Yes, and how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
December 25, 1977. San Francisco, California.
You take another sip of your tea and stare at the Christmas tree. Mick's not big into the holidays because he thinks they're too commercial, but when he found out you wanted a tree, he went out and bought one without a second thought. It's not covered with ornaments and tinsel with a big star at the top like the ones your mother insisted on when you were growing up, but you don't care. That part of your life is behind you, and while Daisy taught you that it's good to remember it and learn from it, sometimes you wish you could put those memories out of your mind for good.
It doesn't consume you like it used to, but you do still think about Bob. You wonder how things would have been different if he lived. You wonder if you would have roomed together in college, rushed the same fraternity, and gone into business together like you planned. You wonder if he would have married Cherry Valence. You wonder if you would have ever come to terms with your feelings, or if you would have stayed quiet and married some girl and had kids like you were supposed to. And you wonder if that girl would have been Marcia. But then you think back to what Daisy told you before she ran off to live in that vegan commune in Tennessee a few years ago.
"Everyone's got a fate, man," she says. "It's all a part of a bigger picture. And you can what if and second-guess all you want, but it won't do you any good. It's already written, Randy. Everything that happens is exactly as it should be, and nothing can change that."
Sometimes it scares you, and you feel like you don't have any control over your life. But most of the time, it's comforting to know that no matter what, everything is going according to plan.
Through the paper-thin walls, you hear the bedsprings squeak as Mick sits up in the bed, and then you hear this footsteps head toward the living room.
"Randy?" he asks. You can tell by the sound of his voice that he's still mostly asleep. "What are you doing up?"
You motion for him to join you on the couch. He sits next to you and rests his head on your shoulder.
"Couldn't sleep," you say after a minute. "Thought I'd come look at our tree for a while."
"Glad we're getting our money's worth," Mick says. "They aren't cheap. And then a certain someone, who will remain nameless, wasn't home and I had to carry it up three stories by myself."
"I'm sure Santa took notice," you say.
"I'm sure he did, but he won't come because you were up too late," Mick says.
You laugh, and then it gets quiet. Mick kisses you on the cheek.
"Penny for your thoughts," he whispers in your ear.
"The usual," you say. "And I wish Daisy would write."
Mick knows what you mean and nods. "Knowing Daisy, she'll show up unexpected any day now, stay a few weeks, and then disappear again."
"Did you ever wonder if she wasn't real? Like if she was always talking about spirit guides and stuff because she actually was a spirit guide? Maybe she was our spirit guide."
The words sound stupid even as they're leaving your mouth, and Mick is looking at you like you just grew a second head.
"Did you smoke weed without me?" he asks.
The two of you burst out laughing. You kiss Mick's forehead once you've caught your breath. You catch a glimpse of his eyes, and you can tell that you got him thinking.
"Whatever she was, we had some crazy times with her," he says.
"The year in Vermont," you say. "Or when we tried to work for that fisherman in Florida, but after three days she talked us all into leaving because she was morally opposed to killing the fish."
"That one was probably for the best," Mick says. "He liked gutting the fish too much. I think he might have killed us if we stayed.
"She was the first person from the house in Tulsa who talked to me," you say. "She painted my face up all crazy the first day I met ya'll. Wish I had a picture."
"It was a good look for you. But I thought you were cute even when you would just sit under that tree in your fancy clothes and watch us like a creep," Mick teases.
"Shut up," you tease back at him.
There's a pause, and then Mick asks you, "you're happy out here, aren't you, Randy?"
"'Course I am. Best place I've lived so far. Ain't you?"
"Yeah. Yeah I am. I just wish…"
"I know. I know. Me too. But with the neighborhood coming together and Harvey getting elected to be a city supervisor… It's not great, Mick, but it's looking up. It's looking up more than if we had stayed in Tulsa, I think."
He nods. "I think you're right."
You sigh and finish the rest of your tea.
"Wanna go back to bed?" you ask.
"In a minute. I'm gonna have a cigarette," Mick replies.
"I'll go with you."
You step out onto the tiny slab of concrete that you could hardly call a porch, and Mick lights up his cigarette. His arm slips around your waist, and you lean into his hug.
There's so much that's still undecided, but as you look out at the lights of the city, all you feel is a sense of calm. Maybe things will never be perfect for you and Mick. Maybe you'll never be able to do better than this tiny third-floor walk up, and maybe you'll always be scraping to get by. But none of it seems to matter. You have Mick, you have a new group of good friends, and you have a slowly growing group of people who understand people like you. You know that you'll think about what if from time to time, but you really are happy. You're happier than you were with your family and your old rich friends back in Tulsa. You wouldn't go back to that life for anything. You know they wouldn't understand, but what you have now is so much better.
Mick puts out his cigarette, and you follow him inside the apartment and to the bedroom. You lay down next to him, and he wraps his arms around you.
"Love you," he says.
And you're not even slightly disgusted with yourself when you reply, "love you too."
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
Bob Dylan owns Blowin' in the Wind.
Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far, and thanks to everyone who will review this chapter! I really do appreciate every single one of them. This is my first multi-chapter fic that I've completed, and the first thing I've written in second person POV and present tense, so the reviews helped a lot.
Thanks again. And stay tuned for more stories! :D
