AN: Italics means they are speaking in Elvish. Enjoy!
Chapter 9
Five years have passed since I was brought into Middle Earth. Lothlórien became my home and my sanctuary. I grew so much as a person and as a warrior. It amazed me that I found my home in Lothlórien when I thought I would never feel like I belonged.
The first year was the hardest. I was plagued with bad dreams and nightmares. Memories of what I had lost haunted me and when I woke up, I found myself sobbing into my pillow. Merendír and Haldir had been there when I would wake up on one of those night. All they could do was console. I felt guilty that they saw that side but neither one of them wanted to hear it. But as time went on, I learned how to cope. I still missed my family. I missed my home. But I realized that I was lucky. Because I thought about the other path that I could have gone down, a darker path that would have made me do unspeakable things. I thought about if I didn't fight the black rider that day. I would be turned into something evil. And after I realized that, I found Merendír and I couldn't stop telling him how thankful he found me that day.
And Haldir… during the few months, he opened up to me. I saw more and more of his personality and who he was as a person and… I wasn't disappointed. He was strong and fierce and he loved Lothlórien with every fiber of his being. His love was infectious, just like his smile and his laugh. He was protective, strong willed and serious. But he did have a softer side to him. He would laugh at my crappy jokes and smile at the dumb things I did. And I was so thankful he would let me see that side of him.
And like I predicted, Merendír became one of my best friends. There was not a moment that he wasn't there. Whether it was telling me about other cultures or helping me with my Elvish. He was a kindred spirit and we were similar in many ways. Merendír had a love for animals. He enjoyed sitting in silence, enjoying the company of others. But he had a mischievous side to him. He loved to pull small pranks or do silly things to make others laugh. And he did make me laugh. A lot. And not like a normal laugh either. It was one of those ugly laughs that came from the soul. The kind of laughs that took several minutes to get over and when it subsided, it would start all over again. It was those times together that helped me through my hardships.
And Max loved it here. Not just in Lothlórien but being in Middle Earth made him different. He seemed more intelligent and intuitive. It might have been the magic that flows through this place or the Elves took care of him. Whatever it was, he was different but in a good way. And it made me happy that he was happy.
It took a year of rigorous training before Haldir even considered having me join his men to defend the borders. It took much convincing on Merendír's part and I had to practically beg Haldir for a chance. I remember when he finally gave in, I was frightened yet excited. My first time out, we ambushed a small pack of Orcs. They were vile and ugly creatures that radiated evil. I did not go into the fray but I did kill one that tried to escape. When my arrow pierced its heart, I did not feel pity like I thought I would. It felt like I did a good deed for the world. I made it brighter and less dangerous. As we checked the bodies of the dead Orcs, I went to the one that I had killed. I wanted to be sure that I did the right things, that I could handle taking a life, regardless if it was evil or not. I looked at the body and I felt more sure than I have had. I didn't regret taking its life because it was pure evil.
After that day, I was sent on many scouting raids along the border. Never alone because Merendír or Haldir were always there. Always watching and covering my back as I learned through experience. Though those experiences, I became strong. My mind was strong and sharp. I had a goal and it was within reach. I felt and saw myself improving every day. And physically, it wasn't a vast difference like I had hoped. I trimmed down a little but I still had my hips and my thighs and my chest. My chest is my nemesis when it comes to shooting the bow.
I mentioned it once to Haldir and Merendír while we were returning from the border and they looked at me like I was crazy.
"What are you talking about?" Merendír asked as we were riding back from the border. Max had a talent and the strength to maneuver like a war horse. It only took a few weeks to learn the cues and execute them to Haldir's liking.
"It's been like a year of training and yet I still look the same. I thought I would lose some of this." I said as I grabbed my side at the little belly roll that resided there. I always knew that I would never have the thigh gap or the hourglass shape. And I liked my body but like any person, I had my insecurities. I remember Haldir's intensity as he responded.
"How can you demean yourself, Esperanza? There is more to beauty than looks. You are beautiful because of your mind, of your spirit and the fire in your soul. How can you not see it?" He said and I remember being stunned at his words. My cheeks were on fire yet I couldn't look away. "You are a beautiful woman, Esperanza. Do not every think you are not." He said before he rode off. After that Merendír teased me helplessly when Haldir was out of earshot. But there were always moments where it seemed that Haldir wanted to say more yet he never did. And it never affected how I saw him. I thought over the years that I would grow out of my crush I had on him but the feelings never faded. In fact, they grew more intense as the days ticked by. So, I decided to just stop and live in the moment. I loved the little moments Haldir had with me. And I was okay with it because they were mine and no one knew. Not even Merendír.
