Sorry all for my unexpected (and unwanted) hiatus! This next week will be my 'get my shit together' week.
Shout out's to: Evening Raven, randomkitty101, Broken Antler In Winter, ILoveTheRobins, monzepelmoon, BrightPath2, arrowflash, ArkieR, Queen Sound, and Guests! Cookies to all of you! And those of you who don't know what picture this fic is based off of, there's a link to it on my profile.
ENJOY!
"Hello?"
Artemis breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god you're up. Were you still patrolling? Gah, never mind, listen I need your help and…"
"Yeah… Sorry, this's my answering machine." Ollie's voice cut her off. "If the sun's up I'm probably with Dinah Lance or following the danged schedule, so talk to my PR people. If it's after dark god knows where I am. Either way, you're welcome to leave a message and depending on what you say I'll get back to ya. Bye!"
Artemis gave a frustrated snarl. She waited for the beep then made her point quickly and succinctly. "Hey. Did you know that I just had the entire team land on my doorstep after a mission gone south? They're all pretty screwed up and can't tell me what happened. No, scratch that actually. They can't talk, period. End of sentence. They can't tell me what's wrong, how this happened, or who did this. Or, for that matter,how the heck they knew where I lived! You better call me back the second you get this." She slammed the receiver down in its wall cradle with a curse. "God! I hate that answering machine!"
Robin arched his back under Paula's hand, purring up a thunderstorm. While the others seemed intent on maintaining their dignity to some degree, Robin apparently enjoyed being a cat. He looked at Wally. "She call you often?" he asked.
Wally shrugged. "She calls now and then, why?"
The black and white kitten grinned. "As soon as I get my fingers back, what say we all change our answering machines to something similar to Green Arrow's?"
Wally laughed. "Oh, I am so in!"
"I don't know what you two are planning, but you better drop it right now." Artemis stomped back to the table. "I'll have to take them with me to Mount Justice Mom, I have Zatanna's number written down there. See if there's something she or her dad can do. I'll try Green Arrow again, and if I can't get a hold of him I'll try some of their mentors, maybe I'll have more luck with them."
Wally snorted. "Good luck with that! Uncle B sleeps heavier than a hibernating grizzly bear in the dead of winter. You won't get him unless Aunt Iris happens to hear it and gives him the stiff elbow."
"Uncle J'onn doesn't have a number for her to call." M'Gann fretted. It went without saying that Aquaman probably didn't have a phone either, and it was highly unlikely that Conner would know Superman's number. He didn't even know the man's real name.
"If it gets to that point we can call my grandpa." Robin calmly assured M'Gann. "He knows how to get in touch with the others." He smirked. "And I dare them to hang up on the man who is essentially Batman's dad."
The others starred at him.
"Well that's a scary thought." Wally answered after a minute. "I mean, it's scary because you hung up on Agent 'A', and god knows he a clever old guy. But it's scary on another level because that's Batman's dad and you know the dark knight's not gonna take it kindly either."
Artemis tapped the top of Wally's skull. "Wally, quit plotting with Robin."
"Ow!" Wally yowled. "Jeeze, even when I'm not doing anything I get blamed for it!"
"And stop whining." The archer added. She grabbed the cardboard box from before and set it on the table. "Come on guys, in you go."
"Wait." Paula silently wheeled herself out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a soft blue blanket. She carefully folded it a couple times and set it in the bottom of the box. "They're going to be spending some time in that box. The least we can do is see to it that they are comfortable."
"You have our gratitude Mrs. Crock." Kaldur mewed politely as Artemis lifted him into the box.
"Yeah, you'd think with a name like 'Crock' she'd be all mean and nasty and grumpy or something, like a crocodile. But she's actually not that bad." Wally agreed, flicking his tail as he grinned up at the Korean woman.
Artemis gave him a look. "…I'm not entirely sure on that comment so I'm going to refrain from smacking you this time, provided you hurry up and get your tail in the box. I am operating on very little sleep here."
Robin snickered at Wally, pulling his whiskers back in a cat grin. Paula was petting him again, but he didn't particularly mind. In fact he was lolling about on his side, thoroughly enjoying himself. "I'd do what she says Walls." He purred. "It's past two o clock in the morning, you know what she's like when she hasn't had her morning coffee.
Wally winced and made a leap for the box. "Right! So long Mrs. Crock, you are so getting a thank you letter or a card or something!"
Paula chuckled. "He doesn't do anything quietly does he?"
"Nope." Artemis answered, lifting M'Gann into the box next while Conner climbed in.
"Never." The cat's all chorused at the same time.
Robin lazily got to his feet, arching his back in a huge stretch. He sat up and waved goodbye to Mrs. Crock then headed for the box. "See ya later Mrs. Crock. It was nice meeting you!" He took a flying leap and used Artemis's hands as a trampoline to get up on top of the box, balancing on the edge for a moment before jumping down inside.
"Show off." Wally teased.
