A/N: Thanks so much for reading, guys. I hope you like this next installment! This story has been so much fun to write, as of late, that I think I may just focus in on it for a while. :D
Breakfast had come early, courtesy of a small eatery around the corner from the hotel, but all Stephanie had desired off the menu was the fruit smoothie. This left Chris flabbergasted, because even in all the time he had spent away from Stephanie, breakfast remained her favorite meal of the day, and he wasn't yet accustomed to watching her turn it down. Sitting beside her at the small table provided in his room, Chris sipped his orange juice, sneaking glances at Stephanie as she stared out the window, watching the cars pass on the adjacent road. Absently, her hand massaged her belly, which brought a wistful smile to his face.
"You're sure you don't want anything else?" Chris spoke up. When she looked at him, he waved his hand over the wide array of choices, to highlight them once more. "No bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, toast, or anything?"
"No, I'm fine. Maybe if you had grits or something..." she suggested, with a smirk.
"Well, unfortunately for us, this isn't the deep south, so they weren't selling grits," Chris said, ending with a chuckle.
He wasn't sure when the tide had changed enough in his favor to allow for joking between himself and Stephanie, but he was thankful for a break from their semi-consistent arguments. Maybe his kisses were even more powerful than imagined, because that was the only incident they'd had in recent memory, and suddenly Stephanie was chasing after him, wanting to make their relationship work. But was it the friendship portion of their relationship she sought after, or did she want something more concrete? If he had to work for an answer, Chris could muster the strength to do that, because being with Stephanie was the most significant goal he could grasp, aside from becoming a great father, of course.
"Um, hey, Steph?"
"Yeah?"
Chris drummed his fingertips on the table, a direct result of his nerves. "Are you heading out this morning, or what?"
"I don't know yet," she responded, asking, "How long are you in town for?"
"A couple more days. I spent so much time chasing after you in Connecticut that I missed a huge recording session here with the boys a few weeks back, so we're getting as much work done as we can while I'm here. We're laying down some tracks, so I really shouldn't have been drinking last night anyway, because they're depending on me for vocals."
"Today and tomorrow?"
"Yep," Chris nodded, still drumming away.
"Can I come?"
He had been staring at the table, but his head snapped up to attention the second the words left her mouth. His lower lip and jaw became heavy, the muscles twitching and quaking, but he still managed not to let his mouth drop open entirely. So, he settled on a simple question himself. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, I mean, why not?" Stephanie shrugged. "The jet hasn't exactly been fired up yet, because I didn't know how long I'd be staying, so I may as well watch what you're doing and go back home when you're scheduled to leave."
"Wait," Chris said, eyes narrowing along with his growing suspicion, "is this just a way for you to check up on me and make sure I'm not drinking at night? Because if that's the case, I don't need a babysitter. You already have a kid," he aimed his pointer finger directly at her stomach, "and it ain't me."
"I know that, and this isn't even about drinking or anything else along those lines. I was just thinking it might be nice to spend some time with you, as a way to make up for all the time we missed out on. I know nothing will ever really compare to what our lives might have been like if we had been getting along for the whole time during my pregnancy, but we can at least start mending things," Stephanie offered. "Especially if we're going to be living together. You never gave me an answer last night, by the way."
"About what?"
"Moving in together. I said I wanted to, but you changed the subject."
"I definitely want to do it, yeah," Chris said, lowering his head to hide the brilliant smile forming on his face. Stephanie laughed and reached across the table, capturing his hand and giving a squeeze. "I'd love to have you come home from the hospital with the baby and be in the same place as me. I can get up with her during the night when you're tired, and we can work out a system so that each of us takes turns with her during the day. I also really want to work on mending things with you. You're being really nice, but, I'm not gonna lie, it feels a little weird, considering we never had, like, a huge talk to clear the air."
"I can see how you might feel that way."
"Yeah, so, it seems like something is missing, and I want us to figure it out. Maybe before we go and look for places in Connecticut, we can spend a weekend together and just talk about everything. I really want to fix what's wrong, and if there's any way we can be together again, I'd want that to happen too, but I don't know if you'd even want me anymore."