And I found that I loved fighting. I thought it would be a chore yet every morning after my first day of training, I was so eager to learn. And learn I did.
It was interesting being taught by Merendír and Haldir. Both had different fighting styles and moves that I had to adapt to fit me. It took a few months, figuring out what worked and what didn't but they shared their knowledge and experience gladly. I ended up favoring the curved blade that the Lothlórien warriors bore, much like Haldir's blade except much smaller. My bow was much smaller as well but I loved the leaf design on the Lothlórien bow. The leaf brought me comfort and I felt empowered by it to give every fight my all. I favored the long knife that Merendír always carried. It was good for giving me an advantage in battle since I was small compared to the Orcs that we fought. I figured out that my size wasn't a disadvantage, it was a tool. I stayed low to the ground and moved with speed. But if I needed to tackle someone, I had enough 'umphf' to take out my enemy and slay them.
It reminds me the first time I tackled an Orc to the ground and killed it in front of Haldir and Merendír. It was trying to escape and I was the only one between it and freedom. It charged at me, squealing and I did how my sister taught me all those years ago when she was teaching me self-defense. I squared my body, sunk my hips to the ground and ran right at it. The Orc went to stab me with its sword but when my body rammed into his, he fell back with such force that it was stunned. I slit its throat and as I stood, I saw both Haldir and Merendír staring at me. Merendír looked shocked and a bit intimidated. Haldir on the other hand, he had a smirk on his face and looked pleased at the result.
And then there was learning about Middle Earth and Elvish. Lady Galadriel took time out of her day to teach me how to write and speak Elvish. My writing was atrocious but I was getting a handle on how to speak it. Merendír loved how my southern accent made the words sound 'exotic'. Haldir mentioned it as well but I couldn't tell if he meant that as a good thing.
Lord Celeborn made time to teach me about Middle Earth and the people and creatures that called this land home. He taught me the different realms of Gondor, Rohan and the Shire. I became fascinated with Rohan and their renown for their horses. They were called the Horse Masters. I wanted to see if that was true. I learned about Dwarves, Wizards, Hobbits, Orcs, Uruk-kai and Goblins. And I was truly fascinated to learn that there were living trees that could talk. I soaked up all the knowledge and Lord Celeborn just fed me more and more. I never once told him it was too much and I think he appreciated my lust for knowledge.
Like I said before, I was so thankful that Merendír found me. He brought me to Lothlórien and changed my life. He became my best friend and I trusted him with my life. Then one normal day, I found out why Merendír was in Lothlórien. And his story… it broke my heart.
Flashback
Merendír and I were sitting at a fountain, working on my Elvish. It was about 6 months into my stay in Lothlórien and I just beginning to understand the beautiful language. I held a book in my hand reading as he was sharpening his long dagger.
"Zaza…" he stated as I looked up at from my book at my newly appointed nickname that he used. He was staring at me but his green eyes were unfocused, his mind elsewhere. I placed the book on beside me on the grass and I looked at him with concerned.
"Yes, my friend." I said as he smiled at my Elvish. I said it correctly but my accent, being from a southern state, somehow intermingled within the beautiful language. It added a foreign ring to it and Haldir said it added to my charm. He over the months had gotten much better at his compliments and I loved to tease him that it was all my doing. He never denied though and Merendír made sure to tell me that every time I spoke Elvish.
"You said once that when I was ready, you would listen to my sorrow." He switched to English since I barely knew Elvish. I nodded along, encouraging him to continue with his story. I moved to face him, sitting Indian style as he mimicked me, our knees barely touching. He took a moment as he stared at the grass beneath us. He was having trouble find his words so I placed one of my hands on his knee. He looked up and gave me a sad smile before grasping my hand in both of his and held it like a lifeline.
"I am half Elf. My father was human and my mother was an Elf. They met one day in a market and fell in love. The human King of my realm banished them because he hated mixing the bloodlines. One day, I was out hunting when I heard their screams. I returned to my home with haste to only find it burning and their bodies lying in bloody heaps upon the grass." He said as his green eyes were so full of sorrow and despair. I felt tears fall down my face as I clutched onto his hand and he did the same to mine. "I begged my King to send a party to slay the foul beasts that murdered my family. But he refused. He said my father was a traitor for marrying a She-Elf. He said that they deserved their deaths for the shame of bringing up an abomination. I never thought that someone could think such horrid things. So I hunted them by myself. I almost died that day but I was victorious. But even that victory could not mend my broken heart." He let go of my hand as he stood and walked a little away. I watched him, the tears falling down my face as he shared the darkest moment of his life.
