Matt had waited until he was back in the hotel room before he dared to open the book. The thought of reading the secrets of Kira was disturbing to say the least. Just touching the book made him feel creepy. He wondered if he should tell Mello about this. The reaction would be interesting, but it was highly likely that it would make things uncomfortable between them. Matt didn't want that. He wasn't really sure why.

Ignoring the churn in his stomach he flipped to the first page of the journal. It was dated several years ago. The year that Kira had first arisen, if Matt remembered correctly.

Well, there was no turning back now.

I don't feel guilty and I know I'm never going to.

This isn't a confession. No one else is going to see this and no one else is ever going to know what happened.

I finally got Misa to calm down. I told her we're not going home until she can act normal. Surprisingly I don't think it will take that long. Maybe all of those theatre classes have amounted to something after all. It was easy to get going to the police out of her head. She hasn't trusted the legal system since what happened to her parents.

I'm positive that's the only reason she's not scared of me right now. Right now she sees herself as my partner in crime. A day ago I would have laughed at that prospect. At least she's covering for me.

If I'm being completely honest with myself, she would be the person I'd choose to be in this with. She trusts me far too much for her own good, and I know her brand of loyalty. Ironically her knowing this is less nerve wracking than when she made me tell her my sexuality. But I digress. I'll just state the facts since Misa had more than covered the emotional side of this "operation."

First of all, I didn't plan it. I want to remember that. That's not to say it was an accident, I knew full well what I was doing, but it wasn't like we went on the trip so I could do it. Secondly, and I made sure that the both of us are prepared to swear the opposite should the time come, but I did know the man. Or I should say knew of him.

Dad doesn't know I hack into his computer, so there is nothing that should connect me to this. I like to keep tabs on wanted criminals. I don't need to explain why here. Doing so would only make it seem like I was waiting for this moment, and I can't say that I wasn't.

I didn't recognize him at first. In my defense it was dark as hell. Misa was the one who wanted to go out. She claimed that there was no point in leaving town for the weekend if I was just going to stay cooped up in the hotel room all night. We argued for a little bit, until she dragged me out. I think she wanted me to meet a boy, but that's not important anymore.

I didn't like the club at all. Those sort of places have always been more her scene than mine. I didn't trust the people around us, because when you grow up with a police chief for a father you learn not to trust strangers in dark rooms. I was trying to keep an eye on Misa as well as blend into the wall, and I supposed I failed at both. I didn't even want to talk to the man who kept trying to buy me a drink—and honestly what about me looks gay in the first place? Did I not spend my entire life creating a perfect facade? Anyhow, one second Misa was next to me and the next she was across the room talking to a face I vaguely recalled.

I'll forever thank and curse how I handled the next sting of events. The second I realized where I'd seen the face before, I was across the room and pulling her out of the club. She was irritated, and I didn't want to explain things until we were outside.

I was going to call the police. I actually was. I just needed to make sure she was safe while I did so, and I guess the very small amount of alcohol she nearly forced me to consume clouded my judgement.

The hotel was a block away. I think my initial plan was to get her to the room, and then go back to the club, spot the guy, and call the police. Then I realized he was following us.

Misa still didn't know what was going on, and I've made sure she won't find out the whole story. I can't guarantee what her reaction would be. She would understand, but I know she wouldn't have liked it. It wasn't like I used her as bait. If I hadn't done what I did we both would have ended up hurt. I needed the element of surprise, and if she knew what was going on she would have been too scared to protect herself.

In the lobby I told her I needed to go to the restroom, and she should go ahead to the room. She was still pouting that I pulled her out of the club, so she didn't argue to wait for me.

Neither of them saw me watch her go up the stairs (we were only on the second floor and she's never liked elevators). He waited half a minuted before following. I did the same.

You'd think after everything she's gone through she'd learn to lock doors, especially in a cheap hotel that couldn't afford doors to lock automatically. For once I wasn't angry that she didn't. If he didn't go inside I couldn't do anything. The room was halfway down the hallway. I was at the doorway of the stairs when he went in. At that point I ran. No one else was in the hallway so I didn't have to play stealth any longer.

The rest is so ridiculously clean that I'm doubting my sanity now that it's over.

She was in the middle of the room. He was walking towards her. I was at the door.

She didn't scream. He reached her. I picked up the steak knife on the kitchen counter.

She was standing there with her hands over her mouth. He was on the ground. I had blood on my new jacket.

I locked the door after that and cleaned things up while she sat in the bathroom trying to breath. The police will have no reason to search this room for blood spatter, but even if they did there are perks to it being a cheep, shady hotel.

Getting the body out was harder, but he was lighter than he looked and I never liked that suitcase anyway. I reckon it'll take a week for them to find what's left of him. His remains will be less interesting than what I left with them.

I feel like this should be the start of something. I mean, if I could do it once with no preparation imagine how easy it will be when I have time and my full focus.

I'll make sure no one innocent is in harms way next time. I'll keep Misa and my family as far away from it as I can. But there is no way in hell this is going to be the end.

No, I'm not guilty. I'm proud. In that moment I became something else and I haven't felt this right since I was a kid.

Matt understood it now. This journal was Light Yagami's way of staying sane. Well, as sane as a serial killer could be.

Reading the first entry didn't make him feel any less uneasy. In fact, he felt a little sick, but, unfortunately, very intrigued as well. In a disturbed way, he was very interested.

It was official. Matt was on the loony train accompanied by a band of murders.

He took a long, deep breath.

He didn't have to read the entirety of this. Maybe he could skip to what he needed to know. He could start from the middle and read enough to give himself an understanding. Because he had to read at least a little bit more. If he didn't it would drive him crazy.