Chris waited, thinking she would come to his rescue and question him for even considering that she might not want him anymore. But that never happened. She sat in silence, and the silence said it all. Chris wanted to transform into a tangy puddle of the orange juice he was drinking and seep right into the floors, never to be seen or heard from again. His cheeks burned, flames flickering off of their surfaces, and he slid an elbow on the table, dropping his head in his hand. Stephanie cleared her throat, but had little else to offer up, and he was left to blink back his tears, internally begging them not to fall.
"Why?" he creaked lowly, like a cricket. "What's so wrong about me?"
"Chris, let's not do this right now."
"But I love you, and you said you felt the same. You told me last night."
"I do love you, but loving someone and being actively in love with them are two totally different things. I will always have a special place in my heart for you, not only as one of my biggest confidantes, but for being the father of my daughter. That means more to me than you could ever know, thinking about how we created this little baby together," she said, patting her stomach. "This is the biggest bond I'll ever share with anybody, and I love you so much for that, but I...I'm not in love anymore. I think if you dig deep down, you'll see you're not in love with me, either. You're just holding onto the past because it's familiar and easy. We both have to move on."
Chris shook his head free of the cobwebs, finally brave enough to meet her eyes. "Are you serious? You just got finished telling me you want to move in together, and now you're saying there's no hope for us as a couple? That makes literally no fucking sense."
"Watch your language!" she hissed, covering her stomach in a protective hold.
"I highly doubt she heard me from all the way over here," he spat out, tone dripping with icy cold venom.
"Look, I know you're hurt, but sending a bunch of anger my way isn't really going to fix this. We have to become friends again, the way we always used to be, if we want to set a positive example for the baby," she suggested. Stephanie tugged her hand away from his, and he instantly missed the warmth. "I don't want Penelope to see us fighting all the time. She shouldn't have to grow up with that kind of chaos, so all I'm asking is that you work with me. I want us to live together for her, so she can have both of her parents in the same household, but as for us, I think we might need to start considering seeing other people."
A violent tremor rattled him, and as much as he normally strayed from dramatics, Chris sprung out of his chair, lowering to his knees at Stephanie's side. He didn't want to beg, but he also wasn't above it. Not anymore. "Steph," he whispered, "please don't do this to me. Don't do it to us. We belong together; you know it, I know it, hell, everyone knows it. It's always been the two of us, Chris and Stephanie. We were made for each other. I know we can make this work, so please give me that chance. Please."
When he glanced upward, Stephanie's entire chest had morphed into a sickly shade of red, tears swelling in her eyes as she struggled to catch her breath. Her heart must have been running a marathon just like his was at that very moment. She blindly ran her fingers through his hair, staring up at the ceiling, perhaps to hide her pain from him, but Chris felt it. Emotion hung thick and palpable in the air. "I'm not trying to hurt you."
"Then stop doing it."
"We can't work. We've tried this before, a million times over, but we don't mesh anymore. We're not like we were in the beginning," she explained, voice as shaken and unsteady as her future with Chris. "Everything was good at first, and I did my part to keep us together, but it doesn't take a genius to see that it's not happening the way it should. When we're friends, we're perfectly fine, but as a couple, all we do is hurt each other, and I won't let that happen in front of our baby girl. I think our romantic relationship has run its course, and we should accept that and move on."
"But we're not moving on!" Chris shouted, pounding his fist on the table, which only earned him a warning glare in return. "We're talking about moving in together, yet, you're telling me to go date other people. I don't want anybody else. I want you, and if I can't have you, I'll just be alone forever, I guess."
"I'm not suggesting that."
"Yeah, well, I'd rather waste away by myself for the rest of my life than be with anyone besides you," Chris said, dropping his forehead onto her belly. She continued combing through his hair with her fingers. If he couldn't articulate himself to Stephanie in a way that would work in their favor, he could always turn his attention to the only other good thing he had going in his life. "Hey, Penelope," he murmured. "It's your daddy again," he said, drumming lightly on Stephanie's belly with his fingertips. "You don't know much about me, so I feel like I should tell you some..." his voice cracked, and he took pause.