"I intended to fade here. That was my purpose. Like you, family meant everything to me. Their deaths left a void in my heart that I thought would never heal. When I thought all was lost, I stumbled upon a human girl, unconscious on the forest floor with a magnificent beast protecting her." He said as he turned around and his green eyes did not show sorrow or despair but happiness and a deep love. "Meeting you Esperanza has saved my life. You showed me that life is still worth living, that love still existed in this world. My dear, sweet friend, I owe you my life." He approached me, kneeling before me and grabbing onto my hands, kissing each knuckle before pulling me into hug. I wrapped my arms around his middle section and held him as he cried. He let out tears sorrow for the death of his family. I wanted him to know that I loved him. He was my friend and I would always be there for him
After a few moments of holding him, he calmed and squeezed me tight before pulling away. I kept him at arm's length as I wiped his face with the sleeve of my tunic. "You owe me nothing, Merendír. You are my best and most trusted friend. All I want is for you to know that your friendship means everything to me. And I love you." I said as I grasped his face and looked him deep in his green eyes. The smile that appeared on his face was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
End of flashback
That day was heartbreaking but it cemented our friendship. He felt like a brother I never had yet it was so much more. We both bared our souls to each other and we found that we were so alike. I had a great and power relationship with my sister. We knew how each other ticked. But what I had with Merendír was something special and out of this world. Maybe it had to deal with Elves feeling more deeply and intensely. But never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find such a bond with someone. And it made me appreciate him more and appreciate what I had with Haldir.
As time went on, Haldir did open up to me and showed me little glimpses of who he was but there was always something holding him back. I thought it was because I was his student. And then at times, I thought he only put up with me because Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn asked him to train me. But there were moments, tiny moments, where he touched my arm for no reason. On one of the scouting raids, I was hit hard in the face. It knocked to me to the forest floor where I laid there in shock. I remember him helping me up. His icy blue eyes filled with worry as he gently caressed my face. And then there were times where he was cold yet there was something in his eyes that said something else. I couldn't name it but… there is something there. Something he was holding back.
But I let it be because I was happy. I had a purpose. I had Max and his antics, which never stopped. And I had Merendír. And I even had Haldir as much as he confused and excited me. But I felt that my time here would end soon. I noticed the world was turning dark and the beauty of the trees were become dull and lifeless. I knew my time to embark on this journey would come soon.
So, I did what I did best. I lived in the moment and gave thanks for everything I had.
Today was just an ordinary day. I woke up and went through my usual routine. I stretched, washed my face and got dressed for the day. Over the years, my hair had grown long, thick and wavy. I saw my dirty tunics and leggings from yesterday folded on my dresser. A smile appeared on my face since I finally met the elusive Elf that tended to me.
Her name was Valtiel and she was sweet Elf. She had a sensor of humor that I enjoyed and she was always helpful and welcoming. She would come over and help me with my Elvish, taught me how to braid my hair in the Elven ways and helped me try to understand Haldir. But even she knew that the Marchwarden was a hard man to read and she gave me luck in trying to decipher him. I pulled my hair into a bun, strapped my sword and dagger belt to my waist. I pulled on my quiver and set my bow on my back. I doubled checked that I had everything before I made my way out of my talan and down the spiral steps, stretching my arms as I went.
The sun just started to rise and dawn gave the forest a beautiful glow. Though, the times were growing darker, I felt like the forest was fighting back. I never grew accustomed to Lothlórien and its magical beauty. Every day took my breath away and I loved it. I neared the bottom of the stairs to see Merendír appearing from a clearing. He gave me as smile as we embraced, our foreheads touching for a moment before pulling away.
"Good morning, my friend." He said as I popped my back.
"Good morning Merendír. Remind me to give back your whet stone. It worked wonders on my sword." I said as he flashed me a smile.
"I told you it would. You should have more faith in me, my friend." He responded and I laughed. He knew I had faith and trusted him with my life.
"Be quiet! You know I love you." I said as it was his turn to laugh. I did my last bouts of stretching, knowing we were about to start my training.
"And I love you, my friend." He responded watching me finish the last of my stretches before giving me a mock bow. "Shall we begin?" He asked with his mischievous glint in his eyes.
"After you, good sir." I said with a bow of my own. His eyes sparkled as we started our daily ritual.
We ran for an hour before meeting up with Haldir at the training grounds. Though Merendír beat me to the training grounds, I made it there without dying and was ready for whatever Haldir had in store. As we reached the training grounds, Haldir was waiting. Normally, he would have his infamous mask on but he had a foul look on his face. I looked over at Merendír and he shrugged. This wasn't the first time to encounter this side of him but it was the most intense we've had ever seen.
