Chapter 9 – Too many questions
Zoe sat down running over everything quickly in her head. How she had been feeling, how long it had been happening for and what it could be. "It's not possible. I can't…" Zoe was confused and needed to know what was wrong. At that point Charlie knocked on her door, and then let himself in. "Tess was looking for you. I said I didn't know where you were, thought you'd want a bit longer to yourself. Is everything okay, she sounded worried?" Zoe looked up to Charlie and smiled "Yeah. Everything is fine, I didn't feel too good. I'll go see Tess now." She got up and walked to the door "Thanks" she said smiling at Charlie.
Zoe was going to find Tess, but not straight away. First she needed to know so she went and got a pregnancy test from the supply cupboard. She managed to go in and out un-noticed before bumping into Charlie when she was almost at the toilets. "Zoe? You alright, you seem a bit shaken." Charlie was always worried for Zoe and she was so grateful to him but she wanted to do this alone. "I'm fine thanks, I'll be back out in a bit just having a quick break" she said smiling with one hand behind her back. "Alright, take your time." Charlie walked back to the ED reception and Zoe slipped off to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.
She sat down after taking the test waiting for the result. Again Zoe thought about the past 8 months with Max and how everything had been bliss. If she was pregnant, she didn't know if she could deal with it. Okay she'd love a child, but it wasn't the right time for her. Before she could check there was a knock on the door, so Zoe picked the test up and wrapped it back up in the bag. She washed her hands and opened the door to Rita "Oh, sorry Dr Hanna a patient just needed to use the bathroom." "It's alright, I was just finishing. Don't worry" she said smiling and walked straight back to her office. Zoe didn't notice Max standing with the other nurses as she walked past and into her office shutting the door behind her.
Zoe chucked the test into her drawer when there was a knock at the door. "Come in, oh Max what is it? It's just I'm really busy at the moment-" "Are you okay? Charlie and Tess said you hadn't been feeling well, and I know what you were like at home." She saw the genuine worry on his face "I'm good Max. I promise. Look I'm going to be working here late tonight so I can't see you this evening." Max moved closer to her desk "That's fine, but call if you need anything. Please" He leant over her desk and kissed her. "I will, and we'll have dinner tomorrow. I won't stay here any longer then I have to tomorrow." Zoe smiled to make sure Max knew she meant it, she got up and walked around to Max who enveloped her in a hug. No matter what was happening she always felt safe in his arms. She looked up and kissed him again "See you later beautiful" and with that Max left her office.
It was 9 o'clock and Zoe was heading outside for a cigarette after treating everyone she had to see too. She sat down on the bench as Tess came walking out to find her. "Zoe, I meant to find you earlier. Is everything okay? You know that I'm here for you." Zoe looked at Tess as she sat down next to her and moved right over to Zoe. "I left earlier because I've been having the same symptoms as her. The headaches, tiredness, feeling dizzy. I've been feeling like it for a few weeks now, but I never even thought about… I can't have children Tess, so it didn't cross my mind." Tess looked at Zoe just showing her she understood, and put her arm around Zoe comforting her. Zoe was never one for needing support, but in that moment she looked vulnerable and Tess could see it. "Have you done a test yet?" "Yeah, but I never looked at the results. I couldn't bring myself to do it, I just kept myself busy." "Oh Zoe, come on. You need to know, let's go. I'll come with you."
Zoe put out her cigarette and they went to her office. Charlie was about to say something but saw the look on Zoe's face and noticed Tess shaking her head. He knew she needed a few minutes to herself so he left it until later. Zoe sat down and opened the draw where she had put the test earlier. Tess locked Zoe's door and sat down on a chair across from Zoe "So?" Zoe took it out of her bag and slowly looked down. She froze and Tess sat panicked slightly "Zoe, are you okay?" "Tess, it's positive…I can't… I don't understand." Zoe started to cry into her hands and Tess comforted her. "Zoe everything's going to be alright, you've got so many people around you. Do you know who the father is?" Zoe sat staring into space until she finally answered "Yeah, but I can't tell him. Not until I've got my head round this. Please Tess you can't say anything to anybody about this." Tess nodded and promised Zoe she wouldn't say a word. After a little while she left Zoe on her own in her office. Zoe was happy, shocked but most of all terrified. She was terrified to tell Max, she was terrified of complications, and most of all terrified of becoming a mum.
It was finally time for Zoe to leave and she was ready to put this day behind her. She wanted to tell Max, but she didn't know if she could. Of course he loved her, but this was something else, bigger and more serious. She drove home and sat outside the boat for a while before going inside. Dylan was already in bed, so she decided to go straight in and to bed herself. Zoe couldn't face speaking to anyone tonight so she turned her phone off and tried to sleep.