Clearing his throat, he tried once over. "Here, let me start again. I love The Beatles, which I know doesn't make even a little bit of sense to you right now, but they're an awesome band who inspired me to become the lead singer of my own band. I'll play their songs for you when you get here. You've actually already heard some of my music before, sweetie, but I don't know if you remember. If you do remember, did you like it?"
He must have gone clinically insane to be carrying on a conversation with his unborn child, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't talk to Stephanie, so he turned to the only other person he had. Stephanie gasped when Penelope kicked, but Chris didn't need her for confirmation, because he felt it, too. "You little bugger, I just felt a kick. Does that mean you do like my music?" This time, she remained still, sending Chris into a bout of subdued laughter. "It's okay, I get you. I'm glad you liked my song. Hey, you know what else is funny? Your name is Penelope, and The Beatles sing a song called Penny Lane. Since Penny could be a nickname for Penelope, maybe you can become my real-life Penny Lane, huh?"
Chris smiled and tapped Stephanie's stomach, waiting for another kick that never came. He didn't look up, but he heard a sniffle, and knowing her tears had come sent his hand scurrying to clutch hers. She gripped his ferociously, not letting up even a little bit. "Penny Lane is in my ears, and in my eyes," he sang softly. "That's a line from the song. You'll be in my eyes and ears when I finally meet you someday, but the most important place you'll be is my heart. You've already got me wrapped around your tiny finger, Penelope, and I'll be good to your mommy. I'll treat her like the queen she is, and you like the princess you are. That's all I can really do anymore. Bye for now, bugger."
Dusting off his palms and pants, Chris stood and found Stephanie swiping frustratedly at the tears rolling down her cheeks. He helped her out of the chair, latching onto her hands and pulling her upward, and when she was finally standing, Chris circled her with his arms. He rubbed her hair while she wept into his shoulder, soothing her by swaying gently, lulling her like a summer breeze. "It'll be okay, Steph. Not now, but someday it will be."
"But it hurts so bad," she blubbered, still hiding against his shoulder. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Don't worry about it. Come on now, don't cry like this. You know how it breaks my heart," Chris pleaded. His left arm tightened around her back, while he used the other to continue stroking her hair. The combination seemed to calm her within a couple minutes, but he wasn't ready to let go of her, so they remained standing, wrapped in each other's arms. Eventually, Stephanie slipped her own arms around his waist. "I don't want to pressure you, not like this, and especially not when you're about to give birth. I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you, and I mean that."
"It's so scary."
"Everything is, huh?"
"Yeah," she sniffed, nodding against his shirt. Muffled by the cotton material, she added, "I know you're mad at me and that this isn't what you probably wanted to hear, but right now, in this moment, I need you to be my friend."
Chris cringed, gritting his teeth the second the words left her mouth. She was correct on one point; he hadn't been prepared to hear such a thing, not with regard to their floundering relationship. They weren't meant to be friends. They came specially crafted for each other, meant to be lovers for all their days left on the earth, but if he had to accept her offer, he would, only until their personal drama smoothed over. He would never be satisfied with a mere friendship, but if sucking it up and shutting his mouth meant that Stephanie's nerves would settle, he'd do it for her, because she was worth everything.
Scaling back enough that he could see her face, Chris brought his hands down to rest on either of her hips. As she swiped at the lingering tears on her face, he reveled in having her close. "If you need to be my friend right now, then we can be friends. I won't lie and tell you that I'm content with this, because I'm totally not, but, you know, if this is what we have to do to coexist and be good parents to our daughter, then I'll do it. Are you still wanting to move in together, even as friends?"
"That would be ideal, yeah," she said. Chris reached up and pinched her cheek until she laughed.
"There we go. There's that beautiful smile I always loved seeing."
"Thanks, Chris."
"What for?"
"For making me feel better, and for agreeing to be friends, even though I know it's not what you want. I think, in time, you might see it's for the best," she said. She was completely wrong, but who was Chris to rain on her proverbial parade? He'd let her ride it out, thinking she had found the ultimate solution, when all he knew was that they belonged together. Someday, she'd see it, too, and he would be right there waiting in the wings for her. She breathed in deeply and shook her head free, clapping softly. "Yeah, so we'll find a nice place in a good neighborhood and raise Penelope together. No fighting, no hurting, just fun and happiness."