"Esperanza come, you will spar with me today." Haldir said in a not so friendly voice as I took off my quiver and bow and handed it off to Merendír. He raised his eyebrow at me in question before I turned to Haldir, my hand on my sword and the other one twitched to the long knife at my side. We circled each other, sizing up the opponent. Haldir stopped and I focused all my attention on him as he lunged forward, simultaneously withdrawing his sword.
We danced around each other, I attacking and him blocking and vice versa. We weaved, twisted and countered each other moves. It was like a two-way mirror. He knew my tricks and I knew his. After I countered one of his attacks, he moved sideways which made me stagger slightly past him. He then grabbed my sword arm and brought me closer. His sword was pointed at my throat as I stared him dead in the eye. Our bodies were touching as a small, victorious smirk graced his face. One of my eyebrows lifted in response.
"It looks like I am the victor." He stated, his breath hitting my forehead as a small smile appeared on my face.
"Are you sure about that, Haldir?" I asked as I tapped my long knife on the metal of his belt, the blade angled towards his groin. He looked down at the blade before meeting my gaze. I could tell he was surprised yet impressed.
His blue eyes met my dark ones and the world faded away. My heart was pounding in my chest while my stomach was doing somersaults. I felt warm and tingly. He pulled me closer, closing any space that was between us. I felt his breath on my face and I couldn't help but look at his lips.
I have always wanted to know what he tasted like. What it would feel to be held by him. And deep down, I wanted to touch him and be touched by him like a lover would do. I wanted to feel his warmth and have him kiss me and I kissed him back.
I saw him glance towards my lips several times before staring intently into my eyes. I could feel his grip loosen on my sword hand and my knife hand slowly drop to where I pushed my knuckles into his stomach. I felt him lean in closer and I started to close my eyes when… we heard a clearing of a throat.
It probably looked like a scene from a romantic comedy. We both jumped away, finally coming to our senses. Haldir turned away as I glared at Merendír. He was looking off to the side and I knew he was up to something. I have every intention of paying him back later. And no doubt, he would have questions for me. Because there was no way I could come up with an excuse other than the truth.
"Food has arrived and I thought you two would be interested. But by all means, continue." Merendír said with a small smile on his face as he walked out of the clearing, leaving me and Haldir alone. I went to gather my bow and quiver. As I turned to follow Merendír, I saw Haldir was standing in my way. He was staring off into the woods before turning his attention back to me. His icy blue eyes unguarded for the first time ever.
"You fought well my friend." He said as he pulled me closer. I could feel the heat from his body as our bodies became close again. I stared up in his eyes, captivated by the many emotions that flooded his icy blue depths.
My breath hitched in my throat and I felt unsteady but he placed a hand gently on my shoulder almost like a caress. He raised his other hand to my cheek and slowly pushed a strand of dark hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. His hand lingered there for a second, causing my eyes to flutter closed before opening them moments later. His eye shined with happiness as I raised one of my hands and covered his much larger one. He too closed his eyes for a moment, making me smile up at him before stepping away. I still held his hand as I started to walk to the clearing, pulling him along. I glanced back at him when we approached the other clearing, squeezing his hand before letting go. I saw the disappointment in his eyes as I gave him a warm smile before making my way to Merendír who was already seated and eating.
Haldir went to follow but a soldier came into the clearing and he went to talk to him. I sat down across from Merendír. He had his infamous glint in his eyes as I glared mockingly at him. "Care to explain what happened?" He finally asked. I shook my head at him as I grabbed a piece of cheese and some fruit.
"Do not start with me, my friend." I said but Merendír just stared, knowing that eventually I would give in. I sighed and looked over at him. "I will explain at a later time." I said as Merendír laughed, placing a hand over his heart.
"I look forward to that explanation, my friend." He said with a poorly concealed laugh. I threw a grape at him which he caught and placed in his mouth, a charming smile on his face. I rolled my eyes at him, knowing that we have spent way too much time together.
I glanced over my shoulder and Haldir was quickly approaching us. I stood up immediately knowing that something was wrong. Merendír quickly followed suite, both of us alarmed and ready. "What is wrong, Haldir?" I asked as his face was serious. I glanced over at Merendír and our eyes met before we turned our attention to Haldir who motioned us to follow him. I picked my weapons from the ground and strapping them on as I tried to keep up.
"Lothlórien is under attacked." I shot a quick, worried glance over at Merendír before we followed Haldir to the stables to prepare.