Robin shrugged. "Hey, born performer here…"
Recognize. Artemis. B. Zero. Seven.
Artemis glanced down in the box she carried. "You guys good?"
The cats mewed their affirmatives, nodding to make sure she got it. It was harder to traverse the rooftops of Gotham with your hands full, so Artemis had dressed in plainclothes and taken to the streets with her box of cats. It had taken longer, but at least there wasn't any danger of tipping her friends out of the box. They'd also had a chance to play twenty questions. With the cats meowing or not meowing for 'yes's and 'no's, she'd pieced together a little of what had happened to them.
"Of course I'm alright." Wally meowed. "I'm me!"
Artemis rolled her eyes. "I look like I just bought the crazy cat lady starter kit." She grumbled, carrying the box down the hall toward her bedroom.
Robin looked around the slowly swaying box at the rest of his friends, all laying down to avoid losing their balance. He felt like they were on a boat and they hadn't quite gotten their sea legs yet. "Man, this does look like the starter kit for crazy cat ladies!" he snickered.
Conner cocked his head. "Crazy cat ladies?"
Wally rolled over on his back, stretching his limbs straight up in the air to avoid encroaching on the limited amount of space in the box. "A single woman who generally lives alone and has three or more cats. She'll usually talk to said cats and treat them as if they were human beings, like her kids or something." He flicked his tail dismissively. "Not all of them are really crazy, it's just an expression."
"Oh."
M'Gann scooted a little closer to Robin. "How's your wrist?"
Robin eyed the body part in question, carefully rotating it once or twice. "Not bad." He answered after a moment. "Still a little sore, but provided I take it a bit easier that should be gone in a day or two."
"Well that's good to hear." Wally answered. "Where would we find a kitten sized splint?"
Robin gave him a decidedly wicked grin. "Call me a kitten again and we'll be wondering where to get a couple cat sized casts." The box stopped moving and they all looked up curiously. Artemis wasn't visible above them. "I guess this is our stop." Robin joked scrambling to his feet with the rest of them.
"Hey guys, do me a favor and stay in there ok?" Artemis called from somewhere out of sight. "My room's sort of a mess right now. I'll find Zatanna's number and then carry you guys back out to the living room."
The cats all sat down again, patiently waiting. It didn't take long.
Artemis's face appeared over the rim of the box. "Got it! Hang on just a little bit longer guys, ok?" The box rose and began it's slow, gentle sway as she carried it back out of her room and down the hall to the library. Once there she set the box on the table and disappeared from the cat's sight once again. She didn't go far. In fact, she took the chair right next to their box.
But they didn't know that.
It didn't take long for Wally to start fidgeting. "What if she's playing a joke on us?" he asked nervously. "What if she's not really there? What if she just set the box down and just walked away and is waiting to see how long it takes us to figure it out?"
Robin rolled his eyes. "Really Wally? I don't think she…"
"Artemis!" Wally called. "Artemis!"
Artemis glanced up as Wally suddenly started to yowl, but she paid it no mind, continuing to flip through the pages of the little address book looking for Zatanna's number. The bright orange tabby couldn't have hurt himself in a box that only held a blanket and four other kittens. But the yowling kept going…
Artemis leaned over and peeked into the box.
"See? See? I told you! She was just waiting to see how long it would take us to figure it out!" Wally meowed at the top of his voice.
Artemis rolled her eyes and went back to her search.
"I don't hear you calling Zatanna!" Wally yelled.
"Dude calm down." Robin mewed at the orange tabby, leaning in and purring comfortingly. "We've been in worse situations."
Kaldur stretched his neck, sitting up a little in an attempt to see out of the box. "Do not worry team. Artemis will get us out of this."
Conner shrugged. "At least we weren't turned into monkeys…" he mewed at Wally, trying to find the speedster some sort of silver lining in all of this.
M'Gann smiled, tucking her paws under her belly. "I think this is fun." She meowed back. And, now that the danger was past, she meant it.
Wally starred at her.
Outside the box Artemis felt as if her ears were going to start bleeding if Wally didn't stop squalling soon. There was a brief pause, and for a second she had hope. Then the orange tabby started in again and she groaned, dropping her head down on the table with a dull thunk.
"Oh my God, Wally. Shut up! I swear, I am going to find a way to kill that Klarion guy!" she moaned, burying her face in her arms on top of the address book. After a long minute she pulled herself together and flipped the next page.
And there it was.
Artemis grabbed the side of the box and jerked it over onto its side, spilling the cat's and blanket out onto the table. "I found her number." She growled at Wally. "Now shut up and let me make this phone call or I swear, fur or no fur I'll duct tape you mouth shut!"
All five cats immediately went silent and still as stones. None of them really wanted to contemplate the ramifications of that when one's face was furry…
Artemis nodded in satisfaction and dialed in her call.
"…hello?" the magician's sleepy voice asked from the other end of the line.
