't know what they are!" I shrink into my chair as the Agate comes around her desk, leaning down over me. Her dusty, dark blue eyes are intensely driving into my own, and I'm honestly terrified. I can feel myself shaking.

"How could you even remember something that was so quickly in and out of your life? With your horrible memory you were able to forget about the war-" I suddenly remember it again- my plan to join it, to fight for freedom, but- "- so I find it quite impossible you would remember a blip of a fight with that freak. So why would you think so much about it that you'd give it a nickname? Hmm? Riddle me that, you insolent defect!" The Agate's face is nearly touching mine, even as I force myself as deeply into the chair as I can to avoid her.

"M-maybe I'm just not quite as horrible as you are, Agate. My job is to care about other gems. So I cared enough about some random, weird-looking gem to give them some kind of classification. So what? That's not who they are. It won't help you any. And getting in my face and yelling at me is not going to make me more cooperative, and it's definitely not going to make anything I've said already more or less true." I say defiantly. She hovers, there in my face, for several moments, moments that just hang in air, suffocating me, but finally, thankfully, eventually she retreats.

"Were you any other sort of gem I'd have you whipped for your backtalk. But it's not my place to have the honor of destroying you, and I am not so horrible that I'll take that honor away from someone else. But know this, my impudent noble, if I ever had the chance to, I would most certainly relish the sensation of your gem shattering in my hands." She shoves the chair away, and I go spinning backwards. Before I can do anything, the Carnelian from before is back, yanking me out of the chair and then the room. The last thing I see of that office is the Agate's Pearl glaring at me.

The Carnelian is dragging me by the wrist again, and her hand is so large that her fingers wrap around my dainty wrist nearly twice. It's incredibly uncomfortable, and I try to wiggle my hand so that it's a little less so. The Carnelian, however, turns and growls at me, thinking I'm attempting to escape.

"You don't have to squeeze so tightly." I whine, trying to sound pathetic enough she might take pity on me. Unfortunately, it seems to have the opposite effect, and she slams me backwards into the wall of the hallway.

"Luna Agate may be above injuring once-nobles, but I'm not. If you speak to me again, or do anything I don't approve of, I will find some way to make the rest of your existence as miserable as physically possible." She snarls in my face, twisting my one arm so that it's up beside my head, but pushing forcefully against my other shoulder such that nearly my whole arm and back are flush with the wall, painfully. I squirm, trying to alleviate the discomfort but she's too big, too forceful, and I'm almost certain that trying anything more aggressive would end very badly for me.

Eventually she releases me from the prison of the wall, though her idea of doing it is to push me to the ground while still gripping my left wrist. She gives me just a moment to rise to my feet, and then resumes dragging me along. I just let it happen; honestly, what else can I do?

[X]

I'd pace if I had the space and freedom. Technically, no one has told me I can't, but I know that if they see me nervous or anxious, they'll tear me apart. I can't show weakness. I have to trap it inside where they can't know it exists.

I hate that my life is in her hands. Whatever she tells them is fuel and fire against me; how can I know that she won't reveal some crucial detail, even on accident? She owes me nothing, especially not after the way I've treated her, and yet I know she'll do her best to do as I asked.

I hate that I begged. But fear consumed me in that moment, and I was desperate. I can't return to White Diamond. It would be the death of my soul, if not my literal end. I can't be her toy again. The suffering I endured at her hands- I can't do it again. I'd beg again if I had to, a million times over, if it gave me even a glimmer of hope that I can evade that fate.

The worst part is knowing that with her relentless searching, she'd find me one day anyway. The gem race is a hungry one that consumes everything it can, and then finds a way to use what it can't anyway. She's out there, searching for me, and with the voracious appetite of the empire, one of her fool playthings would find me one day. If hadn't been for Sardonyx, that day might've been put off a bit longer.

No, perhaps the worst part is that she is so.. accommodating. I blame her for my capture, and she apologizes. She unnerves me with her companionship, and she found an excuse to allow me space. I yell at her, and she may yell back, but she claims to understand where my actions come from. It's infuriating. Where was this behavior when I was young and new and afraid? Where was this kindness when it might have served me some good? When it might have spared me so many aches and pains?

No, it's too little and far too late. I wish she was less herself in that way. It would, at the least, stop reminding me of everything I never had before.

My nervous thoughts are interrupted as the door opens, but no one comes into the room. I haven't moved since the Pearl and the Carnelian took Sardonyx away, and I don't move now. I hear them out there, scuffling at first. I can see them, Sardonyx resisting the restraining Carnelian from before, but nervous. Unfortunately, my vision is still limited at the moment, or I'd have watched and listened in on their conversation. Now, the Carnelian lifts Sardonyx by the wrist, and tosses her in the room. Switching from my far-sight to present-sight, I see Sardonyx hit the wall, and slide to the floor.

Still, I wait for the Carnelian to shut the door and walk a fair distance away to move. Sardonyx, however, lays crumpled on the floor, and I can't comprehend why. I crawl over to her, careful to be quiet. I don't know how they're recording us, though I know they are, somehow.

"Sardonyx?" I ask quietly, but she doesn't move, still. Her hair is obscuring her face, and she isn't making any sounds either. I give her a poke, but she still makes no response. Angrily, nervously, I give her a harsh shove, repeating myself, "Sardonyx!" I hiss.

At last she flinches, and sits up, or attempts to. She doesn't seem to know where she is, looking around as she slides back down against the wall.

"Wh-where-? Wh- Phant-" She stutters, but her eyes widen further as she starts my name, and clamps her mouth down to stop herself.

"What happened? What did you say? Did you tell them?" I ask in a rush, desperate to know what happened. She thinks for a moment, probably collecting her scattered thoughts, and sits up. I sit back, realizing how close I am to her.

"I.. I told her the truth. You attacked me when I landed, and I fought you off, and that was the extent of our interaction, until now." She says, and I give a breath of relief. It's a clever solution, if only for the moment. I'm also certain that the Agate will question the conversations we had in here just before, especially my begging her not to speak my name, but I hope I was quiet enough in that moment that whatever recording they have of it will be inaudible.

"Good. Good." I sigh again, and rub my temple. "What else did she ask you? How much do you remember?"

"I- She was very interested in my additions to the pod I stole, and why I came back. And, again, I just told her what happened. I don't remember much about fixing the pod, and I came back to try to help who I thought would be another Sardonyx." She shrugs. She seems sad, but I can't tell why.

"Anything else?"

"I.. I don't think so. It was very short, and she was very.." She shakes her head. "..unhappy. With me. I don't know if she believed what I was telling her, but.. it's all I could say."

"You seem unsettled." I observe, hoping to draw out a little more of what happened to her. She just continues to look away. I wonder.. "What did you really tell that Agate?" It would be a lie to say I don't suspect treachery from her. She owes me nothing, and I have no reason to believe her or any way to verify anything she says. Sharply, she looks up at me.

"What really happened. We fought, I fixed my ship, and I left. I wanted to save my sister." Her voice shakes, but her eyes are firm. There's a fire in her that terrifies me, and it forces me to accept what she's said, at least for now. I suppose she has no reason to lie, though her ability to recall things is a different tale altogether.

"Then why are you acting so strange?" I ask. I think that's fair of me to want to know.

"I- Luna Agate reminded me of something, and I wanted to make sure I really remembered it this time. I almost lost it, but I think.. I think I've got it." She puts a hand to her head, her fingers spreading to just barely touch the gem in her forehead.

"And what would that be?" She's being very ominous, and it's making me nervous. Why won't she just say?

"We're at war."