"You think it'll work?"
"I think so," she said, hope circulating in her eyes. He wouldn't shatter her dreams, so he went along with it.
"That's what we'll do, but we have a ton to talk about. Last night and today isn't really sufficient," he pointed out. "There's a lot we need to discuss, and I want it done before the baby comes."
Nodding vigorously, she replied, "Yes, absolutely. I want to get everything all out on the table. We'll do it when we get back home."
"I hope so," he said, swishing a finger across her cheek. "No more crying, if you can help it, okay? It's difficult to watch."
"I'm sorry. I'll try not to," she promised, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. "These pregnancy hormones are killer. I sometimes feel like the stress of my life is making me sick, actually physically ill. I only want peace and harmony for our family, I really do."
"We're just going through a rough patch. It'll get better," Chris determined. He kissed her forehead and led her back into her seat. "You should really get some food into your system. I need the mommy of my baby girl to be okay, or else I'm not okay."
She chuckled at that, eyes twinkling like tiny stars. "You're sweet."
"I try," he grinned, serving up some hashbrowns and scrambled eggs on a plate for her. "It's still warm, so dig in." He handed a plastic fork to her and she took a few bites, wrinkling her nose along the way. She was at the point where force-feeding herself was the status quo. If she only ate when she felt like it, she probably wouldn't have bothered with chowing down a single meal for the rest of her pregnancy. As she ate, Chris cut into her daydreams. "Hey, so I'd love to bring you into the studio with me today. I'm heading over in a couple of hours. I have to fly back to Tampa for a day or two after I leave here, but then I'll come back up your way, okay?"
"Okay, that's good," she answered, speaking around a bite of food. "Thanks for being here for me, even when I don't necessarily deserve you. Penelope deserves you, but that's about it."
"I don't believe in that. All three of us love and deserve each other. Everyone deserves happiness, babies, and a family."
"You're right."
"Hey, I have a question," Chris posed. Stephanie flinched, as if she were dreading what might come next. "I just have to know, when we were, um, creating this baby, were you still happy with me?"
"I was generally happy with you, or else there wouldn't have been any sex," she joked, tossing her head back and cackling. Now that was the Stephanie he knew best. Then, her gaze fogged up, like she were taking a stroll through the past. "Yeah, I was okay. I'm thinking I probably got pregnant from that night we spent in the cabin, when we went and stayed holed up in the mountains and made s'mores. Things were still decent with us, up until a little under a month after that."
"Oh."
"Why do you ask?"
"I'm just wondering what could have possibly happened between then and now that made you so mad at me," Chris said. He gulped and picked at his fingernails as a means of distraction. "We were doing so well and, out of the blue, you said you were moving back into your house and wanted nothing to do with me. It bothers me a lot, not so much that it happened, but the way that it happened."
"It wasn't out of the blue," she disagreed, shaking her head. "This was a long time coming, and it wasn't like you did something huge right then that made me break up with you. It was a culmination of a lot of things. I was sick of being ignored and made to feel like I was expendable. I wanted something more."
"But, so, you don't think there's, like, ever a chance of us getting back together? Not even a little bit?" Chris quizzed. "Because I don't know if I'm ready to live with that."
She sighed and pursed her lips, allowing only enough time to compose a thoughtful response. "A little over a year ago, if someone would have asked me if I could ever picture my life without you as my boyfriend, I would have said no. Now, a year later, I'm feeling like I can't imagine going back to the relationship we used to have. It was good for a lot of years, Chris, it was, but you can't treat people that way and expect them to stick around."
"I know," he muttered, staring at his lap. "I never wanted to make you feel that way about me."
"As far as your question, a year ago, I never would have thought we'd be apart. And now, a year later, I don't think we'll ever be together again. As we've learned, though, life doesn't work in certainties, so I could be wrong."
"So, the final verdict is...?" Chris asked, waving her home for the finish. She raised her shoulders, holding her head up high and proud.
"Ask me again in another year whether or not I see us together. You never know what a difference another year will make."
Therein, Chris received his timeline.
He had a whole year — 365 days — to win back his soulmate.