"Hey Zee, it's Artemis." The blonde archer answered, feeling like a heel for waking her friend up this early. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was almost three a.m.
"Artemis?" Zatanna's huge yawn was audible across the phone lines. "What are you doing up this early?" she yawned again and added, "And why are you calling me? Don't get me wrong or anything, I love hearing from you guys. But…"
Artemis nodded, absently petting Kaldur who, for his part resignedly tolerated the gesture. It seemed women just couldn't keep their hands off of cats tonight. "I know, I know it's late." Artemis answered apologetically. "And believe me, if this could've waited till a more godly hour I would've saved you some yawns and been back in bed by now. But this is important, I need you and or your dad's help. The team's mission went south tonight."
Zatanna was suddenly wide awake. "What! What happened? Is everyone ok?"
"Yeah yeah everyone's fine." Artemis glanced down and realized she was petting the Atlantian. She hurriedly put her free hand in her lap. "Sort of. Sorry Kal. Anyway, as near as I can tell Zee, the team had a run in with Klarion tonight. I was with Green Arrow and we're having trouble communicating so I'm not entirely sure on the details. But somehow they all ended up in the shape of cats and they found their way into my bedroom."
There was a long silence from the other end of the line.
"Could you repeat that again? I think I might still be dreaming. I could've sworn you just said the team got turned into cats…"
"You heard right, so no, you're not dreaming." Wally had started fidgeting and Artemis gave him a warning look. "I was hoping you or your dad could change them back."
"I wouldn't have the slightest idea of where to start on a transformation spell like that with a single subject, much less five." Zatanna answered regretfully. "My training hasn't gotten that far yet. And Dad's on an off world mission. I don't know when he'll be back, but the League could probably pull him back off mission to come take care of this. Have you contacted them yet?"
"No." Artemis gave a frustrated sigh, running her hand through her long blond hair, which she'd neglected to pull back into a pony tail. "I tried to get a hold of Ollie but all I got was his answering machine. We were out late, so he's probably at home sawing logs so loudly he'll never here the phone."
Zatanna chuckled. "But Dinah might. Give him another call. If that doesn't work, ask one of the guys to punch their mentor's number into your phone. Cat or not, they should be able to do that much."
Artemis laughed, the image of Dinah using her canary cry on Ollie to get him out of bed so he'd answer the dratted phone stuck in her mind's eye. "That's a good idea, I'll try that. Though I'm tempted to see if Robin will help me call up Batman first, just for the fun of knowing Batman would give Ollie a wakeup call he would never forget!"
"Oh my gosh that would be great!" Wally laughed, hurriedly clamming up when Artemis cast him another warning glance.
"Which one was that?" Zatanna asked curiously.
"Wally." Artemis answered shortly, her tone telling the raven haired magician all she needed to know. "You go ahead and get back to sleep Zee, I'll call around some more. If I'm not going to sleep then I can think of a few other people who won't sleep tonight either. Thanks for your help."
"I just wish I could do more." Zatanna answered sadly. "I can't even come over to the mountain without a Leaguer to let me through the zeta tubes, my designation's essentially a temp visitors badge."
Artemis chuckled at the rueful tone of Zatanna's voice. "The over protective dad strikes again." She chuckled. "Thanks for your help Zatanna. I really do appreciate it. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how things go, ok?"
Zatanna yawned. "K. G'night Artemis."
"Night Zatanna." The archer answered warmly and ended the call. Her friend had definitely improved her mood a little. Then she glared at the phone and determinedly punched in Green Arrow's number again. Luckily for Star City's emerald archer, he picked up on the fourth ring.
"It's almost three thirty in the morning." He grumbled muzzily. "Whoever this is, it better be good. And if this is Barry or Jackson making a prank call I will murder you."
"Apparently you either don't have caller I.D. or didn't bother to check it before you answered the call." She answered dryly. "I didn't star sixty-nine it."
He was more awake now. "Artemis?"
"Yeah. Artemis. I'm currently sitting in Mount Justice with five cats that used to be my teammates. And I don't know anyone else's number, so guess what? You're the lucky duck who gets the call. This is the second time I've called actually, and don't try to get hold of Zatarra, Zatanna says he's off world. So if you could call the rest of the mentors and get them over here, that'd be great." She smirked. "Have fun breaking the news to Batman." She said, and hung up the phone.
Wally shook his head in admiration. "You are one seriously wicked woman…" to the others he added, "Remind me to tell her that when we get changed back."
"Sure, just let me write that down." Conner muttered dryly.
"He just made a joke. Now you know we're rubbing off on him!" Wally laughed.
Conner gave him a look. "I have a sense of humor… you guys just taught me how to use it…."
"Come on guys, I'm not carting your furry tails all over the mountain." Artemis said as she rose, tucking her phone in her pocket. "We'll wait for the League in the living room."
Ta da! (sneaks away to avoid the rage of fic deprived readers...)
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Until next time...
